FabSwingers.com forum: fantastic

By *entscotscpl OP Couple
over a year ago

falkirk ish

On December 8th 2011, a hurricane of biblical strength blasted across North

and Central Scotland.

Glasgow was particularly badly hit.

Victims can be seen wandering aimlessly muttering: "Ah wiz pure sh!ttin' masel

big man, so a wiz, ah need some jellies".

a.. The hurricane decimated the area, causing approximately £30.89 worth of

damage.

b.. Untold disruption and distress was caused: Many were woken well before

their giro arrived.

c.. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish

Costas were damaged.

d.. Three areas of historic and scientifically significant litter were

disturbed.

e.. The cone fell off the head of the statue outside Glasgow's Modern Art

Gallery.

f.. Thousands are confused and bewildered, trying to come to terms with the

fact that something interesting has happened in Scotland.

One resident, Pocahontis McGlinchy, a 17 year old mother-of-three said "Ah wiz

like 'Whit's that? Ah,canny hear ma choonz innat man' Wee Beyonce came running

into my bedroom pure howlin so she wiz. My youngest two, Brooklyn an Blackpool

slept through it. I was still pure rattlin when I was watching Jeremy Kyle the

next morning."

Apparently though, looting did carry on as normal.

The British Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4000 crates of Buckfast to

the area to help the stricken masses.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large

quantities of personal belongings including benefit books and jewellery from

Elizabeth Duke at Argos.

HOW YOU CAN HELP

Clothing is most sought after. Items required include: - Sovvy rings -

Baseball caps - Shell suits - Tesco two stripe trainers - White socks - Chunky

gold chains Food parcels may be harder to put together but are necessary all the

same. Required foodstuffs include: - Ashet Pies and Buckfast - Hauf Pizza

Suppers and Buckfast - Mars Bars and Buckfast - Kebabs and Buckfast - Haggis

Suppers and Buckfast - Fray Bentos Pies and Buckfast

a.. £2 buys chips and ginger for a family of four.

b.. £10 can take a family to Coatbridge for the day, where children can

sniff glue and spike up among the national collection of stinging nettles.

c.. 22p buys a biro for filling in a spurious compensation

claim......................Och aye