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Who’s got jokes ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So I’m usually a smiley soul but had a rubbish day ,does anyone have any jokes to cheer woman up ?

I love rubbish jokes the best !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a train full of professors?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What do you call a train full of professors?"

???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

DHL are in for the distribution contract for Cadbury’s Easter deliveries. Having screwed up KFC they now can’t decide what to deliver first - the chicken or the egg.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A tube of smarties

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By *r Costa xxMan
over a year ago

stirling

What's E.T. short for?

Because he's got little legs.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"A tube of smarties "

Pmsl that’s getting plagiarised !

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"DHL are in for the distribution contract for Cadbury’s Easter deliveries. Having screwed up KFC they now can’t decide what to deliver first - the chicken or the egg."

It was a bit obvious but still made me smile !

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What's E.T. short for?

Because he's got little legs."

Mr Costa that made me lol

I love fab !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What's E.T. short for?

Because he's got little legs."

Thats brilliant haha

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By *r Costa xxMan
over a year ago

stirling

How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just Juan

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just Juan "

That’s even rubbish in my standards

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

What kind of bees make milk ????

Boo bees !

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By *r Costa xxMan
over a year ago

stirling


"How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just Juan

That’s even rubbish in my standards "

That’s bad then

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By *r Costa xxMan
over a year ago

stirling

My wife told me: ‘Sex is better on holiday.’ That wasn’t a very nice postcard to receive.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"My wife told me: ‘Sex is better on holiday.’ That wasn’t a very nice postcard to receive."

Howling !

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By *r Costa xxMan
over a year ago

stirling

I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

"

Ha ha so getting stolen !!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My pet mouse 'Elvis' died last night...

He was caught in a trap!

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By *ink-KameraMan
over a year ago

Livingston

The people in Kuwait don't like the Flintstones

but the Abu Dhabi's do

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By *tevej1111Man
over a year ago

edinburgh

I told my wife i have a new job having life sex on stage, she said to me, are you having me on, so i replied i will ask the boss but uptill now they have all been young and pretty.

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By *tevej1111Man
over a year ago

edinburgh

I feel out with the lolipop lady this morning, she made me cross.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never follow the masses, sometimes the “m” is silent

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you here about the two silk worms that had a race?

It was a tie

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just Juan "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Corduroy pillows... they’re making headlines ...

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By *tevej1111Man
over a year ago

edinburgh

I called a local restaurant and asked if they did takeaways, the said yes so i asked what is 235 minus 78.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between the G spot and a golf ball?

A guy will look for a golf ball.

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By *r Costa xxMan
over a year ago

stirling


"What's the difference between the G spot and a golf ball?

A guy will look for a golf ball."

A golf balls easier to find in the ‘long grass’

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What's the difference between the G spot and a golf ball?

A guy will look for a golf ball.

A golf balls easier to find in the ‘long grass’ "

And in a freshly mown lawn? What's your excuse?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a Scotsman whos nearly home?

Hamish

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What do you call a Scotsman whos nearly home?

Hamish

"

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By *r Costa xxMan
over a year ago

stirling


"What's the difference between the G spot and a golf ball?

A guy will look for a golf ball.

A golf balls easier to find in the ‘long grass’

And in a freshly mown lawn? What's your excuse?"

Pretending to not know where it is only increases the length of time to fumble

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By *earded blossomCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

How do you make a cat go woof?

Set it on fire *wooooof*

John

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What's the difference between the G spot and a golf ball?

A guy will look for a golf ball.

A golf balls easier to find in the ‘long grass’

And in a freshly mown lawn? What's your excuse?

Pretending to not know where it is only increases the length of time to fumble "

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By *erfect pineappleWoman
over a year ago

neath

went to a zoo yesterday...

they only had 1 dog ...

IT WAS A SHITZOO

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By *eADevilCouple
over a year ago

Blantyre

A dyslexic guy walked into a bra.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A dyslexic guy walked into a bra."

Hey, I have sex daily... fcuk! DYSLEXIA

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By *estless nativeMan
over a year ago

near Glasgow

I saw a new retail business today, they sell supositories.

Think it might be a pop up shop

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By *estless nativeMan
over a year ago

near Glasgow


"went to a zoo yesterday...

they only had 1 dog ...

IT WAS A SHITZOO"

Last time I went to a zoo there was a baguette in a cage.

Sign said "bread in captivity"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Man: “Do you have that new book on small penises?”

Librarian: “Sorry, I don’t think it’s in yet.”

Man: “Yes that’s the one.”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s big, red, and if it fell out of a tree, it would kill you?

A fire engine

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There was a young lady from leeds Who swallowed a packet of seeds Within an hour her tits were a flower And her arse were covered in s lol

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By *ocaine and caviarCouple
over a year ago

edinburgh

Taking the piss out of a dyslexic dwarf "not big and its not clever!"

How does the moon cut his hair??

Eclipse it!!

What's the most popular owl in the uk??

You ready?

It's a teat owl!!

Pub the other day telling jokings I said "right I've got an Irish joke for you's" big guys 7 foot and 17 stone says "before you start I'm warning you now I'm Irish" I said "ok pal no worries I'll explain them to you later"

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By *ocaine and caviarCouple
over a year ago

edinburgh

Why did the washing machine laugh?? Because he was taking the piss out the knickers

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By *eADevilCouple
over a year ago

Blantyre

Why do elephants paint their toenails red.

So they can hide up cherry trees.

Have you ever seen an elephant up a cherry tree.

No ?

Just shows how effective the disguise is .

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Why did the washing machine laugh?? Because he was taking the piss out the knickers "

Lol THE NAME IS BACK!!!!!

I like the joke too

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What's the difference between the G spot and a golf ball?

A guy will look for a golf ball."

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I called a local restaurant and asked if they did takeaways, the said yes so i asked what is 235 minus 78. "

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Why do elephants paint their toenails red.

So they can hide up cherry trees.

Have you ever seen an elephant up a cherry tree.

No ?

Just shows how effective the disguise is ."

I love this it’s so random !!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The 65 year old flasher was going to retire but thought he would stick it out for another year

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By *tevej1111Man
over a year ago

edinburgh

Woke my wife this morning by shoving her E-Reader up her fanny.

I'm trying to rekindle our sex life.

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By *tevej1111Man
over a year ago

edinburgh

Paddy called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."

"That's terrible," she replied, "Are they moving?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest" Paddy said, "But that would explain the suitcase!!"

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By *omaMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

I want to die peacefully, with a smile on my face like my grandfather

Not screaming in terror like the 46 passengers on his bus

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks fab honestly these have made me smile !!! And the cackle ( my awful laugh) has come out driving Hubby nuts != bonus !

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By *eADevilCouple
over a year ago

Blantyre

What do you call a dear with no eyes

No idea

What do you call a dead dear with no eyes

A still no idea.

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By *tevej1111Man
over a year ago

edinburgh

What do you call a donkey with 1 eye and 3 legs.

A winky wonky donkey.

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By *bridge manMan
over a year ago

lanarkshire

I sent a text to my boss and asked.what's the difference between work and your wife?. He said I don't know...I said I'm not coming into work today....

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By *bridge manMan
over a year ago

lanarkshire

95% of men don't know how to turn a dishwasher on....I found out that some fingering and sucking her nipples usually works...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"95% of men don't know how to turn a dishwasher on....I found out that some fingering and sucking her nipples usually works... "

Oh...! Ashamed to admit I laughed at that one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"95% of men don't know how to turn a dishwasher on....I found out that some fingering and sucking her nipples usually works...

Oh...! Ashamed to admit I laughed at that one."

That must be Mr Doggy!

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By *bridge manMan
over a year ago

lanarkshire

The Mrs sent me a text telling me she was in casualty....a watched the whole episode and never saw her...she's still no home...I'm starving.

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By *esparate danMan
over a year ago

glasgow

Did you hear about the gay undertaker

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By *xycpl699Couple
over a year ago

kilmarnock

wee mouse says to other wee mouse cum round here a show ya ma hole.

hollie

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity at the moment - it’s impossible to put down!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just Juan "

How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, one to paint it black.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"95% of men don't know how to turn a dishwasher on....I found out that some fingering and sucking her nipples usually works...

Oh...! Ashamed to admit I laughed at that one.

That must be Mr Doggy!"

Nope, the Mrs!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, but how did they get in there in the first place?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It took ages but I remember a girl sucking three bus drivers at the same time.

Guess what, they all came at the same time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's a woman & a Washing Machine got in Common? They both leak when they're Fucked

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went to watch the monkeys wanking, but got bored so went to see the crocodiles and guess what, I was still wanking

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By *ockieMan
over a year ago

Cupar

After 1 year of marriage why are some women like a Dyson?

They start whining then stop sucking

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By *ockieMan
over a year ago

Cupar

Nike now have trainers Nikes for Dykes, 40% longer tongue and two fingers gets them off

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By *ockieMan
over a year ago

Cupar

A guy asks the librarian have you a book on euthanasia, she replies bugger off, you lot never bring it back

Sorry for the bad taste joke

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do u call a gay dinosaur

Megasorearse

Or a lesbian dinosaur

Licka lotopuss

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By *uietbloke67Man
over a year ago

outside your bedroom window ;-)

7 Dwarfs in a bath feeling happy...Happy got out and told them to fuck off

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By *ighland gentlemanMan
over a year ago

Ardgay


"What do you call a dear with no eyes

No idea

What do you call a dead dear with no eyes

A still no idea. "

What do you call a deer with no legs, no eyes and no genitals?

Still no fucking idea.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two goldfish in a tank, one says to the other....how the fuck do you drive this thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/02/18 23:22:42]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"DHL are in for the distribution contract for Cadbury’s Easter deliveries. Having screwed up KFC they now can’t decide what to deliver first - the chicken or the egg."

Hey...I hear Cadbury's are trying to break into the Far East Market...could be a Chinese Whispa.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 28/02/18 05:04:11]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went to a swingers club and they said, "it's £15 entry but for an extra fiver you can have a meal" . So I paid the extra fiver and upon entry, this old, naked guy, staggered up to me and said "hi, I'm ameal, what would you like to do this evening"

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

The police arrested 2 men. One had swallowed a battery and the other one had a firework up his arse. They took them back to the station where one was charged and the other one got let off.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Did you hear about the gay undertaker"

No ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the leprechaun wear 2 condoms?

"To be sure, to be sure"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your mum.

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By *ogostick72Man
over a year ago

Scotland

What did the cow say to the mc donalds burger ??

How now ground cow

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By *ighlander34Man
over a year ago

skye

Apparently I can't use beefstew as my password........

It's just not stroganoff!

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By *iscreetsingleMan
over a year ago

cambuslang


"So I’m usually a smiley soul but had a rubbish day ,does anyone have any jokes to cheer woman up ?

I love rubbish jokes the best !"

Y did humpty dumpy throw his wife off thewall

To see her crack

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By *ighland gentlemanMan
over a year ago

Ardgay

Why do moths fly with their legs open?

Just have a look at the size of moth balls!

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By *lphacMan
over a year ago

glasgow

I had a very hard hard upbringing..my parents were dwarves...they really struggled to put food on the table! )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Woke my wife this morning by shoving her E-Reader up her fanny.

I'm trying to rekindle our sex life."

?????? love it!!!

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By *elsbells2011Couple
over a year ago

fife

With all this snow I’ve been stuck at home reading books, my favourites are

“Great flood of China” by wan Lang pee

"Rusty Bedsprings" by I.P Nightly

"Coloured Water" by I.P Green

"Over the Cliff" by Eileen Dover

"Plant Biology" by Teresa Green

"Tigers Revenge" by Claude Balls

“Russian Torture” by I. Ripta bolokoff

“Nail on the banister" by R.Stornoway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Three women, two younger, and one senior citizen, were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound...

The first young woman pressed her forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at her questioningly. "That was my pager" she said. I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.

A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained, "that was my mobile phone, I have a microchip in my hand."

The older woman felt very low tech. However, not to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna, went to the bathroom.

She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her rear end. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her. The older woman finally said "well, will you look at that....I'm getting a fax!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's brown and quacks??

Donald Mince

I'll get my coat........

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By *ighland gentlemanMan
over a year ago

Ardgay

What's brown and sticky?

.

.

.

A stick

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By *vbride1963TV/TS
over a year ago

E.K . Glasgow


"What's brown and sticky?

.

.

.

A stick "

Parcel tape .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What's brown and sticky?

.

.

.

Treacle "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. the mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.

The son sees his mom and asks, 'What were you and Dad doing?'

The mother replies, 'Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flatten it.'

'Your wasting your time,' said the boy.

'Why is that?' the mom asked puzzled.

'Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up.'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What do you call a dear with no eyes

No idea

What do you call a dead dear with no eyes

A still no idea. "

... and no dick?

Still, no fucking idea

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By *eelgoodfactorMan
over a year ago

Highlands

[Removed by poster at 16/03/18 14:09:15]

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By *eelgoodfactorMan
over a year ago

Highlands

What do you call 10 Tories at the bottom of the sea?

A good start!

Now we're getting political!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My wife just said, 'You weren’t even listening were you?' and I thought to myself, 'What a strange way to start a conversation'."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just got a letter from screwfix direct thanking me for my interest but they said they are not a dating site ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

French people cannae count. You ask for twa pies...and they give you three!!

(Awaits a kick in the knickers from Max! )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mickey Mouse is in the middle of a nasty divorce from Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane," said the judge. Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking Goofy!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Masochist: Hit me.

Sadist: NO.

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By *vbride1963TV/TS
over a year ago

E.K . Glasgow

What have recipe books and porno mags got in common ?

All the best pages stick together .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Apparently a true story from a doctor.

Patient: I can't get any condoms to fit me.

Doctor: Huh? Really?

Patient: Look! [use your imagination]

Doctor: You shouldn't try to get it over your balls as well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the gay magician?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He went out with a p. 70's guy here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What’s big, red, and if it fell out of a tree, it would kill you?

A fire engine "

A fire engine wouldn't be in a tree ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Loving the bump. Roll on more good jokes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Put diesel in the Escort.

She Died

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jokes are meant to be funny folks

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By *obertELeeMan
over a year ago

Montrose

How many Liverpudlians does it take to change a light bulb?

Shit where's the light bulb.

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By *clovin6940Man
over a year ago

motherwell

How much does a polar bear weigh?????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Here’s a good one....

Fab is an excellent site!

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By *obertELeeMan
over a year ago

Montrose

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By *d_playerMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

Son: Dad, why did you and Mum call my sister Teresa?

Dad: Because it’s an anagram of Easter and your mum loves Easter

Son: Thanks dad

Dad: You’re welcome Alan

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Boy took his family's cow over to the girl's family farm to breed with her family's bull. As the bull and cow were performing their duties, the boy sidled over to the girl and put hi arm around her and said, "I wish I could be doing what your bull's doing..." To which the girl batteted her eyelashes all wide-eyed and innocent and replied, "Well, why don't you? It's your cow!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a Glaswegian super hero?

Quality man

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what’s the story discotitts, any crack no babbycakes your chicken dance cracks me ffs lol in bits not even funny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what do you call irish man , doing the chicken dance i’m scotsman lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Since I play in a band here are my musicians jokes

Hear about the bass players bad timing

He threw himself behind a train

Why did the drummer put drum sticks on his dashboard

So he can park in the handicap spot

What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine

You only have to punch it into a drum machine once

And my favourite

What's the difference between a guitarist and a trampoline

You take ur shoes off before jumping on a trampoline lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"what do you call irish man , doing the chicken dance i’m scotsman lol"

Can you not just post in the Irish forum? We have enough eejits of our own here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Since I play in a band here are my musicians jokes

Hear about the bass players bad timing

He threw himself behind a train

Why did the drummer put drum sticks on his dashboard

So he can park in the handicap spot

What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine

You only have to punch it into a drum machine once

And my favourite

What's the difference between a guitarist and a trampoline

You take ur shoes off before jumping on a trampoline lol "

Things you never hear:

That's the banjo players Ferrari...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a rabbit with a bent cock.....fucks funny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A woman brings 11 year old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her 11 year old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"what do you call irish man , doing the chicken dance i’m scotsman lol

Can you not just post in the Irish forum? We have enough eejits of our own here."

Are you the forum police? Or a wannabe moderator?

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By *arge Hardon ColliderMan
over a year ago

Not far away

A cockold couple had arranged a meet at their house but on the morning of the meet, mother nature cruelly struck.

They contacted the guy, with the intention of rescheduling but he was very insistent the meet went ahead explaining that he actually had a period fetish.

After a drink and a chat, the wife began to undress, then opened her legs to slowly remove her tampon.

....Well, it was like a red rag to a bull!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Since I play in a band here are my musicians jokes

Hear about the bass players bad timing

He threw himself behind a train

Why did the drummer put drum sticks on his dashboard

So he can park in the handicap spot

What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine

You only have to punch it into a drum machine once

And my favourite

What's the difference between a guitarist and a trampoline

You take ur shoes off before jumping on a trampoline lol "

to the last one.

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By *ornyfuckers66Couple
over a year ago

fife


"7 Dwarfs in a bath feeling happy...Happy got out and told them to fuck off"

8 dwarfs then !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

Supplies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

Supplies "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I was at school a Policeman came in and did a talk On Drugs.

I couldn't understand a fucking word he said.

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By *owboy BebopMan
over a year ago

Glasgow


"When I was at school a Policeman came in and did a talk On Drugs.

I couldn't understand a fucking word he said.

"

brilliant ... made me splutter my cup of tea !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“And then God created the orgasm, so women can moan even when they are happy”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When I was at school a Policeman came in and did a talk On Drugs.

I couldn't understand a fucking word he said.

brilliant ... made me splutter my cup of tea !"
glad someone laughed feel a bit weird laughing at your own jokes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To anyone suffering from Paranoia...

You are not alone!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When I was at school a Policeman came in and did a talk On Drugs.

I couldn't understand a fucking word he said.

"

We must follow the same twitter feed as read that earlier and

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been told I'm not ambitious enough.

If only there was an olympic sport for being a lazy cunt. That bronze medal would be mine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The people who make viagra have made a new eye drop.

Doesn't really work, just makes you look hard...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"7 Dwarfs in a bath feeling happy...Happy got out and told them to fuck off

8 dwarfs then ! "

tried to tell the 7 dawrfs a joke but went right over there heads

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The people who make viagra have made a new eye drop.

Doesn't really work, just makes you look hard... "

Pmsl this cracked me up! Thanks honey x

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By *alkirkguy77Man
over a year ago

Falkirk

Would love to tell you my joke about the German sausage.

I really can't, it's the Wurst.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wonder if Michael Jackson looks like he did in thriller yet?

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By *ighland gentlemanMan
over a year ago

Ardgay


"I wonder if Michael Jackson looks like he did in thriller yet?"

That's Bad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I wonder if Michael Jackson looks like he did in thriller yet?

That's Bad. "
who's bad?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a prostitute with no legs?

Chash and carry

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How does an elephant get into a car?

Thru the trunk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women's orgasms are like opinions.

Mine's more important and I don't care if she has one.

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By *mooth shaftMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

How do you get 4 elephants in a min ......

Old ones are best

2 in the front and 2 in the back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was out on the piss last night & pulled this georgeous bird. We made love several times & i went down on her. Then we fell asleep in each others arms. When i got up in the morning though, i had the shock of my life. She had put on 5 stone during the night.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the woman with twelve breasts?

Sounds great.

Dozen tit?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

two sausages in hot frying pan one turns round to other he like fuck me warm in here eh?

other ones like that fuck me a talking sausage lol

where you find a dog with no legs?

where you left it lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

why did god give women thrush ?

so they knew what a irritating cunt was before married one x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Asked a girl in a bar if she got her jeans in a sale- cos they’re 100% off at mine!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Accidentally said hello to a feminist today!

My trial starts on Monday.

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By *awaiianguyMan
over a year ago

East Ayrshire

What do you call a Judge with no thumbs?

....Justice Fingers

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By *estless nativeMan
over a year ago

near Glasgow

Just watched a programme about beavers ( not that kind, you dirty sods)

Beat dam documentary in years

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whoever snuck the ''s'' into fast food was a clever bastard.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I saw a job advertised as a fanny waxers assistant. Job includes removing ladies knickers, prepare fanny for waxing and rub in oil after waxing

When I asked at the Job Centre they said I had to go to Cornwall - I asked why, is that where the job is?

No, they said - that's where the back of the fucking queue is!

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By *ally dugsCouple
over a year ago

Motherwell

[Removed by poster at 31/07/18 14:01:34]

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By *ally dugsCouple
over a year ago

Motherwell

I just got a job in a department store cleaning the mirrors I will be able to see myself doing well in job

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a Chinese woman with no legs??

Dragon lips.....

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By *lutandhubbyCouple
over a year ago

west midlands

To the bastard that broke into my house and stole my antidepressants

. . .

I hope you're happy now!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My grandad told me heaps of jokes before he passed away

But before he passed away my Gran would rub butter on his back

After that he went downhill very quickly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" My grandad told me heaps of jokes before he passed away

But before he passed away my Gran would rub butter on his back

After that he went downhill very quickly "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My grandad always used to say, "you'll go far son"

Wish i had realised he meant 600 miles a week to aberdeen and back....

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By *outhsider69Man
over a year ago

glasgow

At the risk of being trolled by the PC brigade, a little dark humour.

Why did the pre-op transexual jump off the top of a building?

So he could land with a fud...

Boom boom!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Had lots of jobs as a young man. I was a human cannonball did not last long i got fired. I had a job as a carpet layer again did not last long did not have a flair for it( dundee accent) . I tried to make money as a contorionist but couldn't make ends meet.

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By *awaiianguyMan
over a year ago

East Ayrshire


"To the bastard that broke into my house and stole my antidepressants

. . .

I hope you're happy now!"

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By *awaiianguyMan
over a year ago

East Ayrshire

What do you call a small, fat, and balding caretaker?

Janny DeVito

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By *tormin1875Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

The quietest animal on a farm?

Its the donkey.

It says he haw

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