FabSwingers.com forum: The Tin Man

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A disclaimer before I write this; I'm a self confessed soppy romantic who does want to see the best in everyone. Who does believe in love and often wonders what the hell I'm doing on a sex site! I'm not judging just questioning!

Ok here we go!

Jealousy... Bitterness... Feelings...

All these things we are told shouldn't really have a place on here given the nature of what we all get up to. To an extent they are dangerous on here. We like to think everyone is free thinking its all just fun. And yes it is fun. However I don't buy that there aren't a great many people harbourng these and other intense emotions. Emotions that are perfectly natural when you are intimate with someone. Yes, the ideal is discretion but in a lot of cases it doesn't take much to work out who has been where. Its not wrong. All consenting adults. All of us go in with eyes wide open. But many deluded that these things won't cause hurt or upset on here. We aren't tin men and we aren't fucking a robot. So how do we deal with these elements of human nature?

How many have been on the receiving end or seen first hand what happens when or if things get messy?

Do you turn off all emotion and see it purely as sex? I think that might work for a one off encounter with a stranger but not when you've talked or planned or run into each other in groups etc here.

I'm amazed at how non discreet some are and how little consideration at times is shown. Maybe I'm the odd one out on here? Or maybe I just refuse to kid myself. Perhaps I am too nice and yes I've learn a way that works for me the hard way.

I find it all fascinating!xxx

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I have evolved over the years on here, before I truly cared what others thought about me, over the last few years not a jot....I am happy to be an irritant to some because I won't pander at the altar of the vagina. I have had great times in the swinging world and that is all that matters. My enjoyment on here is all I care about.

I do like others to be enjoying the site though, it is good to read happy and positive threads.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Happy to be human here. Emotions can jump up and bite us all in the bum when we least expect it. Even negative unpleasant ones...its recognising them and dealing with them appropriately that is the key to peace of mind.I don't care what anyone says, with true feeling there can be a degree of jealousy and in this environment its all too apparent that certain people suffer.

Ive mentioned many times before that my special relationship started as something ordinary and grew into a lovely warm and valued partnership. But, there have been many hiccups along the way. Life isn't easy so why should fab be any different. Although I've found something very meaningful the friendship from meeting previously was supremely important to me and I've always tried to give, and expected respect. Its all in choosing the right person to meet.

Don't put yourself down Miss Pink...you make perfect sense to me. You're a real person... and a lovely one. X

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

". Maybe I'm the odd one out on here? Or maybe I just refuse to kid myself. Perhaps I am too nice and yes I've learn a way that works for me the hard way.

I find it all fascinating!xxx"

I don't think you are odd at all reflecting on it, we will all do it.

continue to enjoy the site in the way that you wish to....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A disclaimer before I write this; I'm a self confessed soppy romantic who does want to see the best in everyone. Who does believe in love and often wonders what the hell I'm doing on a sex site! I'm not judging just questioning!

Ok here we go!

Jealousy... Bitterness... Feelings...

How many have been on the receiving end or seen first hand what happens when or if things get messy?

Do you turn off all emotion and see it purely as sex? I think that might work for a one off encounter with a stranger but not when you've talked or planned or run into each other in groups etc here.

I find it all fascinating!xxx"

A very interesting and honest post OP.

Some I believe try to imply that no one matters but them . For some that's true but others talk a good talk, that it's JUST a sex site . To me its much more than that . It's not real many say . Having sex with someone is very real to me . Arranging socials and drinks nights are very real when you got 100 or 200 people sat around you that's not just a sex site . It's a community to me . A way of life and part of who I am . I have feelings .I get hurt. I care . For those who don't like that then I guess they don't need to like me or care about me . I can do NSA now yes but there's always risk as I like a connection with someone I have sex with . There has to be that click, be it they make me laugh , find them sexually attractive or have grown to enjoy their company and personality. I've fallen for people in past yip . But im an open and honest person and wear my heart on my sleeve . I now try to be less trusting and more aware of how much of the truth people tell you . People have met fallen and love and it's worked out for them . Good luck I say to them people . Others are happy to switch on a pc or phone have a meet have sex and never speak again . It's all down to meeting our needs and what we enjoy . As the old saying goes

"Each to their own "

Not sure how much of your post I've answered as I'm hungover but as always it's just my perspective on it xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't really have anything to add as such, but I find this an interesting thread.

I (P) don't really have it in me to be cold and clinical about fab and meeting people. I think A can distance herself more easily than me from the mental aspect.

P X

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By *he Mad ChatterMan
over a year ago

Wonderland

As human beings, we're programmed to seek company, contact, connection. Too many people (self included lol) try to deny or ignore this fact. We are, first and foremost, social animals.

Some people seem better equipped to compartmentalise things than others, but is that a truly satisfying way to live? I know it's something that I struggle with. Life, for me, is supposed to be "joined up". We are who we are, and we should never have to deny that for ANYONE.

For you, there needs to be a connection, a spark before I get involved with someone. But a connection can lead to feelings, and if that connection is strong, then the feelings are strong too. And that's when the trouble begins!

One girl on here has a brilliant take on things in her profile, where she says the way to woo her is to appeal to her mind, for that is where she decides to take things further!

A lot of it comes down to what we're looking for on here. Yes, there can be that sense of community, which some kind-hearted souls work tirelessly to nurture and grow. But if it's more than just sex that we're after, then why are we on a swingers site instead of Match.com or Spice.com? Because to be truly joined-up, real life and FAB life must ultimately collide, something that many are keen to avoid.

I'm still trying to work this out lol, and so any help on the path to enlightenment would be most welcome!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I'm being honest I still get little stabs of jealousy every now and again but I guess it's just acknowledging any fleeting negative emotions for what they are (a sign that you care & are human) and letting them pass or if they are strong enough talking them through.

I couldn't have a sexual meeting with anyone I didn't have a mental or social connection with by the same token I'm not looking for a relationship, very happy with the one I've got. Suppose I'm just looking for other like minded souls who Bo & I can share our fun with. Even if that's just lots of naughty talk without the fear of judgement, doesn't necessarily have to be physical every time.

So having emotions good or bad when you are on a swinging site just proves you are human just have to try and make sure no one (including yourself) is impacted or exposed to excessive negativity. Think it should all be about fun, relaxing and escaping from the norm.

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By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!

Like it or not we are all human and being part of being human comes many many feelings of bitterness,Jealousy and insecurities .

The difference in how you control your feelings and emotions make the world of difference .

I too like the connection with the people I choose to have fun with and if there was ever the slightest chance of feelings getting involved and taking over say in a jealous way then i stop meeting that person .

We all have the ability to control what we do and say and the same goes for how you choose to deal with jealousy and bitterness and for most id say they can manage to keep those feelings under wraps but sadly for some they cant it then that things tend to get messy.

Sometimes if you have a very good relationship with a person and any of these feelings have crept in it is possible to talk thing through with them and hopefully have a positive outcome .

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By *wiftieeMan
over a year ago

near Glasgow

" I'm amazed at how indiscreet some are and how little consideration at times is shown. Maybe I'm the odd one out on here? Or maybe I just refuse to kid myself. Perhaps I am too nice and yes I've learn a way that works for me the hard way.

I find it all fascinating!xxx"

I wouldn't say you're odd at all, and I think you've hit the nail on the head with, "or maybe I just refuse to kid myself".

Much of the problems and behind-the-scenes drama which goes on here is caused by people kidding themselves. They think they can do NSA, but they can't. They won't let emotions get involved, but they do and then get themselves and others into a mess because of saying one thing but doing another.

This place would be a lot simpler and easier if people were honest with themselves, and then much of the drame and problems wouldn't arise in the first place.

Just my humble opinion!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you all for your input and I'm glad my ramblings didn't offend anyone.

I think the best rule of thumb is to do what your comfortable with whilst still being considerate of others.

I think a lot of drama does happen because of people not being honest or even perhaps scared to ask about what the person they have met is thinking . So many assumptions and lots of 2 add 2 equals 9. It's a funny old place.

What I have learnt is that the people I've spoken with or met at socials on here are far more interesting, often brighter and with a bit more about them than those I've seen on more traditional sites. To be honest my line up of matches on a certain dating site could easily be mistaken for a crime watch line up!

Each to their own as is so often said on here. Xxxx

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