FabSwingers.com forum: Funny Sexual Disasters

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Following a funny post by Mrs D , which made me smile and brought back a 30+ yr old memory i had completely forgotten , a tune want to share funny sexual faux pas, we all have had them , possibly traumatic at the time if we were young but in hindsight hilarious ,

No names no pack drill just the laugh

As an over cocky 23 year old I literally fell asleep on top of my at the time girlfriend, looking back I’ll say I was overworked etc , as I was stone cold sober I just think it was overly boring sex in the missionary position( best for sleeping I found ), needless to say , the relationship never flourished ,

Though 20 yrs later I did apologise on a chance meeting

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

When i was in my 20's an ex boyfriend tore his foreskin the first time we tried to have sex. There was so much blood it freaked me out for ages.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *e DevilMan
over a year ago

Blantyre

While performing a bit of oral i thought i had started her period , jumping up in disgust it became apparant that i had suffered a nose bleed

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"While performing a bit of oral i thought i had started her period , jumping up in disgust it became apparant that i had suffered a nose bleed

She must have been so relieved

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have been known to fall asleep when very very tired

Twice when receiving oral and once during sex.............I did apologise

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aenMan
over a year ago

Here and There

"When i was in my 20's an ex boyfriend tore his foreskin the first time we tried to have sex. There was so much blood it freaked me out for ages."

what were you doing to the poor bugger!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *e DevilMan
over a year ago

Blantyre

"While performing a bit of oral i thought i had started her period , jumping up in disgust it became apparant that i had suffered a nose bleed

She must have been so relieved

Very possible

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *errific_Teddy_BearMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

How can folk fall asleepnwhile having sex? That's a strange one for me lol

As for me - I was with an absolute sex machine once upon a time. You know the type, gets a bit angry during sex shouting "fuck me harder" and slapping me, and herself, harder and harder the harder I went. I used to end up with nail scratches down by back, often bleeding lol.

Anyone, one time we were going at it, her legs around my neck and the feckin bed gave out and to the floor we tumbled.

It was one of those where initially you think, oh crap but then I started giggling. At which point I got a slap and was asked why I'd stopped. "The bed's fucked" I said. "Yeah but I'm not" she said as she grabbed my arm, hauled me through to her flat mates room (who was out) and we finished up our session.

I wonder if she's single these days......

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I once broke a lads willie.

We were young....I was cheering him on harder and harder....

He pulled out...slamming back in and missed. It was definitely bent and broken.

We kept in touch and he said it healed...but I never followed up...it was a one night date thing.

I felt soooooo bad. I didn't even cum....

hee hee.... thats bad. I know...

Xxx

Nessa

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah I've had a bed collapse on me too, nearly decapitated him

Didn't stop us though...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"While performing a bit of oral i thought i had started her period , jumping up in disgust it became apparant that i had suffered a nose bleed

Jumped up in disgust? Pffft...a real man loves his wummin every day of the month!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ighland gentlemanMan
over a year ago

Ardgay

Had a bed collapse. Two of us in a single bed.

Subsequent examination showed that where the spar broke was a large knot. So structurally weak.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I thought it would be romantic to have sex in the stables, put down a blanket, looked round and there was a big pile of shite. Would probably have been sick if I wasn't so d*unk

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

My best man , had a particularly distasteful experience,went back to a girls house , who’s reputation for having a “boggin hoose “ preceded everyone except him obviously, in midst Fuck he hears sniggering from the corner, and her two children are watching , fuck knows how long for , he said , he says to his partner in lust , “ ye want tae dae sumfin about yer weans “ only to be replied by the most wonderful of answers ,”fuckin ignore them , only two are mine and they dae it aw the time !!!!”

Surprisingly it killed the moment for him

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I thought it would be romantic to have sex in the stables, put down a blanket, looked round and there was a big pile of shite. Would probably have been sick if I wasn't so d*unk

Stables ? I love quality , growing up in a Govan our youth choices were closes or if you were romantic, the popes concrete base in bellahouston Park , lovely view

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My best man , had a particularly distasteful experience,went back to a girls house , who’s reputation for having a “boggin hoose “ preceded everyone except him obviously, in midst Fuck he hears sniggering from the corner, and her two children are watching , fuck knows how long for , he said , he says to his partner in lust , “ ye want tae dae sumfin about yer weans “ only to be replied by the most wonderful of answers ,”fuckin ignore them , only two are mine and they dae it aw the time !!!!”

Surprisingly it killed the moment for him

Jesus Christ that's grim!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Surprisingly it killed the moment for him

Jesus Christ that's grim!

Rich tapestry of Glasgow Scheme life Mrs D ,never became funny actually, broke my own topic lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I once broke a lads willie.

We were young....I was cheering him on harder and harder....

He pulled out...slamming back in and missed. It was definitely bent and broken.

We kept in touch and he said it healed...but I never followed up...it was a one night date thing.

I felt soooooo bad. I didn't even cum....

hee hee.... thats bad. I know...

Xxx

Nessa"

My pal phoned me to tell me she was in a&e after breaking her man's cock cos she was on top. Was one of the funniest conversations I've ever had hahaha x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Surprisingly it killed the moment for him

Omg x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't even repeat my unfortunate event but it did prompt me to invest in a very handy peice of equipment

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I can't even repeat my unfortunate event but it did prompt me to invest in a very handy peice of equipment

A pakamac ???

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tew008Man
over a year ago

edinburgh

"When i was in my 20's an ex boyfriend tore his foreskin the first time we tried to have sex. There was so much blood it freaked me out for ages."

My old flat mate did that year’s ago, was aaaalot of blood.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tew008Man
over a year ago

edinburgh

Surprisingly it killed the moment for him

Omg x"

Wtf who were the other ones???

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

"When i was in my 20's an ex boyfriend tore his foreskin the first time we tried to have sex. There was so much blood it freaked me out for ages.

what were you doing to the poor bugger!

I was gentle but he forgot to mention he was a virgin. Loads of blood and big blood clots appeared within seconds. He went so pale i thought he was going to faint. Certainly a night to remember.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Surprisingly it killed the moment for him

Omg x

Wtf who were the other ones???"
apparently nephews , she’d be done for abuse nowadays

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My pal phoned me to tell me she was in a&e after breaking her man's cock cos she was on top. Was one of the funniest conversations I've ever had hahaha x"

Ouch!!!! I know it hurts.... in more ways than one. I still feel a wee bit bad.

Oh my...Young love...Hee Hee

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Surprisingly it killed the moment for him

Omg x

Wtf who were the other ones??? apparently nephews , she’d be done for abuse nowadays "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Me and a former gf were making love (itsounds better than fucking) in a mini in a small hilly field when all of a sudden i heard music. I thought this is is it i must be in love.

my feet had accidently pushed the button on the car radio. I could not stop laughing and it destroyed the moment. We did make up for it later so happy ending.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My pal phoned me to tell me she was in a&e after breaking her man's cock cos she was on top. Was one of the funniest conversations I've ever had hahaha x

Ouch!!!! I know it hurts.... in more ways than one. I still feel a wee bit bad.

Oh my...Young love...Hee Hee"

My pal was 43 hahaha x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sexual disasters?

Any single guy on fab?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sexual disasters?

Any single guy on fab?

Trooooo

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittle_missknowitallWoman
over a year ago

glasgow

Not that long ago I was having a nice little kink session with my gf

After we had finished up she called me from the shower she was taking to ask if I had removed the butt plug

Now I couldn’t be certain as we had been playing a while so I searched the room first of all and when said plug wasn’t recovered I went in for it as all good friends should.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *exicolaMan
over a year ago

West Lothian

After party one night, a mate of mine was taking a girl from behind whilst she was hanging out her bedroom window talking.

All good until she started spewing but made him continue

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not that long ago I was having a nice little kink session with my gf

After we had finished up she called me from the shower she was taking to ask if I had removed the butt plug

Now I couldn’t be certain as we had been playing a while so I searched the room first of all and when said plug wasn’t recovered I went in for it as all good friends should.

Ohhhhhhh! That's when you know who your mates are

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That was my experience....it wouldn't stop bleeding and needed a cpl of stitches

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *exicolaMan
over a year ago

West Lothian

My banjo string is still in tact

unbelievably!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *othardandfreeMan
over a year ago

"I thought it would be romantic to have sex in the stables, put down a blanket, looked round and there was a big pile of shite. Would probably have been sick if I wasn't so d*unk

Stables ? I love quality , growing up in a Govan our youth choices were closes or if you were romantic, the popes concrete base in bellahouston Park , lovely view

You were never far from a big steaming pile of shite in some of these closes too right enough.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ripleXrateDWoman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

I first met my bf in a club, after it he took me to his house. He went to take me doggy style and ended up tumbling backwards out the bed.

Week or two later we once again met in a club, he fell asleep with me on top

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *e DevilMan
over a year ago

Blantyre

"I can't even repeat my unfortunate event but it did prompt me to invest in a very handy peice of equipment

RIGHT cmon Ann , thats way to cryptic. Spell it out , what happened ??.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I first met my bf in a club, after it he took me to his house. He went to take me doggy style and ended up tumbling backwards out the bed.

Week or two later we once again met in a club, he fell asleep with me on top

Don’t say , you still together ?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can't even repeat my unfortunate event but it did prompt me to invest in a very handy peice of equipment

RIGHT cmon Ann , thats way to cryptic. Spell it out , what happened ??.

I reckon bolt cutters

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *e DevilMan
over a year ago

Blantyre

"I can't even repeat my unfortunate event but it did prompt me to invest in a very handy peice of equipment

RIGHT cmon Ann , thats way to cryptic. Spell it out , what happened ??.

I reckon bolt cutters

Now theres an opportunity for a new thread , what EQUIPMENT did ann invest in after a sexual encounter disaster. Lol

A Tazer

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *edLionScotMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Bumped into an ex-colleague in town, lots of chat, and was invited back to hers.

Fast forward, we're on her bed, she's got her legs in the air, and I feel this really strange sensation, and I can't work out what she's doing, I look round, and get the fright of my life, her feckin dog had sneaked in and had been licking my arse.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ripleXrateDWoman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

"I first met my bf in a club, after it he took me to his house. He went to take me doggy style and ended up tumbling backwards out the bed.

Week or two later we once again met in a club, he fell asleep with me on top

Don’t say , you still together ? "

Yeah 14 years ago that was lol xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can't even repeat my unfortunate event but it did prompt me to invest in a very handy peice of equipment

RIGHT cmon Ann , thats way to cryptic. Spell it out , what happened ??.

I reckon bolt cutters

Now theres an opportunity for a new thread , what EQUIPMENT did ann invest in after a sexual encounter disaster. Lol

A Tazer

Could play the yes/no game

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *anarkshirelad100Man
over a year ago

airdrie

I snapped my foreskin while shaggin an ex. The amount of blood is scary lol it's ok to laugh about it now but it wasn't a laughing matter at the time haha

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *vcarolTV/TS
over a year ago

kilmarnockish

A straight friend of mine met this stunning female.

All nighter, second time round he’s sliding in and out everytime he’s on an in stroke.... pppphhhhfffft..... next stroke....... pppphhhhffffttt.... next stroke...... pppphhhhfffftttt.....

Concentration is now getting diverted from the task in hand. So he stops, gathers it to getter and goes again. This time it’s several octaves higher, like a mouse doing a fart.... he fell off bed laughing. She did not find it as funny.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Many moons ago I met a lass in a club, went back to hers. The minute we got into bed she changed, she was proper into hitting and being hit back. She demanded I punch her,so I gave her a little tap, she demanded I hit her harder so I did.

Knocked her clean out for a couple minutes

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I was in my late teens I was getting a suck from my girlfriend at the time. Suddenly the door burst open and her younger brother ran in waving his stepmothers vibrator. My girlfriend took off through the house after him and he decided throwing it into the grill which still happened to be hot from lunchtime was a good idea. It burnt ridges into it and we decided best course of action was put it back in her parents room and say nothing.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In the shower with my partner and things were getting frisky.Soap everywhere and we started to have sex.I thrusted hard and deep only to discover it was her ass I was ball deep in and not her pussy.She then passed out and slumped to the shower floor followed by a fit !Had to drag her out the shower and put her in the recovery position.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Erm... Where's the "funny" in that?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

First time I had a mmf croosed swords with the other guy lost my boner (do people still say boner) couldn’t get it back up so hid in the hotel bathroom and watched take me out. Would have been fine but the other two kept making noise

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can't even repeat my unfortunate event but it did prompt me to invest in a very handy peice of equipment

RIGHT cmon Ann , thats way to cryptic. Spell it out , what happened ??.

I reckon bolt cutters

Now theres an opportunity for a new thread , what EQUIPMENT did ann invest in after a sexual encounter disaster. Lol

A Tazer

Could play the yes/no game

Haha God you're all way off ...thank God!!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In the shower with my partner and things were getting frisky.Soap everywhere and we started to have sex.I thrusted hard and deep only to discover it was her ass I was ball deep in and not her pussy.She then passed out and slumped to the shower floor followed by a fit !Had to drag her out the shower and put her in the recovery position.

Hopefully you finished first before dragging her out

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My hardon was gone in 0.435 seconds

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ighland gentlemanMan
over a year ago

Ardgay

"I can't even repeat my unfortunate event but it did prompt me to invest in a very handy peice of equipment

RIGHT cmon Ann , thats way to cryptic. Spell it out , what happened ??.

I reckon bolt cutters

Now theres an opportunity for a new thread , what EQUIPMENT did ann invest in after a sexual encounter disaster. Lol

A Tazer

Could play the yes/no game

Haha God you're all way off ...thank God!!!!

Something to recover a lost toy?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread