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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

What does a polish woman get on her wedding day that's long and hard. ???????????? A new sir name.

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By *ocknrollerMan
over a year ago

Glasgow/Stirlingshire

that would be 'surname'

sorry couldnt help myself hehe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a gorilla with bananas in his ears? ?

Anything you want, cause he can't hear you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 16/03/15 16:02:30]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

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By *ohnweMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

Rangers have a new Chinese Manager. ...Win Wan Soon lol

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By *hickensCouple
over a year ago

Inverness-ish

I say I say I say, what did the river say when the hippopotamus sat in it?.....

...Well I'll be damned.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"that would be 'surname'

sorry couldnt help myself hehe"
doh lol.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hee hee keep them comn.

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By *oe bloggs69Man
over a year ago

fife

What do u call a fly with no wings?..WALK

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By *oe bloggs69Man
over a year ago

fife

How does a pig get to hospital?.. BY HAMBULANCE

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you get if you cross a dog with a lion? ?

A terrified postman!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After Monday and Tuesday, even the week says WTF

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

A lorry has just overturned on the M8 loaded with Vicks vapour rub.

Police have said there will be no congestion for eight hours.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wee boy walks in and see's his parents having sex ..

His dad say's its ok son we're just making a brother or sister for you ..

Wee boy says can you do it doggy ways instead .. and then I can get a new puppy ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the constipated mathematician do?

He worked it out with a pencil

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man is in a hotel lobby. As he runs to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman and as he does, his elbow hits her breast.

They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."

She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 243."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One of my friends were out on Saturday night he got a bit to d*unk and couldn't find his hotel room he ended up in the kitchen he said he had the best sleep ever he ended up in a microwave got 10 hours sleep in 3 mins

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a mans’ penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over £1.2 million. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man’s penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.

After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the British study was incorrect. After three years of research at a cost of in excess of €2 million, the French researchers concluded that the head of a man’s penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex.

When the results of the French study were released, Australia decided to conduct their own study. The Aussies didnt really trust British or French studies. So, after nearly three hours of intensive research and a cost of right around $75.00 ( 3 cases of beer), the Aussie study was complete. They concluded that the reason the head on a man’s penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp ?

He bought a warehouse!

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By *oe bloggs69Man
over a year ago

fife

A mum walks in on her son fisting his sister n shouts ' johnny what the hell are u doing' he replies 'its OK mum,I've found dads watch'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wee Peter the polar bear runs up his mother and asks, "Mum, am I really a polar bear?"

His mum replies "Of course you are son. You've got a big white coat, wee black nose and wee black pads on your feet, you're a polar bear."

Stll unsure, Peter goes to find his dad. When he finds him he asks "Dad, am I really a polar bear?"

His dad points out that he had a big white coat, wee black nose and wee black pads on his feet and confirmed that he was indeed a polar bear.

Finally Peter goes to his grandmother. "Gran, am I really a polar bear?

His grandmother smiles at him and says "Peter, you are a polar bear, you've got a big white coat, wee black nose and wee black pads on your feet. What made you think you might not be a polar bear?

Peter replies, "I'm fucking freezing".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a Chinese woman with no legs?

Dragon lips!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do ya call a leprechaun covered in cement,???…a wee hard man…

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By *ikerbob1957Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?

I wouldn't pay £200 for a lentil on my face!!

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By *oe bloggs69Man
over a year ago

fife


"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?

I wouldn't pay £200 for a lentil on my face!!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

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By *homCrownMan
over a year ago

West Fife

I hate Russian dolls, they're so full of themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Celtic have a new chinese player ....bang wan in lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You know you're getting old when:

I was watching Babe Station. There was this gorgeous girl in a skimpy little French maid's outfit, pushing a vac around, bending over provocatively. And as her little skirt rode up, exposing her lovely little bottom with the little strip of black material covering her crack, all I could think was:

"We used to have a Hoover like that one."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After years of study by British university's French university's American colleges masters and Johnston and the Kinsey institute for sexual studies they have found a way of determining if a man has gay or bisexual tendencies.

Scroll down for answer men

Further men

Just a little further men

The findings stated that whilst reading this message

If you used your thumb to scroll down to the answer you have gay tendencies guys no matter what it says on your profile

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By *oe bloggs69Man
over a year ago

fife

Lol I'm using my stylus

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By *owboy BebopMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

A guy walks into a bar in Aberdeen, all the locals stare in a menacing way at him. The bartender says what's a Glaswegian doing in Aberdeen ?

The guys says. "I'm working"

The barman says. "At what"

The guy responds. "I'm a taxidermist "

The barman asks. What does a taxidermist do"

The guy replies. "I mount animals"

The barman grins and shouts to the whole bar" it's OK boys he's one of us !"

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By *eshzMan
over a year ago

0151

What's the similarity between a prostitute & a rooster?

A rooster goes cock-a-doodle-doo, a prostitute goes any-cock-will-do.

(Hope this joke actually comes across correctly)...lol.

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