I have a family member in their 20s that's still a virgin and really hung up about it.
I always say the same thing to them:
When I was in high school, I knew loads of people that lost their virginity ranging from ages 12 through 18.
All but one of them, who was 18 when they lost theirs, regretted it in later life, saying they were too young, it wasn't with the right person, they wished they hadn't done it, etc. (the one that didn't was the person from age 14, and I remember passing the two of them a few years ago, with kids in tow, holding hands).
Some folk I knew then were the opposite and hung up 'cause they were still virgins while the rest of us were putting it about.
I lost my virginity at age 16, mostly because I was really hung up on what I felt was everyone else around having experiences that I was missing out on, and the negative effect that had on my self perception, feeling lonely, unwanted, etc. The experience was rubbish, and led to a really bad relationship that I knew I shouldn't have gotten involved in, but stayed for ages 'cause I was too insecure.
If I had anywhere near the level of self-respect and contentment then as I do now, I would have walked away and waited for a more fulfilling situation, and so would all the people I mentioned above that regretted their first times.
Sex isn't always great. It isn't the be-all and end-all. Sometimes it's really rubbish and unfulfilling.
It takes practice, as well. You need to learn how to get to know people.
I understand the pressure you must be feeling, but I honestly believe that as you're a bit older, you'll have the capacity to make more sensible decisions regarding it. You'll be better able to recognise and understand what's right for you and what's not.
You'll also have a much higher chance of being respected by your eventual partner, as they would likely also be closer to your age, and more understanding.
Which all basically means that your first time is likely to be way better when it eventually happens than it would have been had you jumped on the bandwagon as a teenager.
Don't lose hope, Dude. I've felt those feelings of "why does nobody want me", and I've gone through loads of long spells of not being with anyone, so I know how hard it gets.
But what I gained from learning to wait for the right spark is unbelievable connections with that respected me and wanted to share the moment with me (I'm obviously not talking about going to orgies and the like when I say  . ).
You'll get there, and it'll be grand if you do it right  |
