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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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An alternative flavour....
An alternative flavour ......
At a later date I was in a local news agents. I was not one for magazines too many pictures not enough happening. I occasionally read ‘smash hits’ to keep up with the world of pop. At least then if someone in school deemed it fit to speak to me I had something to say. A few new magazines caught my eye. Mizz and More. They had slogans on the cover regarding adult relationships, position of the fortnight and take our quiz to see if you are compatible in bed. I lifted them and walked sheepishly up to the till. They scanned the items and took my money and without a backwards glance I left the shop. I walked the two miles home in about twenty minutes just to get home and start reading.
In my town there was not much talk of sex in general unless as I said previously someone disgraced themselves. I was not totally aware what went on in school either or others dating as I was not privy to information from others. When buying the magazines I do not exactly know what I aspired to learn but I did hope to learn something. I opened the first magazine, Mizz. The first few pages made me think that it was natural for teenagers to have sex. Granted this was an English magazine and the age for consensual sex there was lower than here. If you had a boyfriend you would eventually have sex with them. This was a total contradiction to everything that I had been indoctrinated with by parents and church. You did not have sex with a man unless you were married.
The magazine did however give me more clarification on what I read in ‘The joy of sex’. It explained things better. I suppose sex is something that is supposed to come naturally, no guide book needed but I like to keep informed. When I read these magazines I had no boyfriend, I had never been kissed and being a bit OCD about getting things right I read everything. I read the second magazine and it had a lot of different information from the first. The position of the fortnight involved a cartoon showing you how to get a better position for orgasm. I looked at them and even then thought seriously from that position. While I turned the page at different angles. I also realised from what I read, that the sensations which I had felt when I still played with myself on the floor of my room, were also natural. It may not have been necessarily ‘normal’ to do what I did to obtain those feelings but it felt good. But then what is ‘normal’? Everyone has different guidelines and rules about ‘normal’. Then I only thought it was wrong because I did not know a lot of people get pleasure from different things. Also because that is the way I had been brought up.
It is not only recently I have come to question my judgement on religious matters but even 20 years ago I spent most of my time in Sunday school dreaming of a man inside me and doing other things. I confess I did in recent times question areas of the bible in relation to BDSM. As I have already confessed, I do not believe in God but sometimes it is hard to distance ourselves from our educational grounding. I googled BDSM and God and there are actually areas of the Bible which justify flogging, submission, dominance and humiliation. The most notable sections of which deal with a wife’s submission to her husband. If unmarried should it make a difference? I am sure a Christian would say that being unmarried a woman should not submit but never the less Ephesians chapter 5 verses 22-24 tell us that a wife should be submissive to her husband in everything. There are no specifics as to what ‘everything’ is so therefore gives a lot of leeway.
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, 23 for the husband is head of the wife as also Christ is head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
In Job chapter 36 verses 8 -11 bondage is shown as a way to make a wife more obedient.
8 If people are bound with chains and trapped by the cords of affliction, 9 God tells them what they have done and how arrogantly they have transgressed. 10 He opens their ears to correction and insists they repent from iniquity. 11 If they serve Him obediently, they will end their days in prosperity and their years in happiness.
In Lamentations chapter 3 verses 29-30 public humiliation and discipline are justified by the following verses
29 Let him submit absolutely; there may yet be hope. 30 Let him offer his cheek to the one who strikes it, and receive his fill of insults.
In Hebrews chapter 12 verses 1-11 the bible shows how discipline may be used in a Sub-dominant relationship. It describes the benefits and how it can lead to a certain peace of mind.
5 My son, do not take the Lord's discipline lightly, or faint when you are reproved by Him; 6 for the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and punishes every son whom He receives; He does it for our benefit, so that we can share His holiness. 11 No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the fruit of peace and righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
I am unsure what exactly I gleaned from my websearch but I will know when I find the right person. I know what I want and need and as yet I have yet to find it. To want to have someone punish you is therefore not a sin but should in itself bare its own fruit of pleasure. It is not like eating from a tree of forbidden fruit, but it is a meal best taken in private away from the prying eyes of a judgemental society. Away from people who do not and cannot understand the need for alternate flavours.
One of the magazines had talked about self harm. That women cut themselves to feel good about themselves. That was not what I did. It is totally different. I was not trying to harm myself in any way. I just enjoyed the sensations which I feel between my legs when I build to orgasm. The pleasure which I knew was not going to be enough very soon….. |
