FabSwingers.com forum: Advice needed

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ok this is a tough one for me. I met a guy on here couple of years back and we were regular fbs for over a year. Never romantically involved we had an understanding and it suited both of us.

We've remained good friends but no longer meet up for sex.

My best friend who knows nothing about fab knew we were fbs but did not know how we met .

They both knew about eachothers existence but did not know who eachother was if that makes sense.

They are both on pof as am I and have started talking to eachother my friend is one of the few on pof that is looking for a relationship and he isn't I know that for definite.

Anyway long story short because of me they now know who eachother is which I find rather funny.

My problem is I don't want my friend to get hurt. Do i tell her exactly what he's like or let her find out for herself. I don't want it to look like I have an ulterior motive. Which I don't.

Would really appreciate some advice

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By *eiaorganaWoman
over a year ago

Dundee

I'd say stay out of it, it's between them. They're both capable of discussing what they're looking for between themselves

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I don't think he'd be honest about that with her though

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By *V-AliceTV/TS
over a year ago

Ayr

It's a tough one - but I''d only talk to her about it if she asked for advice. Hope it all works out.

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By *obbi_sutherlandTV/TS
over a year ago

Dornoch

These are difficult moral decisions that occasionally present in life.

You are often damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Often best just to stay as clear as possible but appreciate that you may be blamed for not giving a warning.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Makes no difference, if she dates him and eventually gets hurt when she finds out he's a player or she dates someone else on pof and gets hurt when she eventually finds out he's a player! Did you mean she knew the two of you were fb? If so she knows what he's like, other thing is they might be perfect for each other and fall in love, get married and live happily ever after

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By *oast888Man
over a year ago

cambuslang

Stay clear of it, people need to make their own mistakes.

Even if it is the right thing to tell her how you feel she would still resent you for getting involved because it wouldnt be him that hurt her it would be your doing.

Best just to hang back and be the shoulder to cry on if required

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By *azzle DazzleCouple
over a year ago

strathaven

"Ok this is a tough one for me. I met a guy on here couple of years back and we were regular fbs for over a year. Never romantically involved we had an understanding and it suited both of us.

We've remained good friends but no longer meet up for sex.

My best friend who knows nothing about fab knew we were fbs but did not know how we met .

They both knew about eachothers existence but did not know who eachother was if that makes sense.

They are both on pof as am I and have started talking to eachother my friend is one of the few on pof that is looking for a relationship and he isn't I know that for definite.

Anyway long story short because of me they now know who eachother is which I find rather funny.

My problem is I don't want my friend to get hurt. Do i tell her exactly what he's like or let her find out for herself. I don't want it to look like I have an ulterior motive. Which I don't.

Would really appreciate some advice "
As a friend i wouldnt be pleased if you didnt mark my card, sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That is a difficult choice... personally I agree with Razzle Dazzle but then you are the one in the situation. You know your friend best. Can you explain to her how you know him or if she already knows about his existance and your relationship to him can you just explain your concerns based on that knowledge without any offence being taken... also there is the chance he might actually hit it off with her (I know that hopeless romantic in me refuses to die lol)

Good luck to you both OP - Vel X

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By *oloandsaabWoman
over a year ago

Essex

Keep your nose out, he may have found someone he wants to have a proper relationship with, who are you to say how it will go?

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By *dmirationMan
over a year ago

Bathgate

If the guy is a total prick and he is just going to use your friend Tell her! But the question is will he tell her about you? Swings both ways here. I would tell her. If it goes Pete Tong and he has told her about you then she is going to wonder why you never warned her! Hey she might no take notice to what you say to her but it gives you the I told you so card. good luck with it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for all the advice. I appreciate it. I do feel I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. She knows we were fbs and he's a serial shagger so I suppose she knows enough with that to make her own decisions.

I need to stand back I think and just be there if she needs me.

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By *eiaorganaWoman
over a year ago

Dundee

"I don't think he'd be honest about that with her though "

G tells me that when he was on pof before that there were options to say what you were looking for like marriage, relationship, just fun etc. If that's the case does he not have that on his?

I'd still say stay out of it, if they start seeing each other and she expresses a concern to you about that, maybe encourage her to discuss it with him. It's still their business though, and you don't want to fall out with your friends

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok this is a tough one for me. I met a guy on here couple of years back and we were regular fbs for over a year. Never romantically involved we had an understanding and it suited both of us.

We've remained good friends but no longer meet up for sex.

My best friend who knows nothing about fab knew we were fbs but did not know how we met .

They both knew about eachothers existence but did not know who eachother was if that makes sense.

They are both on pof as am I and have started talking to eachother my friend is one of the few on pof that is looking for a relationship and he isn't I know that for definite.

Anyway long story short because of me they now know who eachother is which I find rather funny.

My problem is I don't want my friend to get hurt. Do i tell her exactly what he's like or let her find out for herself. I don't want it to look like I have an ulterior motive. Which I don't.

Would really appreciate some advice "

Sometimes we meet someone who blows our mind and fab is no longer for us, give them a chance you never know, the fact they both have you in common straight away says they share a lot in common already, we all have pasts and she may meet someone else who has an even more colourful past but it’s just you don’t know about it, don’t be the bad guy in this keep it to yourself or say to him that you hope he will be honest about some of his past to your friend but you can’t force it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yeah I've done all that now the rest is down to them. He's not a bad person at all the opposite actually I just know the other side of him. But yes there both adults I need to take a back seat which I'm happy to do.

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By *ola cubesMan
over a year ago

coatbridge

If your positive she wants a relationship and he only wants sex I would tell her that he can get his rocks off eleswhere without folk getting hurt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Id say stay clear of getting involved

As folk have said previously they are both adults

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It will most likely backfire and you'll end up looking like that bad guy if you get involved. If she knows he's a shagger, but not about Fab, then I'd say that's enough for her to base a decision on.

Other option is to have a word in his ear and ask him not to fuck her about?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Such a tough one. Best just let them find out for each other. And if it does go the way you think just be there for your pal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Such a tough one. Best just let them find out for each other. And if it does go the way you think just be there for your pal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fuck them both

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fuck them both

IF he is as bad as the OP thinks... he probably would

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fuck them both

IF he is as bad as the OP thinks... he probably would

I meant OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fuck them both

IF he is as bad as the OP thinks... he probably would

I meant OP

I know...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fuck them both

IF he is as bad as the OP thinks... he probably would

I meant OP

I know...

im not so good with text sarcasm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fuck them both

IF he is as bad as the OP thinks... he probably would

I meant OP

I know...

im not so good with text sarcasm

Lol it was meant as a wee bit of humour - sometimes the written world loses nuance perhaps

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fuck them both

IF he is as bad as the OP thinks... he probably would

I meant OP

I know...

im not so good with text sarcasm

Lol it was meant as a wee bit of humour - sometimes the written world loses nuance perhaps

Definitely a factor why so many things get taken out of context

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fuck them both

IF he is as bad as the OP thinks... he probably would

I meant OP

I know...

im not so good with text sarcasm

Lol it was meant as a wee bit of humour - sometimes the written world loses nuance perhaps

Definitely a factor why so many things get taken out of context

Ohhhhhh yes but at least we got it sorted

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By *eefyBangerMan
over a year ago

edinburgh

"Ok this is a tough one for me. I met a guy on here couple of years back and we were regular fbs for over a year. Never romantically involved we had an understanding and it suited both of us.

We've remained good friends but no longer meet up for sex.

My best friend who knows nothing about fab knew we were fbs but did not know how we met .

They both knew about eachothers existence but did not know who eachother was if that makes sense.

They are both on pof as am I and have started talking to eachother my friend is one of the few on pof that is looking for a relationship and he isn't I know that for definite.

Anyway long story short because of me they now know who eachother is which I find rather funny.

My problem is I don't want my friend to get hurt. Do i tell her exactly what he's like or let her find out for herself. I don't want it to look like I have an ulterior motive. Which I don't.

Would really appreciate some advice "

They are two grown adults. Let them make their own decisions

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Update

I stayed out of it. It's went tits up and somehow I still managed to get the blame.

Two friend lost.

Time to move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Update

I stayed out of it. It's went tits up and somehow I still managed to get the blame.

Two friend lost.

Time to move on "
funny I thought it might go that way. People are a nightmare haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Update

I stayed out of it. It's went tits up and somehow I still managed to get the blame.

Two friend lost.

Time to move on "

If she's a proper best friend she wouldn't fall out with you over a guy!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Update

I stayed out of it. It's went tits up and somehow I still managed to get the blame.

Two friend lost.

Time to move on "

Give her time, if shes that good a friend youll be fine and she will see sense. Xx

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By *e DevilMan
over a year ago

Blantyre

Just seen this thread . My original advice would have been to tell your friend that he was your fb , what harm in that ?. And he always told you he wasnt looking for a relationship. She could still meet him if she wanted but would have that info before going forward. Not sure what you have done to be blamed for it going tits up. More info required.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know if this question was asked but your friend knows he was your FBW yes? And she's not on this site, they have met on pof... is it bad for me to say she shouldn't be entertaining him as you've already been there and its like an unwritten rule with friends?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just seen this thread . My original advice would have been to tell your friend that he was your fb , what harm in that ?. And he always told you he wasnt looking for a relationship. She could still meet him if she wanted but would have that info before going forward. Not sure what you have done to be blamed for it going tits up. More info required. "

That would sound like sour grapes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Update

I stayed out of it. It's went tits up and somehow I still managed to get the blame.

Two friend lost.

Time to move on "

Sorry to hear that, maybe things will work out with her once she’s cooled down. That depends on too many factors I don’t know... if it doesn’t you’re right, move on. People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime... xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Chicks before dicks as far as I'm concerned. But she didn't see it that way so tbh I don't need people like that in my life

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By *imbobaMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Chicks before dicks as far as I'm concerned. But she didn't see it that way so tbh I don't need people like that in my life

Well said. On both points you make.

Sorry you got caught in the fallout. That's not just.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Chicks before dicks as far as I'm concerned. But she didn't see it that way so tbh I don't need people like that in my life

Quite right. Bros before hoes too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im bamboozled with this. I really dont know what its about. Firstly you say you were fbs with the guy which your friend knows but youve stopped having sex & remained good friends, secondly you say do you tell your friend exactly what he,s like, but youve clearly not said anything bad about him as hes your friend so what is there to telk your friend what he,s like? I think your the one who has the issue unless im mistaken.

1. We've remained good friends but no longer meet up for sex.

2. My best friend who knows nothing about fab knew we were fbs but did not know how we met

3. Anyway long story short because of me they now know who each other is which I find rather funny.

4. My problem is I don't want my friend to get hurt. Do i tell her exactly what he's like or let her find out for herself. I don't want it to look like I have an ulterior motive. Which I don't.

Sorry if im wrong but my infos from your message.

No offence intended by me

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

She didn't know him personally just knew of him. She also wasn't aware of him being on fab. Anyhoo all over now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My best friend of 40+ year showed me a pic of a guy she met on pof for a cuppa and told me she liked him. I recognised him from fab and know he is very actively involved infact I know some of the profiles who have left him verifications My friend doesn’t know I’m on fab but I had to warn her cause after they met a few times they started having sex then she told me they had unprotected sex so I’m sorry but I told her and it broke her heart but now she runs every guy she likes on pof or ba-doo past me first to see if I know him or know of him. I had to show her his profile which exposed my activities as well but I’m not allowing any friends of mine to play dangerously without them knowing everything I know. I wouldn’t forgive myself if she had caught something serious and I could have prevented it or at least given her the option if she wanted to live dangerously

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I totally agree hun and I told her he was a series shagger and not for her but I ended up the bad one .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I totally agree hun and I told her he was a series shagger and not for her but I ended up the bad one ."

Sounds like you're well shot of both of them OP.x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sounds like you're well shot of both of them OP.x"

How was the holiday

Glad to be back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sounds like you're well shot of both of them OP.x

How was the holiday

Glad to be back

Aye. .great. Just planning that break in I told you about...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sounds like you're well shot of both of them OP.x

How was the holiday

Glad to be back

Aye. .great. Just planning that break in I told you about...

Just make sure he hasnt stolen your idea n booby trapped you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sounds like you're well shot of both of them OP.x

How was the holiday

Glad to be back

Aye. .great. Just planning that break in I told you about...

Just make sure he hasnt stolen your idea n booby trapped you

I'm used to standing on Lego and fucking plastic dinosaurs most mornings. Could walk over got coals and not bat an eyelid.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*hot coals

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sounds like you're well shot of both of them OP.x

How was the holiday

Glad to be back

Aye. .great. Just planning that break in I told you about...

Just make sure he hasnt stolen your idea n booby trapped you

I'm used to standing on Lego and fucking plastic dinosaurs most mornings. Could walk over got coals and not bat an eyelid.

Is fuckin dinosaurs advantageous while walking over hot coals?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sounds like you're well shot of both of them OP.x

How was the holiday

Glad to be back

Aye. .great. Just planning that break in I told you about...

Just make sure he hasnt stolen your idea n booby trapped you

I'm used to standing on Lego and fucking plastic dinosaurs most mornings. Could walk over got coals and not bat an eyelid.

Is fuckin dinosaurs advantageous while walking over hot coals?

Takes your mind off the burning smell

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for all the advice. I appreciate it. I do feel I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. She knows we were fbs and he's a serial shagger so I suppose she knows enough with that to make her own decisions.

I need to stand back I think and just be there if she needs me. "

Sounds like she's just going to use him to get hers then

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