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Opinion poll - kids

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Random one folks, but I want honest opinions.

Disciplining kids, yes or no?

Had a bit of an argument with a woman in my work today about her screaming brat of a child.

To put into context, the kid was throwing a massive mair in the shop, mother was doing nothing and looking at the staff to help her, which were not allowed to do (the whole children should be comfortable asking for help from shop staff rather than were there to give them in trouble). She then walked passed me and said "word of advice, never have kids" which I replied that I have a 9 year old. She then asked me how to stop the child being a brat, I made passing comment about being to lenient and not disciplining her and sometimes kids just need a slap across the back of the hand/head.

She looked as though I had shit in her cereal and walked out saying that you can't do that and I should be reprimanded for hitting a child.

It did me no harm when I was a kid

So my question is where do you stand on this?

Not looking for a debate just honest opinions

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By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!


"Random one folks, but I want honest opinions.

Disciplining kids, yes or no?

Had a bit of an argument with a woman in my work today about her screaming brat of a child.

To put into context, the kid was throwing a massive mair in the shop, mother was doing nothing and looking at the staff to help her, which were not allowed to do (the whole children should be comfortable asking for help from shop staff rather than were there to give them in trouble). She then walked passed me and said "word of advice, never have kids" which I replied that I have a 9 year old. She then asked me how to stop the child being a brat, I made passing comment about being to lenient and not disciplining her and sometimes kids just need a slap across the back of the hand/head.

She looked as though I had shit in her cereal and walked out saying that you can't do that and I should be reprimanded for hitting a child.

It did me no harm when I was a kid

So my question is where do you stand on this?

Not looking for a debate just honest opinions "
A smacked bottom does no harm a slap on the otherhand sugests something more forcefull but I do agree its all in the upbringing and how they have been taught whats acceptible behaviour in public and whats not

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do not agree with a smacked hand. But then again there's many different ways to discipline a child. And it is about finding what works. Rewarding good behaviour and ignoring bad behaviour works quite well when they are younger.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"A smacked bottom does no harm a slap on the otherhand sugests something more forcefull but I do agree its all in the upbringing and how they have been taught whats acceptible behaviour in public and whats not "

I didn't actually think about the difference between a smack and a slap, I don't mean a proper welly, just enough force so they get a tingle and know they are in the wrong

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I do not agree with a smacked hand. But then again there's many different ways to discipline a child. And it is about finding what works. Rewarding good behaviour and ignoring bad behaviour works quite well when they are younger. "

I am all for rewarding good behaviour too, but I personally find that ignoring bad behavior often makes it worse as they thibk they can get away with it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My kids got 5 chances.

1: Asked to do/stop the thing.

2: Told to do/stop.

3: Count 1.

4: Count 2.

5: Count 3.

If I get to 3 they will get a smack and it primarily a loud noise and the embarrassment they have of being smacked. No marks or anything else and far lighter than the sort of arse smacks some playmates want in bed!

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By *hav02Man
over a year ago

Glasgow/London

I don't have kids, so my opinions come with a pinch of salt:

I see more and more kids pushing boundaries nowadays as they "know" they can get away with being antisocial/bad. Overall, kids just lack respect for the greater society.

Disciplining starts at a young age and regardless of means of disciplining, it's moulding a psychology of respectful behaviour.

Consider all the misbehaved teens about the place - is that down the bad parenting?

Also, was this struggling mum a single teen mom?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I do not agree with a smacked hand. But then again there's many different ways to discipline a child. And it is about finding what works. Rewarding good behaviour and ignoring bad behaviour works quite well when they are younger.

I am all for rewarding good behaviour too, but I personally find that ignoring bad behavior often makes it worse as they thibk they can get away with it. "

As I said, every child is different, depends on age also. But when mines was younger I was consistent and showed lots of attention for good behaviour and ignored the bad behaviour.

He's now a well behaved, polite teenager that I rarely need to discipline, but when I do taking away his gaming works wonders!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally only ever smacked my kids bottoms if they needed a short sharp shock, like running across the road etc. Never use it for regular punishment, instead I've used warning, restriction of activities treats and toys and a reward chart.

I also never judge any parent who's kid is having a tantrum. Parenting is the hardest job in the world, everyone is so quick to judge and the constant guilt is unreal! We never know what's happening in that parent/child's life. I hate that it's usually other parents looking down their noses at others as if their kids are angels. No wonder parents find it so hard to admit that it's not easy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally only ever smacked my kids bottoms if they needed a short sharp shock, like running across the road etc. Never use it for regular punishment, instead I've used warning, restriction of activities treats and toys and a reward chart.

I also never judge any parent who's kid is having a tantrum. Parenting is the hardest job in the world, everyone is so quick to judge and the constant guilt is unreal! We never know what's happening in that parent/child's life. I hate that it's usually other parents looking down their noses at others as if their kids are angels. No wonder parents find it so hard to admit that it's not easy "

That is a good point. I felt judged as a parent when mines was younger, but my son was not having a tantrum, he was having an autistic melt down. Alot of people can't tell the difference and just stare!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally only ever smacked my kids bottoms if they needed a short sharp shock, like running across the road etc. Never use it for regular punishment, instead I've used warning, restriction of activities treats and toys and a reward chart.

I also never judge any parent who's kid is having a tantrum. Parenting is the hardest job in the world, everyone is so quick to judge and the constant guilt is unreal! We never know what's happening in that parent/child's life. I hate that it's usually other parents looking down their noses at others as if their kids are angels. No wonder parents find it so hard to admit that it's not easy

That is a good point. I felt judged as a parent when mines was younger, but my son was not having a tantrum, he was having an autistic melt down. Alot of people can't tell the difference and just stare!"

That's exactly my point,there's no way of knowing if that child is having a melt down. And it's sods law that at some point even every perfect parents little angel will make a fuss and it will always be at the worst time lol

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By *oney4uCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

Since you know nothing about the family I think it would be difficult to say for sure that the kid was a screaming brat (don't get me wrong there are definitely some out there) but the child could have some kind of learning difficulties and the mother realised when the child was in meltdown mode that there was nothing she could do to stop it. I am mother of child with Aspergers and to the outside world my child seems perfectly fine and is like most other children. However the reality is somewhat different.

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By *yldstyleWoman
over a year ago

A world of my own

I don't think this is the best place for such a debate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Random one folks, but I want honest opinions.

Disciplining kids, yes or no?

Had a bit of an argument with a woman in my work today about her screaming brat of a child.

To put into context, the kid was throwing a massive mair in the shop, mother was doing nothing and looking at the staff to help her, which were not allowed to do (the whole children should be comfortable asking for help from shop staff rather than were there to give them in trouble). She then walked passed me and said "word of advice, never have kids" which I replied that I have a 9 year old. She then asked me how to stop the child being a brat, I made passing comment about being to lenient and not disciplining her and sometimes kids just need a slap across the back of the hand/head.

She looked as though I had shit in her cereal and walked out saying that you can't do that and I should be reprimanded for hitting a child.

It did me no harm when I was a kid

So my question is where do you stand on this?

Not looking for a debate just honest opinions "

Could be a deeper problem. Autism, asbergers, ADHD.

If there's one thing I/ we have learned through similar with our kid, it's never to judge a situation at face value. You don't know what's been going on prior or if there's another possible reason other than plain old bad behaviour.

My wife had some boot of a retired teacher try and give my daughter a row for behaviour on a train - all that done was inflame the situation.

On physical punishment, in all for it. In the right situation.

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By *earded villainMan
over a year ago

edinburgh

Hitting a kid is a no no for me , no harm ? Your teaching a child the way to get what they want is by violence ,

A slap on the head ? Wow parent of the year

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By *vbride1963TV/TS
over a year ago

E.K . Glasgow

In all honesty a smack on the bottom would not make me that upset to see I'm sure I had worse as a kid . If I see some kid having a tantrum I just think glad I don't have the problem now mine have grown up . I've been that person that tried to ignore the bad behaviour and turned my back making to walk away but watching from corner of eye they didn't make off in opposite direction .

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I totally agree that about the fact of it could be an underlying issue such as adhd, which I sympathise with as its something I grew up along side as my brother has it quite severely amongst other behavioural and learning difficulties.

The family are fairly regular in my work and she often let's the kids run wild or leaves the youngest toot unsupervised (she must only be about 3 or 4) while she buggers off next door, then gets arsey with staff when the daughter throws a tantrum cause she's not getting to play anymore

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Hitting a kid is a no no for me , no harm ? Your teaching a child the way to get what they want is by violence ,

A slap on the head ? Wow parent of the year "

You've taken what I said completely out of context, I also said that I'm not talking about a hard enough hit to do any harm, just enough to cause a tingle, just because it's not to your liking don't insult my parenting.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Also on the other side of the coin, look at our parents and grandparents generation, they used to get the cane or the ruler at school and did them no harm, my parents used to smack my hand or arse if my bad behaviour denoted it (as a last resort after time out, toys taken away etc)

There's a taboo about hitting a child now and look at the ipod generation, a lot of them have no respect, mouthy little shites that think they can get away with everything.... Coincidence?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I don't think this is the best place for such a debate "

Open forum for adult conversation is it not?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love kids but I couldn't eat a whole one...

Seriously though... it is the hardest job in the world and it may have been a particularly hard day... how many of us behave the best we can be 100% of the time. Things can also be misinterpreted here such as your "slap round the head" comment which I'm sure you didn't mean to sound violent... a smack does no harm in my opinion but should be a last resort. I can count on one hand how often I did. They are both well rounded happy individuals (so their therapists say anyway )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A kid should never be smacked especially a slap on the back of the head.

Kids should be disciplined and that can be done in many forms.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

never hit any of my four, they're doing just fine.

consistency is the key with children.

applying punishments or reinforcements to encourage good behaviour worked with mine. threatening them first then then actually carrying them through. so consistency is the key.

letting them know that a certain behaviour is expected or not really helps. kids aren't so stupid that you need to hit them, they understand words, they understand actions, they understand punishments. and if they do not then they won't understand why you hit them either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Usually the threat with my 3 was all that was ever needed.

But yes, if it's been warranted, they've been smacked.

This is one of those things that everyone will have an opinion on, and noone will ever agree, and your the worst parent ever if you snack your child.

In my opinion it's a load of twaddle.

Not that it happened often when I was younger, but I used to get my dad's slipper, and on an even rarer occasion, the belt.

Needless to say I never did whatever it was again, and I turned out alright.

As parents we should be supporting each other not criticising each other because someone's way of doing things is different to yours.

MrsB x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

anyone who hits a child in any way shape or form should be locked up. seriously, a 'smack on the bum' or a 'quick slap' from an adult to a small child who cant defend his or her self? there are plenty ways of disciplining a child. battering them isnt one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

(Lee writing)

Raising a child begins with the day you bring a child home.

As they grow older you show them thier boundaries and rules of conduct (ex. Putting away toys, cleaning up after themselves and helping in the house)

It is a childs/teens job to always push these boundaries in order to establish thier "freedom".

Our job as parents and adults is to give them stable rules and guidance that they can use to judge what is to far or wrong.

If you do not do this at a young age, it wont work as they get older.

I did not warn with my children, I said and then gave them "the Dad look."

If that did not work, they got a smack on the bum. (This is done quick with no warning and should be more a psychological than painful thing.... that Dad says what he means and does not bluff. You can also trust Dad).

Both my daughters are successful university graduates, have great careers and happy in thier lives.

So something worked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Usually the threat with my 3 was all that was ever needed.

But yes, if it's been warranted, they've been smacked.

This is one of those things that everyone will have an opinion on, and noone will ever agree, and your the worst parent ever if you snack your child.

In my opinion it's a load of twaddle.

Not that it happened often when I was younger, but I used to get my dad's slipper, and on an even rarer occasion, the belt.

Needless to say I never did whatever it was again, and I turned out alright.

As parents we should be supporting each other not criticising each other because someone's way of doing things is different to yours.

MrsB x"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have a 12 and 9 year old and 2 better well mannered (almost always) your likely to find, yes they get disapplined and grounded when the step out of line, I may live in a nanny state, but the reason you have so many Neds and upstarts about always starts at home and these were the kids that always got away with doing as they liked.

Im sure some do gooder wont be happy with my stance but, im the one with 2 kids who know right from wrong.

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By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!


"anyone who hits a child in any way shape or form should be locked up. seriously, a 'smack on the bum' or a 'quick slap' from an adult to a small child who cant defend his or her self? there are plenty ways of disciplining a child. battering them isnt one. "
I think a smack on the bottom is a far cry from a battering

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes to discipline

No to abuse

In any shape or form.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"anyone who hits a child in any way shape or form should be locked up. seriously, a 'smack on the bum' or a 'quick slap' from an adult to a small child who cant defend his or her self? there are plenty ways of disciplining a child. battering them isnt one. I think a smack on the bottom is a far cry from a battering "

Just a tad... And locked up really? Your folks never needed to clip you round the ear when you were a kid?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"(Lee writing)

Raising a child begins with the day you bring a child home.

As they grow older you show them thier boundaries and rules of conduct (ex. Putting away toys, cleaning up after themselves and helping in the house)

It is a childs/teens job to always push these boundaries in order to establish thier "freedom".

Our job as parents and adults is to give them stable rules and guidance that they can use to judge what is to far or wrong.

If you do not do this at a young age, it wont work as they get older.

I did not warn with my children, I said and then gave them "the Dad look."

If that did not work, they got a smack on the bum. (This is done quick with no warning and should be more a psychological than painful thing.... that Dad says what he means and does not bluff. You can also trust Dad).

Both my daughters are successful university graduates, have great careers and happy in thier lives.

So something worked.

"

This!!

Exactly how I feel!

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By *magine all the peopleCouple
over a year ago

Perth

All you need is love xx

And a bit of luck...

And some pixie dust!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally only ever smacked my kids bottoms if they needed a short sharp shock, like running across the road etc. Never use it for regular punishment, instead I've used warning, restriction of activities treats and toys and a reward chart.

I also never judge any parent who's kid is having a tantrum. Parenting is the hardest job in the world, everyone is so quick to judge and the constant guilt is unreal! We never know what's happening in that parent/child's life. I hate that it's usually other parents looking down their noses at others as if their kids are angels. No wonder parents find it so hard to admit that it's not easy "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"(Lee writing)

Raising a child begins with the day you bring a child home.

As they grow older you show them thier boundaries and rules of conduct (ex. Putting away toys, cleaning up after themselves and helping in the house)

It is a childs/teens job to always push these boundaries in order to establish thier "freedom".

Our job as parents and adults is to give them stable rules and guidance that they can use to judge what is to far or wrong.

If you do not do this at a young age, it wont work as they get older.

I did not warn with my children, I said and then gave them "the Dad look."

If that did not work, they got a smack on the bum. (This is done quick with no warning and should be more a psychological than painful thing.... that Dad says what he means and does not bluff. You can also trust Dad).

Both my daughters are successful university graduates, have great careers and happy in thier lives.

So something worked.

This!!

Exactly how I feel! "

This... no one said a smack was a "battering" ffs...

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