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"Dear Diedre, my grannys budgie (joey, she's a Matt LeBlanc fan) escaped last week when she let him out of his cage before noticing the window was open. Granny used to be quite sprightly but has been less mobile ever since she lost her left leg in an incident involving a refuse truck and the two homeless Romanian guys (Pavel & Nicolae) that were living inside a communal wheelie bin (they escaped with minor cuts & bruises) Joey was last seen warbling at a couple chaffinches (most likely the birdy version of "how you doin" hehe) Uncle Harold has loaned me his butterfly net to try to catch the damn bird, but he is getting a bit anxious about it potential being damaged (he has a sentimental attachment to it, due to having used it as a mosquito net for cousin Gerald while they were trekking across Angola in the late 70's) So do you have any advice on how to avoid blisters while i chase after Joey ? Yours in anticipation, Bino." Wear comfortable shoes Your welcome x | |||
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"My dog (he's a shih tzu) had sex with a female cat (like a tabby) What if she's pregnant? Will the cat have cogs? Or dats? Or even tabby shih? "Your dog couldn't get a cat pregnant so take down the gumtree advert. Your not creating a new hybrid and making your fortune | |||
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"My dog (he's a shih tzu) had sex with a female cat (like a tabby) What if she's pregnant? Will the cat have cogs? Or dats? Or even tabby shih?
Your dog couldn't get a cat pregnant so take down the gumtree advert. Your not creating a new hybrid and making your fortune "Your welcome x | |||
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"My dog (he's a shih tzu) had sex with a female cat (like a tabby) What if she's pregnant? Will the cat have cogs? Or dats? Or even tabby shih?
Your dog couldn't get a cat pregnant so take down the gumtree advert. Your not creating a new hybrid and making your fortune "Well that's my millions out the window  | |||
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"How do I get peace and quiet from my little hooligans? "Tell them you have hidden a new iPad for them in the garden. When they run outside lock all the doors and windows Your welcome x | |||
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"How do I get peace and quiet from my little hooligans?
Tell them you have hidden a new iPad for them in the garden. When they run outside lock all the doors and windows
Your welcome x"Class!! Love it. Thank you  x | |||
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"I've got this friend.. Who likes someone but they like someone else but the person they like in the first place is gay.. So what I'm trying to ask is.. How much is cheese now a days? "A 350g block is roughly £4 Your welcome x | |||
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"I've got this friend.. Who likes someone but they like someone else but the person they like in the first place is gay.. So what I'm trying to ask is.. How much is cheese now a days?
A 350g block is roughly £4
Your welcome x"Maybe in waitrose!!  | |||
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"I've got this friend.. Who likes someone but they like someone else but the person they like in the first place is gay.. So what I'm trying to ask is.. How much is cheese now a days?
A 350g block is roughly £4
Your welcome x
Maybe in waitrose!! " what's 350g? Is that a lot? | |||
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"How hi is a chinaman " As hi as a china man can be Your welcome x | |||
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"How hi is a chinaman As hi as a china man can be Your welcome x" Sorry, it wasn't a question, he's the delivery dude at the empire takeaway down the road  | |||
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"How long is a piece of string? "As long as you want it to be Your welcome x | |||
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"Dear Deirdre How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? _muma" A lot | |||
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"How do I get peace and quiet from my little hooligans?
Tell them you have hidden a new iPad for them in the garden. When they run outside lock all the doors and windows
Your welcome x
Class!! Love it. Thank you x"Dear Deirdre, I have 162 iPad shaped holes in my new grass....what the hell?????????? | |||
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"How do I get peace and quiet from my little hooligans?
Tell them you have hidden a new iPad for them in the garden. When they run outside lock all the doors and windows
Your welcome x
Class!! Love it. Thank you x
Dear Deirdre,
I have 162 iPad shaped holes in my new grass....what the hell?????????? "Could send Claire round she likes the idea of calling round to mow the lawn  | |||
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"How do I get peace and quiet from my little hooligans?
Tell them you have hidden a new iPad for them in the garden. When they run outside lock all the doors and windows
Your welcome x
Class!! Love it. Thank you x
Dear Deirdre,
I have 162 iPad shaped holes in my new grass....what the hell??????????
Could send Claire round she likes the idea of calling round to mow the lawn "muhahahaha | |||
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"This is horrible!!!!!!!  "Is that a no to filling my holes? | |||
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"This is horrible!!!!!!!
Is that a no to filling my holes? "I'm NEVER going to cut grass again! | |||
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"This is horrible!!!!!!!
Is that a no to filling my holes? "you have bi side now do you furry? | |||
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"This is horrible!!!!!!!
Is that a no to filling my holes? you have bi side now do you furry? "I was talking about the holes in the grass!  | |||
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"Dear Deidre, I'm the worst ride on fab which isn't helped by having the weeist boaby on fab anaw. I take some comfort in the fact that I am the best kisser on fab but would prefer to have the full package. Please help. Kiwi x" Yes I have heard this about you. The only option you have is to go on soft swing meets where kissing is the only option. Anything more and everyone will be left disappointed. Your welcome x | |||
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"I get major heartburn if I've been taking part in some sexual activities and after I've had an orgasim (this is actually a true story) it actually floors me! Wtf is wrong with me "Acid reflux. Stop swallowing so much cum Your welcome x | |||
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"Dear Deirdre How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? _muma" Very little Your welcome x | |||
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"I get major heartburn if I've been taking part in some sexual activities and after I've had an orgasim (this is actually a true story) it actually floors me! Wtf is wrong with me
Acid reflux.
Stop swallowing so much cum
Your welcome x" well this isn't very good! | |||
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"How do I get peace and quiet from my little hooligans?
Tell them you have hidden a new iPad for them in the garden. When they run outside lock all the doors and windows
Your welcome x
Class!! Love it. Thank you x
Dear Deirdre,
I have 162 iPad shaped holes in my new grass....what the hell?????????? "So you counted. Tell them to fill the holes in and they can get an iphone each Your welcome x | |||
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"Dear dedrie,mrs dlt accused me of having a mid life crisis.she is basing this on the fact that i want to buy a motorbike and do tough mudder next year. am i in fact having said mid life crisis? "Don't worry about what Mrs says. Just go with the flow and ride it out. Your welcome x | |||
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"I get major heartburn if I've been taking part in some sexual activities and after I've had an orgasim (this is actually a true story) it actually floors me! Wtf is wrong with me
Acid reflux.
Stop swallowing so much cum
Your welcome x
well this isn't very good! "Why? | |||
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"I get major heartburn if I've been taking part in some sexual activities and after I've had an orgasim (this is actually a true story) it actually floors me! Wtf is wrong with me
Acid reflux.
Stop swallowing so much cum
Your welcome x
well this isn't very good!
Why?"I suppose I could still give head but not let them cum? | |||
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"I get major heartburn if I've been taking part in some sexual activities and after I've had an orgasim (this is actually a true story) it actually floors me! Wtf is wrong with me
Acid reflux.
Stop swallowing so much cum
Your welcome x
well this isn't very good!
Why?
I suppose I could still give head but not let them cum? "It could be the reason for the heartburn. Just let them give you a facial instead Your welcome x | |||
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"I get major heartburn if I've been taking part in some sexual activities and after I've had an orgasim (this is actually a true story) it actually floors me! Wtf is wrong with me
Acid reflux.
Stop swallowing so much cum
Your welcome x
well this isn't very good!
Why?
I suppose I could still give head but not let them cum?
It could be the reason for the heartburn.
Just let them give you a facial instead
Your welcome x"I did hear that it's good for the skin.. Hey, this could be a win win | |||
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"I get major heartburn if I've been taking part in some sexual activities and after I've had an orgasim (this is actually a true story) it actually floors me! Wtf is wrong with me
Acid reflux.
Stop swallowing so much cum
Your welcome x
well this isn't very good!
Why?
I suppose I could still give head but not let them cum?
It could be the reason for the heartburn.
Just let them give you a facial instead
Your welcome x
I did hear that it's good for the skin.. Hey, this could be a win win "
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"Dear Deirdre I fancy buying another motorbike. I'm not sure whether to go for a high revving short stroke or a slower revving long stroke. Which is the best one to go for?" Well high revving short stroke will give you more speed so if that's what your after then I would go for that. If you do go for a long stroke slower to rev then don't get a bike with too many cylinders because it just won't have any kind of decent power to it Your welcome x | |||
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"I get major heartburn if I've been taking part in some sexual activities and after I've had an orgasim (this is actually a true story) it actually floors me! Wtf is wrong with me "Get to the dr could be a hernia. Drink milk before as preventitive and again after for imeadiate relief to the problem | |||
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"Dear Deirdre I fancy buying another motorbike. I'm not sure whether to go for a high revving short stroke or a slower revving long stroke. Which is the best one to go for? Well high revving short stroke will give you more speed so if that's what your after then I would go for that. If you do go for a long stroke slower to rev then don't get a bike with too many cylinders because it just won't have any kind of decent power to it Your welcome x" Thanks for that as was stuck between going for an old classic twin or something bonkers like an FZR1000  | |||
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"Just seen a yellow fiat cinquecento for sale for £450. 27 not so careful owners, several dents and some rust. Should I knock them down to £250?? "Ahh so your treating yourself to a fancier car then. Give her the full amount don't be tight. Your welcome x | |||
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"Dear Deirdre, I feel my furry bear loves my hubby more than me, What can I do to make him love me? "Wear a stobart outfit. I hear furry has a thing for stobart drivers Your welcome x | |||
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"Dear Deirdre I want to have sex with every woman on fab, how can I make it happen?hehehe "Dont tell them in an open forum lol | |||
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"Here's one, what does it mean if u have a sore left arm(am right handed you Pervez) and acid reflux at the same time?" Hi, I don't believe we've met.. I'm left handed and get heartburn so it means that I've been wanking someone off and they jizzed in my mouth  hahaha!! | |||
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"Dear Deirdre I want to have sex with every woman on fab, how can I make it happen?hehehe "This is a problem page not a fantasy page. I'm afraid there is no hope for you. Your welcome x | |||
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"Here's one, what does it mean if u have a sore left arm(am right handed you Pervez) and acid reflux at the same time?" It means the winter will be setting in fast this year but because it's your left arm there won't be any snow just lots of rain. Your welcome x | |||
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"Dear Deirdre After reading your column I have realised a double padding of tens lady isn't enough. As your page is something that gives me pleasure I hope you don't suggest I stop reading it but how else do I deal with my problem? Thank you in advance." The next option would be to dangle a bucket between your legs. Make sure it's a decent sized bucket sounds like you really need it. Your welcome x | |||
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"Dear Deirdre I want to have sex with every woman on fab, how can I make it happen?hehehe
This is a problem page not a fantasy page. I'm afraid there is no hope for you.
Your welcome x"Hahaha great response xx | |||
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"Dear Deirdre, Why do people not want to meet me? Thanks" Well all I can go on is your profile and if that's all the effort you putting into your profile then it's no wonder your not getting meets. Bulk it out with a bit more about yourself and some pictures then you might get some interest. Your welcome x | |||
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"Dear Deirdre, I have 4 cats. One is asleep on my bed, one on a dining room chair, one on a pile of towels in the airing cupboard and the dopey one is on a window ledge which is far too narrow for her fat bum so when she falls asleep she falls off, then gets right back up and does it again. My question is.....what can I do with 4 deluxe sooper dooper cat beds???? Mad cat lady x "Get 4 more cats to fill the empty beds. 4 cats isn't enough if you want to be a mad cat lady Your welcome x | |||
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"How hi is a chinaman & How Lo is his brother" And his dog mi poo pong. | |||
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"Dear Deirdre, whats the best way to tell your Mum you've become a Male Stripper?" She probably already knows. Only strippers walk around with trousers vercroed down the sides and penis pumps in their back pocket Your welcome x | |||
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"What's the best way to get a meet on this place without having all the dreamers/timewasters/twats messaging!? A girl has needs ffs lol "Change your message filters so nobody can message you if you haven't messaged them. That way you can choose. Good luck Your welcome x | |||
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"Dear Deirdre, I have 4 cats. One is asleep on my bed, one on a dining room chair, one on a pile of towels in the airing cupboard and the dopey one is on a window ledge which is far too narrow for her fat bum so when she falls asleep she falls off, then gets right back up and does it again. My question is.....what can I do with 4 deluxe sooper dooper cat beds???? Mad cat lady x
Get 4 more cats to fill the empty beds. 4 cats isn't enough if you want to be a mad cat lady
Your welcome x"Thanks Deirdre but I can't afford a truck load of Whiskas every week. I've just used blue tac and a stapler to stick them in their basky waskets. They're all smiling....
(No cats were harmed during this procedure but I'm bleeding profusely) | |||
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"Dear Deirdre, I have 4 cats. One is asleep on my bed, one on a dining room chair, one on a pile of towels in the airing cupboard and the dopey one is on a window ledge which is far too narrow for her fat bum so when she falls asleep she falls off, then gets right back up and does it again. My question is.....what can I do with 4 deluxe sooper dooper cat beds???? Mad cat lady x
Get 4 more cats to fill the empty beds. 4 cats isn't enough if you want to be a mad cat lady
Your welcome x
Thanks Deirdre but I can't afford a truck load of Whiskas every week. I've just used blue tac and a stapler to stick them in their basky waskets. They're all smiling....
(No cats were harmed during this procedure but I'm bleeding profusely)"Did you staple the smiles on their faces too? | |||
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"Dear Deirdre, I have 4 cats. One is asleep on my bed, one on a dining room chair, one on a pile of towels in the airing cupboard and the dopey one is on a window ledge which is far too narrow for her fat bum so when she falls asleep she falls off, then gets right back up and does it again. My question is.....what can I do with 4 deluxe sooper dooper cat beds???? Mad cat lady x
Get 4 more cats to fill the empty beds. 4 cats isn't enough if you want to be a mad cat lady
Your welcome x
Thanks Deirdre but I can't afford a truck load of Whiskas every week. I've just used blue tac and a stapler to stick them in their basky waskets. They're all smiling....
(No cats were harmed during this procedure but I'm bleeding profusely)
Did you staple the smiles on their faces too?
"Erm... maybe....  | |||
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"While searching in my wife's draws for her stockings and suspenders to indulge in my weekend transvestism, I was horrified to discover a Ben Sherman shirt and a big fake Ginger beard. Is my wife dressing up as a man at the weekends, or is the big fake beard for other purposes?" Well that sounds to me like she's a honorary member of the Ginger Beard Coalition. I hear lots of women don fake beards to be part of the cool gang. Nothing at all to worry about Your welcome x | |||
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"Dear Deirdre I've lost my mojo a bit recently - have you seen it? "I remember seeing it in a tray next to some black jacks | |||
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"Dear Deirdre I've lost my mojo a bit recently - have you seen it?
I remember seeing it in a tray next to some black jacks "that was my fruit salads | |||
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"Dear Deirdre My boyfriend is so hot that it's impossible to sit in the same room as him for any length of time....I'm sweating and flushing in no time. We can't bear to be apart, so what can I do?? "It's just the change.....
Get him to tie you down first   | |||
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"Dear Deirdre My boyfriend is so hot that it's impossible to sit in the same room as him for any length of time....I'm sweating and flushing in no time. We can't bear to be apart, so what can I do??
It's just the change.....
Get him to tie you down first "Probably is the change...I look like this most of the time.. | |||
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"Dear Deirdre I am considering getting a discreet small tattoo. Where should I have it placed? Goat" Behind your left ear? | |||
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"Dear Deirdre, toilet roll hanging towards the wall or away from it "Towards? | |||
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