FabSwingers.com forum: BDSM frustration

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Right so im looking to be someones master !! Tie them up, humiliate them dp them treat them if there being good, punish them if there not. But i get the vibe most girls arent into this on fab. Am i correct or is just the right girls not getting in touch !!

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By *atmanhMan
over a year ago

bellshill

Specialist site would suit you more I think

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By *ade_of_StarsCouple
over a year ago

Whitburn

probably the same percentage of kinky folk on here that you will find in the real world.

There are more kink socials than swingers ones. At least half a dozen a month in Edinburgh.

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By *izzabelle and well hungCouple
over a year ago

Edinburgh.

The vibe from you is key. Posts like this won't help you because it deminishes your position.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Niche site or a kink social would maybe be a better idea? My view of a sub/dom/domme retionship is that it takes a lot of trust on both parts to I understand each other. Soaybe not something any site mber would jump in to quickly.

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By *arried adventurers!Couple
over a year ago

North Lanarkshire

I've always been of the opinion that if someone shouts about being a "dom" then they very rarely are........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I totally agree with Mrs married adventures most guys/ girls that shout off their mouth about being a dom are nothing more than wannabes it comes from a connection a bond that's built up trust and RESPECT understanding of bdsm, it's a stong passionate thing to explore and needs to be handled with care and a true understanding of each other needs,not all about the physical side but also how to mentally stimulate each others minds.... there are lots of bdsm groups meet ups and info good luck

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By *awty MaxWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

The OP knows my opinion on this but I will add that I like to know what a Dom has to offer not what he's gonna take from me 'if I let' him!

I am always wary of 'Doms' that say 'I'.

Respect, Trust, learning about the other person to know the limits and how to challenge them can only make the experience better and for me worthwhile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The OP knows my opinion on this but I will add that I like to know what a Dom has to offer not what he's gonna take from me 'if I let' him!

I am always wary of 'Doms' that say 'I'.

Respect, Trust, learning about the other person to know the limits and how to challenge them can only make the experience better and for me worthwhile."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The OP knows my opinion on this but I will add that I like to know what a Dom has to offer not what he's gonna take from me 'if I let' him!

I am always wary of 'Doms' that say 'I'.

Respect, Trust, learning about the other person to know the limits and how to challenge them can only make the experience better and for me worthwhile."

This 100% agree%

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By *ittle DancerWoman
over a year ago

Leslie, Glenrothes

"The vibe from you is key. Posts like this won't help you because it deminishes your position. "

Precisely.

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By *44bertCouple
over a year ago

Inverness

"I totally agree with Mrs married adventures most guys/ girls that shout off their mouth about being a dom are nothing more than wannabes it comes from a connection a bond that's built up trust and RESPECT understanding of bdsm, it's a stong passionate thing to explore and needs to be handled with care and a true understanding of each other needs,not all about the physical side but also how to mentally stimulate each others minds.... there are lots of bdsm groups meet ups and info good luck

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By *unner123Man
over a year ago

elgin

Totally agree.

Im getting into bdsm a lot recently and the title "dom" doesnt mean that ur incharge. One word from ur sub and its all over I learned at one very quick.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Totally agree.

Im getting into bdsm a lot recently and the title "dom" doesnt mean that ur incharge. One word from ur sub and its all over I learned at one very quick.

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By *earded blossomCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

"I've always been of the opinion that if someone shouts about being a "dom" then they very rarely are........

This

K x

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By *unner123Man
over a year ago

elgin

Totally agree.

Im getting into bdsm a lot recently and the title "dom" doesnt mean that ur incharge. One word from ur sub and its all over I learned at one very quick.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

More chance on fetlife than here

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks guys tweaked my profile slightly

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By *heesyheadbandMan
over a year ago

Glenrothes

"The vibe from you is key. Posts like this won't help you because it deminishes your position. "

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By *ushIronMan
over a year ago

a place with the cure for all

OP as a 'Dominant Male', I have to agree with a lot of what has been said, save to add.

Truth, time and TRUST are the key ingredients to becoming the 'Dom' you truly want to be.

Do not be in an almighty rush to get to the finishing line, as there is 'NO' finishing line. Instead, learn who you are, and go to where you can find others akin to you. Pick a 'Dom you find an aspirational value in, and simply watch. If you find that there are too many conflicts in styles, pick the end of the scene, or a quiet moment in which to quiz the 'Dom' policing the area.

Reserve your ultimate judgment for when you find a/that person/s that you can converse with and gain an agreement to operate and subjugate within a manner which is 'Safe, Sane, & Consensual'.

And Please remember, that as a true 'Dominant', you never stop learning and everything is always 'New'.

Good Luck in your endeavors, I wish you well.

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

Not all subs enjoy the same kind of Dom. Spend time with your sub when you do find one. Learn what they like, learn what pushes their boundaries and listen to them. I had great fun with a guy which in turn made me learn more about myself.

As above if a Dom says he wants to do x, y and z then. I'm instantly put off.

Good luck

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By *awty MaxWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

As above if a Dom says he wants to do x, y and z then. I'm instantly put off.

Fiona.

And that turns the Dominant in me 'ON'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As above if a Dom says he wants to do x, y and z then. I'm instantly put off.

This

And I would add that to me when somebody uses this kind of phrase as an 'opening' line I feel that any hole is a goal and it's all about them using the woman. Now in an established arrangement I liked being 'used' but it's on my terms

Add that to your current status OP and it's doubly off putting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As above if a Dom says he wants to do x, y and z then. I'm instantly put off.

Fiona.

And that turns the Dominant in me 'ON'

Max

Mental picture of you squaring up to the OP

And in the red corner Madame Max

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By *awty MaxWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

As above if a Dom says he wants to do x, y and z then. I'm instantly put off.

Fiona.

And that turns the Dominant in me 'ON'

Max

Mental picture of you squaring up to the OP

And in the red corner Madame Max

Lol MrsD

OP looking nervous in his blue shorts hehe

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By *ob nice but domMan
over a year ago

PAISLEY

We are always looking for another dom type to join us in our play. But true experienced doms on here just don't seem to exist.

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By *ushIronMan
over a year ago

a place with the cure for all

"We are always looking for another dom type to join us in our play. But true experienced doms on here just don't seem to exist. "

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

As above if a Dom says he wants to do x, y and z then. I'm instantly put off.

Fiona.

And that turns the Dominant in me 'ON'

Did I forget to say I'm a bratty sub!

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By *atmanhMan
over a year ago

bellshill

As above if a Dom says he wants to do x, y and z then. I'm instantly put off.

Fiona.

And that turns the Dominant in me 'ON'

Did I forget to say I'm a bratty sub! "

Mmmmmmm

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

As above if a Dom says he wants to do x, y and z then. I'm instantly put off.

This

Add that to your current status OP and it's doubly off putting

I like that you say that it's 'on your terms'. When I played with a Dom it was a gradual build up. He didn't just start tying me up and flogging me. It was a slow process to build trust and learn my boundaries and for him to push them.

For guys on here to say they want to humiliate or inflict pain gives no respect or insight as to what the sub wants. We all like different things and need to be treated differently. A good Dom can play with the sub for hours and take them to sub space. A totally amazing feeling to experience. Just a shame good Doms/Dommes are hard to find.

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By *wallow all givenMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I have found most like it but will not admit it

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By *atmanhMan
over a year ago

bellshill

As above if a Dom says he wants to do x, y and z then. I'm instantly put off.

This

Add that to your current status OP and it's doubly off putting

Have got to know a person a little to have a starting point

Then trust builds as you explore together

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By *awty MaxWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

As above if a Dom says he wants to do x, y and z then. I'm instantly put off.

This

Add that to your current status OP and it's doubly off putting

Very hard to find!

I get a few first messages with 'am gonna tie you up, flog, spank you etc... and you gonna like it!'

Aye right!

I had a scar on my butt for 6 months because of a bad (unintentional but still) whip stroke! Yes, with my dark skin, break the pigment and get a scar!

I don't play with a Dom without having a chat about that.

Same with bruising! Some people are ok with visible bruises and deep ones others not so.

Same like spanking or paddling. I had sciatica for a couple days because I was not spanked or may be paddled in the right place!

I have learnt from all that!

'I am a Dom' should also be 'I am responsible for my sub's physical and mental well-being'!

It's not just 'am gonna get my cake, eat it and go home'.

In my opinion anyway.

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By *atmanhMan
over a year ago

bellshill

As above if a Dom says he wants to do x, y and z then. I'm instantly put off.

This

Add that to your current status OP and it's doubly off putting

Very hard to find!

I get a few first messages with 'am gonna tie you up, flog, spank you etc... and you gonna like it!'

Aye right!

I had a scar on my butt for 6 months because of a bad (unintentional but still) whip stroke! Yes, with my dark skin, break the pigment and get a scar!

I don't play with a Dom without having a chat about that.

Same with bruising! Some people are ok with visible bruises and deep ones others not so.

Same like spanking or paddling. I had sciatica for a couple days because I was not spanked or may be paddled in the right place!

I have learnt from all that!

'I am a Dom' should also be 'I am responsible for my sub's physical and mental well-being'!

It's not just 'am gonna get my cake, eat it and go home'.

In my opinion anyway.

Always this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Trust and understanding are surely the basis of the dom/sub relationship.

By all means once this has been built you develop scenes and stretch boundaries but that's nowhere near the first meet or two

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Any profile on here professing to be "dom" is an instant turn off for me.

A true Dom doesn't need to shout about it, its about the way you carry yourself and the unique relationship which develops over taking time to get to know a potential playmate. Being rough does not make you a Dom. Its in the mind not the actions.

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By *ushIronMan
over a year ago

a place with the cure for all

[Removed by poster at 02/02/17 19:42:18]

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By *ushIronMan
over a year ago

a place with the cure for all

As above if a Dom says he wants to do x, y and z then. I'm instantly put off.

This

Add that to your current status OP and it's doubly off putting

Very hard to find!

I get a few first messages with 'am gonna tie you up, flog, spank you etc... and you gonna like it!'

Aye right!

I had a scar on my butt for 6 months because of a bad (unintentional but still) whip stroke! Yes, with my dark skin, break the pigment and get a scar!

I don't play with a Dom without having a chat about that.

Same with bruising! Some people are ok with visible bruises and deep ones others not so.

Same like spanking or paddling. I had sciatica for a couple days because I was not spanked or may be paddled in the right place!

I have learnt from all that!

'I am a Dom' should also be 'I am responsible for my sub's physical and mental well-being'!

It's not just 'am gonna get my cake, eat it and go home'.

In my opinion anyway.

Always this

Absolutely 'THIS'

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

Totally agree with Maxx.

I trusted the Dom I played with implicitly. I knew he was always keeping a watch on me to ensure I was ok.

Think that's why I find it difficult to find someone else with that experience.

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By *awty MaxWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"Totally agree with Maxx.

I trusted the Dom I played with implicitly. I knew he was always keeping a watch on me to ensure I was ok.

Think that's why I find it difficult to find someone else with that experience. "

Fingers crossed you do Fiona

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my experience in the bdsm scene (abt 20 years) being dominant isn't about wanting to spank/flog or cause pain that's a sadist. I would say I'm a semi retired domme, my need and desire to control is always there, I find pleasure in pushing a persons boundaries and them having the complete trust in me that I am in control of any play scenario so that they can enjoy being safe in the sub space they have entered. I prefer to use sensual play, orgasm control etc to build up a bond with a submissive. Too many people have no idea how to build a person up and more importantly bring them down as the sub's safety should always be paramount!!

Musicmaid xx

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"Right so im looking to be someones master !! Tie them up, humiliate them dp them treat them if there being good, punish them if there not. But i get the vibe most girls arent into this on fab. Am i correct or is just the right girls not getting in touch !!

I wouldn't go near you with someone else's!

I've not read your profile... deliberately mostly because I wanted to respond from my first impression of your post but I'm guessing you're young, at least ten years my junior. Your wording screams inexperience and lacking in the knowledge of what makes a D/s relationship work on any level.

It's not about most girls not being into this on fab, there's a massive percentage of women looking for a dominant male but you don't just suddenly become someone's Master. Getting to know a woman with a view to her submitting to you takes a whole lot more trust than you are capable of at the moment.

If you're really serious then do some homework and learn about the dynamics involved.

I'm off to read your profile now. Just for my own amusement.

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