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Jokes?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Anyone got any decent jokes to cheer me up as I'm feeling crap? I'll kick us off with one the people of fab may like.

I worked out that on average I sleep with a little over three people every week. You could say I'm Pi-sexual.

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By *homCrownMan
over a year ago

West Fife

Amazingly, I had liasons with 22 in the last 7 days... wait a minute.. that means I'm must also be Pi-sexual...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lol x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you kill a circus clown?

- Go for the the juggler

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Amazingly, I had liasons with 22 in the last 7 days... wait a minute.. that means I'm must also be Pi-sexual... "

I think 22 in one week would make you lie-sexual

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four chin teller

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A woman just comes out of the shower. She stands naked in front of the mirror looking at herself. She says " oh no. My boobs are sagging, my belly is fat, my arse is huge, I've got cellulite and I'm pot ugly". She turns to her husband in tears and says "I really need you to give me words of comfort just mow". He looks her up and down and then says " you know, for a woman of your age, you have damn near petfect eyesight". I thought it funny. Xx

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By *976scottMan
over a year ago

North Lanarkshire

My wife was in the bathroom the other day wearing only a thong!

As I walked past the door she turned and said to me with a seductive expression on her face!

"Darling do I look big in this?"

I stared back at her for a few seconds and replied!

"Well darling! it is quite a small bathroom"!

Not sure why she hasn't spoken to me since;)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?

They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the skeleton go to the Chinese?

To get some spare ribs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Jack and Jill went up the hill so jack could lick Jill's fanny.

But all he got was a mouthful of cock cause Jill was a fucking tranny"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Why did the skeleton go to the Chinese?

To get some spare ribs "
Why did the skeleton not go to the ball?

cos he has no body to go with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Paddy n mick in an aeroplane one the engines go no para shoots ,

Mich jumps out god save me , lands in a swimming pool

Paddy jumps out god shave me , lands in the barbers

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Paddy n mick in an aeroplane one the engines go no para shoots ,

Mich jumps out god save me , lands in a swimming pool

Paddy jumps out god shave me , lands in the barbers "
Youve just let the famous Glasgow patter down Marky

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By *976scottMan
over a year ago

North Lanarkshire

A recent survey has shown that 43% of women have used vibrators...

The other 57% bought them new.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This guy has a spare £10 that he decides to spend on his first hooker ever.He goes out, he gets one, then he brings her home.

They have hours of hardcore sex. Then she leaves when he falls asleep.The next morning, he wakes up and discovers that he has crabs, he goes and finds the hooker again and says,

"Hey, Bitch, you gave me crabs!"She replies, "Well for £10 what did you expect, Lobsters?"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa.

I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole-destroying.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If we went camping and you woke up with a condom hanging out your arse would you tell anyone?

No?

Ok when we going camping?

-----

How do you make a cat go woof? Set it on fire

Geek

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I often pay escorts for sex, does that make me buy-sexual ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hello I am goerge from afrika lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The kind of jokes I tell put people in jail...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wife looks in the mirror and asks 'do these trousers make me look fat'. I said no 'your fat makes you look fat'. That's the last thing I remember

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you get hanging from a banana tree?

Sore arms.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got into an embarrassing situation at a swingers' party last night. I snuck up behind an older lady, started fucking her from behind then looked up and suddenly realised that the guy at the other end of the spitroast, getting a blowjob, was my dad.

I said, "After 30 years of marriage I can't believe you're being unfaithful to mum."

He said, "I'm not."

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By *PLoversCouple
over a year ago

aberdeenshire

I went into the bedroom and the Mrs was lying with her legs spread with a pair of crotchless pants on..... "You want a piece of this" she whispered seductively.

"If that's what it's done to your fucking knickers then there is no way I'm sticking my dick in there" I replied.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get all the best women at swingers parties that Porsche keyring was the best £1.50 I ever spent

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Mrs said she was going to leave me because I'm too immature.

I said if I'm immature then how come I've got an arsfor?

She said what's an arsfor?

Shitting I said, then pissed myself laughing for 20 minutes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A teacher asks her class "Can anyone tell me the name of Robin Hood's girlfriend?"

Little Paddy raises his hand and says "Yes Miss, it's Trudy Glen."

"No Paddy, the answer is Maid Marion."

"But Miss, what about the song? Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding Trudy Glen."

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By *exy SwingMan
over a year ago

the sticks

Had to break hard last night this guy was laying on the bike lane. I suspect he's a cyclepath

*gets me coat*

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