FabSwingers.com forum: Police

By *owboy Bebop OP Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

Police: Knock Knock

Me: who is it ?

Police: It’s the Police

Me: What do you want ?

Police: We just want to talk

Me: How many of you are there

Police: Two

Me: Well talk to each other then !

It’s terrible, but made me laugh. Anyone got any other crap jokes ( a good gag would be even better)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The police came to my door last night holding a picture of my wife.

They asked " is this your wife sir?"

Shocked I answered " yes " !!

They said " I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."

I said " I know but she takes it up the arse and she's great with the kids."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the policeman say to his belly button? You're under a vest!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The police came to my door last night holding a picture of my wife.

They asked " is this your wife sir?"

Shocked I answered " yes " !!

They said " I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."

I said " I know but she takes it up the arse and she's great with the kids."

This made me giggle!!

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By *UNKIEMan
over a year ago

south east

How many policemen does it take to throw a man down the stairs .....

None ....he fell

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Took my wife to the doctors today to sort out her Tourette's.

Turns out she doesn't have it, I am a c**t and she really does want me to fuck off !!

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By *he Regina PhalangeWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

"Took my wife to the doctors today to sort out her Tourette's.

Turns out she doesn't have it, I am a c**t and she really does want me to fuck off !!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla.

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By *he Regina PhalangeWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

"I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla."

I’m dreading tonight, in a good way!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m dreading tonight, in a good way!

There's more to come

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By *he Regina PhalangeWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

I’m dreading tonight, in a good way!

There's more to come

Can’t wait

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between a pregnant lady and a lightbulb ??

You can unscrew a lightbulb

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a heard of cows wanking ??

Beef Strokin-off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An old lady was knitting as she drove.

A police officer drove up alongside her and yelled: “Pull over!”

The lady yelled back: “No, they’re mittens.”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"An old lady was knitting as she drove.

A police officer drove up alongside her and yelled: “Pull over!”

The lady yelled back: “No, they’re mittens.”"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a guy with a small dick ??

Just-in

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By *oanne_MacTV/TS
over a year ago

Perth

I rang the incontinence helpline...

them.."where you ringing from?"..

Me.. " the waist down"....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I rang the incontinence helpline...

them.."where you ringing from?"..

Me.. " the waist down"....

I had a chuckle at this one lol

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By *areBares7778Couple
over a year ago

glasgow

Did you hear about the 2 potatoes that got married's wedding reception?

They had a good Turnip

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By *ally dugsCouple
over a year ago

Motherwell

News flash

There's a hole in the m8 police are looking in to it

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By *onkeymagic50Man
over a year ago

Near the harbour

"Took my wife to the doctors today to sort out her Tourette's.

Turns out she doesn't have it, I am a c**t and she really does want me to fuck off !!"

This made me laugh for 1st time in 10 years I copied and pasted to facebook

Well done sir

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Took my wife to the doctors today to sort out her Tourette's.

Turns out she doesn't have it, I am a c**t and she really does want me to fuck off !!

This made me laugh for 1st time in 10 years I copied and pasted to facebook

Well done sir

You're more than welcome sir !!

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By *oanne_MacTV/TS
over a year ago

Perth

I parked in a disabled bay and ran into a shop, when I came out a traffic warden says...

" oh, and whats your disability then?"

i replied

" tourettes, now fuck off you cunt"

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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago

Falkirk

"I parked in a disabled bay and ran into a shop, when I came out a traffic warden says...

" oh, and whats your disability then?"

i replied

" tourettes, now fuck off you cunt""

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By *othianGuy41Man
over a year ago

Eureka

Apologies for this joke ....

I've developed a drug to get you high and lose weight at the same time. Ethiopium.

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By *oanne_MacTV/TS
over a year ago

Perth

"Apologies for this joke ....

I've developed a drug to get you high and lose weight at the same time. Ethiopium."

made me laugh anyway. but im known to be sick

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By *othianGuy41Man
over a year ago

Eureka

I went to the doctor's the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, drop-dead gorgeous!

I was embarrassed but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional - I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll help you in any way I can."

I said, "I think my cock tastes funny..."

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By *oanne_MacTV/TS
over a year ago

Perth

My doctor told me i need to stop masturbating...

seemingly it was upsetting the other patients in the waiting room

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By *othianGuy41Man
over a year ago

Eureka

After her fifth child, Lucy decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery on her cunt to restore herself to her former youthful glory.

Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a nip here and a tuck there.

Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed.

"Who are these from?" she asked the nurse. "They're very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them."

"Well," said the nurse, "the first is from the surgeon - the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks."

"Ahhh, that's really nice!" said Lucy.

"The second is from your husband- he's delighted the operation was such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very excited!"

"Brilliant!" said Lucy. "And the third?"

"That's from Eric in the burns unit," said the nurse. "He just wanted to say thanks for his new ears!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A gorgeous woman came up to me asking for my number; then asked what my ringtone was.........

Kind of a pinky/ brown colour

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By *ighland gentlemanMan
over a year ago

Ardgay

What do you call sneaking in and using a fast food restaurant's toilet?

A McShit.

What do you call it when challenged by a member of staff?

A McShit with lies.

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