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Gonna tell a joke

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Mother superior tells two young nuns she wants a room painted and they're not allowed to get any paint on they're penguin suits so when she leaves one of them says to the other

"Lets lock the door and get naked that way we wont get messy"

So they strip and start decorating.there almost done when theres a knock on the door and man says

"Hello blind man can I come in? "

One nun turns to the other

"Let him in he cant see us naked so its fine"

She opens the door and the bloke walks in and says

"Nice tits luv where do ya want ya blinds?"

Hehe

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

Got any we not heard before?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

What does a gay horse eat?

Haaaayyyy!

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

This bloke walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.

What are you so happy about?' asks the barman.

'Well, I'll tell you,' replied the bloke, 'You know I live by the railway?

Well on my way home last night I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in them movies. I of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I scored big time!'

He continued 'We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, doggy style, spoons, me on top, sometimes her on top.

I was totally shagged out this morning!'

'Fantastic,' exclaimed the barman, 'you lucky sod, did you get a blowjob?'

'No,' he said 'I never found her head.

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By *ustcutieWoman
over a year ago

edinburgh

Lmao... Foe wins

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By *he Enigmatic MagnetMan
over a year ago

Glasgow West

Not sure where I found this:

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their son overnight.

When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.

The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad; they're very strong and very expensive."

"How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10. a pill," answered the son.

"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning,

I'll put the money under the pillow."

Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow.

He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10, not $110.

"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma!"

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

Man goes to his appointment with urologist. In the examination room he says to doctor "dont laugh"!!

"of course i wont laugh" the doctor says "im a professional and in more than 20yrs i have never laughed at a patient"!!

"Ok then" the man said as he dropped his trousers and revealed the tiniest "plinker" the doctor had ever seen. It wasnt any bigger than a Triple A battery.

Unable to control himself the doctor started to giggle, then fell to the floor laughing hysterically. 10 mins later he was able to struggle to his feet and remain his composure. "im so sorry" he said

"i really dont know what came over me" "on my word as a doctor and a gentleman, it wont happen again"......"now what seems to be the problem"?

.

.

.

.

.

"its swollen" the man replied.....................................

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I was walking home the other night and I noticed something in the bushes.i checked and found it was a girl no more than 16-18 shed been roughly abused and was covered in dirt

I took her home and got a nice warm bowl of soapy water and started cleaning her up.i cleaned her face and then started on her body

Im embarressed and ashamed to say I got a erection and the urge was to great and before I knew it I was thrusting into her.i got rougher and faster as I got closer to orgasm and as her body shook I could have sworn she looked alive

Hehe

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By *illow PimpMan
over a year ago

Midlothian

Knock knock ?

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By *he Enigmatic MagnetMan
over a year ago

Glasgow West

How dare you reveal my medical history!

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814


"Knock knock ? "

Who's there?

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By *illow PimpMan
over a year ago

Midlothian


"Knock knock ?

Who's there?"

I am

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814


"Knock knock ?

Who's there?

I am "

Bloody el...so it is......

Come in

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By *ustcutieWoman
over a year ago

edinburgh

Might be the wine but I've laughed like feck

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814


"Might be the wine but I've laughed like feck "

Dribbled yet?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Def the wine......!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Might be the wine but I've laughed like feck

Dribbled yet? "

yes, but not the wine!!!

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By *he Enigmatic MagnetMan
over a year ago

Glasgow West


"Might be the wine but I've laughed like feck

Dribbled yet? "

Where from?

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By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!

Two couples were playing cards. Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave's wife, Sandy, was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jeff hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later when Jeff went to the kitchen to get some refreshments Sandy followed him and asked, "Did you see anything under the table that you liked?" Jeff admitted, "Well, yes I did." She said "you can have it, but it will cost you $100." After a minute or two, Jeff indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Dave works Friday afternoons and Jeff doesn't, that Jeff should come to their house around 2:00 PM on Friday.

Friday came and Jeff went to her house at 2:00 PM. After paying her the $100, they went to the bedroom, had sex for a few hours and then Jeff left.

Dave came home about 6:00 PM and asked his wife, "Did Jeff come by this afternoon?" Totally shocked, Sandy replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes." Next Dave asked, "Did Jeff give you $100?" Sandy thought, 'Oh hell, he knows!' reluctantly she said, "Yes, he did give me $100." "Good," Dave says. "Jeff came by the office this morning and borrowed the $100 from me and said that he'd stop by our house on his way home and pay me back. It's so good to have a friend you can trust

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

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By *illow PimpMan
over a year ago

Midlothian


"Knock knock ?

Who's there?

I am

Bloody el...so it is......

Come in "

Front or back entrance m'lady

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

A binman goes to the back of some shops to collect there bins but cant find the chinese takeaways bin so he knocks on there back door .a couple minutes later a guy opens the door with his clothes all buttoned wrong and hes sweating.he looks at the binman and says "wat ya want imma buzy man and buzy wurking"

The Binman replies" wheres ya wheelie bin"

The man replies "I told yu I been out bac wurking weelie hard"

Realising the language barrier was a problem the binman speaks louder saying "NO wheres ya wheelie bin? "

The man replies"i told u I weelie been wurking hard"

The binman gets angry and shouts"I SAID WHERES YA WHEELIE BIN?" finally the man replies "ok I weelie bin out back having a wank hokay? "

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By *ustcutieWoman
over a year ago

edinburgh

I don't dribble..... Or spill my wine

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814


"Knock knock ?

Who's there?

I am

Bloody el...so it is......

Come in

Front or back entrance m'lady "

Can you do both

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814


"I don't dribble..... Or spill my wine "

Not laughin hard enough then!!!!!

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By *illow PimpMan
over a year ago

Midlothian


"Knock knock ?

Who's there?

I am

Bloody el...so it is......

Come in

Front or back entrance m'lady

Can you do both "

Think i just creamed my ck's lol

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

*Changes name to CK*

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Two farmers are sitting in a field have a spliff and one turns to the other and says"i fucked everything in these fields im fukkin bored now"

The other replies"so av I ! Why dont I fuck you?"

The other replies"ooh I don't know about that wat if I dont like it?"

The other farmer says" we'll use a safe word! If u dont like it man a sound like a cow"

"But what if I likes it and wants it harder and faster" he asks

"Well just start singing and ill oblige"

So they drop there pants and one bends over and other rams his cock up his arse.the farmer flinches and grimaces and he opens his mouth and goes

"Moooooo..........ooon river !"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

English/irish/scots man in a pub and there all boasting how good in bed they are.the englishman says

"I make such exquisite love to my wife that afterwards she levitates an inch off the bed!"

The irishman says

"Oi make luf te ma wife and shs levitates a foot oft da bed!"

The scotsman says

"When I giz ma burd her hole I giz her a wee hard shag then wipe ma cock on the curtains and she hits the feckin roof!"

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

Most people on here..

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Most people on here.."

Ehh?? Whats that mean lol

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By *he Enigmatic MagnetMan
over a year ago

Glasgow West


"Most people on here..

Ehh?? Whats that mean lol"

I'm guessing "Wrong Thread..."

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814


"Most people on here..

Ehh?? Whats that mean lol

I'm guessing "Wrong Thread...""

Nope....

most are a joke

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By *he Enigmatic MagnetMan
over a year ago

Glasgow West


"Most people on here..

Ehh?? Whats that mean lol

I'm guessing "Wrong Thread..."

Nope....

most are a joke "

I resemble that remark!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Lol I luv ripping the piss

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

What do you call a polish prostitute?

Iza sucoffalot

What do you call a russian with three testicles?

Udidyanickabollocoff

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