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a few gags

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

A guy gets a call from the police telling him his house was robbed. The offenders

had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A moment of silence

passes and the guy says, “I can’t believe they shagged my wife after only five cans!”

"My missus kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock.

It just reaches the back of her sister’s throat!”

I was shagging this bird over her kitchen table when we heard the

front door open. She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the back

door!” . . .thinking back, I really should have legged it – but you

don’t get offers like that every day.

The missus asked me, “When you’re on a boys only trip away, do

you think about me?” Apparently “Only to stop myself coming too

quickly” wasn’t the right answer.

The wife said to me last night. “If you turn the bedside lamp off

I'll take it up the arse”.

Maybe I should have waited for the bulb to cool down first.

I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he's only got one arm,poor bastard.

I shouted. “Where you off to Charlie”?

He said. “I'm off to change a light bulb”.

Well, I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing.

I said. “That's gonna be a bit awkward aint it mate”?

“Not really”, He said. “I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard”.

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By *UNKIEMan
over a year ago

south east

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh god I needed that!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My dad found out I had an imaginary girlfriend.

He said, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks dad, that means a lot," I replied.

"I was talking to your girlfriend."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lol like them mr 44

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh god I needed that!!!! "

and what about the jokes??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh god I needed that!!!!

and what about the jokes?? "

What jokes?????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Police in Glasgow have confirmed they have arrested a man who climbed on the roof of a pub to paint 'HAPPY ST. ANDREWS DAY' in giant white letters.

Fortunately they managed to stop him after he only had time to finish the 'H'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just got sacked from my job on the dodgems without any reason.

Think I will sue them for funfair dismissal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got into an embarrassing situation at a swingers' party last night. I snuck up behind an older lady, started fucking her from behind then looked up and suddenly realised that the guy at the other end of the spitroast, getting a blowjob, was my dad.

I said, "After 30 years of marriage I can't believe you're being unfaithful to mum."

He said, "I'm not."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Funny 44...but there's only one kinda gag you need pishy pants

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Police in Glasgow have confirmed they have arrested a man who climbed on the roof of a pub to paint 'HAPPY ST. ANDREWS DAY' in giant white letters.

Fortunately they managed to stop him after he only had time to finish the 'H'."
am i the only one who thinks that one was a bit below the belt?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Police in Glasgow have confirmed they have arrested a man who climbed on the roof of a pub to paint 'HAPPY ST. ANDREWS DAY' in giant white letters.

Fortunately they managed to stop him after he only had time to finish the 'H'.am i the only one who thinks that one was a bit below the belt?"

Nope that's a shocker

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Police in Glasgow have confirmed they have arrested a man who climbed on the roof of a pub to paint 'HAPPY ST. ANDREWS DAY' in giant white letters.

Fortunately they managed to stop him after he only had time to finish the 'H'."

i believe this is the same joke that ninja got it in ths neck for posting.

is this de ja vu

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