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Keeping things to yourself

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

When is the right time to drop into a conversation if you knew you couldn't have children. Having a coffee with someone on Fri, it's just coffee, nothing more. What if it turns into another coffee tho, then another. I don't think this is a match made in heaven, I just think about this everytime someone asks me out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know someone who has been with her partner for six years, and still hasn't told him. When that shit hits the fan, I want to be way upwind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When is the right time to drop into a conversation if you knew you couldn't have children. Having a coffee with someone on Fri, it's just coffee, nothing more. What if it turns into another coffee tho, then another. I don't think this is a match made in heaven, I just think about this everytime someone asks me out "
if say when you think it's getting more than just friendship? The earlier you tell someone the less time you have for them to waste your time.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I know someone who has been with her partner for six years, and still hasn't told him. When that shit hits the fan, I want to be way upwind."

That's a shame for both of them, she really should have told him before then tho

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd tell them before it gets serious.

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By *erthguy39Man
over a year ago

Perth

Just ask them how they feel about kids in the future and tell them. If it’s made clear in the beginning everyone knows where they stand. Depending on how they feel about it take from there, there is more than one way to have kids nowadays.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just ask them how they feel about kids in the future and tell them. If it’s made clear in the beginning everyone knows where they stand. Depending on how they feel about it take from there, there is more than one way to have kids nowadays. "
Well said

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"When is the right time to drop into a conversation if you knew you couldn't have children. Having a coffee with someone on Fri, it's just coffee, nothing more. What if it turns into another coffee tho, then another. I don't think this is a match made in heaven, I just think about this everytime someone asks me out if say when you think it's getting more than just friendship? The earlier you tell someone the less time you have for them to waste your time."

How would you say it tho. Hey we're not just friends anymore. Just to let you know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lol no...You bring up having kids

Do you see yourself having kids in the future?

You can't always just assume everyone does actually want them?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Just ask them how they feel about kids in the future and tell them. If it’s made clear in the beginning everyone knows where they stand. Depending on how they feel about it take from there, there is more than one way to have kids nowadays. "

Thank you. I don't know how comfortable I would be asking that but it would work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why not?

You owe it to yourself to be you and upfront.

And prob the other person would prefare honesty from the start?

X

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By *anditMan
over a year ago

irvine

Been in a position where a girl i dated asked me that on our second date, had i thought about kids i said wasnt too keen and she replied well to be upfront im unable to have them didnt bother me either wayin the end...

.... the fact she was a lying cheating skank who fucked my mated turned me against her lol

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By *erthguy39Man
over a year ago

Perth

Yea I think it’s the best way, why invest emotions and time and embark on what should be the most memorable journey of your life with secrets and guilt darkening your experience every step of the way.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Why not?

You owe it to yourself to be you and upfront.

And prob the other person would prefare honesty from the start?

X"

I'm not that type of person tho. I don't want to talk about life and future and babies, I just want to have a laugh and get d*unk. I know deep down I won't bring it up for a long long time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well do that lol your only young once!!

I think you will know the time to bring it up with someone tho x

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By *ola cubesMan
over a year ago

coatbridge

You would/will know when the times right stop worrying about it and live life

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By *ola cubesMan
over a year ago

coatbridge


"Well do that lol your only young once!!

I think you will know the time to bring it up with someone tho x"
oppps snap

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Been in a position where a girl i dated asked me that on our second date, had i thought about kids i said wasnt too keen and she replied well to be upfront im unable to have them didnt bother me either wayin the end...

.... the fact she was a lying cheating skank who fucked my mated turned me against her lol"

You had a lucky escape

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You would/will know when the times right stop worrying about it and live life "

I've not even plucked the courage up to tell my parents so you couldn't be any further than the truth but your right, I shouldn't worry about things I can't change

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By *e DevilMan
over a year ago

Blantyre

I would say the minute you feel you want more than just coffee. If it goes to dating and relationship level then you have to be open and honest or your possible relationship is starting out on secrets. So sry to hear your situation in the first place. Hope your coffee meet goes well and grows from there if thats what you want. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You would/will know when the times right stop worrying about it and live life

I've not even plucked the courage up to tell my parents so you couldn't be any further than the truth but your right, I shouldn't worry about things I can't change "
I feel sad you don't feel you can tell your parents.whats the worst that can happen?

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By *ola cubesMan
over a year ago

coatbridge


"You would/will know when the times right stop worrying about it and live life

I've not even plucked the courage up to tell my parents so you couldn't be any further than the truth but your right, I shouldn't worry about things I can't change "
I would just believe its not time to tell your parents clarity always comes when you least expect it

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I would say the minute you feel you want more than just coffee. If it goes to dating and relationship level then you have to be open and honest or your possible relationship is starting out on secrets. So sry to hear your situation in the first place. Hope your coffee meet goes well and grows from there if thats what you want. X"

Thanks. I don't particularly want anything, it's just coffee

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think you have to say anything outright to begin with. To come right out with it might make it seem like you have a 5yr plan and this is something on your checklist.

Have a laugh, have fun get to know him. Let him get to know you and see the real you without any added pressure that you put on yourself.

It will come up in time in its natural course so just let it, but when it does, don't hide from it or shirk it. As another poster mentioned there are other options available to couples who wish to have children.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You would/will know when the times right stop worrying about it and live life

I've not even plucked the courage up to tell my parents so you couldn't be any further than the truth but your right, I shouldn't worry about things I can't change I feel sad you don't feel you can tell your parents.whats the worst that can happen?"

They won't disown me or anything we are just a big Italian/Irish family, family is their life, it's everything to them. I just know deep down it will break my dads heart, even more so than my mum. How can I look my dad in the eyes and say that

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By *erthguy39Man
over a year ago

Perth

Set your self up for your coffee and prepare yourself for all possible outcomes. It’s not something you can just drop into the conversation. Any self respecting guy will understand that it’s hard for you to say as I could be for him to hear and will respect you for your honesty. You will feel much better whichever way the situation works out. If you let it go you will be miserable and could end up heartbroken far worse than you would be on a second date.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The truth will set you free

You are you and if folk can't accept it.

Tough titties

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you actually want children or is this something you feel you have to do coming from your background?

I don't think women should ever feel they have to have children, though it is excepted almost in certain families and cultures. It's a bugbear of mine that some people can be so insensitive that they ask couples regarding this when they are ignorant to the troubles some couples may have conceiving.

The only reason your dad would be heartbroken would be on your behalf, he's your dad, you as you are mean the world to him. It's nothing to be ashamed of, it's a taboo subject and you're brave to bring it up on here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Do you actually want children or is this something you feel you have to do coming from your background?

I don't think women should ever feel they have to have children, though it is excepted almost in certain families and cultures. It's a bugbear of mine that some people can be so insensitive that they ask couples regarding this when they are ignorant to the troubles some couples may have conceiving.

The only reason your dad would be heartbroken would be on your behalf, he's your dad, you as you are mean the world to him. It's nothing to be ashamed of, it's a taboo subject and you're brave to bring it up on here. "

Everytime I see my nieces and nephews I know deep down I want them. I see my dad every time he gets a new grand child and the look on his face. Every Sunday round the table, Big Tony Soprano who's like a big teddy bear when the kids all jump on him. Just wish I wasn't his youngest daughter Sometimes and yes it is just expected that that will be the next term of events in your life, when I got married I heard it on a daily basis, from my dad especially. Funny how life turns out

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