FabSwingers.com forum: Your own lonely hearts blurb!

By *976scott OP Man
over a year ago

North Lanarkshire

Following on from another post! Thought it would be fun to write your own as a bit of fun and a piss take of yourself! Lighten up the forums a bit! Here goes;

Almost 40 something professional male seeks playmate! Must be hot and on occasion Durty! I enjoy outdoor activities (dogging) and modern adult cinema, generally hornier than a Vikings helmet, modest in the trouser department and can breath through my ears! Enjoy the social aspect of meeting people and frequent all the best restaurants and bars (the spice of life tandoori and the nags head) very sofisticated often to be seen at the bar with my pinky out enjoying a pint of Stella and some cheese and onion volyvonts!

If you like the sound of that ladies get in touch for some fun and frolics!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Following on from another post! Thought it would be fun to write your own as a bit of fun and a piss take of yourself! Lighten up the forums a bit! Here goes;

If you like the sound of that ladies get in touch for some fun and frolics!"

Curvy confident girl in her twenties seeks someone who can do all the work and occasionally will receive a reward. Likes going for walks and meals.

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By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!

Confidant woman who knows what she's looking for .

Someone to have fun times with on a regular basis both in the bedroom as well as out the bedroom.

Bit of a social butterfly and loves a good social or party with copious amounts of Chardonnay and champagne on tap

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Short, blonde,slightly overweight,early 40s.

Now accepting applications for a partner in crime.

Must be fluent in smart-ass, sarcasm and adult language.

Questionable morals and nudity may be required.

May also be required to complete an oral and practical interview.

Please apply within.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When the white eagle of the north,

is flying overhead,

and the greens, browns and golds of autumn,

lie in the gutter,dead,

Remember then,the summer birds on wings of fire,

come to witness springs new hope,

born of leaves decaying,

As new life will come from death,

love will come at leisure,

love of love, love of life and giving, without measure,

gives in return the wondrous yearn of a promise almost seen,

Live hand in hand and together we'll stay,

On the threshold of a dream.

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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago

Falkirk

White, father of 3, sliver haired tease seeks fun, frolics and friendship.

Sanity is overrated(at least mine is) so just looking for someone to share a cuppa and cake with.

Has dominant tendencies but keeps them hidden unless with the right person.

Has no free time whatsoever thanks to working hard and spending any free time with kids.

Therefore patience is required.

Not fussy but must be female, half sane, not a bunny boiler, preferably not 6'9" as I'm vertically challenged and she must like hairy chests as I'm not waxing for anyone

Good baking skills a bonus

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Short, blonde,slightly overweight,early 40s.

Now accepting applications for a partner in crime.

Must be fluent in smart-ass, sarcasm and adult language.

Questionable morals and nudity may be required.

May also be required to complete an oral and practical interview.

Please apply within.

This is my favourite so far

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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago

Falkirk

"Short, blonde,slightly overweight,early 40s.

Now accepting applications for a partner in crime.

Must be fluent in smart-ass, sarcasm and adult language.

Questionable morals and nudity may be required.

May also be required to complete an oral and practical interview.

Please apply within.

Pretty sure you've just described me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

mature gentleman 58, aged well. Noble grey looks,fit and active. Sound mind and unfazed by the fickle demands of modern society seeks ....damm it I have to pee again.

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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago

Falkirk

"mature gentleman 58, aged well. Noble grey looks,fit and active. Sound mind and unfazed by the fickle demands of modern society seeks ....damm it I have to pee again.

Lmao

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Curvacious female fast approaching 30,i like to think i am quick whitted and have a gsoh.

Im like an onion i have many layers and you need to be patient for me to let you into the deep n dirty parts of my head.

Very limited time so free weekends is a must and being a night owl will always help.

Oh and if you like vintage, have beard and tatts and have a slight liking for smarties and bourbon cocktails... Get in touch xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bald short fat ugly gentleman 58. Seeks short sighted women with a tremendous sexual appetite

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bald short fat ugly gentleman 58. Seeks short sighted women with a tremendous sexual appetite

How did you know that I am short sighted? ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bald short fat ugly gentleman 58. Seeks short sighted women with a tremendous sexual appetite

How did you know that I am short sighted? ?

Specsavers Mrs Doyle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Single mature gentleman 58 seeks double jointed super model who owns a brewery and has a supply of cheap ciggies.

Access to free concert tickets is a plus as is having opened minded twin sister... God I am needing another pee

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Man, own teeth, hair & tools. Good working order guaranteed.

Fed up with good girls, looking for a fallen angel for devilish encounters. Must be well versed in the arts of conversation, seduction and teasing. Practical skills essential

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rather dopey old bird well past her sell by date. Exceptionally good natured, mainly cause she has no earthly idea what's occurring. No discernable sense of direction, forgetful, often unsteady (even pre alcohol) and prone to falling over. Help the Aged should feel free to put in an offer.

Great lips, big hips, likes chips!

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By *976scott OP Man
over a year ago

North Lanarkshire

"Rather dopey old bird well past her sell by date. Exceptionally good natured, mainly cause she has no earthly idea what's occurring. No discernable sense of direction, forgetful, often unsteady (even pre alcohol) and prone to falling over. Help the Aged should feel free to put in an offer.

Great lips, big hips, likes chips!

You had me in stitches with that last line! Brilliant!

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By *yldstyleWoman
over a year ago

A world of my own

Busty brunette with curves in the right and some in the wrong places. Has a penchant for dressing up and dominating men. Fabulous kisser and often rather amusing.

Despite being on the shelf I do not own a cat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wanted!

A tall-well built woman good

Reputation, who can cook frogs

legs, who appreciates a good fuc-

hia garden,classic music and tak

ing without getting to serious.

Please read only lines 1,3, and 5

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By *ostEligibleBachelorMan
over a year ago

—

"Wanted!

A tall-well built woman good

Reputation, who can cook frogs

legs, who appreciates a good fuc-

hia garden,classic music and tak

ing without getting to serious.

Please read only lines 1,3, and 5

Wanted,

reputation, who can cook frogs

hia garden, classic music and tak

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By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!

"Wanted!

A tall-well built woman good

Reputation, who can cook frogs

legs, who appreciates a good fuc-

hia garden,classic music and tak

ing without getting to serious.

Please read only lines 1,3, and 5

"
that's this wee short ass out then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wanted!

A tall-well built woman good

Reputation, who can cook frogs

legs, who appreciates a good fuc-

hia garden,classic music and tak

ing without getting to serious.

Please read only lines 1,3, and 5

that's this wee short ass out then

Oops

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By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!

"Wanted!

A tall-well built woman good

Reputation, who can cook frogs

legs, who appreciates a good fuc-

hia garden,classic music and tak

ing without getting to serious.

Please read only lines 1,3, and 5

that's this wee short ass out then

Oops

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By *ab femWoman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

Fugly, large, smelly, ill-tempered, lazy and a complete liar seeks total opposite with a weak heart and a large bank balance

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fugly, large, smelly, ill-tempered, lazy and a complete liar seeks total opposite with a weak heart and a large bank balance

Corf!corf! You called my dear

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