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Homework for Friday

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

The comedic character Swiss Toni, the Fast Show's suave car saledman was famous for his similies. Read his coffee example below and make your own similie on a subject suited to the Forum.

"Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir... gently and firmly. You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk."

People offering excuses will get lines. Nb sexontap, Ginty, Boywonder.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Please sir, I've got a verruca and can't write...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Please sir, I've got a verruca and can't write... "

You were able to write in the Lounge about Astec bars!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At the thought of her, his scrotum thumped like a butter churn with its paddle in action.

Who would of thought she would of spread like mustard.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

A student currently on the naughty step has emailed

"Is this ok sir

Andyk is as furry as a bear and

as cute as a button,"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry sir I'm to busy looking for cracks I'm looking for two dishy officer's

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm going on holiday tomorrow Sir. My mum wrote a letter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sir, A dog ate my homework. Well my ex-wife really. But she is a bitch, sir!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"At the thought of her, his scrotum thumped like a butter churn with its paddle in action.

Who would of thought she would of spread like mustard. "

Thumped like a butter churn ...excellent work unlike the scivers with their excuses. Lines all round for them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"At the thought of her, his scrotum thumped like a butter churn with its paddle in action.

Who would of thought she would of spread like mustard.

Thumped like a butter churn ...excellent work unlike the scivers with their excuses. Lines all round for them."
Thanks Sir, If only my English teacher could see me now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Homework Sir...one day early....Fank you very much please...Jintz...

Life on fab is very much like buying your weekly shop at Tesco. First you caress the melons discarding any less than firm ones, a nice juicy pear is the ultimate purchase. Then squeeze the plums for ripeness before seeking out a nice banana ...not too much of a curve is what's required and preferably not too green. Vegwise, you hope not to end up with a rotten tumshie whilst avoiding that massive marrow. Ouch! Then off to the meat counter. You hope for a fresh spring chicken (or two), plump, moist birds ready for a good stuffing but unfortunately all that's left for you is an old trout. You also find youve left it too late for the large floury baps at the bakery so have to console yourself with a crusty old baton.That's when you progress to the hard cheese counter....

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By *eatherWoman
over a year ago

glasgow

hard cheddar every time for me

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Homework Sir...one day early....Fank you very much please...Jintz...

Life on fab is very much like buying your weekly shop at Tesco. First you caress the melons discarding any less than firm ones, a nice juicy pear is the ultimate purchase. Then squeeze the plums for ripeness before seeking out a nice banana ...not too much of a curve is what's required and preferably not too green. Vegwise, you hope not to end up with a rotten tumshie whilst avoiding that massive marrow. Ouch! Then off to the meat counter. You hope for a fresh spring chicken (or two), plump, moist birds ready for a good stuffing but unfortunately all that's left for you is an old trout. You also find youve left it too late for the large floury baps at the bakery so have to console yourself with a crusty old baton.That's when you progress to the hard cheese counter.... "

Nice to some work from you instead of excuses. You start well with your one similie relating yo Tesco. You tgen get diverted a dozen or so times into innuendos not metaphors in the true sense. Who is the crusty old baton. That might qualify as a metaphor. Well done anyway. All in the spirit of Fab.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Up your innuendo sir! That took me ages!!!

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