FabSwingers.com forum: Dominance

By *nonandy OP Man
over a year ago

Near Glasgow

Recently met a female who likes to be Dominated but not really sure how to be dominant so been reading up

Av always been raver placid like if am at a club/party and theirs a female am into all hang around try to make conversation and eventually if am feeling confident al say do you fancy having some fun or would you like to play

One tip was to take the leed and just say straight up something like "your so fucking hot a just want your mouth around my cock/a just want to get my hard dick in you" which I can kind of get how some women may find a turn

But the next bit of advice I found was to give instructions like "get on your needs and swallow my whole shaft/get on your back and let me taste those juices"

However when av heard this subject come up in conversation at a club the females have said it's a common misconception that dominance is about being bossy

Can anyone give me some advice please

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By *nonandy OP Man
over a year ago

Near Glasgow

Frankly most of the tips av read I would fully expect to get slapped and told to piss off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Frankly most of the tips av read I would fully expect to get slapped and told to piss off

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By *yldstyleWoman
over a year ago

A world of my own

I'm not sure dominance is something you can learn. Too many have read 50 shades of sh*t or Google and think they are dom.

Dominance is an art form. It comes from within.

It's not about giving instructions or whips and chains. It's about getting into someone's mind and connecting on a different level at times.

They don't call submission a gift for no reason. It's incredibly beautiful for someone to give them self to you and it should be treasured and respected. For me it's about taking them on a journey. Reading their reactions and then moving on further. I love to be domme. Nothing turns me on more than seeing a man completely loSt in what I'm doing to them.

It gives me a freedom to explore with sensations for us both. It's exciting.

Seduction is very much key. Seduction is all about getting a partner to realise they desire you or things they maybe never realised they did. It's not forcing or faking. It's very natural. You really need the right connection I think.

I find it very tacky when some randoms try to play out a scene. For me it's not an act it's completely felt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not sure dominance is something you can learn. Too many have read 50 shades of sh*t or Google and think they are dom.

Dominance is an art form. It comes from within.

It's not about giving instructions or whips and chains. It's about getting into someone's mind and connecting on a different level at times.

It gives me a freedom to explore with sensations for us both. It's exciting.

I find it very tacky when some randoms try to play out a scene. For me it's not an act it's completely felt "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not sure dominance is something you can learn. Too many have read 50 shades of sh*t or Google and think they are dom.

Dominance is an art form. It comes from within.

It's not about giving instructions or whips and chains. It's about getting into someone's mind and connecting on a different level at times.

It gives me a freedom to explore with sensations for us both. It's exciting.

I find it very tacky when some randoms try to play out a scene. For me it's not an act it's completely felt "

Very well put!

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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago

Falkirk

"I'm not sure dominance is something you can learn. Too many have read 50 shades of sh*t or Google and think they are dom.

Dominance is an art form. It comes from within.

It's not about giving instructions or whips and chains. It's about getting into someone's mind and connecting on a different level at times.

It gives me a freedom to explore with sensations for us both. It's exciting.

I find it very tacky when some randoms try to play out a scene. For me it's not an act it's completely felt "

The is a very good example....

You have to stimulate the mind......that way it only takes a touch.....a stroke....a look.....and they crumble into your arms with desire....

It's not always about being rough....it's about control......

Being able to control someone's desires....their sexual urges.....

That's true domination.

The best 'toys' are your mind and your fingers and your lips......learn to use them well.....soft has far more control and power than rough

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your Dominant or your not.

Fortuneately i am naturally.

However when someone tries to fake it they run the risk of failing badly.

And asking her if she is alright etc.

You said most of the tips youve read youd expect to get slapped in the face for.. thats what Dom/Sub play often sounds like to people who arent into that kind of play.

Good luck though.

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By *oznrayCouple
over a year ago

helensburgh

"I'm not sure dominance is something you can learn. Too many have read 50 shades of sh*t or Google and think they are dom.

Dominance is an art form. It comes from within.

It's not about giving instructions or whips and chains. It's about getting into someone's mind and connecting on a different level at times.

It gives me a freedom to explore with sensations for us both. It's exciting.

I find it very tacky when some randoms try to play out a scene. For me it's not an act it's completely felt "

very well put, I very much doubt you would be able to dom anyone on a first meet unless its just an act for both of you, it is all about getting into someones head finding out what makes them tick, growing together, the control side is a funny old conversation, who is realy in control the dom or the sub? there ive opened that can of worms lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not sure dominance is something you can learn. Too many have read 50 shades of sh*t or Google and think they are dom.

Dominance is an art form. It comes from within.

It's not about giving instructions or whips and chains. It's about getting into someone's mind and connecting on a different level at times.

It gives me a freedom to explore with sensations for us both. It's exciting.

I find it very tacky when some randoms try to play out a scene. For me it's not an act it's completely felt

The Sub.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 10/01/16 13:11:10]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have to stimulate the mind......that way it only takes a touch.....a stroke....a look.....and they crumble into your arms with desire....

It's not always about being rough....it's about control......

Being able to control someone's desires....their sexual urges.....

That's true domination.

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By *eahWoman
over a year ago

full of numpties

The whole Dom / Sub thing is completely fascinating to me ..... Do you think that whilst everyone is not perhaps capable of being dominant that most people are capable of being submissive ?

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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago

Falkirk

"The whole Dom / Sub thing is completely fascinating to me ..... Do you think that whilst everyone is not perhaps capable of being dominant that most people are capable of being submissive ?

No....some can't relinquish the control....and that's fine.

Most people are switchy but don't even realise it.

Being dominant is inside you......you love that feeling of control......creating new sensations for your sub....taking them on a journey they never thought possible......

A true Dom will always be there for their sub....will always look after them...and has the utmost respect for them....

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By *oznrayCouple
over a year ago

helensburgh

"The whole Dom / Sub thing is completely fascinating to me ..... Do you think that whilst everyone is not perhaps capable of being dominant that most people are capable of being submissive ?

everyone has a degree of both dom and sub in them, its just how it comes out in different situations and how the other person acts or holds themselves, some people actively switch between roles

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have to stimulate the mind......that way it only takes a touch.....a stroke....a look.....and they crumble into your arms with desire....

It's not always about being rough....it's about control......

Being able to control someone's desires....their sexual urges.....

That's true domination.

The best 'toys' are your mind and your fingers and your lips......learn to use them well.....soft has far more control and power than rough

Ah shit, what you just described was my relationship with my ex before it went all to pot, never even tried to dominate her though...

I was in love!

and most of the sex was the quiet kind with kids in the next room

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The whole Dom / Sub thing is completely fascinating to me ..... Do you think that whilst everyone is not perhaps capable of being dominant that most people are capable of being submissive ?

I can't sub, I know that for a fact - atleast not for any dom I've ever met.

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By *yldstyleWoman
over a year ago

A world of my own

Even the most adamant of doms have a submissive side in them. It just takes the right dynamic to bring it out.

And by that I don't mean force it out. I mean stimulate their mind enough to make them think 'I really want to experience it'

Truth be told a good dom will also know exactly what it's like to submit. Not necessarily because they switch but because they want to be able to relate to any one that is their submissive.

It's also important to remember that not all need it all the time. Equality is also a very beautiful thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Even the most adamant of doms have a submissive side in them. It just takes the right dynamic to bring it out.

And by that I don't mean force it out. I mean stimulate their mind enough to make them think 'I really want to experience it'

Truth be told a good dom will also know exactly what it's like to submit. Not necessarily because they switch but because they want to be able to relate to any one that is their submissive.

It's also important to remember that not all need it all the time. Equality is also a very beautiful thing "

Perfectly put!

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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago

Falkirk

"Even the most adamant of doms have a submissive side in them. It just takes the right dynamic to bring it out.

And by that I don't mean force it out. I mean stimulate their mind enough to make them think 'I really want to experience it'

Truth be told a good dom will also know exactly what it's like to submit. Not necessarily because they switch but because they want to be able to relate to any one that is their submissive.

It's also important to remember that not all need it all the time. Equality is also a very beautiful thing "

Absolutely. Being dominant or in control is only a small part of me.....yes it's an important part, but it doesn't show itself to just anyone.

Even I have to be comfortable in a situation before I will show that side.

Knowing that you are equals will always improve things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im totally sub all i need is a dominant woman to obey

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By *vanabeusedTV/TS
over a year ago

somewhere

I've always felt my submissive side was a curse I'd change in a heartbeat if I could x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Or a dominant couple to would be nice

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By *els01Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow

I'm submissive to a point, and only with certain people I guess, but it does iritate me when randoms come out & ask "are you sub" in first message!

I can also dom to a point, but find it hard to keep a straight face & be serious, usually end up giggling then shagging!! Xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honestly just think of it as the ultimate tease. Getting someone right to the point of wanting what they know they don't want, pushing the boundaries right to the edge.

I won't pretend to be an expert but my latest meet loves that kind of stuff and said it was all about fucking with the mind, so I tested her and my own limits.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm submissive to a point, and only with certain people I guess, but it does iritate me when randoms come out & ask "are you sub" in first message!

I can also dom to a point, but find it hard to keep a straight face & be serious, usually end up giggling then shagging!! Xxx"

Awww you can try and dom me any time

I'm a very disobedient sub though

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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago

Falkirk

"I'm submissive to a point, and only with certain people I guess, but it does iritate me when randoms come out & ask "are you sub" in first message!

I can also dom to a point, but find it hard to keep a straight face & be serious, usually end up giggling then shagging!! Xxx"

See, that makes you quite switchy then

.....being Dom takes patience and self control.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm submissive to a point, and only with certain people I guess, but it does iritate me when randoms come out & ask "are you sub" in first message!

I can also dom to a point, but find it hard to keep a straight face & be serious, usually end up giggling then shagging!! Xxx

See, that makes you quite switchy then

.....being Dom takes patience and self control.

A lot of self control ................the chances of me being a Dom are slim

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not sure dominance is something you can learn. Too many have read 50 shades of sh*t or Google and think they are dom.

Dominance is an art form. It comes from within.

It's not about giving instructions or whips and chains. It's about getting into someone's mind and connecting on a different level at times.

It gives me a freedom to explore with sensations for us both. It's exciting.

I find it very tacky when some randoms try to play out a scene. For me it's not an act it's completely felt "

What this lady said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm submissive to a point, and only with certain people I guess, but it does iritate me when randoms come out & ask "are you sub" in first message!

I can also dom to a point, but find it hard to keep a straight face & be serious, usually end up giggling then shagging!! Xxx

See, that makes you quite switchy then

.....being Dom takes patience and self control.

A lot of self control ................the chances of me being a Dom are slim "

Self control. ...no chance then

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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago

Falkirk

"I'm submissive to a point, and only with certain people I guess, but it does iritate me when randoms come out & ask "are you sub" in first message!

I can also dom to a point, but find it hard to keep a straight face & be serious, usually end up giggling then shagging!! Xxx

See, that makes you quite switchy then

.....being Dom takes patience and self control.

A lot of self control ................the chances of me being a Dom are zero"

Fixed that for you

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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago

Falkirk

Self control can come easy to some......for others it doesn't.

Personally, once I've made my mind up, even if I waver, I never ever let on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not sure dominance is something you can learn. Too many have read 50 shades of sh*t or Google and think they are dom.

Dominance is an art form. It comes from within.

It's not about giving instructions or whips and chains. It's about getting into someone's mind and connecting on a different level at times.

It gives me a freedom to explore with sensations for us both. It's exciting.

I find it very tacky when some randoms try to play out a scene. For me it's not an act it's completely felt "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Any offers to dom me ?

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By *eliciouslySalaciousCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Can anyone give me some advice please

Keep it safe, sane and consensual. Start out super light and slow and progress through the months far slower and lighter than either of you want. Keep communication as high as you possibly can. That eventually won't necessarily be verbal but years on Erin and I are still in constant communication throughout an entire play session. She might be bound, gagged and contorted but we're still talking and she's still running the show.

Talk to your sub in great detail before and after. Always respect her and be mindful that your primary job is to fulfil her wants and needs. Never take control away from her. Have fun!

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By *eliciouslySalaciousCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

"She might be bound, gagged and contorted but we're still talking and she's still running the show."

By talking I meant communicating. She might not be able to speak or even look me in the eye but I'm still watching her eyes, face and her body language. Also watching her fingers and toes for blood flow etc or whatever is appropriate for the scene.

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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago

Falkirk

"Can anyone give me some advice please

Talk to your sub in great detail before and after. Always respect her and be mindful that your primary job is to fulfil her wants and needs. Never take control away from her. Have fun!"

Whilst I agree with most of this...I still believe that as a good Dom, control is always yours......but that doesn't mean you shouldn't respect your sub at ALL times. Far from it.

Respect for your sub and knowing their limits and what they want from you is key.

But it can take months to build up that knowledge and mutual trust in one another.

OP - don't just rush in headfirst, that would be a mistake. Allow it to develop over time. You'll know if you're doing it right

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By *nonandy OP Man
over a year ago

Near Glasgow

Quite a few interesting things in the comments thanks

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By *nonandy OP Man
over a year ago

Near Glasgow

"Quite a few interesting things in the comments thanks

A think some of the comments further up about how you are either depending on the situation were interesting a lot of it probably depends on confidence

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By *eliciouslySalaciousCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Whilst I agree with most of this...I still believe that as a good Dom, control is always yours"

Perhaps it's a subtle point and we both probably mean the same thing in practice, but it's worth debating. The sub should always be empowered to end the session immediately and whenever they choose, therefore they hold ultimate power over the session. They may choose to submit some levels of control over to the dom/domme but it is always theirs to give and must remain so.

Another example of the sub's control is their ability to have the intensity of the session dialled back rather than stopped through pre-agreed levels of safeword. The only way the dom[me] should be empowered to make his/ her own decision over that request is if the sub explicitly permits that ahead of time (in which case the sub is still in control but gifting that right).

How the session plays out (what actually happens within the remit of pre-agreed gifting of control) is the top's responsibility but control should always stay with the bottom and never taken away from them. As soon as the bottom loses control, the scene becomes abusive.

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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago

Falkirk

"Whilst I agree with most of this...I still believe that as a good Dom, control is always yours

Ok, I completely agree with you there. The sub can ALWAYS stop at ANY time. No matter what. No exceptions.

But I've stopped as I realised the sub couldn't handle the situation too.

That's why it takes months to build up that trust and level of understanding. You can't just rush into it

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By *atex and KinkCouple
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"I'm not sure dominance is something you can learn. Too many have read 50 shades of sh*t or Google and think they are dom.

Dominance is an art form. It comes from within.

It's not about giving instructions or whips and chains. It's about getting into someone's mind and connecting on a different level at times.

It gives me a freedom to explore with sensations for us both. It's exciting.

I find it very tacky when some randoms try to play out a scene. For me it's not an act it's completely felt "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Even the most adamant of doms have a submissive side in them. It just takes the right dynamic to bring it out.

And by that I don't mean force it out. I mean stimulate their mind enough to make them think 'I really want to experience it'

Truth be told a good dom will also know exactly what it's like to submit. Not necessarily because they switch but because they want to be able to relate to any one that is their submissive.

It's also important to remember that not all need it all the time. Equality is also a very beautiful thing "

More wise words

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