129.
I must have resembled a goldfish. My mouth silently opening and closing as I tried to work out the implications of what Sophie had just said.
Every time I thought I knew what to say, my brain interrupted me with another question.
What Sophie had done that afternoon... and what Alex had done that afternoon... were almost forgotten amidst the stream of revelations.
Sophie's sex life in uni... not just the nature of it, but the very fact that she'd had one...
Her pregnancy... and then her miscarriage...
Her subsequent fertility problems...
Any one of those would have been enough to completely poleaxe me by itself. But all together they were stunning. Shocking. And I was lost, drowning.
And had she just thrown some form of conspiracy with Victoria on top of everything?
The woman who, in many ways had been my counsel over these past tumultuous months. The woman who had become my one constant. My refuge...
The woman who was now carrying my child...
Somehow, in some way, it seemed she had been lying to me too...
I stood.
I sat back down.
And put my head in my hands. Trying to shut everything else out, to get my thoughts into some kind of alignment. Under some form of control.
Too numb for anger.
Sophie must have realised that she had just taken my life and ripped it to pieces. She shuffled up to me and now it was her turn to hold me.
"I'm sorry babe... it's a lot to take in. I know it is. I just... I couldn't tell you one thing without explaining it by telling you another."
She put her forehead against the side of my head. "And I just wanted to tell you... to get everything out in the open... all the secrets and guilt I have been carrying round with me for so long."
"Jesus Sophie..." I found some words at last. My head was still in my hands though. I couldn't look at her. "How the hell do you expect me to deal with all that?"
"I know, I know... I'm sorry." Then she was silent for a minute. Perhaps waiting for me to say something. But I was still going over everything she had just told me.
Eventually she stood. "I need a shower," she said it quietly.
The gangbang was the least of either of our problems at that moment, but its after effects were the most pressing to be dealt with.
"Why don't you go downstairs and get a drink... Get me one too... I think we could both do with one... and I'll explain everything..."
She turned to go to the shower. And then she remembered. "Oh! You were going to see Victoria!"
I shook my head, still in my hands. "I told her that I needed to be here for you. She understood. She was worried about you."
Sophie walked back to me and kissed me on the head. "Thanks babe." And then added "She's sweet. I'll phone her later. I'll have to tell her that I've told you..." She paused. "Let me do it... before you speak to her... OK?"
And then, just to confound me further, she said "Perhaps she might want to come around tomorrow? She's going to want to see you... and we need to talk about the baby... all of us..."
Jesus, what exactly was she going to tell me?
And she was going to speak to her? Was this something that happened often, behind my back?
I lifted my head out of my hands a touch, but still didn't look at Sophie. "Speak to her a lot, do you?" I was aware that there was a tinge of bitterness in my voice, as I started to imagine the two of them plotting and laughing at me. And Alex too? Were they all in on whatever this was?
Sophie stepped back, thinking that perhaps I was just starting to rouse myself to anger as my head began to clear. "No babe. I haven't spoken to her since I went to see her the night you told me she was expecting. That's why it would be nice to see her tomorrow."
And then she just said "I'm sorry, I need to clean myself up... go and wait downstairs for me. I won't be long. And then I promise I'll tell you everything."
Sophie headed to the ensuite. Leaving me sitting on the bed. I remained there, alone with my thoughts, millions of them, for a minute or so, then hauled myself off the bed and slowly trudged downstairs.
It crossed my mind to speak to Victoria myself first. But I had a feeling that it would end up being an inquisition, and maybe with me shouting at her. And that wouldn't be good for the baby. My baby. If that's truly what it was.
So instead I poured myself a whisky, a Jura this time, and then downed it, neat, in one sacrilegious gulp. Then I poured another, which I treated with a little more respect, by adding a little water to it. I figured that Sophie would need something strong too, but whisky wasn't her tipple, not without lemonade anyway, and I wasn't prepared to do that to a single malt. So instead I added the lemonade to some vodka.
And then I returned to the lounge. To sit and wait for Sophie.
She was another thirty minutes. She hadn't done her hair and I'd heard the shower stop shortly after sitting down on the sofa. So I presume she was taking a little time for herself. To think about what to say, but also to come to terms with what had been a pretty traumatic day for her too.
When she came down she sat on the sofa opposite me, took a long swig of her drink, and then told me the story of how she'd come to be taken by Alex.
It all started about a year ago, when Sophie met Victoria on Nichola's hen do...
Sophie had been surprised to be invited, as she'd only met Nichola a few times, on nights out with Daz and I, but they'd got on and I suppose Nichola thought she was likely to be someone she would become more friendly with as the years went by.
So Sophie ended up heading off for a weekend in Blackpool with an assortment of Nichola's family, friends and colleagues.
There was one girl who Sophie noticed in particular, because she seemed to be permanently on her phone. She was younger than most of Nichola's friends and Sophie quickly found out that she worked at the council with her.
When Sophie found herself standing by the girl at one of the bars they visited, Sophie indicated towards the girl's phone and asked if it was her boyfriend she was always in touch with.
"Something like that," she'd replied.
Then, later on, in a club, Sophie noticed that the girl, who she'd now ascertained was called Victoria, was still on her phone. But Sophie could tell from her body language, from the way she was scowling and jabbing the screen, that she was pissed off with the way whoever it was was hassling her.
So she went over to ask if everything was OK. Sophie asked her if this guy was upsetting her. And Victoria, a little d*unk, had told Sophie that he was trying to get her to suck some stranger's dick and send him a photo. But that she didn't want to do it when she was out with people from work.
She'd said that she didn't want them to think she was a slag.
And then she'd said that she'd told him that she wasn't Hannah that night, but he wouldn't take no for an answer.
Sophie, still naive back then, was shocked and said that he didn't sound like much of a boyfriend. And then said that she didn't understand what Victoria meant when she said that she wasn't Hannah.
That's when Victoria had told her about this guy called Alex. An older guy, who'd been the first guy to fuck her, and who was now her dom. She told her what that meant, what she did for him, what he did to her.
Sophie listened to her, as Victoria said that she didn't know why she did it, she felt like he was just using her, that he never showed her any attention beyond fucking her, and that everything was about him, done for his thrills.
And even as Sophie was telling Victoria that he sounded like a creep and that she should get herself out of that situation, she found that she was also turned on by it.
It stirred her repressed fantasies and desires. And the idea of having a different persona and fucking guilt free secretly thrilled her.
She started to read up about it after that weekend. About Doms and Subs, and being owned. She recognised the traits of submissiveness in herself. And she knew that she wanted this kind of relationship.
She began to fantasise about it, and wished she'd found out more from Victoria about how someone could go about acquiring a Dom. She wished she could have offered to swap with her.
And in her mind she thought about it, over weeks and months, and planned out how it could all work.
How she could have gained my agreement by giving me something, maybe Victoria.
And how everyone could come out of such a deal with something they wanted.
And then, last Christmas, on her work's night out, she'd bumped into Victoria again.
Sophie had asked her how it was going with Alex. And Victoria said it was exactly the same. She said she was bored with it now. Alex still wasn't very attentive, not even after sex, and never paid her compliments. She said she knew she was a slut, but she still wanted to be appreciated.
Sophie asked her why she hadn't stopped it by now. Victoria told her that it wasn't that simple. She liked being someone's whore, liked being submissive to them. And besides, she didn't know if she could be bothered finding someone new. It wasn't easy to find the right person.
Plus, Alex was persuasive. He was all she had known as a Sub and, despite everything, it would be a big wrench to leave him. She wasn't even sure if he would accept it. He'd keep coming back for her.
"You saw what he was like in Blackpool," she'd said.
After that Sophie's fantasy about swapping places with Victoria intensified.
So much so, that one evening she found the hen night group on WhatsApp and used the link in that to message Victoria directly.
She arranged to meet her, under the guise of wanting to know more about her lifestyle. And that was when she offered to swap with Victoria; Alex for me.
Victoria had been sceptical. She'd asked if I was a Dom. Sophie had admitted that I wasn't, but said that she was sure I would go for the idea if Victoria coaxed it out of me.
And she said that I would certainly be attentive and appreciative.
Sophie showed her some pics of me and Victoria admitted that she was attracted to me. And to the idea.
But she'd asked if Sophie was sure I would let her do this. Sophie said that she believed I would, if I was presented with a fait accompli, and if she told me that she really wanted to do it.
She'd said that I loved her, so I'd give her whatever she wanted.
I snorted at that point. Sophie had known me too well.
Then Sophie played her trump card. How she knew I'd go for the idea... eventually. She said she'd told Victoria that I think with my dick. She'd seen my roving eye and that she was pretty certain I'd fucked around in uni too.
I wasn't going to protest my innocence. What was the point now. But before I could speak, Sophie said she knew because I'd said a few things about stuff that I hadn't done with her.
She could see the puzzled look on my face. So she quoted the example of when I was particularly d*unk on a night out with friends, and when we'd gone back to their house I'd said their soap smelled like anal sex.
"You didn't find out what anal sex smells like with me, babe," she said, smiling wryly.
So she'd told Victoria that she knew I would go for it if it meant I could fuck her.
So Victoria agreed. And between them they worked out how to set Alex up. And then me...
Victoria said that Alex knew she was getting tired of being his Sub. She'd already told him a few times that she wanted to stop, but he kept reeling her back in. Probably because he didn't want to be left without a Sub.
But she'd said that she also felt that Alex was bored, and wanted a new challenge.
So the plan was for Victoria to tell Alex, truthfully, that she'd met a woman who she thought was submissive and wanted to be owned. That this woman was sexually quite inexperienced and would be a blank canvas for Alex. As far as Victoria was concerned, that was also true.
The problem was, Victoria said, Alex wouldn't believe that he could just pick up a woman like that in a bar one night. And he wouldn't like that anyway. He'd want to chase a woman, to hunt her and groom her over time.
So that's when Sophie had said that she would be alone on a train, in first class, every day for two weeks.
And Alex, who didn't really work in Chester, but actually worked from home, took the bait and decided to see if he get inside this woman's head, and knickers, in a fortnight.
At this point Sophie told me that she wasn't sure whether Alex actually believed that Sophie, the woman on the train, knew nothing about all this. She suspected that he knew what was happening, but that he'd been happy to go along with it, because it gave him a proper chance to assess Sophie's suitability to be his Sub.
Apparently Alex had since told her that he knew he wanted her the moment he saw her. But he played the game and didn't make a move until the second week.
At that point Sophie had said that she wanted what he was offering. But she had a husband who needed to be placated. She didn't want the stress of doing it behind his back.
She told Alex what she'd told Victoria; that I might agree if I was getting something out of it. Sophie had left it like that. But when Victoria then asked him how it was going with Sophie, and Alex relayed what Sophie had said, Victoria offered to swap herself.
Alex loved the idea. After all, it suited everyone. And the rest... well, the rest, I knew.
Sophie finished her story and downed the rest of her drink.
Then she met my gaze.
"So, there you go," she said, "that's what happened... I'm not a victim. Victoria told me what Alex was like. Warned me what I was getting into. And I know now that she was right... And I know now that I'm done with him... That part of my journey is over."
She paused, solemn. "If you want to be angry, be angry with me. Not Alex. And definitely not Victoria. I did this. Me. No one else."
I just shook my head at her. I couldn't believe what she had just told me.
Sophie was waiting for me to speak. But I didn't have anything to say. I just wanted to be alone, to get my head around everything. And now I regretted the two whiskies I'd d*unk, which were preventing me from driving.
Maybe that's why Sophie had suggested we each have a drink. Even now she was still manipulating me.
And so Sophie broke the silence. "So," she said, a sad, accepting look on her face, "what are you going to do?"
|
