FabSwingers.com forum: one question one answer lol

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

ok heres the deal u ask any question and i will answer it best way i can ....

HERES THE RULES: if some one has asked a question wait till i have replyed to that one... i will travel the world for the imformation, seek out and research what i can and come back with an answer...i will boldy go to the ends of the earth for the answer... god im full of shit

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By *egs4uWoman
over a year ago

somewhere around

How do they get the ship into a bottle?

xxx

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By *inesawineWoman
over a year ago

fife

Couldnt wait for answer...........so here is your next one

Why does a donut have a hole in it???

Mines xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

This goes way back in time to early ship builders. it all started with a indain man called IGOTME HANDSTUCK he always wanted to sail the world as a boy .... now i did find out to make this happen u need 3 things a scale model boat and alot of lube and something to poke the ship in with. now as u can imagin way back in then lube was hard to come buy its was only while IGOTME HANDSTUCK was laying in bed horny and exhuaghsted with trying to find and answer getting his boat in the bottle he notice a empty bottle of morgans next to his bed he couldnt help him self he started to hump the bottle. now after few minutes of humping him self stupid thats when the answer cum oooops came to him. yes he had found his lube to slide his boat in the bottle.now i did say i need 3 things to do this.he found that if he slowly pushed the boat in with his doodle he could seat the boat in place perfectly .....i do strongly recomend not putting ur mouth around the head of the bottle .... question aswered ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jaffa cake - cake or biscuit?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Or I could lower the tone Ozzy and ask Why is it a blow job when it involves sucking?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

why do donuts have a hole in them

now this question has played on many folks over the years .....

now this is apart of amreican history dates back to the civil war. it was invented by a baker. as u can imagin trying to get food to the troops on the front lines was tricky. they were finding that the troops carrying food to the front lines were getting shot cause there were carring hugh boxes of food so they were easy pickins for the enemy cause they moved to slow..now general j l homes was loseing to many troops threw starvation and had to come up with a plan to feed his troops it was only after hrs of descussion with his baker that they came up with this cunning plan hes name was HANS FINGERMEBUSH.it was only after seeing one of the african american soldiers having a pee that there was the answer he raced back to his bakery and started making the donut.. he had devised such a great plan he measured the gentlemens penis and new he could at least fit 12 donuts to his penis now with him being of dark colored skin he would be harder to see which ment delivering the donuts after dark would be safer and harder to see so this is how the donut was invented and hense why the black man is the fastest man on earth cause he was shot at more while carrying food to the troops .... question answered

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

why is it called a blow job when it is really sucking ......

hmmmmm a bloody good question ...

the word blow job is from the greek word meaning ....{lucky fooker}

once again i had to turned back pages of history ...this question has been answered in greek mytholigy. do u remeber the spartons yes these men of men these trojans of the gods. it was julius scratcheyus my nutyus that was the first man to use the word blowjob.

it was on the shores of napoli when the greeks and the romans where fighting this battle had taking its toll on alexsandra the greats men it was winter time and the temprature was nearly below freezing and as we no the greeks werent on for wearing alot of clothing.now it was the morning of april the 15th 1023 bc when alexsandra the great rallied his troops and asked his men to under go the fight of there lifes so he asked his trumpet man to blow his trumpet and sound off the attack. julius scratcheyus my nuteyus shrugged his shoulders and said "ok if thats what u want sire " droped to his knees and and blew alexsandra the greats trumpet ... to the dismay of all the troops its was enough to send them in to battle a lil queezy that morning but for big al it became a national rictual and it was called the blow job

next question

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

aww ozzy great i love this, glad you doing it again

away to think of a question

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By *inesawineWoman
over a year ago

fife

Ozzy - you have far too much time with not enough to do !!!

Get out more mate lmao

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why is the world round?????

Great post btw lmao here lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

hmmm nietzche , genious or madman ????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

defo madman but very very funny, loving it!

Kazz that's an easy one hun, the world used to be square hence the boats used to fall off the end of the world, but with high winds n acid rain, natural erosion has made it round. Cripes I thought everyone knew that!

But our question is ........ why don't people from Liverpool work???? pmsl

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By *adcowWoman
over a year ago

kirkcaldy

my question -= who was the first true swinger?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

answer... VIEW

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

why is the earth round ....

hmmmm yes round or not

kazz i will need to speak to many people in order to get ur answer and throw my mind in the the history books yet again .....

lets start with mrs gandle theory first

about soil erosion,acid rain and the word cripes all in a sentence.

this tells us many things, firstly theres a good chance she would tie here self to a tree yelling save the rainforest then realise she in rookin glen park. second whats she is calling acid rain called be another word for hair coloring why washing out after applying it in the shower.pay no attention to these feeble attemps to trick u to beleaving such things kazz for i am here to seek out these answers.(while wearing my bob the builder jammies)ok so lets start with old mate chirssy columbus.now this man was on the right track but he didnt really sail any where or go any where. i rang me old mate chrissy and he said has been on holiday since last year cause the mrs spat out another child 9 months ago and cant afford it .next call was to neil arm strong i wanted concrete proof the earth was round but all i got outta him was some silly bloody saying about one small step for man and one giant leep for? then all i heard was mrs arm strong screaming out "they only time u will see the moon is when i brake me foot of in ur ass if u dont cut the grass"so kinda got no where there either.so i went to the bible the holy grail of all knowlegde,play boy magazine forum and got destracted with other things..so heres my conclusion when god made the earth and everything in it he was playing scissor ,rock and paper he had a square a ball and a triangle .if the square had won things would have 4 sides ,if the triangle had one things would have 3 sides but a ball is round hence a round bum round boobs round head rounded fingers and the only thing u can fit in a round hole is something round ! so the earth is round ! next question

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

yes old freddy wack job or genius

one would need to compare him with another to get a true description of this man. known for philosophy and langauge

lets see i will use my self as the subject for this one

lets start with common denominator

both have a degree in philosophy

mine is in the art of bullshit

both have degrees in langauge

his was in german text

mine was for getting an asbo from the police for swearing

yes i can see me and this great man was on the same level now as for him being a mad man has nothing to do with the films made on him such as friday the 13th and jason vs freedy he was just miss understood growing up he was simply exspression himself.. now old freddy fell ill between the age of 24 to 28 and was plagued with sickness all his life so as for him being madman the answer is no just a lil sick in the heed lol next question

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

why are womans breasts diffrent sizes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also cannae wait!

Question.

Where does all the white go when the snow melts?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

WHY DO WOMEN WEAR MINI SKIRTS WHEN THEY SPEND HALF THE NITE PULLING THEM DOWN.

WHY DOES IT TAKE TIME WHEN A COUPLE COME TOGETHER TOO FALL IN LOVE

THEN WHEN THEY HAVE CHILDREN, THEY LOVE THEM INSTANTLY .....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

who was the first true swinger ......

truly a fitting question that needs alot of reseach.

its was in my quiet time on sunday sifting thru shrubbs at a nursery at B&Q

when bugger me dead if me ass doesnt point to the ground when i bumped in to me old guru mate of the animal kindom. sir davo edinburgh.."i said stone the bloody crows davo how they hanging china"he sighed ... paused, looked around and said hi mick,i could tell he was up for a chin wag..so like any roveing reporter i fired off questions at him why he raced down the isles away from me but he came to a halt when brought the question forward about swinging.. he said u dont wanna no the truth !u cant handle the truth ..... i braced me self for the god of the animal kindom was gunna fill me head with mind blowing info.

the very true first swingers goes back further than man kind yes older than the big dude up stairs further back than any info found in the books.davo sat me down on a bag of fertelizer which i mite add had a strange smell to something i remember as a child. as i shit me pants u no the time when the toilet is that one step to far away and mum hadnt filled u in of the buttons that need undoing on ya pants... sorry folks nasty flash back there..ok where was i ooooh yes the swinger.

see swinging comes from the latan word meaning tree swinger as in a pri mate yes the fooken hairy lil bugger that beats his chest u know that lil dude cheeta outta tarzan it was our fore fathers the monkey. now davo kinda went into alot of detail descibing all this he was really getting into it. thrusting his hips licking his lipps reall weird shit i kinda think me old mate was kinda getting off on all of it.think he has spent to long in the jungle kinda think he may have joined in once or twice kinda freaky seeing ppl cover ther childrens eyes why davo was going off like a frog in a sock !

but yes there u have it the very true swinger was the monkey and davo said there not really fussy about there partners and i said crikey davo i have one or two night at the pub that come to mind so there u have it the very first swingers where the monkey ...

not much has changed in 20 thousand years has it lol next question

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

ok ok mr banderas or zorro or just the dude waering a heed band over his eyes ...

IT STATES ON QUESTION ONE ANSWER !

any more of that and i will set agent 44 on ya lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

why are womens breast different sizes ..

scotty there comes a time in a mans life that he gets ask a question that needs careful planning and a hands on aproach. and im ur man ..brb away to the loft

back ..for this i will need my tool kit..check mearsuring tape check ,mouth gaurd check,good life insurance hmmm needs upgrading check..and a pair of safety goggles never conduct any experiment with out them also prevents eyes being poked out .

hmmm need a test subject hmm heheheh mrs ozz

now scotty after countless hrs of studying mrs ozz puppys(boobs)pulling,tweacking,twisting,groping,and three blood noses. i came out with some very interesting results.firstly do not tweak a nipple when she is a sleep !first nose bleed! secondly do not under any circumstance do a drive by grope with u trolly at asda beleave me the police r far more fitter than they where when i was a boy !second nose bleed mrs ozz found out what i was doing !thirdly never go down stair to an old ladie below ur flat and twist her nipple beleave me they were like bullets and her teeeth shot clean across the room and i had to give her mouth to mouth to revive her why she layed there with a smile of content on her face.. hence came the third nose bleed when mrs ozz found out after the lil old lady knocked on the door wearing leathers and black high cut boots and said she had both nipples pearce and would love me to twist then again..im not one for giving easly when a man need answer so i decided to set a random breast test centre on the side of the m8 i found this to give me the answer i was looking for .

u see scotty size wieght length of the pinky finger comes into play a hugh roll in my answer here

u see depending on the time the date of the year and weather there mommy had big puppies all comes into consideration ..... the amazing thing is to which i found with every subject if u ever get lost in the forest and u cant find ur way home ... u ask why... well i will tell u cause with out a bra me old mate womens boobs always point south so u have a in built compass at ur disposal so u will never get lost and if u lose one theres always a second ....anyway scotty dont think for one minute when i get out of jail i will go to these exstreams again ffs "im allowed one phone call... hello hello ....ooolordy next question

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Next question...In horse racing when a horse wins by a length? What is the distance of a length? How is it measured?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is my missis bi-curious or bi-sexual.

Is being slightly tipsy a factor.

Many thanx for an answer...lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

why dont liver pool ppl work

hmmm for this i must brave a trip down south. get amongst these ppl see how they tick get in there heeds breeth the moment .......

time to kick start the lil red roller skate i call a car and make this once in a life time journey i need to move amoungst the the living be right in the heart of the red devil land

my journey begins at willams square job centre city centre. as i eaglerly aproached this place i notice something very strange ppl had prams track siuts on and well, spoke a language one would say sounded very ned like. as i got near the door way 2 men approached me then asked to me to empty me pockets and then felt me bum me nuts and wove a wand around me and as it beeped i was asked was that a sharp weapon in my pocket ... i replied "well i wouldnt go as far to call that a weapon but what ever floats ya boat mate" and then i was in the insanctum of this place.

next thing i no im wisked away to get a number like fooken asda trying to get a pizza in a hugh que... im thnking what the hell is this all about then the next thing i no im being asked do i need an interpreture... am i seeking asylum.... i said "strewth mate what u all about"."talking about big mann"do i look like i came of the first fleet mate do i look like a bloody convict do i have bullet holes in me top ffs..next think i no im out the back with to men i mite made the sun dissapear behind them.. i new quick thinking was in order so i said look boys im here seeking work they just laughed at me.. he said i dont no where ur from but u wont get a job here mate....

then i was sent to the calculation room this is where the do nasty experinents these nasty ppl try to trick in thinking ur smart by quizing u with things like ... they had 3 balls on the table and asked me to pick the square or where does santa claws live and trick questions like how many ppl in livepool does it take to steal a light bulb. jugdeing by the dim lit room not many

following this i was sent to do an esay which i was told not many pass once again trick question like :where do u live and do u have a partner .... do u live on ur own ... have u any metal illnesses .....after this i was throw back in the que and given a number again they had pushed me to my limits tried to brake me .. but i had come out the other side ... but it was then i realised ppl was leaving throwing there tickets in the bin i ask they ladie at the counter why these ppl did this ? she pointed at the clock and said look at the time once again i was trying to be tricked so i just followed ppl where they ended up at a chippy van it was 2.00 pm time for lunch so in my endever to seek out this answer i accidently found it the reason why the liverpool ppl never work is they never get past the chippy van ... next question

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By *egs4uWoman
over a year ago

somewhere around

why do baldy men have shampoo in their bathroom? pmsl

xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i always end up with bruises on me and i dont know why.....

why do i get them?

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By *eanneTVTV/TS
over a year ago

glasgow

Why is it that no matter what colour your bubble bath is the bubbles are always white?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How is the length measured in horse racing

gunna have to slip on the old silkys and go under cover for this

ok give me a sec while i bend me leg from the knee down and strap it to me thigh so i look like a migjet ... put the old fake riding boots on. suck in some heluim and have a test run to see if see whether id be able to get by the stewards...... well slap the monkey outta of a jockey if i didnt look like willie carson ..... and if i didnt resemble stunna in size. now after doing some exercises singing "we r a lolli pop kids" theme song outta the wizard of OZ i was ready to under go another quest to put some ones mind at rest

off to hamilton race track i think what we are looking for is there ..after slipping past the security at the main gates i headed straight in to the locker room for bit of gossip hoping to hear abit of the jockey talk....

this is where things went wrong!i could here alot of giggling and whipping noises faintly comming from the far end of the locker room. i slowly made me way ever so slowly to the back of the room as not to be heard stuck me head around the last locker ...and ...well..what can i say there they were 4 jockeys playing giddy up wooooo back with whips one horse and jockeys naked with hats on and whips in there hands.... now correct me if im wrong here but something wasnt sitting right with me it was a sausage fest

let me tell ya those dirty lil buggers werent spareing the horses pardon me pun.. but being the brave lad i am i step forward sucked in some helium and said.,,,"playing a bit of the old plugs and sockets r we guys "next thing i knew i was wrestled to the ground on all 4,s and mounted!a bit stuffed in me mouth and the next thing i new we was racing around the locker room against the other riders errr jockeys errrr naked lil people with whips...i tell ya i had flem comming out me nostals and i was panting like a stallione in a rage of a gallop now as we turned the last locker comming into the straight it was neck and neck i could see the finish the smell of victory was in site ...

thats when i had my lesson in horse riding terms, with 30 feet to go me jockey did something that will live with me till the day i get another nose bleed he stuck his length in me i tell ya me eyes boldged me heart skip a beat and well i had just been vialated for the second time in me life. fook me if i didnt take off like a brides nitey with a crack of the whip we won buy a length or maybe by his length all i can tell is winning by a lenght certainly makes u wish it was only in inches

next question

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

is my lady bi sexual or bi curious

after careful examination of her pictures i tried: winking at her,giving her the specail sexy oz look, licking the monitor and i even tried tweeking the nipples,hell i even tried wooing her with dirty talk but i never got a one response from her picture i even went the full monty and gave her the blue vein junger bumper wave or in laymans terms the wink from the one eyed trousers snake.... once again me old mate AC nothing. i fear the worst me friend she is bi... i even slipped on a bit of lippy some high heels and a pink baby doll out fit which i may add had me looking very lesbo and kinda made me feel a lil sexxy hehehe ... oooops anyway she didnt batter so much as an eye lid at me so AC all i can say if u feel ur in bed and theres ur lovely lil lady and another chick and every time u go to join in u feel a hand on ya heed pushing u away i would say game over she bi sexaul and she is tellin ya to go slapp the monkey in the other room why she munches a lil carpet.now if ur in the heat of battle with 2 ladies and low and behold u think dame some fooker is taking me tempreture from behind then she is bi curiuos and also curious to see if ya like a bit of ass action ya self there AC so there u go u know the sighs and what to look out for and remember if its bi curious take a deep breath relax all ya muscles and take it for ur country ... beleave make sure ur d*unk then u have an excuse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ozzycouple..One or both of you are F N Mental....hilairiously funny but off your bloody trolley!! pmsl !!

Well Done xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

ummm guess i should say thank u to the last statement ...nice to no the fans think ur a fruit loop!.....any i must go i was playing cops and robbers with meself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what came first, the chicken or the egg?????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When Princess Di died, we knew within minutes.

When the likes of Mary Queen of scots copped it, how long did it take for the rest of the country to hear of it, they have Sky news then? lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

why do baldy men have shampoo in there bathroom

can see i will have to throw my self deep into this one to find an answer

off to the barbers for a squeeky clean heed.i have decided to go with the russell crow train of thought become the part and u will be the part ..so there i am no hair bald as a bagders ass the crome dome look ... i must say a lil breezey around the ears and kinda felt like view except i wasnt wearing my he-she undies and stockings under me jeans .... so off i popped home,to let mrs ozz look at a new me she laughs and said i look like the back of a pigs ass hmmm i said before or after the hair cut she said take ur pick ! i do love that woman really u no.. no after concidering the fact i had no hair on me head and shampoo sits in me bathroom i had to ask my self why woulld i keep shampoo? the answer is easy ...one theres more hair round ya balls than theres is ya head.theres the old busshy arm pits than can get a lil more attention than normal not to mention the sweaty ass crack with lots of hair there as well .... so have u ever felt a mans pubes after its been washed with shampoo and conditioner and how sqeeky clean a mans ass crack is ur pants glide over ur hairy legs im telling u i was a knew man so theres ur answer to why bald men still have shampoo in the bathroom there plenty of other hairy places that need treatment !

NEXT QUESTION

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

i always end up with bruies on me and i dont no why

miss fife such a torement this must be haveing nasty brown dots on such fair skin ... now as i am not a doctor i can only brief u in certain areas of this field hence i dont wanna be sued cause i got fook all except for the ten grand under me bed.

i will write this persciption to maybe help with this condition

as follows:

mouth gaurd

safety goggles

helmet boxing gloves

a bra 2 sizes to small

black stolleto,s

pink g string

red lips stick

a camera

my email adress

and then press send to down load the pictures of ur self to me

now this may not cure the bruises but boy i bet ya i will be walking with a limp after looking at ya with that outfit on hehehe

oooo umm humping the pillow moment then sorry lol

now what i do really think the problem is and mind u fifey poo i have seen ya in the flesh, id dare say all the bruising is comming from those wonderful melons on ya chest .....sighs what man wouldnt like to get bruised by u .....

next question

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lol class answer

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

what came first the chicken or the egg

what a question !

i can see im being totally tested with this question and i can almost see katys face as she whipping some poor soul and digging her follow me fuck me boots in someones back thinking about the answer.....

once again i threw me self in to this questionnad i decided to hit this question from a different angle.

it was time to go see me bud me old mate jamie oliver ... so back in the red roller skate (car) and down the road i go.. with a tap of the door jambo answers ....gday jambo ...im here on urgent bussiness i said..now if ur a close mate of jambos u no two things one is never get to close because the fooker has such a lisssp ur drown in his bloody sirliever and second always where a face mask...

well we all no jambo is no slouch when it comes to chickens so i asked the question....now with in minutes my face mask was speckled with spit and i tell ya i think old jambo has lost it. he was showing me how chooks and roosters mate and i said ffs jambo pull ya pants up mate and release the chicken.. well he did make his point and as for the chicking im guessing that will be served up with a white sauce later.

next i was off to see gordon ramsay.the man who has brought the F word to all kitchens.after wandering in to one of his resturants down south only to here the magical tone of his voice..me a ramma had ld horns in the past at a bbq cook off in aussieland which he lost his battle to me when came to cooking prawns on the barbee..

i said "howdy ramma and all i got was what the f*** u want ya f****** tosser. well f***** me side ways with an egg beater" gday mick whats up ? i need info about the chicken and the egg?it was then i recieved my PHD in swearing, old ramma told me all i need to no about the subject ...so my finding r as follows and i quote "f**** egg came first u f***** twat cant belaved u pulled me outta the kitchen for that question u f****** moron " end quote

so there u have it with out 2 bird like creatures mateing we ended up with the egg and then popped out a chicken

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ozzy are you mental or very very clever ???

luvin this thread ty xxxxxxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

When the likes of Mary Queen of scots copped it, how long did it take for the rest of the country to hear of it, they have Sky news then?

another good question .....

well being a historty buff meself and knowing a little about the sexy frog mary queen of scots this wont be to hard to answer ..

now we will call her magic mary ok. cause mary was one for intertaining the troops, there are reports that magic mary invented sexercise to keep fit and half the bloody scottish army.now when magic mary was caught playing hide the suasage she was sent at one point to dunbarton castle and this is where this incredible story begins she was locked up there for many months.now magic mary got this name cause she was a nympho and around the same time when the man from eldisley was taken as well to be held before being taken down south was nun other than sir william wallace... now magic mary knew old wallace was locked up in dunbarton castle with her and bribed one of the guards the best way she knew how with the old " i can suck a football threw a garden hose" trick and managed to get herself in to willies cell amongst other things.now wallace was known for his honour and bravery but on this nite he invented another thing .. but i will get to that a little later..as the door swung open and wallace being chained up like a dog magic mary entered now wallace was a bit of a ned but was flewent in latan as well. as magic mary licked her lips wallace soon relised he was gunna have his hands full here..mary started talking dirty in wallace ear and rubbing his sporron ...wallace responded with "what u all about,,, talking about "did ya bring me any buckey hen "now being french and not properly understanding wallace ,cause of his ned like accent she thought he asked for fucky not bucky.... it was as she dropped to her knees and started blowing wallace bag and pipes he screamed out " i canneee hold it together any more captain im given her all i got " and as hes muscles tightened and magic mary played the forbidden pipes it was then that the news travelled scotland ....wlllace let out a shreeek" FREEEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOM" that echoed threw the lands and lochs

moments later magic mary layed slumpt on the floor at wallaces feet and the sounds of sir willaim voice was heard through out scotland that night they called it sky news for it had came from the heavens the call of all scotsman to take arms against the british as for mary she was dune in and died of suffercation of the wind pipe...... next question

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Why is it that no matter what colour your bubble bath is the bubbles are always white?

after asking mrs ozzy to run me a bath and get me toys and pleading with her to put some danger mouse bubble bath mix into my running bath that me mum sent me for me birthday. it was time to go flap around in the bath and enjoy the moment...and find out why

as the bath was filling i could see what LEANNE G was getting at.while playing with me thunderbird action submerine set i have notice that virgil had gone missing .... well fook me if i didnt throw a hissy fit and was screaming out to mrs ozz id lost virgil she came in and her motherly instints kicked in rubbing me back and calming mr down ..she said "right where did u last see virgil" and through the tears and broken words i told her he was attacking steve look like baddy the badly bad man near the dark cave, then i lost him, it was then threw the bubbles that mrs ozz said "why are the bubbles yellow" i just looked at her with a babyish look and a grin "i dont know" and she shook her heed and said "i cant beleave ur still doing that! ffs"now i had no idea what she was driving at (hehe pee pee in the bubbles )and it was then i could feel this driving pain around me bum so i looked through the bubbles and with a shrrreek i screamed out i think i found virgil

funny thing was i could only see his feet .... it was then a cold sweat came over me and a sickening feeling, in my fit off panic i had lost virgil i had managed to swallow virgil from the other end ..... oooo lordy things had turned from worse to horriffic when i tried to release me lil buddy i had cramped up there was only one way to free virgil and things were backing up down there cause mrs ozz always tells me to do number 2s before haveing a bath and i had forgotten so ... i lay back ,take a deep breath ,and pushed .....next thing theres a massive rumbble and to the joy of a thunder bird lover up floated virgil, with a scream of joy i had vergil back. now it was then mrs ozz came back wondering what all the niose was and then pointed at the bubbles as ask me why the bubbles r yellow and brown? all i could say is that i was researching another question and these where my findings

bubbles in a bubble are not always white !

and mrs ozzy come home i have cleaned the bath and put all me toys away

next question

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"incredible story" indeed ozzycupple,lol, thank you for marys story,

T xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

ur welcome lol facts r facts lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ozzy can you tell me please where all the rubber disappears to off my car tyres?

thanks xxx

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By *empnbunkCouple
over a year ago

south coast

fabulous post havent laffed soo much well done ozzy.... mrs temp would like to know.............................how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood....plz

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood....plz

now this is my kinda question.

the word chuck is latin meaning to throw ones balls threw there mouth other meanings "to have a spit" "be sick "vomate" or to try and pop ones eyes outta there heed .that glorious moment in all our lifes when driving the porcelain bus (hands around the toilet bowl).now for the word woodchuck this mrs tempnpunk is something u will find in a craftsman work shop a woodchuck is a common tool used to craft wood but back in the days of julius ceaser this woodchuck tool was used to releave stomach pain "hence from drinking to much wine .now the word "wood is commonly known in diferent

forms but i think i have come up with the answer. now the word wood meaning "hard on" or wordy or my favorite the blue vein junger pumper plays a roll in comming to my conclusion ....now according to scrolls dating back to about 2033 bc a greek genltemen by the name of....... humungus...hunglikeahoresyus had a gambling debt now in order to come up with the money, he came up with a wager that if he could play with his wood and drinking 5 litres of wine and cum before throwing up he could clear his debts so how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if he could woodchuck wood wood the answer is really simple if he played with his wood and didnt chuck wood then he wouldnt woodchuck wood but as for this poor man humungus hunglikeahorseyus couldnt hold he wood so instead he chucked !

next question!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

laine please bare with me with the rubber question i have been driving my car with the door open while watching my tyres had a slight miss hap while doing this. im having to check my insurance to see if im covered for knocking over ppl and prams with my car door....study still inconclusive!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ozzy you have way too much time on yer hands pmsl

Fliping hilarious though lol

Keep up the good work lol

Kazz

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ozzy can you tell me please where all the rubber disappears to off my car tyres?

this has been some question to answer...

i have had to drive from dumfries to aberdeen and i have sifted through many police reports and have heard of strange siteings of a creamy blury car racing the highways of scotland...

to try and discover where all the rubber goes from laine tyres i first headed to speak to a retired policeman from the aberdeen station who retired to the beautiful place of dumfries.. i finally caught up with constable dick dangleberry, now i gotta say i said to dicko, u must have had the piss taken outta you for having the name like dangleberrys`with a grin ,but really got no reply as i said come on mate u never had a dangleberry hanging from ya ass with a giggle but dicko was a straight shooter never flinched with a smile so i figured better to maybe let the jokes slide.....

anyway after hearing stories from dicko about a certain lady who asked the question about her tyres and hearing that when she very first got her licence she backed over her dog then drove forward and knocked a kid over while he was helping his grand mother up after laine had knocked her over when opening her car door.... things started falling into place.id seen pictures of a lady racing with a nipple pink helmet on in a creamy colored car ...while listening to latino music and other photos of this same lady that was in court 4 times for pulling wheelys in tesco car park for trying to get to the 2 for a pound sales....

old dicko filled me in on many things that had been going on. now my next journey took me to the place of origin yes u guessed it aberdeen ....id been tipped off about a funky shop up there... now this was some shop some of the most coolest toys id ever seen...rubber battons which kinda looked a lil like a mans doodle and bullets that if u press a buttons they vibrated and some real cool movies about peoples moms and there sisters and muscle men movies well i think they were......

anyway i went to the counter and spoke to the owner strange name this bloke had dungeon master humperlot so i showed him pictures of a certain person ...well bugger me if pigs dont have curly tails ... to my suprise i got taken out the back to the vip room ...dont know why really, there were just chains and cages and a funny musky smell but it was there where i saw footage on video of a woman makeing rubber toys out of peoples car tyres and kinda like whiping them for some strange reason. but what i really did find strange is the bald dude tied to the wall who looked like he was in some kind of pain he reminded me of view abit but hard to say really he was wearing far more clothes that veiw normaly does when he goes out ...

so my conclusion is this laine,

it may pay to slow down when driving and trying not to hit people on the side of the road and secondly shaving rubber off ya tyres and melting it down to making rubber toys could have alot to do with why there isnt much rubber on ya tyres ......

next question!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

why are you two sssoooooo gorgeous???

lusty n busty xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

why are you two sssoooooo gorgeous???

lusty n busty xxx

time for confession .......

there are things u should know first this may change ur mind

it all began well over a year ago mrs ozz was walking home from a flower festival when she was struck down by a dead budgee ,that was hurled out of a window cause it was dead, now the family had froozen the budgee so they could get all there family up for the funeral. now after the service for the budgee, one of the children was playing with the budgee and slip over and the budgee was set free, it flew out the window , they lived in high rise flats and yes its true that budgee flew for the last time and cracked mrs ozz right on the scon

the paramedics did everything to revive mrs ozz but the budgee was wedged so deep in her head there was nothing they could do.. talk about kill 2 birds with the one budgee .....

it was then i felt my pain ... with drew from the world....turned to my work in the garage and took mrs ozz body and started to rebuild her....days passed.... the hrs seemed like minutes, months seemed like days but oooo how i worked on mrs ozz gentley moulding her into what she was.....

now after that failed and by this time mrs ozz had got a bit stinky on the nose id decided to throw her in the bin and start again

it was while looking through a argos catalog i saw a blow up barbie doll and it was then that a new lease of light had come over me, so i bought barbie and a remote control car and the look a like dyson vaccum and a cook book and a foot pump..... again i spent many days rebuilding mrs ozz in the garage ... i even shaved off my ass hair so there would be real nose hair and hair around her belly button

i used the remote control car components and the remote to stear her the foot pump to blow her up which i pay a young lad everyday to keep her nice and firm ...cause no one likes a saggy woman....i even put air vavles in her nipples to make them a wee bit bigger and perkyer ..... i then taught mrs ozz to cook from the jamie oliver cook book (jambo) and once i installed the dyson look a like vaccum cleaner in ....boy let me tell ya that woman could suck a football threw a garden hose ......

so now u no how i succeeded to bring mrs ozz back from the dead

as for me i was a gifted child my father often tells me how he droppped me 6 times at birth and i lived while he leaves the room. my mother also tells me that early one morning there was a knock at the door and mom and dad were given 2 free tickets to a safari in africa and dad swapped me for a baby monkey shaved me down and taught me to talk so u see we r just like any other average couple in fab nothig special about us at all

but there are rumours i am built like a greek god going by the name, harryest hunglikeahamsterus

next question !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

LMFAO Ozzie, I want to keep this forum forever it has me grinning from ear to ear every time I look at it! xxxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

i just like to say to all that have read this thank u to all for warming just a wee bit off fun. a very close friend of mine used to read this and it always brought a lil smile to her day and made her feel better.. i just hope it does to those that read it ......

and remember ONE QUESTION ONE ANSWER !

its up u ..........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ozzy I dropped my toast this morning... oops butterfingers... is that where the saying comes from or is it something else entirely? Enlighten me.

Laine xxxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ozzy I dropped my toast this morning... oops butterfingers... is that where the saying comes from or is it something else entirely? Enlighten me.

and people say i have to much time on me hands ...... but i could see how one would ponder such a question first thing in the morning after picking up there piece of toast off the floor with hair and other nasty things attached to it

now butter fingers is a very old farming term..once again this dates back 3000 to 4000 thousands years ago.this had a range of meanings and a range of uses.now take for instence one fine day on the meadows of greece a farmer named alexanrda loppedmecockoff was tending to his cows when he noticed one of his heffers was struggling to give birth while calfing there was nothing that was gunna shift that calf wedged in poor nellys koochey.it was then that alexandras wife came to the rescue iva loppedhiscockoff

she gently rubbed butter around nellys koochey with her fingers..well strike me down while ur driving ya car laine if the baby calf didnt pop out...

and u see this was one of the first documented cases of lube applyed.from there came the making of lube it was used in many cases butter was applyed with fingers around the old dangle berrys aka hemroids and well we all no about the greek thing hide the sausage in ya bum so u see laine this is how lube was invented it went on to be a great success in many feilds, every body was lubeing something back then and hence today we now use k y gel so the term to butter ones fingers became butter fingers .... i must say useing a bit of butter on a certain area with with me finger and then applying was kinda liberating till i got busted by mrs ozz real hard to try an explain what the hell i was doing with a finger up me ass but hay u wanted an answer to ur question .....and butter tastes better than magerine ......

next question !

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