I hadn't seen her in weeks. I was trying to be cool and only text occasionally. But she was forever on my mind.
It hurt that at one point she told me not to get too naughty in my texts. For a minute I felt like a monster for not realising we were just friends. Then I gave myself a break because my intentions were honest and that I couldn't help the fact that I was attracted to her. Maybe I should have taken the hint and stopped hurting myself. I struggle with what might be a lust based obsession and what is genuine love, but when it's not reciprocated, either way, it needs to stop. I just couldn't help but enjoy every interaction with her. Every heart emoji that got added to a comment, every smile I got out of her when we talked. Every laugh, every hug, every friendly touch of my shoulder when we part as friends made me feel so happy. I would help her with her coursework she was struggling with, I would drop everything to help her when she needed an official form countersigned, I just wanted to be with her. When I was in her company I was myself at least; mildly cheeky and witty, a good friend with good listening skills and honestly thinking and acting as a cheerleading good friend. Not sexualising any of my thoughts for her and respecting her wanting me just as a friend. I still enjoyed the eye contact and the beautiful tone of her voice. I genuinely enjoyed the stories that she shared. I was in the friend zone and you can't make someone like you another way just by wishing hard enough.
But she wanted to see me. It never mattered why, but I asked anyway. She said, "I have some important news to share". So off I went.
We met at the local coffee shop that had become a favourite. Even in a hoody and jeans she looked amazing. Just over shoulder length auburn hair, the most beautiful brown eyes, a smile to die for. When I know that the smile was generated by seeing me, even as a friend, it made me feel so special. Same height as me 5'9, and I couldn't help but glance at her lovely figure every time we met. I allowed myself that luxury at least before we sat down as friends.
She was there as I walked in. Susan. She got up from a table and strode up to me and gave me a hug and a friendly peck on the cheek. Her hugs are so nice. Starved of affection as I am the warmth, the embrace and the friendly but tender moment always left an impression on me for hours, sometimes days after. I was worried that my obsession, when we're clearly just friends, is rude, creepy or wrong in some other way. I stopped fantasising about her when touching myself months ago for that reason. That, and because it just made me morose afterwards knowing it would never happen and that the feelings weren't shared.
Our hug over, over too soon, we sat down and ordered our coffees.
"So what's the news?"
S. "You know I always had that plan to move back to South Africa?"
"You said something about some inherited land needing years of approvals to get planning permission?"
S." That's the stuff. Well it finally came tthrough and I will be back in South Africa to project manage everything by the end of the month. Isn't that amazing?!"
My heart sank, but this was her dream coming to fruition. I grabbed her hands across the table and slapped on a convincing smile and a genuine tone of delight. The end of the month was only a couple of weeks away. "That really is amazing news. Congratulations. Of course I will miss you but that's great news."
Then it all went slightly wrong....
There have only been a handful of moments in my life where it's happened, but there have been emotional situations where, without warning or buildup, a tear has welled in my eye and rolled down my cheek. This was one of those moments. There's no sobbing. Maybe not even a full bout of tears, but it happens as involuntarily as a cough or hiccup or sneeze.
Susan saw it and initially put it down to shared excitement at the news and then she somehow saw something in my eye that gave me away.
S."Why the tears?"
"I don't know. I guess I can see how happy you are..."
S. "Don't..."
"Don't what?"
S. "I thought those feelings were behind us. That we are just friends"
"Please, ignore the tear, we're just friends. I don't even know why it fell, I am truly happy for you..."
S. "I know. I can tell. But I can also see more. I can tell that news hurt you. And you have no right to be hurt..."
"No right? I am genuinely your friend. I have loved you as a friend for 3 years now. And never once have I ever not done as you asked of me. Never once have I ever let those old feelings surface..."
S. "But they're still there and that's wrong..."
"Let me finish... Let me be the friend that you need me to be because making you happy brings me joy. Don't tell me I don't have the *right* to my feelings. Just as you have the right to yours. I will miss you. That's all it is."
S. "I will miss you too. More than you know..."
The conversation warmed after that. I can barely remember how that coffee catch-up ended. I was confident I put her mind at ease because we were tactile like normal, joking like normal and arranging another catch-up before she left the country by the time the coffee shop was abandoned and we went on our separate ways.
The next meet up was arranged for her place. That wasn't out of the ordinary. I had met her flatmate Piotr a dozen times and assumed it would be one of her amazing meals with Piotr and his boyfriend Rad and we'd hug, peck kiss after a couple of bottles of wine and I would walk the too long walk home alone. Probably a blubbering wreck because I was going to miss her so painfully much.
With that trepidation in mind I arrived and Susan opened the door, a very rushed peck kiss and shooing me across the threshold unfolded as she rushed back to the kitchenette to stir something. I hung up my coat and yelled out a hello to Piotr and got no response. I went into the living room and found no one and a table set for two. She saw my bemusement and laughed.
S. "Did you think after being my best friend for the longest time I would say goodbye with a d*unken party?!"
I realised that there was no hoody and jeans this time. A white shirt, thin, close fitting and I could see the lace of her flesh coloured bra through it. A long red skirt, again close fitting. I also saw no shoes, but black stockinged feet.
S. "Dinner is nearly ready. Take a seat."
We ate lightly, and chatted for hours. She was so full of excitement about her move and plans that it was infectious. I almost forgot about the sorrow of her leaving on the horizon. As I helped her put the dishes in the sink her perfume struck me delicately and I could feel myself getting aroused. It had been starting as we teased one another in conversation, but now it was hard to hide. I brushed past her and felt my growth glance her thigh and I knew I needed to sit down as soon as possible to hide my lap beneath the table.
I raced back to my seat and looked up at her.
She didn't seem to notice thank God. Though she turned on me playfully and said.
S. "You are not getting out of helping with dessert that easily. Come back here."
I carefully got up and paced back towards the kitchen... She was stareing at my crotch as I approached.
S. "What's going on there?"
I was embarrassed and worried after the coffee shop, that anything related to 'those old feelings' would send her into a tirade against me again. About not being a genuine friend again.
Before I could say anything as I approached the kitchen space she stepped towards me and pressed her crotch against mine and kissed me. I thought I would be paralysed by fear by such a move, but found my hands reach around behind her, one clasping the back of her head and the other on her lower back and embraced her tightly. The kiss felt amazing. Lip nibbling, gentle tongue sucking, a warmth, almost a humour, a slowly rising passion and we finally paused for breath and looked into each others' eyes. She smiled at me in a new way. I had wanted this for such a long time. I had fantasised about an evening like this but had feared that even if it happened, it would be out of sympathy or an uneven exchange of some kind, but the smile dispelled all that. It said she wanted this and that she wanted me and I thought my heart would explode.
She eased her hand down to my crotch and felt me growing and chuckled a little. I ran my hand over her right breast and felt her nipple through the lace and the cotton. She sighed delightfully at my touch and I thumbed the nipple. If the kiss and smile weren't signals enough I was so glad that all reservations were over, eroginous zones are being caressed without correction and that I could enjoy whatever came next.
We eased out of our shirts and continued to kiss. It was a heady feeling. It had been a while since I had sex, but even past experience pailed into insignificance at how I felt now. I had been given advice as a younger man that sex for sex's sake can be amazing, but sex with real feelings in play will leave a far greater impression. This was perhaps my first real experience of that and it felt amazing.
Susan reached down to her waist, seemed to my eyes to click her fingers in some fashion and her skirt dropped to the floor. I ran a hand along her thigh and as my hand slide higher I met her moist pussy lips where I had imagined there would be knickers. She laughed at the brief tention and surprise that she must have felt from me. And ran her fingers across the back of my hand and pressed my hand against her and she gasped as two of my fingers plunged inside her. My thumb gently explored her lips as the fingers eased deeper and felt what I hoped must be her clit. I edged my thumb in circular motions there and she kissed me more passionately and more earnestly to express her enjoyment of what I was doing.
My other hand played with her nipple over her bra. She reached back and undid her bra and it was discarded. I had always loved her figure and to finally see her naked apart from stockings is a memory that will never leave me. I caressed her breast and took her beautiful pert nipple in my mouth. The hard nipple against my big wide tongue felt so good and I gently sucked it. There were arousing heart-swelling gentle sobs of pleasure coming from Susan, as while I sucked deeply pulling the nipple away from her, I took the tip of my tongue and lapped at the nipple rhythmically. All still happening as I take great delight in fingering her pussy. She stops me touching her pussy and takes me by the hand and leads me to the bedroom.
I ease off my trousers and shoes quickly. And find that she is sitting on the bed. I desperately want to go down on her. It's the part of sex I enjoy most. I want to bring her pleasure. I want to excite her with my tongue. As I approach the bed she reaches out and begins slides down my pants.
With a warm hum of a chuckle she sees my cock spring free of the boxers and stand hard. Before I can say I want to go down on her she takes me in her mouth. The warmth, the glance of teeth on the edge of my helmet, the sucking, the look in her eyes as she looks up at me are all intoxicating, but I really want to taste her and want to give more than I want to receive. I ease myself out of her grasp and descend to my knees and kiss her passionately. There's a pause for breath and a look in her eyes that suggested surprise at me stopping the amazing starting of a mind-blowing blowjob. But it is fleeting as she understands what I want to do. She eases back on to her elbows on the bed and I kiss her stockinged thigh. Progressively getting closer to her pussy lips. I run my hands up and down her thighs and feel my cock pulse once and a little drop of precum dribble over my helmet. I was so turned on and rock hard. My thigh kissing finally reaches her pussy lips and I got to enjoy the scent and taste of her and my head swam with joy. I have never been more happy or engorged than when I was there between those legs. Licking her, sucking, running my teeth gently over her clit. I slid a finger in, two fingers, three, and excitedly licked and devoured her lips and clit. I chanced a look up. I was met with a sight that I still fantasise about today. Her back was arched for a moment then I saw her meet my eye with a look of absolute sexual happiness. Just when I don't think I could enjoy the moment anymore she bit her lip and her eyes rolled upwards and arched her back again. Pushing he hips out towards my face as I lost myself in the moment. Completely committed to her pleasure and ears acutely atunned to every sigh and moan she let out to make sure I was giving her what she wanted. Her breath began to become more excited. She said "Do what you're doing. Don't stop."
A younger man would lose his head and speed up, or try to match her excitement by getting too impassioned. I did as I was told and hit the same rhythm, pressure and angle and felt her totally giving herself to me. To the moment. She grasped my head. Not to make me move or change anything I don't think, but I gazed up at her and she looked back with such affection that my heart nearly broke. She looked so so happy. And then she juddered and tensed her legs and let out the most shockingly sexy sexual noises I had ever heard before of since.
I eased up onto the bed next to her and she hugged me like never before. I almost said I love you, but thought it might not be welcome even after a moment like we just shared. She just looked at me as if to say, "where did that come from"... And a smiled back as if to say "that's what love feels like"...
The night didn't end there. We made love all night.
Oh.... And...
I moved to South Africa with her the next week and we have 6 kids.
I hope you find your Susan one day.
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