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scottish poetry corner :-D

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By *akedninja OP   Man
over a year ago

edinburgh

TAE A FART -

Oh whit a sleekit horrible beastie

Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie

Jist as ye sit doon among yer kin

There sterts tae stir an enormous win'

The neeps 'n' tatties 'n' mushy peas

Stert workin' like a gentle breeze

But soon the puddin' wi' the sauncie face

Will hae ye blawin' a' ower the place

Nae maiter whit the hell ye dae

A'bodys gonnae hiv tae pay

Even if ye try tae stifle

It's like a bullet oot a rifle

Hawd yer bum ticht tae the chair

Tae try an' stop the leakin' air

Shify yersel fae cheek tae cheek

Prae tae God it disnae reek

But aw yer efforts go assunder

Oot it comes like a clap o' thunder

Ricochets aroon the room

Michty me a sonic boom

God almichty it fairly reeks

Hope a huvnae shit ma breeks

Tae the bog a better scurry

Aw whit the hell, it's no ma worry

A'body roon aboot me chokin

Wan or twa are nearly bokin

A'll feel better for a while

Cannae help but raise a smile

Wis him! A shout wi' accusin glower

Alas too late, he's jist keeled ower

Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare

A dinnae feel welcome ony mair

Where e'er ye be let yer wind gang free

Sounds like jist the job fur me

Whit a fuss at Rabbie's party

Ower the sake o' wan wee farty.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was thinking about a poetry thread, this one that means a lot to me....not Scottish but heard it again today, love it.....

The Guy in the Glass

When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf,

And the world makes you King for a day,

Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,

And see what that guy has to say.

For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife,

Who judgement upon you must pass.

The feller whose verdict counts most in your life

Is the guy staring back from the glass.

He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,

For he's with you clear up to the end,

And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test

If the guy in the glass is your friend.

You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,

And think you're a wonderful guy,

But the man in the glass says you're only a bum

If you can't look him straight in the eye.

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,

And get pats on the back as you pass,

But your final reward will be heartaches and tears

If you've cheated the guy in the glass.

Dale Wimbrow

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By *akedninja OP   Man
over a year ago

edinburgh

Hmm interesting stuff,thanks for your contribution;-)
"I was thinking about a poetry thread, this one that means a lot to me....not Scottish but heard it again today, love it.....

The Guy in the Glass

When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf,

And the world makes you King for a day,

Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,

And see what that guy has to say.

For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife,

Who judgement upon you must pass.

The feller whose verdict counts most in your life

Is the guy staring back from the glass.

He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,

For he's with you clear up to the end,

And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test

If the guy in the glass is your friend.

You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,

And think you're a wonderful guy,

But the man in the glass says you're only a bum

If you can't look him straight in the eye.

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,

And get pats on the back as you pass,

But your final reward will be heartaches and tears

If you've cheated the guy in the glass.

Dale Wimbrow"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My name is rabbie burns

and I work at the ploo

I earn my gelt frae the sweat o ma broo

but you my dear are just the reverse

you earn your gelt

frae the sweat o yer arse

to a lady of nagotiatable virtue

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By *akedninja OP   Man
over a year ago

edinburgh


"My name is rabbie burns

and I work at the ploo

I earn my gelt frae the sweat o ma broo

but you my dear are just the reverse

you earn your gelt

frae the sweat o yer arse

to a lady of nagotiatable virtue"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I was thinking about a poetry thread, this one that means a lot to me....not Scottish but heard it again today, love it.....

The Guy in the Glass

When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf,

And the world makes you King for a day,

Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,

And see what that guy has to say.

For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife,

Who judgement upon you must pass.

The feller whose verdict counts most in your life

Is the guy staring back from the glass.

He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,

For he's with you clear up to the end,

And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test

If the guy in the glass is your friend.

You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,

And think you're a wonderful guy,

But the man in the glass says you're only a bum

If you can't look him straight in the eye.

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,

And get pats on the back as you pass,

But your final reward will be heartaches and tears

If you've cheated the guy in the glass.

Dale Wimbrow"

Love it but I read the name to quickly and thought the poet was Dale Winton x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Quite a fan of Magonigles short poems.

There was a coo but its no there noo.

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By *he Enigmatic MagnetMan
over a year ago

Glasgow West

My favourite Scottish poem is by the legendary Bud Neill. It will be quite seasonal soon, if we keep getting mornings like this morning!

"Winter's come,

The snaw has fell,

Wee Josie's nose is froze as well,

Wee Josie's fell, his nose is skintit,

Winter's diabolic, intit?!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay!

Alas! I am very sorry to say

That ninety lives have been taken away

On the last Sabbath day of 1879,

Which will be remember'd for a very long time.”

A wee bit by William Topaz Mcgonnigal

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By *he Enigmatic MagnetMan
over a year ago

Glasgow West

His name was William Topaz McGonagall.

"There was a coo" has been falsely attributed to McGonagall, but the actual author is unknown.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"His name was William Topaz McGonagall.

"There was a coo" has been falsely attributed to McGonagall, but the actual author is unknown.

"
Cheers,, had a hunch my spelling was miles off,,lol,, what about, "the Tay the Tay the silvery Tay" ?

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By *he Enigmatic MagnetMan
over a year ago

Glasgow West

It is called "The Tay Bridge Disaster".

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow


"It is called "The Tay Bridge Disaster"."

The REAL Tay Bridge disaster is that it goes both ways.

Were it just a way OUT of Dundee, that'd be fine. However ............

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If at first ye don't succeed,

Pull yer jersey ower yer heid....

My faither......

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

As Ah wis walkin' doon the road,

Ah saw a coo, a bull, b' Goad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A Scottish Love Poem.

A’ course ah love ye darlin’

Ye’re a bluidy top notch burd

An’ when ah say yer gorgeous

Ah mean every single wurd

So yer bum is oan the big side

Ah don’t mind a bit o’ flab

It means that when I’m ready

There’s sumthin’ there tae grab

So yer belly isny flat nae merr

Ah tell ye, ah don’t care

So long as when ah cuddle ye

Ah kin get ma erms roon’ therr

Nae wummin wha is yer age

Hiz nice roon’ perky breasts

They jist gave in tae gravity

But ah know ye did yer best

Ah’m tellin’ ye the trooth noo

Ah nivir tell ye lies

Ah think it’s very sexy

Ye’ve got dimples oan yer thighs

Ah sweer oan mah grannies grave noo

The moment that we met

Ah thocht ye wiz as guid as

Ah wiz goanie get

Nae metter whit ye look like

Ah’ll alwiz love ye dear

Noo, shut up while the fitba’s oan

An’ fetch anither beer!!.

anon.......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Couldn't have put ut better myself!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Couldn't have put ut better myself!! "

Aye....i always wondered if you penned it....it has your style of cheek sweetie pie!.......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ehhh.........do I know you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ehhh.........do I know you? "

Aye....I do yer laundry!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No, I've got a wee wuman that does it, thanks very much.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There once was a man named McQueen,

Who invented the wanking machine,

But on the 99th stroke,

The fucking thing broke,

And turned his come to whipped cream!

Oooooooppppssss trust me to lower the tone

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By *rallvalCouple
over a year ago

Dunfermline

Warming her pearls. Carol Ann Duffy

Next to my own skin, her pearls. My mistress

bids me wear them, warm them, until evening

when I'll brush her hair. At six, I place them

round her cool, white throat. All day I think of her,

resting in the Yellow Room, contemplating silk

or taffeta, which gown tonight? She fans herself

whilst I work willingly, my slow heat entering

each pearl. Slack on my neck, her rope.

She's beautiful. I dream about her

in my attic bed; picture her dancing

with tall men, puzzled by my faint, persistent scent

beneath her French perfume, her milky stones.

I dust her shoulders with a rabbit's foot,

watch the soft blush seep through her skin

like an indolent sigh. In her looking-glass

my red lips part as though I want to speak.

Full moon. Her carriage brings her home. I see

her every movement in my head.... Undressing,

taking off her jewels, her slim hand reaching

for the case, slipping naked into bed, the way

she always does.... And I lie here awake,

knowing the pearls are cooling even now

in the room where my mistress sleeps. All night

I feel their absence and I burn.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I need to feel your heartbeat

So close it feels like mine

I need to feel your heartbeat

So close it feels like mine

I remember the feeling my hands in your hair,

I remember the feeling of the rhythm we made

I need to land sometime right next to you

Feel your heartbeat,heartbeat right next to me

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By *lassic1Man
over a year ago

bellshill


"Quite a fan of Magonigles short poems.

There was a coo but its no there noo."

To slightly correct the masterpiece it actually reads

On yonder hill there stands a coo

Its no there noo it must have shifted.

Im sure it is McGonnigle.

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By *he Enigmatic MagnetMan
over a year ago

Glasgow West


"Quite a fan of Magonigles short poems.

There was a coo but its no there noo.

To slightly correct the masterpiece it actually reads

On yonder hill there stands a coo

Its no there noo it must have shifted.

Im sure it is McGonnigle."

McGoogle it, you'll see it isn't.

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By *akedninja OP   Man
over a year ago

edinburgh

And they say that swingers are a cultured and intellectual bunch eh? Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From the attic I heard a scream,

Who put sand in the Vaseline?

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By *akedninja OP   Man
over a year ago

edinburgh


"From the attic I heard a scream,

Who put sand in the Vaseline?"
lol roses are red Violetts are blue I'm on fab and so are you too ,so what to do?

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By *he Enigmatic MagnetMan
over a year ago

Glasgow West

A seasonal one:

Blue is the sky,

Green is the grass,

Gie's ma hallowe'en,

Ya bass....

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By *akedninja OP   Man
over a year ago

edinburgh


"A seasonal one:

Blue is the sky,

Green is the grass,

Gie's ma hallowe'en,

Ya bass...."
haha I'm gonna recite that one when I go trick o'treating dressed as a Zombie rabbie burns lol

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By *akedninja OP   Man
over a year ago

edinburgh

how now brown cow zzzzzzz

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There was a young man from Calcutta..

Who looked through the hole in the shutter..

For all he could see....

Was a womans bare knee....

And the leg of a man who was Upp er.

Buboo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I see, i see said the blind man...

No you cannae see said the dummy...

You cannae speak said the blind man..

And the man wi no legs rose and walked away

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By *akedninja OP   Man
over a year ago

edinburgh


"I see, i see said the blind man...

No you cannae see said the dummy...

You cannae speak said the blind man..

And the man wi no legs rose and walked away

"
hmm very profound,I like that one thanks for sharing x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

who's up before me almost every morn,

who keeps a drippy eye on me and manages all ma porn,

who rubs ma tit and moistens ma clit,

who makes me cum like i'm having a fit,

its that one eyed bandit....who knew he could....

bang ma forest like Robin Hood!!

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