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BDSM - Misogynistic and demeaning or erotic and fulfilling?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

As a relative newbie being guided by a partner who is somewhat more experienced than I in "swinging" I am intrigued to hear people's opinions on the merits/benefits of this sexual interaction or as they see it the detriments.

I myself gain immense sexual gratification from being the "Sub" in the Dom/Sub scenario, giving control to my Dom in order that he may "use" me S he sees fit. I have had experience of revulsion from other women in the past, "demeaning and enforcing negative sexual stereotypes" and so forth but it gets me off like nothing else. Ultimately I have the real control as the moment I say my safe word, everything stops and the Sub/Dom dynamic is no longer in play....the Dom is really MY bitch

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By *ola cubesMan
over a year ago

coatbridge

I just cant get my head round sub /dom dosnt matter which party is the dom to my view there has to be a misogynistic side to a person to be able to inflict pain. My view will be jaded because I gain no pleasure from pain. For me pain is simply pain and totally unpleasant.i agree with natural dominance which ebbs and flows during an encounter.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Submission and Domination need not always be about pain, that is two facets Sadism and Masochism. You also have Bondage and Domination and there is the counter argument that a little pain or a wee sting serves to heighten and enhance arousal.

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By *ola cubesMan
over a year ago

coatbridge

"Submission and Domination need not always be about pain, that is two facets Sadism and Masochism. You also have Bondage and Domination and there is the counter argument that a little pain or a wee sting serves to heighten and enhance arousal."
for me being restrained would be painful ( have done it) and no one would dominate me I wouldnt allow it. this is the reason I said I could never understand it. A wee sting or a little pain would just get rid of any lustful thoughts I had. And I have tried with partners but I simply dont enjoy it. I totally get that some do and my thoughts remain the same there has to be a mysoginistc side to a person to gain pleasure from inflicting pain or dominating a person which to mt mind just looks degrading. I do get that for yourself and others this view is wrong but I can only speak from my perspective

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

That was my intention, to hear differing perspectives and viewpoints and you are as entitled to air your views as am I. Your frankness is appreciated

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

I love the different feeling of euphoria you can get. Much better than a physical orgasm the headspace when you reach that point is amazing. Not all about pain but can be orgasm control, stroking, hot, cold, etc

Played recently with a guy that could take me to that headspace and it was amazing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all have our own interpretation of what we see the dom/sub relationship as and different couples and singles will go for differing elements of it.

My belief is that the majority of this is in the head, the perceived loss or gaining of control is the real stimulus the actions during will be within pre agreed boundaries

Your point that the sub has ultimate control through the safe word is essential.

As long as you're enjoying it, go for it

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By *atandasmileMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I occasionally play the dominant role and I do enjoy it. But I'll only enjoy it (or indeed start being dominant in the first place) if I'm *sure* that's what she wants and needs.

Once I am sure, I will try to figure out exactly what that submissive person needs, and give her that experience. I use a lot of psychology, control, restraint, and orgasms. But not really any pain - I find inflicting pain difficult and will only cause small amounts, again only when I sense the need.

What I will say is that being dominant, for me, is a very giving thing: you are stepping up to the plate to give a submissive person something that they want, sometimes even need or crave. It is hard work, but very rewarding and, yes - I also take a lot of pleasure from it along the way.

So there's my attitude: erotic and fulfilling when mutually desired, though I would change in a heartbeat to misogynistic and demeaning if not.

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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago

Falkirk

I'm like _atandasmile.

It doesn't define who i am. And it isn't always necessary. But, on occasion, it can give both myself and my sub immense pleasure.

Never thought of it as anything else

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm like _atandasmile.

It doesn't define who i am. And it isn't always necessary. But, on occasion, it can give both myself and my sub immense pleasure.

Never thought of it as anything else

"

Agreed. I love it. And have practiced it for as long as I've been sexually active. But it definitely doesn't define me and I'm certainly no misogynist.

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By *quirtiliscious1Woman
over a year ago

Dundee

Sorry but in my opinion and only my opinion.

I really enjoy giving my swx date the power over me I and I repeat I get off on it. He flogs etc me because this gives me pleasure not for him. Albeit he likes me being horny and wet after whatever he has done to me.

At end of day who are we to judge others what happens between consential adults is their business.

Squurts xx

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By *atmanhMan
over a year ago

bellshill

True power is with sub

Dom is there to provide what is needed

And obviously get something in return

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By *ooglefrogCouple
over a year ago

glasgow

I think it only turns into misogyny/misandry if the woman/man isn't actually into bdsm.

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By *ithardscotMan
over a year ago

Kelty

It's fabulous as long as you understand and respect each other's limits

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think its a crock of crap lol ...unless U realy enjoy it ...id hate for somebody to tell me what to do ect .and to tell them .but everybody to there own

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

im my humble opinion for the people who are into it and who it works for it REALLY works and is a beautiful dynamic.

for the people who dont get it, and have probably never experienced it, thats fine but im glad im not you.

it works for us, its not about ordering people about or beating the crap out of them for the sake of it, it is, in my opinion, about having a connection where one person sees no harm, in fact thrives, in giving themselves up to somebody else, and where both share a love for something similar.

im happy to say that my partner is far from a push over, and that neither of us see the need for her to be "owned".

as has been said before a dom is only as good as the sub allows them to be, the sub is always the one in control and thats how it should be.

so to the people into it, spank away, to the people who are not fair play, each to their own.

mr

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By *oungladMan
over a year ago

Burnham

I remember reading an article written by a feminist who reconciles being a sub and being a feminist. She found that by simply being "acted on" while being in control of the situation was very liberating because she doesn't need to worry at all about pleasing the gent. The gents pleasure was giving pleasure and the subs was to receive without expectation of reciprocating. Though for different people it can be different things. I don't inherently associate being a sub with being a woman since the swinging lifestyle lets anyone take up whatever position is right for them. I find it a pleasure being a sub. It can likewise be a pleasure for a woman.

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By *ooglefrogCouple
over a year ago

glasgow

"im my humble opinion for the people who are into it and who it works for it REALLY works and is a beautiful dynamic.

for the people who dont get it, and have probably never experienced it, thats fine but im glad im not you.

it works for us, its not about ordering people about or beating the crap out of them for the sake of it, it is, in my opinion, about having a connection where one person sees no harm, in fact thrives, in giving themselves up to somebody else, and where both share a love for something similar.

im happy to say that my partner is far from a push over, and that neither of us see the need for her to be "owned".

as has been said before a dom is only as good as the sub allows them to be, the sub is always the one in control and thats how it should be.

so to the people into it, spank away, to the people who are not fair play, each to their own.

mr"

Totally agree with this.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I remember reading an article written by a feminist who reconciles being a sub and being a feminist. She found that by simply being "acted on" while being in control of the situation was very liberating because she doesn't need to worry at all about pleasing the gent. The gents pleasure was giving pleasure and the subs was to receive without expectation of reciprocating. Though for different people it can be different things. I don't inherently associate being a sub with being a woman since the swinging lifestyle lets anyone take up whatever position is right for them. I find it a pleasure being a sub. It can likewise be a pleasure for a woman."

A very cogent and articulate "defence"

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By *oungladMan
over a year ago

Burnham

"A very cogent and articulate "defence"

"

I just don't think something consensual that can bring out a lot of pleasure for both people regardless of gender can be inherently mysoginistic. Like to add that I'm a switch, I like being the son and the dub

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By *ob nice but domMan
over a year ago

PAISLEY

Interesting stuff.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been both submissive and Dom ,i love bdsm , I've recently started to learn more thorough workshops chatting to people and research, being Dom I only ever play as ff and I enjoy a more sensual bdsm meet , I always do a social first to chat get to know each other and find out each other likes dos , donts ect , but I enjoy setting the scene candles relaxing scents lighting all very sexy then I involve blindfold,kissing ,touching ,stroking ,massage ,ice ,hot wax ,light spanking ( depending on that persons limits) I've had some amazing meets involving bdsm but for everyone it's different and done differently it's all about communication and trust xx

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By *atmanhMan
over a year ago

bellshill

"I've been both submissive and Dom ,i love bdsm , I've recently started to learn more thorough workshops chatting to people and research, being Dom I only ever play as ff and I enjoy a more sensual bdsm meet , I always do a social first to chat get to know each other and find out each other likes dos , donts ect , but I enjoy setting the scene candles relaxing scents lighting all very sexy then I involve blindfold,kissing ,touching ,stroking ,massage ,ice ,hot wax ,light spanking ( depending on that persons limits) I've had some amazing meets involving bdsm but for everyone it's different and done differently it's all about communication and trust xx

"

Definitely

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm a sub, as you will no doubt have gathered, in a position of responsibility and authority, make decisions that affect others and have to be accountable at all times. When I become sexually submissive and give over such high degree of control over me to someone else I find it cathartic, liberating and more satisfying than anything else I have experienced.

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