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Advice needed

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hey so not something i want to bring up as im usually a private person but kinda need some advice regarding condoms and performance anxiety..

Bit of a back story first as to why last year i had a meet my first one (hadnt long broken up with my ex and restarted my profile) but really dont know why went to use a condom and.. nothing.. ended up ruining the meet no matter how much i tried to relax etc it was like he went on strike which can be embarresing at the best of times for a guy but what made it worse is instead of being understanding she layed into me ridiculed me saying i was a failure wasnt a real man etc made me feel half an inch tall and basically took my confidence completley.

Now since then ive tried not to let it get to me but once that seed takes hold its hard to get rid of it and basically wondering how anyone other guys managed to get past it?

It has affected me more than i realised anytime i tried and as soon as the packet appears hes gone thats it game over and im tired of feeling like a failure in bed.

Now the unpopular part i did have a meet and didnt use one mainly in the heat of the moment i didnt want another dissapointment and the same to get said again and well wanted to feel like a man again havent met anyone since then i did have a fwb at the time but it cost me that as well and i have been tested plenty times since and given all clear even going to get checked again before any comments arise.

Im just basically wondering how others managed to get past it cos i do want to be able to use them again and not be stuck the way i am

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shame on the girl for taking the piss out of you

Buy shame on you for risking bareback also.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So many men have bareback in secret and take "calculated risks". Fucks me off. I stopped saying that I was tested regularly every 3months and always clear.

I'm always suspicious of a man who fucks bare on a first date.

People lie so damn much. Even the whole 'closed circle' thing can be a risk. Hello genital herpes for example.

In my experience straight people take more risks. I figured it was because as queers we've had it drummed into us that our sex is dirty and risky. Makes me furious.

OP I'd save it for someone you can see regularly who only sees you. Do some cock/mentally relaxing exercises. Massage. I've worked wonders on men with issues.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try a social 1st with a potential meet, then the focus is on chemistry and connection so when you meet again and it comes down to the fun part your mind is thinking about the sexual chemistry instead of the actual performance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 04/04/19 18:34:29]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My pal had same problems and found using a condom to masturbate helped him, getting used to going through the process of getting hard then getting omit out the drawer putting it on and getting used to the feeling of it helped break the pattern of nervousness and the momentary time gap other than that all I can say is keep playing but tell partners that you’re not ready for penetrative sex until you can work through your issues, finding someone to play regularly with and help build your confidence again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hey so not something i want to bring up as im usually a private person but kinda need some advice regarding condoms and performance anxiety..

Bit of a back story first as to why last year i had a meet my first one (hadnt long broken up with my ex and restarted my profile) but really dont know why went to use a condom and.. nothing.. ended up ruining the meet no matter how much i tried to relax etc it was like he went on strike which can be embarresing at the best of times for a guy but what made it worse is instead of being understanding she layed into me ridiculed me saying i was a failure wasnt a real man etc made me feel half an inch tall and basically took my confidence completley.

Now since then ive tried not to let it get to me but once that seed takes hold its hard to get rid of it and basically wondering how anyone other guys managed to get past it?

It has affected me more than i realised anytime i tried and as soon as the packet appears hes gone thats it game over and im tired of feeling like a failure in bed.

Now the unpopular part i did have a meet and didnt use one mainly in the heat of the moment i didnt want another dissapointment and the same to get said again and well wanted to feel like a man again havent met anyone since then i did have a fwb at the time but it cost me that as well and i have been tested plenty times since and given all clear even going to get checked again before any comments arise.

Im just basically wondering how others managed to get past it cos i do want to be able to use them again and not be stuck the way i am "

Practice getting yourself hard and getting the condom on. Play around with it and wank yourself with it on until you get used to it.

And don't let thoughtless fuckers get to you!

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By *ewspinMan
over a year ago

Aberdeen

I find if you have a bit of fun first and it’s all good then the woman puts it on its a lot better ...well for me anyway ...not sure why

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I find if you have a bit of fun first and it’s all good then the woman puts it on its a lot better ...well for me anyway ...not sure why "

This seems like a good approach if you can find a partner willing to make the putting on of the condom all part of the foreplay! And then carry on with oral or stroking with it in place and gradually build up to penetration! I would say that if they are not willing to help in this way they are probably not worth worrying about !

I have had issues similar to this and found that the correct person in the correct circumstance blew all fears out the water !

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