FabSwingers.com forum: Trying to help

By *usty OP Woman
over a year ago

inverclyde

When you have a friend that is not great mentally you try to offer help, support etc and they just brush it away...do you stay friends or walk away....am talking to a brick wall with them

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By *cosseMan
over a year ago

alloa

Did they decline your help or did they just not respond.

Mental health is a serious problem and if they are a friend then I would suggest not walking away but rather stepping back and trying to keep supporting them.

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By *usty OP Woman
over a year ago

inverclyde

Bit of both..so who knows what is on mind.....have offered help but I seem to be talking to a brick wall....am worried about them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I personally don’t accept help from others even when I know they want to and also when I know I should let them.

We are all wired different ways, aslong as they know you’re there that’s the best you can do.

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By *cosseMan
over a year ago

alloa

Well I have a couple of friends who have mental issues and personally even though they don’t want help I always let them know I am always there if they need me.

To walk away usually doesn’t help their situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I couldn’t walk away I would try and help, even if it’s a simple text message saying your there, might just need that connection one day. Hope all ok xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When you have a friend that is not great mentally you try to offer help, support etc and they just brush it away...do you stay friends or walk away....am talking to a brick wall with them"

NHS do a program called Silver cloud your friend can start to do this online then get one to one help. Your friend might think they are ok.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I pushed a friend away in person yesterday as I just wanted to be alone and lose myself in a gym session. It wasn’t a day for talking as talking meant tears. He left then messaged to let me know he was there whenever I need him and it meant a lot. Offer support and then wait. You can’t make people talk and I know it’s frustrating when you know they are not ok but just making it known that you are there whenever they need that support will mean so much even if they don’t say it x

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By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!

"When you have a friend that is not great mentally you try to offer help, support etc and they just brush it away...do you stay friends or walk away....am talking to a brick wall with them"
what kind of friend would walk away !?

Firstly the person needs to admit & accept that they are suffering with mental health until they do that then there isn’t much you can do other than let them know you are there for them and they can contact you any time of day if they need you.

For many they see it as failure therefore find it difficult to admit they are suffering from mental health issues,some still find the stigma of it difficult .

Just keep a watchful eye on them and if they decline in a way you are seriously worried about them then seek help on their behalf .

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By *usty OP Woman
over a year ago

inverclyde

They know they need help but won't take it...I have offered but they have declined. Said they are beyond help....so I can do no more

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When you have a friend that is not great mentally you try to offer help, support etc and they just brush it away...do you stay friends or walk away....am talking to a brick wall with them"

Having lost a couple of friends this year to suicide I've been there and totally understand.

There's nothing wrong with letting them know you are there, when it becomes testy you have to back a little away, (depending on your relationship) but still let them know your there and confide in others what's been happening.

Both I've lost, one we all knew had mental issues and he knew we were always there but one evening we lost him. The other, not one person had a clue, even his wife, and then one night he took his life. We have all types of friends in our life and as long as they know we are here for them then that's the best thing we can do.

We can always thing we could have tried more and we always will but being there for them if the first step.

Hopefully you Justy and anyone else don't get to the stage of seeing a bad ending but only happiness with your friends and family and everyone knowing we are there for each other

Merry Xmass to each and everyone on here

XxX

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By *ergus1000Man
over a year ago

Greenock

Invite them on to fab.

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By *lam granWoman
over a year ago

falkirk

I'm sure you don't mean to come across this way but you almost sound as though you've took the huff cause they refused your help.

Let them know that you'll still be there when and if they chose to accept your help.

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By *usty OP Woman
over a year ago

inverclyde

Not at all I have offered help but they have chosen not to take it...so I can do no more now it's up to them what they do

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By *ags73Man
over a year ago

glasgow-ish

"I'm sure you don't mean to come across this way but you almost sound as though you've took the huff cause they refused your help.

Let them know that you'll still be there when and if they chose to accept your help."

I think that’s the way, ‘I’m here if you want to talk’ or ‘call me, text me if you want to talk’

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By *entlemanrogueMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

"When you have a friend that is not great mentally you try to offer help, support etc and they just brush it away...do you stay friends or walk away....am talking to a brick wall with them"

They .ay decline your help for now, but inna while they may come back and ask for your help.

Please dont walk away. the important thing about being a friend, in my opinion, is being there through the good and the bad times.

I hope they find the peace they seek.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not at all I have offered help but they have chosen not to take it...so I can do no more now it's up to them what they do"

You could offer them a rope or some pills see the response.

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By *usty OP Woman
over a year ago

inverclyde

If they decline my help then I can do no more at all it's up to them what they do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If they decline my help then I can do no more at all it's up to them what they do. "

I just bit the bullet and seeked help a couple of months ago, definitely a big help. I thought I was doing ok but it wasn’t until friends pointed things out I started to think differently. It’s also very easy for people to hide things from others, two of my work colleagues killed themselves.

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By *ola cubesMan
over a year ago

coatbridge

There is no need to lose a friendship as they prefer to work through their own problems privately.

If you are a friend you be there for them when they want it and give space when needed imo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just be friend, very difficult with mental health, having someone there even tho they won’t show it will be a support

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't walk away, I wouldn't press the issue and just let them know that you're there if they need someone.

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By *usty OP Woman
over a year ago

inverclyde

I have tried but nothing they say they are beyond help so its up to them now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have tried but nothing they say they are beyond help so its up to them now"

Its kl what's your doing, you've shown you are there for them but they don't want any help. They might get worse and then seek your help. You are there and they know you are so that's what counts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When you have a friend that is not great mentally you try to offer help, support etc and they just brush it away...do you stay friends or walk away....am talking to a brick wall with them"

If there a actual proper friend you wouldnt just walk away because they arent listening to you!!! All you can do is be there to support but there also maybe not ready for it, and maybe they don't want to hear what your saying right this minute. Just be there for them and make sure they know there supported. Do things with them like walks, cups of coffee, chatting maybe not about what it is you think your talking a brick wall with. But other things. If they want to chat about whatever the brick wall thing is I'm sure they will when there ready to. Also take care of yourself it's draining sometimes helping and worrying about others.

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By *usty OP Woman
over a year ago

inverclyde

Have tried to chat but nothing...Will leave them if they want to chat then fine

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By *oat yardMan
over a year ago

Ayr

"Have tried to chat but nothing...Will leave them if they want to chat then fine"

The advice people have offered here is great, and it’s good to know that we’re part of a supportive community. You understandably seem worried about your friend, and it must be hard if they don’t seem to have the bandwidth to accept help at the moment. We all have mental health - good and bad.

If this continues the one other thing you could do is to seek professional advice on how to support your friend and signpost them to get support eg. through your GP, 3rd sector services - e.g. Samaritans. If they happen to work for a major employer they may also have access to an Employer’s Assistance Programme which will provide help.

At risk of overstepping the mark - this must be very stressful and hard for you too?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As someone that's been there and through all the shit.... as much as you want to help unless the person is ready to admit they need help there's not much u can do. They will feel lonely and isolated not wanting to share their issues with anyone coz it will feel like a burdon... I do have proper support groups and professionals that I know if u ever need help

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By *aughty_Jack_ABZMan
over a year ago

Aberdeen

"When you have a friend that is not great mentally you try to offer help, support etc and they just brush it away...do you stay friends or walk away....am talking to a brick wall with them"

The advice from the FAB community is great. Without more detail it's hard to help more. Offer support and wisdom and be a constant force of good in their life. Be patient. Being a true friend is both a thankless and yet most rewarding aspect of life.

True friends are like stars; you don’t always see them, but you know they’re always there. Be their North Star and guide them through their darkest hours.

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