FabSwingers.com forum: funniest joke you have heard today !!!

By *igg g OP Man
over a year ago

edinburgh

heres mine fur the day

A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years

He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed.

He ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife,

“Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.

I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!”

She responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.”

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pmsl good one !!!! My wife and her friend were having a conversation about how useless men are when my wife said, "They can't do two things at once." At this, I interrupted and said, "Actually I can!" "Give me an example," she replied. "Well, while I was fucking you last night, I was thinking about your friend."

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man rushes out of his wife's hospital room. "Doctor, doctor -- my wife's been in a coma for several months, but when I just touched her left breast, she sighed!"

"That's very encouraging," says the doctor. "Go back and touch her right breast. See if she reacts."

A few minutes later, the man rushes out again: "Doctor, she moaned!"

"Very good," says the doctor. "Now try oral sex. She should certainly react to that!"

Five minutes later, the man comes out back out, white as a sheet. "Doctor -- she died."

"No! What happened?" the doctor exclaims.

"Well, doc," the man says tearfully, "she choked."