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On standby/back burner

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Anyone done this or experienced this? Keeping someone going in the back ground that you probably have no intention of getting together with but you know they are keen on you - keep the lines of communication going every now n then with a wee text or message and dont want to see them meeting anyone else?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No, I'm an adult

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By *bridge manMan
over a year ago

lanarkshire

Bit cruel..

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By *rivextrMan
over a year ago

Glasgow


"Anyone done this or experienced this? Keeping someone going in the back ground that you probably have no intention of getting together with but you know they are keen on you - keep the lines of communication going every now n then with a wee text or message and dont want to see them meeting anyone else? "

Nah... That isn't fair. If one isn't feeling the vibes then just let them know and move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Anyone done this or experienced this? Keeping someone going in the back ground that you probably have no intention of getting together with but you know they are keen on you - keep the lines of communication going every now n then with a wee text or message and dont want to see them meeting anyone else? "

Suspected this to be the case a few times.. But now I can suss them out pretty quickly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep there's loads of folk try this all the time, take advantage of people who do. Try to give benefit of the doubt but it slike lots of relationships though people want to hang onto safe and dependable while they're out looking for fun and mystery

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"No, I'm an adult "

Me too

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Bit cruel.. "

I agree

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Anyone done this or experienced this? Keeping someone going in the back ground that you probably have no intention of getting together with but you know they are keen on you - keep the lines of communication going every now n then with a wee text or message and dont want to see them meeting anyone else?

Nah... That isn't fair. If one isn't feeling the vibes then just let them know and move on. "

Dont think its that they're not feeling the vibe just that they will use them if nobody else is available

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Anyone done this or experienced this? Keeping someone going in the back ground that you probably have no intention of getting together with but you know they are keen on you - keep the lines of communication going every now n then with a wee text or message and dont want to see them meeting anyone else?

Suspected this to be the case a few times.. But now I can suss them out pretty quickly. "

Thats good that you are wise to it

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Yep there's loads of folk try this all the time, take advantage of people who do. Try to give benefit of the doubt but it slike lots of relationships though people want to hang onto safe and dependable while they're out looking for fun and mystery "

Thats a good way of putting it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope.

I dont do stringing along.

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By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!


"Anyone done this or experienced this? Keeping someone going in the back ground that you probably have no intention of getting together with but you know they are keen on you - keep the lines of communication going every now n then with a wee text or message and dont want to see them meeting anyone else? "
It sadly happens all too often .

If there is no communication then the friendship you once had then breaks down so best to just move on rather than keeping someone hanging on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Heard the term "benched" from a colleague who uses tinder as in a sports player being on the bench. Its awful if you ask me.

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By *yrshiremischiefMan
over a year ago

Kilmarnock

I think the young folk call this benching - keeping your options open, or breadcrumbing - doing just enough to keep them interested and boosting your ego even though you've no real interest in them.

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By *andACouple
over a year ago

glasgow

Don't understand why anyone would do this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its how most guys on here would feel I would imagine. We all sit on the subs bench waiting for our number to get called. I dont mean that in a bad way, its just how it is. I would imagine there are ten to fifteen genuine guys to each genuine woman so its only natural. There are so many timewasters that take up peoples time. The ladies probably spend so much time filtering out the fakes all the genuine guys just wait until they get a chance. Not sure how the ladies view the situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah I've had this and it fucking sucks

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By *imbobaMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

I bench myself all the time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I bench myself all the time. "

Super sub....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Anyone done this or experienced this? Keeping someone going in the back ground that you probably have no intention of getting together with but you know they are keen on you - keep the lines of communication going every now n then with a wee text or message and dont want to see them meeting anyone else? "

No because I’m not a cunt and have respect for other people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its just about filtering out the good and the not so good on here. There are plenty of each. You see profiles on here and think, maybe not for me and then contact is made and you are proven wrong. Its always worth taking a chance. Nothing ventured and all that....

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By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!


"Its just about filtering out the good and the not so good on here. There are plenty of each. You see profiles on here and think, maybe not for me and then contact is made and you are proven wrong. Its always worth taking a chance. Nothing ventured and all that...."
Problem with sorting out the good and the not so good is you need to meet them to find out, only then do you learn they are good & nice people or total horrors lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sadly I've been the standby person a few times. I think for one person I probably still am.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sadly I've been the standby person a few times. I think for one person I probably still am. "

Don't enable that nonsense

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By *he FiendMan
over a year ago

Aberdeen

I'm at least 70% sure that everyone I'm talking to is doing this to me! lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No, I'm an adult "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lot of men do it....toss out the breadcrumbs. Pfft! I've a batch of admirers/ex-dates who're also flirty friends, but I make my situation clear to them. It's the respectful thing to do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Its just about filtering out the good and the not so good on here. There are plenty of each. You see profiles on here and think, maybe not for me and then contact is made and you are proven wrong. Its always worth taking a chance. Nothing ventured and all that...."

I wonder how often it goes the other way, discounting someone who might actually have been the most delicious fit and never knowing you missed the opportunity...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Anyone done this or experienced this? Keeping someone going in the back ground that you probably have no intention of getting together with but you know they are keen on you - keep the lines of communication going every now n then with a wee text or message and dont want to see them meeting anyone else? "

Waste of both parties time. I don’t see the point in that at all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Interesting comments from everyone. I think I may be “ on the bench “ myself..

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By *ola cubesMan
over a year ago

coatbridge

Why not tell them ain't happening but always up for a friendly chat ?

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By *bridge manMan
over a year ago

lanarkshire


"Yeah I've had this and it fucking sucks"

Cum on Eileen.. Who would do that to you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They call me the judge for the amount of time I'm on the bench

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By *razytimesinloveCouple
over a year ago

SW Scotland


"Anyone done this or experienced this? Keeping someone going in the back ground that you probably have no intention of getting together with but you know they are keen on you - keep the lines of communication going every now n then with a wee text or message and dont want to see them meeting anyone else? "

We think this has been done to us in the past a couple of times now. If we can’t arrange a meet with someone within two months we look elsewhere now until everything lines up with each other again.

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By *evilsAdvocate94Woman
over a year ago

edinburgh

It’s a horrible thing to do to someone, honesty is best policy but seems a lot of folks on here don’t think same.

For some I think this is fantasy land where they live a parallel life to their own and they think never the Twain shall meet. Sadly it doesn’t always work like that.

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By *he way you moveMan
over a year ago

Inverness

Been on the receiving end of this. Worst is I've known it and still responded like a little puppy when they've spoken to me again. So I'm more annoyed with myself than the other person.

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By *haring is caring ABCCouple
over a year ago

near edinburgh/borders

Had this happen wouldn’t do to someone personally but had chats and planned meet with someone who till even the day said they wanted to meet then we just New it wasn’t happening as got very dry and didn’t get in touch that day unless I messaged them was bit shit really as did want it to happen but felt was excuse after excuse so I just said move on no hard feelings just wish folk were honest and guess what they never been bk in touch

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By *ainyDaySunshineMan
over a year ago

Ayrshire


"Bit cruel..

I agree"
same. Not nice at all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why would anybody want to behave like this, it's cruel and very cold behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yeah I've had this and it fucking sucks

Cum on Eileen.. Who would do that to you. "

You be surprised

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By *anny77Man
over a year ago

glasgow

That sounds horrible

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Why not tell them ain't happening but always up for a friendly chat ?"

Totally agree with you there

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"That sounds horrible"

It is

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Been on the receiving end of this. Worst is I've known it and still responded like a little puppy when they've spoken to me again. So I'm more annoyed with myself than the other person."

I get like that too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Anyone done this or experienced this? Keeping someone going in the back ground that you probably have no intention of getting together with but you know they are keen on you - keep the lines of communication going every now n then with a wee text or message and dont want to see them meeting anyone else? "

Would never dream of doing that! That's a terrible way to treat anyone

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Anyone done this or experienced this? Keeping someone going in the back ground that you probably have no intention of getting together with but you know they are keen on you - keep the lines of communication going every now n then with a wee text or message and dont want to see them meeting anyone else?

Would never dream of doing that! That's a terrible way to treat anyone"

I totally agree

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By *MARUBIXCUBEWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

People have been doing this to each other for years it starts in primary no idea why everyone is acting like its absurd or weird its life allow it or dont simples.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Anyone done this or experienced this? Keeping someone going in the back ground that you probably have no intention of getting together with but you know they are keen on you - keep the lines of communication going every now n then with a wee text or message and dont want to see them meeting anyone else?

Suspected this to be the case a few times.. But now I can suss them out pretty quickly. "

Think i may have one just now. Gonna play slong and see what happens lol

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By *nox.Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow

Recently been on the receiving end of this it's annoy af

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Recently been on the receiving end of this it's annoy af"

Well now that you've realised this, don't enable it

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By *awaiianguyMan
over a year ago

East Ayrshire

I don't mind this. There's little investment or expectation, and if you eventually meet at a social, you might actually hit it off, sexually or as friends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't mind this. There's little investment or expectation, and if you eventually meet at a social, you might actually hit it off, sexually or as friends."

I suspect there's a lot more guys blissfully content with being on the back burner than there are women.

By that I mean with six guys for every woman, that's a lot of guys turned down to a low heat

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By *iercedyvonneTV/TS
over a year ago

Glasgow

There's one girl that definitely does this to me. I remain polite to her but don't let her waste my time. She does it to others I know as well.

I think it is an attention thing - wanting to be wanted.

I also feel I am often someone's Plan B

- not getting any definite commitment to a meet either way until the last minute which is shit. It's like "you're ok but I think I can do better"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Offshore guys are pretty guilty of this

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By *pecificman99Man
over a year ago

Hamilton

Yeah I think I've had this and also think I've did it albeit unintentionally. Years ago fell for someone big time then through various factors we never spoke for a while. Odd texts here and there . This went on for a while then a year or two of silence then they'd pop up again . Both guilty of it I guess . we'd very occasionally meet up and there was always a chemistry there but then would be back to the odd texts. Horrible feeling really . Never knowing where you stand . Now though we just dont talk at all numbers deleted and blocked on here . Sometimes you just need to cut your loses and admit if it was going to happen it would have by now

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By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!


"Yeah I think I've had this and also think I've did it albeit unintentionally. Years ago fell for someone big time then through various factors we never spoke for a while. Odd texts here and there . This went on for a while then a year or two of silence then they'd pop up again . Both guilty of it I guess . we'd very occasionally meet up and there was always a chemistry there but then would be back to the odd texts. Horrible feeling really . Never knowing where you stand . Now though we just dont talk at all numbers deleted and blocked on here . Sometimes you just need to cut your loses and admit if it was going to happen it would have by now "
This happens a lot but its the radio silence when uve met and gotten on really well that I dont understand.

If someone decides they no longer want to meet with someone then at least tell them instead of them wondering what they have done wrong .

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By *pecificman99Man
over a year ago

Hamilton


"Yeah I think I've had this and also think I've did it albeit unintentionally. Years ago fell for someone big time then through various factors we never spoke for a while. Odd texts here and there . This went on for a while then a year or two of silence then they'd pop up again . Both guilty of it I guess . we'd very occasionally meet up and there was always a chemistry there but then would be back to the odd texts. Horrible feeling really . Never knowing where you stand . Now though we just dont talk at all numbers deleted and blocked on here . Sometimes you just need to cut your loses and admit if it was going to happen it would have by now This happens a lot but its the radio silence when uve met and gotten on really well that I dont understand.

If someone decides they no longer want to meet with someone then at least tell them instead of them wondering what they have done wrong ."

Yeah your bang on ! Can be very frustrating if you allow it to annoy you . At first was totally devastated but love can do that . It is the wondering why that gets you . P.s - can remember you from previous profiles. Glad your still around

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ive had this done to me, horrible feeling and hard to break out of sometimes

Infact i think much of my life has been this lol

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By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!


"Yeah I think I've had this and also think I've did it albeit unintentionally. Years ago fell for someone big time then through various factors we never spoke for a while. Odd texts here and there . This went on for a while then a year or two of silence then they'd pop up again . Both guilty of it I guess . we'd very occasionally meet up and there was always a chemistry there but then would be back to the odd texts. Horrible feeling really . Never knowing where you stand . Now though we just dont talk at all numbers deleted and blocked on here . Sometimes you just need to cut your loses and admit if it was going to happen it would have by now This happens a lot but its the radio silence when uve met and gotten on really well that I dont understand.

If someone decides they no longer want to meet with someone then at least tell them instead of them wondering what they have done wrong .

Yeah your bang on ! Can be very frustrating if you allow it to annoy you . At first was totally devastated but love can do that . It is the wondering why that gets you . P.s - can remember you from previous profiles. Glad your still around "
Hi & thank you Xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Yeah I think I've had this and also think I've did it albeit unintentionally. Years ago fell for someone big time then through various factors we never spoke for a while. Odd texts here and there . This went on for a while then a year or two of silence then they'd pop up again . Both guilty of it I guess . we'd very occasionally meet up and there was always a chemistry there but then would be back to the odd texts. Horrible feeling really . Never knowing where you stand . Now though we just dont talk at all numbers deleted and blocked on here . Sometimes you just need to cut your loses and admit if it was going to happen it would have by now This happens a lot but its the radio silence when uve met and gotten on really well that I dont understand.

If someone decides they no longer want to meet with someone then at least tell them instead of them wondering what they have done wrong ."

Yeah the ghosting is a nightmare. Just be nice to know if you have said or done something they didnt like or just if they have decided you are not for them.

Does give your self confidence a wee hit but its their loss.

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By *ilveryFoxMan
over a year ago

Midlothian


"No, I'm an adult

Me too"

Me three

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By *1ck1Man
over a year ago

dundee

Get this all the time, think most guys do tbf

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Get this all the time, think most guys do tbf "

Us women get it too

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By *1ck1Man
over a year ago

dundee


"Get this all the time, think most guys do tbf

Us women get it too "

Not very fair on anyone having them hanging ive met some really nice folk on here, and believed it may go further going by spomen word but alas left hanging high n dry lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 07/04/20 16:53:59]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Anyone done this or experienced this? Keeping someone going in the back ground that you probably have no intention of getting together with but you know they are keen on you - keep the lines of communication going every now n then with a wee text or message and dont want to see them meeting anyone else?

No because I’m not a cunt and have respect for other people."

Awesome reply.

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By *ubbly2012Woman
over a year ago

inver somewhere

I have loads of people I chat to...and both of us know I'm never going to meet/fuck them

Honesty is best policy ..

Although... found out that the term for keeping back up plan options.... is called..

Mermaiding

Love it!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have loads of people I chat to...and both of us know I'm never going to meet/fuck them

Honesty is best policy ..

Although... found out that the term for keeping back up plan options.... is called..

Mermaiding

Love it!!!!

"

I've always wanted to be a mermaid

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By *exy gentMan
over a year ago

Midlothian

I've got splinters in my arse due to being on the bench so long

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Anyone done this or experienced this? Keeping someone going in the back ground that you probably have no intention of getting together with but you know they are keen on you - keep the lines of communication going every now n then with a wee text or message and dont want to see them meeting anyone else? "

If OP is doing this then she should should refer to her other Forum post called Thanks But No Thanks...

This may be a 'sellers market' sex site, but we're dealing with human emotions here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

IMHO I think alot and I mean alot of women on here who get the chance to meet a guy on here would not have the opportunity out with this site.

So having someone on the back burner is quite a Dick Thing to do.

The ratio of women to men on this site the percentage of women is higher.

Having someone on the back burner is basically stringing someone along. Not very nice imho.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"IMHO I think alot and I mean alot of women on here who get the chance to meet a guy on here would not have the opportunity out with this site.

So having someone on the back burner is quite a Dick Thing to do.

The ratio of women to men on this site the percentage of women is higher.

Having someone on the back burner is basically stringing someone along. Not very nice imho. "

More fool the guy who is prepared to sit on the back burner....smacks of desperation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"IMHO I think alot and I mean alot of women on here who get the chance to meet a guy on here would not have the opportunity out with this site.

So having someone on the back burner is quite a Dick Thing to do.

The ratio of women to men on this site the percentage of women is higher.

Having someone on the back burner is basically stringing someone along. Not very nice imho.

More fool the guy who is prepared to sit on the back burner....smacks of desperation."

If I sent a message to the women and she got back to me then never spoke to me for weeks and all of a sudden sent me a message of politely tell her to do one

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I have loads of people I chat to...and both of us know I'm never going to meet/fuck them

Honesty is best policy ..

Although... found out that the term for keeping back up plan options.... is called..

Mermaiding

Love it!!!!

"

Every day really is a school day especially on here

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"IMHO I think alot and I mean alot of women on here who get the chance to meet a guy on here would not have the opportunity out with this site.

So having someone on the back burner is quite a Dick Thing to do.

The ratio of women to men on this site the percentage of women is higher.

Having someone on the back burner is basically stringing someone along. Not very nice imho.

More fool the guy who is prepared to sit on the back burner....smacks of desperation."

Or woman

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"IMHO I think alot and I mean alot of women on here who get the chance to meet a guy on here would not have the opportunity out with this site.

So having someone on the back burner is quite a Dick Thing to do.

The ratio of women to men on this site the percentage of women is higher.

Having someone on the back burner is basically stringing someone along. Not very nice imho.

More fool the guy who is prepared to sit on the back burner....smacks of desperation.

Or woman "

I presumed you were talking about guys seeing as you were the OP and you're straight.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"IMHO I think alot and I mean alot of women on here who get the chance to meet a guy on here would not have the opportunity out with this site.

So having someone on the back burner is quite a Dick Thing to do.

The ratio of women to men on this site the percentage of women is higher.

Having someone on the back burner is basically stringing someone along. Not very nice imho.

More fool the guy who is prepared to sit on the back burner....smacks of desperation.

Or woman

I presumed you were talking about guys seeing as you were the OP and you're straight."

Oh i think both sexes may be guilty of it but may be more a guy thing to do

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By *ola cubesMan
over a year ago

coatbridge

[Removed by poster at 01/05/20 01:30:15]

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By *ola cubesMan
over a year ago

coatbridge

Taking percentages into account I'd say it's a fem trait even the name mermaiding points towards the fem side lol

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By *hav02Man
over a year ago

Glasgow/London

Mermaiding. Now I know.

I've wised up to it over the years, so I'm very quick to dump a woman these days. I don't entertain catfishes/mermaids...

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