FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to Scotland

Bad jokes...

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I (Mr) am a fan of the bad joke, or jokes in the Tim Vine style. Anybody have any good ones? I'll post a few for starters.

A mate of mine has a butler who has no left arm. Serves him right.

I was offered a 42" plasma TV with the volume stuck on full for £1. I thought, how can I turn that down?!

My brother got a new job with the council scraping chewing gum of the pavements. They didn't give any training, but he's picking it up as he goes along.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was offered a job doing circumsision at the local hospital, the money was rubbish but I got to keep the tips......

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm mixed race, my father is Scottish and my mother preferred the 100 metres

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ingerTwistWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

3 nuns were sitting on a park bench as a flasher streaked past.

Two had a stroke and one couldn't reach.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ee wonky willieMan
over a year ago

glasgow

My grandfather died falling into a vat of whiskey. He fought those trying to save him vigorously..

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's brown and sticky?

.

.

.

.

A stick

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A Rabbi took 4,000 foreskins to Swaine Aidney Brigg (pish posh leather goods manufacturer)

He comes back a month later.

They have made him a wallet.

Is that it?

It's OK if you stroke it then otwill become a suitcase

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what do you call a fish with no eye ....a fshhhh

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

2 Irish men walking down the road one stops and says paddy over here is the grave of a man who lived to a 195 yrs of age paddy says aww that's a miracle what was his name tam replies miles from London

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ootall2920Man
over a year ago

Linlithgow

[Removed by poster at 28/09/16 22:54:49]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ootall2920Man
over a year ago

Linlithgow

Two parrots sitting on a perch, one says to the other :

'Do you smell something fishy?'

What's the difference between a dirt road and the ladies of Fab?

One knackers your tyres and the other...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A Man wakes up in Glasgow Infirmary covered head to toe in bandages.

Ah Mr Wilson.your going to be ok ..youve had a nasty car accident and its unfortunate in the process of your recovery we have had to chop your cock off

WHIT..

Now Now ..Mr Wilson ..dont worry you have good Medical Insurance we can give you a choice of 3 various sized Cocks ....It will depend on exactly how much you would like too spend.

Opt 1 - 1000 5 inches

Opt 2 - 5000 8 inches

Opt 3 - 15000 12 inches

It would be in your best interest too discuss the varied costs and sizes too suit your Wifes needs..

2 weeks later..

Ah Mr Wilson ..your looking a lot better..and have you discussed your situation with your Wife ?

Yes Doctor ..

We have decided too go for the Granite Worktops i the Kitchen

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A Man walks into a Pet Shop..

"Excuse me"

"How much is it for your Wasps"?

Sorry ..but we genuinely dont sell Wasps..

"Thats misleading ..you have 2 in the window"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *homCrownMan
over a year ago

West Fife

I see the cost of building chimneys is going through the roof...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Exit signs. They're on the way out.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have had few jobs in my life

i tried working as a contortionist but couldn't make ends meet

i worked in a bank but got the sack for taking my work home with me

tried my hand as a humam cannball but that did not last long i got fired

i was offered a job as a postman i thought its betterthan walking the streets

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One's quite heavy, the other is a little lighter.

When I play golf I always leave the ball short of the hole. And that would be putting it mildly.

I'm into early computers. I think I'm autistic about it... at least somewhere on the spectrum.

I got a pizza delivered to my former mrs house. Fed Ex!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 29/09/16 17:57:14]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *lutandhubbyCouple
over a year ago

west midlands

OMG.. I've been Charged with Murder.

For Killing a Man to Death, with Sandpaper.

To Be Honest.

I only intended to Rough Him Up a Bit.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's pink and hard?

A pig with a flick knife

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *atmanhMan
over a year ago

bellshill

What's pink, wrinkled and hangs out your trousers?

Your Mum

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What's pink, wrinkled and hangs out your trousers?

Your Mum"

Lmfao

That's cold! Yeah, so is your momma bed

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *lutandhubbyCouple
over a year ago

west midlands

53 Economic Migrant Adults and 14 Illegal Refugees have been found in a Container in Harwich Docks.

*

*

*

*

This is going to be the best fucking episode of Storage Wars ever

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *mudg3rMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

My dad was a magician. I've got two half sisters.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a chicken with a lettuce on its beak?

Chicken ceasar salad

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What do you call a chicken with a lettuce on its beak?

Chicken ceasar salad"

What are you doing in here? Get back to the Lounge

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What do you call a chicken with a lettuce on its beak?

Chicken ceasar salad

What are you doing in here? Get back to the Lounge

"

Idont know how!?!?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?....To see his flatmate!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the chicken cross the playpark?

To get to the other slide!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *lawless doveWoman
over a year ago

bothwell

Paddy and Murphy were walking down the street when Paddy trips and breaks his leg.

Paddy: Murphy call me an ambulance

Murphy: Paddy your an ambulance

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *lawless doveWoman
over a year ago

bothwell


"Paddy and Murphy were walking down the street when Paddy trips and breaks his leg.

Paddy: Murphy call me an ambulance

Murphy: Paddy your an ambulance

"

Sorry I'm rubbish at telling jokes. This is one I heard at Halloween

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Paddy and Murphy were walking down the street when Paddy trips and breaks his leg.

Paddy: Murphy call me an ambulance

Murphy: Paddy your an ambulance

Sorry I'm rubbish at telling jokes. This is one I heard at Halloween "

Nothing wrong with your delivery,the thread title asks for bad jokes...and a bad joke you delivered,so good job

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the housewife cross the road.

That's not the question, why was she away from the sink in the first place

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why did the housewife cross the road.

That's not the question, why was she away from the sink in the first place "

MG

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *edLionScotMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I'm really angry. I got sacked from the Fireworks Display Team, because I let some off at the wrong time.

It's bang out of order.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the woman that got sacked from work at the sperm bank??

She got caught drinking on the job

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Judge:

Why did you park your car here?

Victim:

It said 'fine for parking'.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What's brown and sticky?

.

.

.

.

A stick "

What's brown and quacks

Donald Mince

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ouwilllikeitwhenilickitMan
over a year ago

paisley

what kind of biscuits fly? wee plane ones

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What's brown and sticky?

.

.

.

.

A stick

What's brown and quacks

Donald Mince

"

That certainly lived up to its billing.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top