FabSwingers.com forum: Cliques at socials and parties

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hate cliques but but have been to a few parties and socials now and we have found too many couples not keen to chat and circulate which I find off-putting and hardly conducive to good fun.

My fb is fairly chatty but even he finds many of the folk aloof and unenthusiastic.

Does anyone else experience a similar problem?

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By *ifes journeyCouple
over a year ago

scotland

Only a small amount of people use the forums therefor it tends to be those that read the forums that attend with a few others thrown in.

Also it's natural for groups to form it happens throughout life. Some will socialise and accept other into their company others won't.

I do think dramas, vendettas, queens etc can create a them and us atmosphere thou.

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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago

Falkirk

Im a social butterfly and will happily chat to anyone at socials.

Yes there will always be groups but sometimes its because they haven't seen friends for months

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By *yldstyleWoman
over a year ago

A world of my own

Socials are what you make them. If you make the effort to be friendly and chat to people then most return the gesture.

Some people might just be shy so its nice to be the one to start conversation.

In the past when I've organised socials I've gone out of my way to talk to everyone and to help people get to meet others but you can't always spoon feed people.

Some just enjoy their own company and just take it all in. Thats okay too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd say the same...socials are what you make them

Been to some brilliant socials and some not so good tho lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd say the same...socials are what you make them

Been to some brilliant socials and some not so good tho lol "

This

Def what you make them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not too keen on cliquey

people

I chat to anyone if you don't like me tough tittie

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By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!

I dont talk to every single person at socials but if someone approached me id certainly speak to them.

Of course in ever social your going to have groups of friends but even then im sure they would speak to people who approached them .

Parties I find easier as its a smaller group of people .

Just enjoy the people you have spoken to and just remeber there are some who dont mix well in big gatherings and prefer to stick to friends they already know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm preparing to attend my first fab social, the Xmas one...you guys are making me nervous!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm preparing to attend my first fab social, the Xmas one...you guys are making me nervous!"

You can come sit on my knee hunni il be extra nice to you

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By *ifes journeyCouple
over a year ago

scotland

"I'm preparing to attend my first fab social, the Xmas one...you guys are making me nervous!"

Just go and enjoy yourself, it's definatley what you make it

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By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!

"I'm preparing to attend my first fab social, the Xmas one...you guys are making me nervous!"
Im sure ul be fine hunni, you know il talk to you if I can fight through the guys who will be waiting to chat to you lol xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm preparing to attend my first fab social, the Xmas one...you guys are making me nervous!Im sure ul be fine hunni, you know il talk to you if I can fight through the guys who will be waiting to chat to you lol xxx"

Aww Mrs you going il look forward to finally meeting you

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By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!

Aww Mrs you going il look forward to finally meeting you

"
I sure am and likewise xx

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

"Im a social butterfly and will happily chat to anyone at socials.

Yes there will always be groups but sometimes its because they haven't seen friends for months

Yeah, me too. We like to meet new people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hate cliques but but have been to a few parties and socials now and we have found too many couples not keen to chat and circulate which I find off-putting and hardly conducive to good fun.

My fb is fairly chatty but even he finds many of the folk aloof and unenthusiastic.

Does anyone else experience a similar problem?

I admit as a single guy this fear has put me off going to events

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have went to socials and clubs as a couple and as a single and have found that everyone chats to everyone and has a really good night. However sometimes can be busy and you wouldn't get the chance to go round everyone. I guess if you go in thinking like that then it will be. No expectations = no let downs

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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago

Falkirk

OK, i'll admit that as a single guy it can be daunting, but even as a single woman or couple who are going to a social for the first time it will be nerve racking.

However, be brave.....don't have too much dutch courage beforehand.....and go. You'll be pleasantly surprised i'm sure.

And if you're still nervous, arrange to meet a few people beforehand and then you can go in together

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By *inkyHnSCouple
over a year ago

The Council of Elrond

"I dont talk to every single person at socials but if someone approached me id certainly speak to them.

Of course in ever social your going to have groups of friends but even then im sure they would speak to people who approached them .

Parties I find easier as its a smaller group of people .

Just enjoy the people you have spoken to and just remeber there are some who dont mix well in big gatherings and prefer to stick to friends they already know

Nawty_MissDynomite your social nights are really good.

I remember our first social we at one of your social nights and we were shy social virgins. I also remember we went to another one of yours that a ice cube kissing game started and really broke the ice ( no pun intended )

But yeah socials are what you make of them.

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By *un4two16Couple
over a year ago

livingston

Our first day on the site we went to a social the falkirk one for those who remember us

soo glad we did. We were absolutely terrified got our lift to drop us miles away just incase!

we met a lovely bunch of people outside and away we went.

We had an amazing night even though we had one of those

real life moments. By far the best night out we have had with people we didn't know. Everyone was very friendly and we survived to tell the tale!

My advice would be to get to the next one near you xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm preparing to attend my first fab social, the Xmas one...you guys are making me nervous!

You can come sit on my knee hunni il be extra nice to you

Not sure your knee is big enough for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll be looking for you lady!

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By *rsFine-MrBallsCouple
over a year ago

markinch

Cliques , never lol, ooops

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm preparing to attend my first fab social, the Xmas one...you guys are making me nervous!

You can come sit on my knee hunni il be extra nice to you

Not sure your knee is big enough for me

I'm sure we can manage some kind of position lol

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By *lawless doveWoman
over a year ago

bothwell

At any social or party there are always going to be groups of people who have met or chatted for long periods. All you have to do is walk over and say hello. I've never felt a group were unapproachable and have gone over and chatted . Never felt un welcome either.

If your signed up go with an open mind and have fun xx

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By *andsCouple
over a year ago

Edin

our very first social many many years ago had me nearly hyperventilating before I walked through the door but 5 mins in we were asked to sit with a group of people who turned out to be great friends.

From then every social we attended we went round and introduced ourselves as we remembered how we felt.

Go along get your bums of seats and approach people what's the worst that could happen. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm preparing to attend my first fab social, the Xmas one...you guys are making me nervous!

You can come sit on my knee hunni il be extra nice to you

Not sure your knee is big enough for me

I'm sure we can manage some kind of position lol

I've always got a bit of spare thigh for lively ladies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try to get round everyone at the socials I organise and make sure anyone who is a bit nervous or anxious meet maybe someone a bit more experienced at socials.

I would never want to think anyone felt uncomfortable x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I remember myself and be gentle 100 set up our first big social event was nerve racking.but I like the socials,and I will go out my way and try to speak to anyone

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I must have met some of you from parties and cjs then! However the usernames are not familiar but I'm sure I would recognise many of you.

I was at a private party a year ago and none of the couples chatted to anyone else for hours with zilch chemistry... I left as it was hard work trying to make conversation!

I'm going to after 8 on 23rd so maybe see some of you there then.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've attended a few socials over the years and I may get hung for this but....

Some people who attend go out of their way to introduce themselves, some people stick to purely their friends and don't accomodate "outsiders" and some people find it overwhelming and don't really get involved too much.

That's exactly the same as real life.

If you go up to a group of strangers having a meal and try to engage them in conversation and noone responds does that make them a clique?

To summarise I'd say yes there are some folks at socials who don't do the rounds and mingle with everyone but so what- its probably just not their thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I try to get round everyone at the socials I organise and make sure anyone who is a bit nervous or anxious meet maybe someone a bit more experienced at socials.

I would never want to think anyone felt uncomfortable x"

Looking forward to meeting you!

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

"I try to get round everyone at the socials I organise and make sure anyone who is a bit nervous or anxious meet maybe someone a bit more experienced at socials.

I would never want to think anyone felt uncomfortable x"

Me too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Totally agree with mafc there are all kinds of people out there. The ones who are outgoing with people they know and clam up when approached by someone new. No time for that.

But then there are quiet folk who take a bit to come out there shell. And then there are folk like myself who will happly talk the ears off a stranger.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is what you make it.

At socials, think of it, people have had the balls to go to a swinger social, some people are outgoing, some are quiet and shy, some are talked into it by friends.

At the Dundee Social I missed a lot of people whom I would have wanted to chat with as in knowing them for years through chat and never met. Also looking around there were also some hotties that I never got round to chatting. There was sections right enough but its just the way it worked in, some walked about chatting and some didn't.

Me personally, I never stopped chatting to a lot of folk, some I knew, some I didn't. If I had realised I would have got the DJ to use the Mic and announce ma name so everyone could come up and chat to me or know who I as to stay clear. lolllllllllll, just a thought.

As I said before it is what you make it, just have the balls and go and chat to people, if they are standoffish then that's the way they are until they maybe feel comfortable with you

Regards Peter XxX

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By *UNKIEMan
over a year ago

south east

With me i can be very quiet and shy at first at a social gathering and do tend to look for company i already know ..im not being cliquey however just shy ...i will gradually come out of my corner as the night goes on though lol

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

"It is what you make it.

At socials, think of it, people have had the balls to go to a swinger social, some people are outgoing, some are quiet and shy, some are talked into it by friends.

As I said before it is what you make it, just have the balls and go and chat to people, if they are standoffish then that's the way they are until they maybe feel comfortable with you

Regards Peter XxX

I don't think the layout of the Dundee social venue is great for mingling, as it seems to cut the room in half. There were a few people we only saw at closing time that we liked the look of and would have been interested in chatting with, but just didn't get the opportunity.

Maybe next time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It is what you make it.

At socials, think of it, people have had the balls to go to a swinger social, some people are outgoing, some are quiet and shy, some are talked into it by friends.

As I said before it is what you make it, just have the balls and go and chat to people, if they are standoffish then that's the way they are until they maybe feel comfortable with you

Regards Peter XxX

Maybe next time

Actually, true the layout didn't suit as you stated.

it was my first social after 5 years on fab so I cant complain, I had a good laugh, meeting a lot of folk. if there's a next time for me, I will make sure I meet and chat to a lot more

Regards peter

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

"It is what you make it.

At socials, think of it, people have had the balls to go to a swinger social, some people are outgoing, some are quiet and shy, some are talked into it by friends.

As I said before it is what you make it, just have the balls and go and chat to people, if they are standoffish then that's the way they are until they maybe feel comfortable with you

Regards Peter XxX

Maybe next time

Actually, true the layout didn't suit as you stated.

it was my first social after 5 years on fab so I cant complain, I had a good laugh, meeting a lot of folk. if there's a next time for me, I will make sure I meet and chat to a lot more

Regards peter

Cool, see you there

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By *awty MaxWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"I've attended a few socials over the years and I may get hung for this but....

That's exactly the same as real life.

If you go up to a group of strangers having a meal and try to engage them in conversation and noone responds does that make them a clique?

To summarise I'd say yes there are some folks at socials who don't do the rounds and mingle with everyone but so what- its probably just not their thing.

I agree with Stephen.

Different personalities out there.

At a social, I try to chat to everyone. Sometimes i miss people not because I want to but it may be that they were chatting and I didn't want to interrupt

and didn't manage to catch them.

I have been 'anti social' lol at Cjs one evening and didn't approach anyone! But i was mega tired, had stressful day and stayed in my corner chatting. But I would not have blanked anyone approaching me! I was just happy, chilling and watching was going on!

I don't have to make the first step towards people all the time!

Same at a social, drive was long, got lost, stressed, chilled and let people come to me!

There are lots of reasons why some people don't mingle!

I have tried at dundee socials to say I will introduce you and people have refused, took a back seat and took things in!

Fair enough!

Personally I am always the last one to see cliques because i just see people that gets on and have affinities.

And I don't see anything wrong with that.

Hope this makes sense

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've attended a few socials over the years and I may get hung for this but....

That's exactly the same as real life.

If you go up to a group of strangers having a meal and try to engage them in conversation and noone responds does that make them a clique?

To summarise I'd say yes there are some folks at socials who don't do the rounds and mingle with everyone but so what- its probably just not their thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well out of the 2 socials this year only 2 complaints about the venue so guess thats good.Its all about getting up and talking to folk.and if anyone wanted an i tro to folk they didnt know. One of the organisers whould have introduced folk if they had asked

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Only a small amount of people use the forums therefor it tends to be those that read the forums that attend with a few others thrown in.

Also it's natural for groups to form it happens throughout life. Some will socialise and accept other into their company others won't.

I do think dramas, vendettas, queens etc can create a them and us atmosphere thou."

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

"Well out of the 2 socials this year only 2 complaints about the venue so guess thats good.Its all about getting up and talking to folk.and if anyone wanted an i tro to folk they didnt know. One of the organisers whould have introduced folk if they had asked"

Exactly, we had a new couple sitting in our group and made sure they were involved in the conversation, they had a great time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I remember myself and be gentle 100 set up our first big social event was nerve racking.but I like the socials,and I will go out my way and try to speak to anyone"

Yep you do that

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By *ockerMrBloggs6969Man
over a year ago

nr you but not too near

One has never been to a social so couldn't possibly coment

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I think I will stick to meeting people on a one to one basis instead. I have had plenty success this way and we have arranged to meet in the first place because we like the sound of each other!

I have actually had many guys and a few couples I have met say they have had similar experiences so sorry it is a common thing on fab.

Incidentally I have also asked about times/venues of socials on the forums in the past and have yet to receive a reply!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Socials aren't for everyone and there is likely to be groups of people who already know each other but I've always believed you get out of it what you put in.

I've never been to a social where established groups have friends have been anything less than welcoming to a newbie.

I've only organised one social myself but I did try to speak to everyone that attended, tried to introduce others and included a game to get people moving and chatting.

Like I say though they're not for everyone

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

Incidentally I have also asked about times/venues of socials on the forums in the past and have yet to receive a reply! "

The details are never publicly advertised, they are only sent to those attending

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By *rsFine-MrBallsCouple
over a year ago

markinch

"I must have met some of you from parties and cjs then! However the usernames are not familiar but I'm sure I would recognise many of you.

I was at a private party a year ago and none of the couples chatted to anyone else for hours with zilch chemistry... I left as it was hard work trying to make conversation!

I'm going to after 8 on 23rd so maybe see some of you there then."

And Wednesday mmm never know might see ya

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Incidentally I have also asked about times/venues of socials on the forums in the past and have yet to receive a reply!

The details are never publicly advertised, they are only sent to those attending"

Ah ok..well how do you know when and where they are so you can ask to attend? Or are only a few invited then?!

The ones I was at were through a guy I knew well but left the site a few months back.

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By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!

Incidentally I have also asked about times/venues of socials on the forums in the past and have yet to receive a reply!

The details are never publicly advertised, they are only sent to those attending

Ah ok..well how do you know when and where they are so you can ask to attend? Or are only a few invited then?!

The ones I was at were through a guy I knew well but left the site a few months back. "
The area and date are put on the forum post as for details of venues these are only given out either or the day or 24hrs beforehand

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By *ifes journeyCouple
over a year ago

scotland

The general area of the event is make public e.g. Glasgow west end and a date ....times are also normally advertised.....due to some morons spoiling event the exact details are given to those that have paid a day or so before event.

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By *ifes journeyCouple
over a year ago

scotland

"our very first social many many years ago had me nearly hyperventilating before I walked through the door but 5 mins in we were asked to sit with a group of people who turned out to be great friends.

From then every social we attended we went round and introduced ourselves as we remembered how we felt.

Go along get your bums of seats and approach people what's the worst that could happen. X"

Haha was our first social too I remember it very well....musta been nice people younwere sitting with

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By *awty MaxWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Incidentally I have also asked about times/venues of socials on the forums in the past and have yet to receive a reply!

The details are never publicly advertised, they are only sent to those attending

Ah ok..well how do you know when and where they are so you can ask to attend? Or are only a few invited then?!

The ones I was at were through a guy I knew well but left the site a few months back. "

We just had a social in Dundee last week-end and it was advertised on the forum since June. We had regular posts and threads to make sure everyone using the forum saw it and got a change to put their names down. You had the date and how much the entry was but the venue was disclosed to those who had paid the night before.

Keep an eye on the forum and you will see the threads.

If my memory is good there is a Xmas one coming, west lothian one and a valentine one.

You can search the forum to see the date and general area where they are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its not a complaint

the venue was still great and had a right good laugh and night.

feck you know wit the best social is

get a big room, get all the chair sin one big circle and make everyone sit and talk, prob like the AA do it lolllllllllllll

then everyone will see everyone and they will have to chat

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By *andsCouple
over a year ago

Edin

From then every social we attended we went round and introduced ourselves as we remembered how we felt.

Go along get your bums of seats and approach people what's the worst that could happen. X

Haha was our first social too I remember it very well....musta been nice people younwere sitting with

Must have been lol .... Seems like a lifetime ago now xx

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By *ifes journeyCouple
over a year ago

scotland

From then every social we attended we went round and introduced ourselves as we remembered how we felt.

Go along get your bums of seats and approach people what's the worst that could happen. X

Haha was our first social too I remember it very well....musta been nice people younwere sitting with

Must have been lol .... Seems like a lifetime ago now xx"

Yeah and now we are grown ups haha

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By *un4two16Couple
over a year ago

livingston

West Lothian social

Sat 10th December

Bathgate central location

£5pp paid in advance via PayPal

Private function suite

7.30pm-late

Non playing

Food

Music

Lots of who's near profiles

Pm for more details xx

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By *un4two16Couple
over a year ago

livingston

"Hate cliques but but have been to a few parties and socials now and we have found too many couples not keen to chat and circulate which I find off-putting and hardly conducive to good fun.

My fb is fairly chatty but even he finds many of the folk aloof and unenthusiastic.

Does anyone else experience a similar problem?

We can't reply directly but we would love you to come to the Bathgate social xx

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