FabSwingers.com forum: Nursery Rhymes for Adults....

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Came across these and thought i'd share. Feel free to add your own gems....

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

The structure of the wall was incorrect

So he won five grand with Claims Direct.

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It's Raining, It's Pouring.

Oh sh*t, it's Global Warming.

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Jack and Jill went into town

To fetch some chips and sweeties.

He has high cholesterol

And she's got diabetes.

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Mary had a little skirt

with splits right up the sides

and everywhere that Mary went

the boys could see her thighs.

Mary had another skirt

'twas split right up the front

...........But she didn't wear that one very often.

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Mary had a little lamb

her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her

between two chunks of bread.

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Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the pie man

'What have u got there?'

Said the pie man unto Simon

Pies you dickhead.

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Mary had a little lamb

it ran into a pylon.

10,000 volts went up its arse

and turned its wool to nylon.

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Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie

kissed the girls and made them cry.

When the boys came out to play

he kissed them too cause he was gay.

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Jack and Jill

Went up the hill

And planned to do some kissing.

Jack made a pass

and grabbed her ass

Now two of his teeth are missing.

************

Mary had a little lamb

Its fleece was white and wispy.

Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease

And now it's black and crispy.

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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago

Falkirk

Try a kids bed time story book called 'Go the fuck to sleep'.

It's even better if you watch the YouTube video of Samuel L Jackson reading it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Try a kids bed time story book called 'Go the fuck to sleep'.

It's even better if you watch the YouTube video of Samuel L Jackson reading it

Do you think the kids will let granny read that one to the eagerly expected one?? lol..

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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago

Falkirk

"Try a kids bed time story book called 'Go the fuck to sleep'.

It's even better if you watch the YouTube video of Samuel L Jackson reading it

Do you think the kids will let granny read that one to the eagerly expected one?? lol..

Hell yeah!! If it's good enough for Sam.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not a kids rhyme but a funny limerick at least:

My pall Billy had a ten foot willy

He showed it to the woman next door

She thought it was a snake

And hit it with a rake

Now its only five foot four

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not a kids rhyme but a funny limerick at least:

My pall Billy had a ten foot willy

He showed it to the woman next door

She thought it was a snake

And hit it with a rake

Now its only five foot four

Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Old Mother Hubbard

Went to the cupboard to fetch poor Rover a bone

When she bent over Rover took over

and slipped her a bone of his own.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sung to the tune of a flying pickets song,can't remember which one? This was a playground classic in the primary school back in the day lol

I was looking from a window above,

some fucker gave me a shove,

I was faaaalllllllling.

Fell about 53 ft,with a splat on the street,all I needed was a hospital bed,

I shagged the nurse until her fanny was red.

And all I ever knew.....my balls turned bluuuue.

Much funnier when you're 9 yrs old lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mary had a little lamb,

She also had a pig,

It wouldn't stop its gruntin

So she kicked its fuckin cunt in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mary, Mary, guite contrary, How does your garden grow? With a tuft of hair, (you know where) & two little holes in a row

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sing to the tune of teddy bears picnic:

If you go down to the woods today you're in for a big surprise

If you go down to the woods today you better close your eyes

Cos mom and dad are having a shag

And uncle frank is having a wank

And auntie sue is having a screw with grandad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sing to the tune of teddy bears picnic:

If you go down to the woods today you're in for a big surprise

If you go down to the woods today you better close your eyes

Cos mom and dad are having a shag

And uncle frank is having a wank

And auntie sue is having a screw with grandad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jack & Jill went up the hill so jack could lick Jills fanny

He got a shock with a mouthfull of cock, cos Jill turned out to be a tranny

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