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joke for the day

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Whats the difference between oscar pistorious and brazil?

Pistorious has a better defence and more shots in target

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between marmalade and jam?

U can't marmalade your cock up a burds arse but u can jam it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ouch sounds painful!

Mind you a marmalade blow job you might have stumbled into something there!

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By *cottishsexgoddessWoman
over a year ago

Glenrothes

Oh dear me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the chick aww fuk it forget. The ending

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Me and my mate were driving through dundee when we past a petrol station with a sign saying"free sex with every £15".

"We're having some of this" i said.

so i out the required 15 quid in and went in to pay.

i said to the cashier"that blonde over there looks nice is she available?"

"Oh its not as easy as it looks,i think of a number between 1 and 5,and if you pick the right number you get a fuck"

"5"i said

"No its 4"said the cashier.

"Can i have a go?"asked my mate

"Yeah why not"said the cashier

my mate chose 3

"I just told you it was 4"said the cashier.

driving away i said to my mate"what a fucking con just to get you to put fuel in your car".

My mate replied"oh its not a con,my wife filled up twice last week and won"

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By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!

Mickey was divoring minni, when asked why in court the judge said you can't divorce her because she has buck teeth,Mickey said I'm I'm not I'm divorcing her because she was fucking goofy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man walks into a drug-store with his 8-year old son.

They happen to walk by the condom-display, and the boy asks him, "Dad, what are these for ?"

To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called Condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes Dad, I heard about them in health-class at school."

He looks over the display, and picks up a package containing 3 of them.

He asks, "Dad, why does this package contain 3 ?"

The Dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys . . . ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday."

"Cool " says the boy. He notices a 6-pack, and again asks, "Then who are these for Dad ?"

"Those are for college-men," the Dad answers . . . TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."

"WOW! " exclaimed the boy. "Then who uses these one's ?" he asks . . . picking up a large 12-pack.

With a deep sigh, and a tear in his eye, the Dad replies, "Those are for married men son . . . . . . . . . .

"ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March ! "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Get your d*unk ass off the merry-go-round!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A man walks into a drug-store with his 8-year old son.

They happen to walk by the condom-display, and the boy asks him, "Dad, what are these for ?"

To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called Condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes Dad, I heard about them in health-class at school."

He looks over the display, and picks up a package containing 3 of them.

He asks, "Dad, why does this package contain 3 ?"

The Dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys . . . ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday."

"Cool " says the boy. He notices a 6-pack, and again asks, "Then who are these for Dad ?"

"Those are for college-men," the Dad answers . . . TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."

"WOW! " exclaimed the boy. "Then who uses these one's ?" he asks . . . picking up a large 12-pack.

With a deep sigh, and a tear in his eye, the Dad replies, "Those are for married men son . . . . . . . . . .

"ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March ! ""

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