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Introducing the wife. HELP

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By *ustpassionandfun OP   Man
over a year ago

Motherwell

Ok so here’s the dilemma; I’m a kinky, horny and all round nymphomaniac. My wife can be the same “usually with alcohol” but it’s very rare she lets that side of herself go.

I think if she opened up more and perhaps seen this kind of site she may be into it but I can’t find a way to suggest it to her.

She makes off the cuff comments like “only sad people would do online dating” or “how pathetic is that, messages with naked pics etc?”

However I really do think she’s like it and to be honest I don’t want to keep lying to her or hiding that I’m on this.

Any suggestions?

Should I just keep being unfaithful and having fun or should I find a way to get her involved and if so how???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get the convo onto some fantasies in the bedroom and see how she reacts?

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By *ustpassionandfun OP   Man
over a year ago

Motherwell

We speak quite a bit about fantasies and I know she’s not as into as much kinky stuff as me but I want her to be. She has a harsh judgment rralky of this kind of thing.

I understand that she may probably think I’m cheating by being in this but firstly as I’ve not actually had any luck it’s not been and secondly I’d rather she joined the fun.

Thanks for the suggestion and any more would be great.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't tell her you are on here, if she wants to try swinging make up a new couple profile. Get her to Cjs, just say we will try it and if she doesn't like it you can leave, just baby steps all the way,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is you having a bit of fun worth more than your marriage?

If the answer is yes, then crack on.

Is trying to convince your wife to participate in something she has voiced her dislike for worth more than your marriage?

If the answer is yes, then crack on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is you having a bit of fun worth more than your marriage?

If the answer is yes, then crack on.

Is trying to convince your wife to participate in something she has voiced her dislike for worth more than your marriage?

If the answer is yes, then crack on. "

He's not even thinking about his wife....it's all about him him him. Do the girl a favour and leave her. No one deserves to be treated the way you're treating her

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By *ustpassionandfun OP   Man
over a year ago

Motherwell


"Is you having a bit of fun worth more than your marriage?

If the answer is yes, then crack on.

Is trying to convince your wife to participate in something she has voiced her dislike for worth more than your marriage?

If the answer is yes, then crack on.

He's not even thinking about his wife....it's all about him him him. Do the girl a favour and leave her. No one deserves to be treated the way you're treating her"

My marriage like every marriage is unique and me having fun wouldn’t end it neither would me trying to convince my wife to be on here.

We have fun and love each other; she knows that she doesn’t fully satisfy my desires and I am not her 100% but we don’t think thy soul mates or people made for each other actually exist. We have needs both of us and if we can’t satisfy each other we fulfill them elsewhere but I’d like to get her involved with my needs from time to time I’m just looking for help in getting her on board;

You can judge me or think I’m selfish and I don’t blame you for that as I think I am selfish and I know everyone is to an extent.

Don’t play high and mighty though especially in your position.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh please with the judgment

The guys asking a question

Just as many chicks playing away than there are guys on here.

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By *ustpassionandfun OP   Man
over a year ago

Motherwell

Thanks Goldie,

I think some people judge as think it makes their life better.

I wish that everyone had exactly what they want in life and sites like this didn’t even exist but we don’t live a perfect bliss world and we all need a bit of exploration.

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By *UNKIEMan
over a year ago

south east

All you can do is bite the bullet and broach the subject of swinging ..see if she'd be interested in looking at swingers sites to see if it's something that might interest her and take it slowly ..do not try to pressure her, let her take things at her pace if she agrees to at least look into these sites ..if she is not interested in even contemplating the scene then you have your answer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh please with the judgment

The guys asking a question

Just as many chicks playing away than there are guys on here."

And?

I'm just answering the question.

We all judge, whether you're prepared to admit it or not, we all make judgements of people, situations, places, everything. Everyone does.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course we do

But the guy wasn't asking about cheating on his wife he was asking the best way to introduce her to swinging ?

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By *uriousCouple999Couple
over a year ago

edinburgh

OP from what you've said it doesn't sound like she would be into this and sounds like your pushing it, but the best way is to be honest and have a chat about what you like ect. I don't think there's any other way other than chatting and if not then accepting it might not be for your wife Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m sure every couple on here has been in a similar situation. I mean everyone had to start somewhere and there’s not anybody I know that would go on a frost date and say hi I’m so and so let’s try swinging. I obviously can’t talk from experience but I’m sure every couple had the conversation and talked about it and gave it a lot of thought before jumping in with both feet and I’m pretty sure if your all honest one party would have been more for it at first than the other. Fingers crossed for you op I hope you manage to get what your looking for and hope it doesn’t blow up in your face and you have a successful adventure together. For a site for open minded people there’s some very judgemental people on here ( that’s not directed at anyone in peticular so hope no ones offended )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Of course we do

But the guy wasn't asking about cheating on his wife he was asking the best way to introduce her to swinging ?"

He was asking about cheating on his wife.

Read the original post again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Key word.. .

..Any suggestions..

He was asking how to get his wife involved

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Key word;

Should I.

That indicates when a question is being asked or an opinion sought.

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By *ola cubesMan
over a year ago

coatbridge

Lol ya both say key word.....with two words

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By *esparate danMan
over a year ago

glasgow


"Lol ya both say key word.....with two words "

Thats what a dilemma is

Or maybe he wants someone to dial emma and ask her for him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try LISTENING to what she's telling you instead of what you think she might like because it fits in with what you want to do! If a couple can't communicate their interests freely to each other it's not a good sign, and certainly not a great start to a swinging relationship.

If your relationship works as well as you claim show her one of the numerous media pieces on swinging and see what she SAYS, not what you think she might mean!!

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By *uriousCouple999Couple
over a year ago

edinburgh


"Try LISTENING to what she's telling you instead of what you think she might like because it fits in with what you want to do! If a couple can't communicate their interests freely to each other it's not a good sign, and certainly not a great start to a swinging relationship.

If your relationship works as well as you claim show her one of the numerous media pieces on swinging and see what she SAYS, not what you think she might mean!! "

Totally agree Mrs

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By *ustpassionandfun OP   Man
over a year ago

Motherwell


"Try LISTENING to what she's telling you instead of what you think she might like because it fits in with what you want to do! If a couple can't communicate their interests freely to each other it's not a good sign, and certainly not a great start to a swinging relationship.

If your relationship works as well as you claim show her one of the numerous media pieces on swinging and see what she SAYS, not what you think she might mean!! "

Sounds like a good shout. Maybe I’m just assuming she’s not be into it. Thanks.

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By *is vixen at playCouple
over a year ago

Dundee


"Try LISTENING to what she's telling you instead of what you think she might like because it fits in with what you want to do! If a couple can't communicate their interests freely to each other it's not a good sign, and certainly not a great start to a swinging relationship.

If your relationship works as well as you claim show her one of the numerous media pieces on swinging and see what she SAYS, not what you think she might mean!!

Sounds like a good shout. Maybe I’m just assuming she’s not be into it. Thanks. "

Maybe you are, but then again from what you've said it sounds like she would be against it. If she is, then respect her decision. Then obviously you need to decide whether to stay faithful to her or not.

There of course is another option where you can play if she is comfortable with that, but only you can decide whether or not that would work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Key word;

Should I.

That indicates when a question is being asked or an opinion sought. "

should I ask not what's your opinion on me cheating?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 14/01/18 15:56:34]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ok so here’s the dilemma; I’m a kinky, horny and all round nymphomaniac. My wife can be the same “usually with alcohol” but it’s very rare she lets that side of herself go.

I think if she opened up more and perhaps seen this kind of site she may be into it but I can’t find a way to suggest it to her.

She makes off the cuff comments like “only sad people would do online dating” or “how pathetic is that, messages with naked pics etc?”

However I really do think she’s like it and to be honest I don’t want to keep lying to her or hiding that I’m on this.

Any suggestions?

Should I just keep being unfaithful and having fun or should I find a way to get her involved and if so how??? "

I think if you open up to her she will blow a fuse, go bloody mental and may even go her separate way

and who would blame her!!!

why not give her your full attention instead, wine and dine her, romance her, love her like a good husband should

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ok so here’s the dilemma; I’m a kinky, horny and all round nymphomaniac. My wife can be the same “usually with alcohol” but it’s very rare she lets that side of herself go.

I think if she opened up more and perhaps seen this kind of site she may be into it but I can’t find a way to suggest it to her.

She makes off the cuff comments like “only sad people would do online dating” or “how pathetic is that, messages with naked pics etc?”

However I really do think she’s like it and to be honest I don’t want to keep lying to her or hiding that I’m on this.

Any suggestions?

Should I just keep being unfaithful and having fun or should I find a way to get her involved and if so how??? "

First of all you havnt actually been unfaithful yet according to your comment. So all you are doing is browsing... I would start by showing her a club web site like cjs ( tell her you found it by chance) and ask her if she would like a night out lol there is no obligation to play and you can come along and just socialise and make friends until it happens naturally or not but don’t tell her you are on here without her cause if you were my hubby you would be kicked to the kerb!

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By *eADevilCouple
over a year ago

Blantyre

My advice is talk in the third person. Tell her one of your mates opened up to you about him and his wife going to a swingers club for the first time and you were blown away that your perception of swinging was totaly different from reality . They said its not all about sex etc etc. Say it actually sounded really interesting with no pressures put on you. Any questions your wife has say to her haha thats what i asked him my mate too and then answer from your own knowledge. Be non pushy but Suggest going to a club purely for a fact finding mission. I would suggest after 8 as its a small venue where you will definitely chat to others. Cjs you could find yourself standing or sitting on your own perhaps embarrassed which wont help your cause at all.

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By *eADevilCouple
over a year ago

Blantyre


"My advice is talk in the third person. Tell her one of your mates opened up to you about him and his wife going to a swingers club for the first time and you were blown away that your perception of swinging was totaly different from reality . They said its not all about sex etc etc. Say it actually sounded really interesting with no pressures put on you. Any questions your wife has say to her haha thats what i asked him my mate too and then answer from your own knowledge. Be non pushy but Suggest going to a club purely for a fact finding mission. I would suggest after 8 as its a small venue where you will definitely chat to others. Cjs you could find yourself standing or sitting on your own perhaps embarrassed which wont help your cause at all."

Dosnt need to be a mate obviously just a work colleague or whoever. Saves akward questions lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with the above about talking about his mate and his wife

But i would show swingers sites or even a bit of cpls porn 1st rather than go all out to try together to a club.baby steps

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By *ittle DancerWoman
over a year ago

Leslie, Glenrothes

[Removed by poster at 14/01/18 17:36:59]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh please with the judgment

The guys asking a question

Just as many chicks playing away than there are guys on here."

You've judged the judger by making your point....

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By *argaidMan
over a year ago

glasgow

As everyone says, communication is the key. It's unfortunate that you have started down the road on your own rather than trying to sound her out from the start but it's an understandably difficult topic to broach.

It did sound, though, as if you've had some discussions about your individual needs if she understands that "... she doesn't 100% satisfy [you]." So maybe you can find a way more easily than you think.

Just don't tell her that you're a nymphomaniac; only women can be nymphomaniacs. Satyromaniac is the word for blokes. If you are going to communicate well you have to get the words right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You say your not having much luck meeting ppl so would you still want her involved if you were having fun ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You say your not having much luck meeting ppl so would you still want her involved if you were having fun ?"
now there's a point that you really need to think about

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By *eADevilCouple
over a year ago

Blantyre

Well to be fair its a lot easier for couples to find fun than single guys finding fun .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ok so here’s the dilemma; I’m a kinky, horny and all round nymphomaniac. My wife can be the same “usually with alcohol” but it’s very rare she lets that side of herself go.

I think if she opened up more and perhaps seen this kind of site she may be into it but I can’t find a way to suggest it to her.

She makes off the cuff comments like “only sad people would do online dating” or “how pathetic is that, messages with naked pics etc?”

However I really do think she’s like it and to be honest I don’t want to keep lying to her or hiding that I’m on this.

Any suggestions?

Should I just keep being unfaithful and having fun or should I find a way to get her involved and if so how??? "

For me as others have said , the introduction of fantasy talk is a good gauging starting point , I would suggest not your fantasies but possibly ones that you think she may like ! Forget words like “kinky” I always think that would be a red flag pointer to start. If you stumble accross something that appears to excite her , give that a little more focus and then for me the vital step as to whether it’s fantasy purely or may have a chance of developing would be to bring that fantasy up in normal conversation , even if it is normal conversation at a time that could lead to some fun in the bedroom !! If she does not want to engage then as others have said that would be a choice you’d probably have to live with !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh please with the judgment

The guys asking a question

Just as many chicks playing away than there are guys on here."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pull your profile and then raise it that you’ve ‘stumbled across this site’ and then after a few vinos both log on as a couple, add soft swing say ‘what do you think that means?’ Then google it, play daft if you like, then have a look at the hot photos example. Then say that she could look better than some of the pics on that. Look at some of the soft swing profiles and take it from there. But get rid of your own profile first. Good luck.

Bx

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