FabSwingers.com forum: Joke!!!

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

3 aging service personal in the Uk are told if you take early retirement you can claim a bonus , £1000 per inch measured from any 2 points on your body of YOUR choice.

Guy 1 .... ok measure from top of head to tip of toes......being 6' he gets £72,000

Guy2....(slightly smarter) measure from tip of raised arm to tip of toes.....he gets £88,000.

Guys 3 says ....ok measure from tip of my penis to my testicles....gets asked are you sure , look how much the other 2 got ,..... he says i'm serious ...so a doctor is called and starts measuring ...ash he slides tape measure from tip of the penis he asks the chap ....my god where are your testicles man??

Guy 3 answers ...... Ports Sn Carlos in The Falkands !!!!!LOL LOL

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lol made me chuckle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A pound coin was thrown onto the pitch at Ibrox. Police are trying to determine whether it was a missile or a takeover bid.

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By *eatherWoman
over a year ago

glasgow

whats dry when it goes in and wet when it comes out and satisfies 2 people//////////.A teabag what did u think i meant

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By *illow PimpMan
over a year ago

Midlothian

"3 aging service personal in the Uk are told if you take early retirement you can claim a bonus , £1000 per inch measured from any 2 points on your body of YOUR choice.

Guy 1 .... ok measure from top of head to tip of toes......being 6' he gets £72,000

Guy2....(slightly smarter) measure from tip of raised arm to tip of toes.....he gets £88,000.

Guy 3 answers ...... Ports Sn Carlos in The Falkands !!!!!LOL LOL

Grid that was pure and utter pish mate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Graig Whyte!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A policeman stops a d*unk driver and asks him to take a breath test. The driver pulls out a NHS card which says, "This cardholder is asthmatic, please do not take his breath".

The policeman then asks him to provide a blood test. The man pulls out another NHS card which says, "This cardholder is anemic, please do not take his blood".

The policeman now getting annoyed asks him to provide an urine sample to which the man pulls out a third NHS card which says "This man is a Rangers season ticket holder, please do not take the piss".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Investigators looking into how far back irregularities at RFC go have decided to award the Battle of the Boyne to James 2nd!

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By *lay_Mate_RequiredMan
over a year ago

eadt kilbride

Just got back from Blackpool, never again! On the seafront I saw a guy and a woman having a shouting match until the woman smacked the guy in the head and they started fighting. Then a copper turned up, but instead of trying to calm things down he starts hitting the guy with his baton, in the end the guy gets the baton off the copper and starts hitting him AND his wife!

Then this crocodile turned up and stole all the sausages!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i thought i would share ths one with you all.came from mrs brown on tele.

She married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She married again and had 7 more children. Again, Her husband died. But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally died.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, ?Lord, they?re finally together.?

One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, ?Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?? The friend replied, ?I think he means her legs.?..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A young girl was having a heart-to-heart talk with her mother on her first visit home since starting university. "Mum, I have to tell you," the girl confessed. "I lost my virginity last weekend." "I'm not surprised," said her mother. "It was bound to happen sooner or later. I just hope it was a romantic and pleasurable experience." "Well, yes and no," the pretty student remarked. "The first eight guys felt great, but after them my pussy got really sore.

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