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Il bring my primary school report card so you can check I can almost add up to ten and write my own name.... Better be quick though cos dementia's catching up with me!! Who am I again?
Can't wait for this anyone can cum party  | |||
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Ffs that was hard work - auto correct going mad lol xx | |||
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"Not sure we'll recognise what class is Miss D??? You planning on bringing a bottle of Lambrusco?? Lol "Pffft lambrusco noooo way I'm a Lambrini girl | |||
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"Sounds rubbish, how dare you post such a thread, nobody will turn up, we wont be there etc etc "Touché  | |||
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"Been some postings for an eletest...naw I mean ilitest...fuck it ....posh sex perty. I'm looking to organise something a bit more down to earth. So guys, dae you like your cock sucked, ur ye bringing yer burd, and is she durty? Ur ye bringin anybody (is yer nova still on the road?) Are you a burd ? If so yer in ! Please note ; nae polis, nae Volvo drivers, nae guardian readers , nae downtown abbey watchers Party will finish at 8:30 as need to be home for 9pm ( oan the tag for next three months) Mon then !!!!" | |||
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"Been some postings for an eletest...naw I mean ilitest...fuck it ....posh sex perty. I'm looking to organise something a bit more down to earth. So guys, dae you like your cock sucked, ur ye bringing yer burd, and is she durty? Ur ye bringin anybody (is yer nova still on the road?) Are you a burd ? If so yer in ! Please note ; nae polis, nae Volvo drivers, nae guardian readers , nae downtown abbey watchers. Bollocks I thought I was getting to the party, Party will finish at 8:30 as need to be home for 9pm ( oan the tag for next three months) Mon then !!!!"  | |||
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"Aw kin I cum? I kin bring the Buckie n white lightning when I git ma giro "Yer in ! Perty will be oan a giro Friday, cen feel that wee giro burning ma trackie pockit aready | |||
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"Cun w brng oor dug? It on a chain. Wiv goat to bottles o ginger ad sum rollies ano Wi in m8t?" Yer in.....will be magic to see bullitt the dug again....does the dug still drink the super lager ? | |||
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"Aww aye big man am up fur that! Ahh cin even dae some posh scran - cheese n ham n pickle oan a stick - Aye ah no plenty posh! Ah hink I'll need tae pawn some oa ma gold tae get a carry oot but so might no be as bling as usual! Whit aboot dress code? Ur ma Jammies and uggs awright? Kis ma shell suits in fur it's yearly wash
Ffs that was hard work - auto correct going mad lol xx "Yer defo in doll ....bad news aboot the gold, I like a burd wi hunners o gpld chains .... If you still goat yer sovi's cos they wir good wi yer tattoos on yer haunds ? | |||
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"Got my 2 bottles of MD20/20 and half a dozen cans or tennets superlager ..... Rite wheres the perty "Cargo = invite....yer in big man.....it's at ma gaff.... Ye know the wan 2nd past the burnt oot motor, pure gbx toons blaring oot the windae | |||
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"Goat rid o the nova an goat a corsa 1.2 wae a big fuck aff exhaust so ye'll hear me coming doon yer street......awright if ah bring 6 cans eh breaker an a bottle eh lanny?? Gonnae wear ma new Holister tracky ma wee bro nicked fir me.......Ma burd cannae make it cos she's in aboot tae gie birth tae oor 6th wean but if ye want al bring doon just after she's dropped it and you batter intae her!!!!!" Ma dream motor.....yer in big man..... Trackie sounds magic.... Did yae take the security tag aff, or dae yae wear it like a badge of honor ?? I like to keep the tag oan.....the "how much wis this...fuck all ....nicked it " look Qwality | |||
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"Cun w brng oor dug? It on a chain. Wiv goat to bottles o ginger ad sum rollies ano Wi in m8t? Yer in.....will be magic to see bullitt the dug again....does the dug still drink the super lager ? " I he dis stul drnk it. he takes pure ded madys! Hit his heed af th dor lost nite. Av goat him a Burberry colr. A dont huv a babysuter so a need te brng the wanes. Armani jade and Buster. Yull no her a wurd fa thum. | |||
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"Cun w brng oor dug? It on a chain. Wiv goat to bottles o ginger ad sum rollies ano Wi in m8t? Yer in.....will be magic to see bullitt the dug again....does the dug still drink the super lager ? I he dis stul drnk it. he takes pure ded madys! Hit his heed af th dor lost nite. Av goat him a Burberry colr. A dont huv a babysuter so a need te brng the wanes. Armani jade and Buster. Yull no her a wurd fa thum. " Magic doll....yet dug sound gem, weans nae bother, am oan the Jeremy Kyle show tha morra, dependin how that goes I might hae Tyson and Versace , see how the dna test goes !! They could aye take yer two out, out Tyson's mad for sniffing the glue ! | |||
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Suppose it's aff tae bingo again fur us  | |||
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"We're oot!!! Drive a volvo
Suppose it's aff tae bingo again fur us "Too rite yer oot....we yer fancy Volvo, bet ye've even goat it taxed.....Goan sit wi yer posh pals at the bingo ...ah don't really do posh burds, ye take them to the chippie , an they ask fir extras like a pickled onion ...ah didnae even know that the chippie sold fruit stuff like that !!! | |||
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. I've tried to posh her up a bit......nae chance  | |||
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think u shud hud wan 4 aw us pair folk | |||
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"Did some folk think this was serious? Seriously? " Anna tv yer oot... 1. nae sense of humour 2. you'd be better aff sitting at hame wi yer downtown abbey box set .... By the way wee Rab kin get ye it fae Hmv fer a tener ( nae questions, nae bag, nae receipt ) | |||
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"Whit u ths no a real perty? I huv jist goat masel a sexy we numer oot a primark" Doll ... You are pushin the boat oot.....HIV ye got a thing in the Hoose fur getting the tags aff the clothes...wid love a wee shot | |||
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"What? Not real? But I've just got me mum to iron me best tracky!!!!!! Oh bollocks "Awright Andy boy ....nae worries big man, I'll see you, at you an yer ma's joint perty, be a magic night canna beat a combined 16 th and 30 th birthday doo | |||
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"Awe naw uve jist spent ma brew money on Buckie fir it "Nae change there then....I hear those monks are sending you a fuckin Christmas cerd now | |||
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"And I've just spray painted the bath chain and dog lead gold for the night!!! " Top burd..... That's smart thinkin, that's whit ya dae when yer golds in the pawn. Anyhow that bath of yours his been oot in yer front garden for months... She told the weans it wis a boat | |||
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"Better be real ah wis gonnae wash ma knob specially fir it.......honest ye'll no find any knob cheddar that nite girls!!!!! "Glad to hear yiv cleaned up yer act, the burds on here said yer helmet wis lik a dairylea triangle.....an don't be wipin yer knob on the curtains at the perty .... | |||
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"Pure dead shame there no a pairty, we bot 1sies special like
think u shud hud wan 4 aw us pair folk"Seen ye in it , doon at the broo.... Goes magic wi yer uggs | |||
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"Dont let Gill hear you say she's a posh burd. She'll part your pickles with a swift right boot lol. Common as muck n proud . I've tried to posh her up a bit......nae chance "I've tried poshin up a burd....tried to get her to smoke real fags instead o they roll ups.... She didnae like it ether when I tolt her her tattoos were spelt wrang... Everywan knows that Tongs his only goat wan g, and that ya bass his two s' ... Burds eh ! | |||
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And the kids think they're Johhny Depp on that bath but I telt them the only treasure they'll find is my empties from the night before!!! | |||
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"What? Not real? But I've just got me mum to iron me best tracky!!!!!! Oh bollocks
Awright Andy boy ....nae worries big man, I'll see you, at you an yer ma's joint perty, be a magic night canna beat a combined 16 th and 30 th birthday doo"Pmsfl. She wes cumin wic me 2!! Now where we havin it??? | |||
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"I'm just away to dig out my shell suit ..... And my leopard print bra ... If its cock sucking your looking for I'm your man .. I mean your woman!! I'm very down with the earth , I even like a little digger action
Il bring my primary school report card so you can check I can almost add up to ten and write my own name.... Better be quick though cos dementia's catching up with me!! Who am I again?
Can't wait for this anyone can cum party "oi I dont wear shell suits clearly I hate leopard skin xxx | |||
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"Yeah I just have to watch the gold paint doesn't react with my fake tan and make a mess o' my shell suit
And the kids think they're Johhny Depp on that bath but I telt them the only treasure they'll find is my empties from the night before!!! "Herd ther were that many empties that the concil his deemed yir bath, as a recycling point | |||
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"What? Not real? But I've just got me mum to iron me best tracky!!!!!! Oh bollocks
Awright Andy boy ....nae worries big man, I'll see you, at you an yer ma's joint perty, be a magic night canna beat a combined 16 th and 30 th birthday doo
Pmsfl. She wes cumin wic me 2!! Now where we havin it??? "Well we cannae have it at yours, yer cells too wee, the screws oan B block are bastards, an visit times at a shite part o the day !!! When ye gettin oot ?? | |||
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"Whit u ths no a real perty? I huv jist goat masel a sexy we numer oot a primark Doll ... You are pushin the boat oot.....HIV ye got a thing in the Hoose fur getting the tags aff the clothes...wid love a wee shot" Av kep the labls own the dres thun a cun tak it bak. Whare ur u huvin the pairty? | |||
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"I'm just away to dig out my shell suit ..... And my leopard print bra ... If its cock sucking your looking for I'm your man .. I mean your woman!! I'm very down with the earth , I even like a little digger action
Il bring my primary school report card so you can check I can almost add up to ten and write my own name.... Better be quick though cos dementia's catching up with me!! Who am I again?
Can't wait for this anyone can cum party
oi I dont wear shell suits clearly I hate leopard skin xxx "Nae offence meant doll, yir going fir that high class look, bet ye dae yir shopping at Bathgate market | |||
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"Whit u ths no a real perty? I huv jist goat masel a sexy we numer oot a primark Doll ... You are pushin the boat oot.....HIV ye got a thing in the Hoose fur getting the tags aff the clothes...wid love a wee shot Av kep the labls own the dres thun a cun tak it bak. Whare ur u huvin the pairty?" Aye yiv goat the label, bet ye've no goat a fukin receipt tho.....take it doon the bugle see if ye kin get a fiver fir it..... Wanted to hire sum classy joint... Any ideas | |||
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"onsie and uggs on ,no party would be the same without this little pj wearing chav "A luv a bird in "possil evening wear" ...,qwality . Good to see yeve goat oan yer onesie an yer uggs in yer profile pics | |||
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"Whit u ths no a real perty? I huv jist goat masel a sexy we numer oot a primark Doll ... You are pushin the boat oot.....HIV ye got a thing in the Hoose fur getting the tags aff the clothes...wid love a wee shot Av kep the labls own the dres thun a cun tak it bak. Whare ur u huvin the pairty? Aye yiv goat the label, bet ye've no goat a fukin receipt tho.....take it doon the bugle see if ye kin get a fiver fir it..... Wanted to hire sum classy joint... Any ideas " Ye cin huv it at ma joint if ye want. The youngest 3 weans ul be et their different faithers pads but the oldest 5 wull be at hame but its awright I'll just lock the doors between ma 2 cooncil hooses in they cin make their ain pot noodles 
Ahm warning yeas but! Anywan pits thur uggs thro ma 140 inch telly an yous ul get a rite kickin  | |||
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"turn up with fererro roche made out of ballsa shit" Boak | |||
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"turn up with fererro roche made out of ballsa shit Boak "Cutie has more taste than that!!!!!!! She wants maltesers or doughnuts!!!!!! | |||
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"Whit u ths no a real perty? I huv jist goat masel a sexy we numer oot a primark Doll ... You are pushin the boat oot.....HIV ye got a thing in the Hoose fur getting the tags aff the clothes...wid love a wee shot Av kep the labls own the dres thun a cun tak it bak. Whare ur u huvin the pairty? Aye yiv goat the label, bet ye've no goat a fukin receipt tho.....take it doon the bugle see if ye kin get a fiver fir it..... Wanted to hire sum classy joint... Any ideas Ye cin huv it at ma joint if ye want. The youngest 3 weans ul be et their different faithers pads but the oldest 5 wull be at hame but its awright I'll just lock the doors between ma 2 cooncil hooses in they cin make their ain pot noodles
Ahm warning yeas but! Anywan pits thur uggs thro ma 140 inch telly an yous ul get a rite kickin "Fukin hell ....140 inch telly, ye must feel yir oan the Jeremy Kyle show, rather thin watchin it......Haud oan wir you no oan it....I think ye wir ....whit wis yer episode called ??? | |||
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"turn up with fererro roche made out of ballsa shit" Paddy yir oot..... Wi yer home made stuff ye seen them dae on blue Peter .....nae blue Peter watchers.....yill turn up n talk aboot the diary o Anne frank n edukat....educhat .... I mean borin shit like that | |||
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"Whit u ths no a real perty? I huv jist goat masel a sexy we numer oot a primark Doll ... You are pushin the boat oot.....HIV ye got a thing in the Hoose fur getting the tags aff the clothes...wid love a wee shot Av kep the labls own the dres thun a cun tak it bak. Whare ur u huvin the pairty? Aye yiv goat the label, bet ye've no goat a fukin receipt tho.....take it doon the bugle see if ye kin get a fiver fir it..... Wanted to hire sum classy joint... Any ideas Ye cin huv it at ma joint if ye want. The youngest 3 weans ul be et their different faithers pads but the oldest 5 wull be at hame but its awright I'll just lock the doors between ma 2 cooncil hooses in they cin make their ain pot noodles
Ahm warning yeas but! Anywan pits thur uggs thro ma 140 inch telly an yous ul get a rite kickin
Fukin hell ....140 inch telly, ye must feel yir oan the Jeremy Kyle show, rather thin watchin it......Haud oan wir you no oan it....I think ye wir ....whit wis yer episode called ???"Shhhhhh ffs big man keep yer gob shut wull ye! Ah've goat to watch whits said in case the brew fun oot 
Ma oaldest weans wanted tae know whit wan oh the 4 possibilities wiz her da - turns oot it wisnae eny oa them! So they want us tae go back and get the rest oa the guys fae the pub dna tested | |||
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"Jist dinnae make the perty on a saturday thats ma top robbin nite" Don u cum neer ma hoose! Jist goat a new 3D telly no goat ony specks fur it but ma pal gonny nick me sum nxt weak. | |||
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"This thread is brill - love it totally - given me a great laugh this after just what i needed and it is really what more threads should be like. we really should all have a party now for defo lol " Kwik ev'ry boady doon tae Jaz n Davy's. Thur pyoor fuckin brillyunt. Wi kin get twinty in the Venga Bus thit ma Maw goat fae hur DLA muny. Here wi, here wi, here wi fuckin go! | |||
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"Kin any cunt cum?" Fuck aye M8. Ul pick yae up in the Venga Bus. Yoo ok fur a wee tap fur sum petrul muny? | |||
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"Kin any cunt cum? Fuck aye M8. Ul pick yae up in the Venga Bus. Yoo ok fur a wee tap fur sum petrul muny?" Ave spent aw ma brew muney oan the Buckie | |||
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"Ave spent aw ma brew muney oan the Buckie "Don't worry doll av no goat ma giro in cos they telt mi ah wis wurkin oan the side. Pyoor basturts thae cunts in the Broo. Ya dancer - ahv nicked sum 2 fur wan coopuns fae ma Maws purse fur Dominos pizza. Ur a cud jist bring rae nuts ah stole oot a Lidls. Between uz wur made doll. | |||
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"Ah goat sum pizzas ma wean pinched oot farm foods fee uz "Aw ah fuckin luv thae Fermfoods pizzas! That the wans wi horsemeat in thum? | |||
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"Aye ther magic doll "Brillyunt. Get them oan in wull munch them when wi drap ma Maw aff at ra Dancin. It's fuckin pyoor amazun whit that wummin kin dae fur sumday claimin DLA! | |||
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"I'm finding this whole post very anti-nedist!!! n that kno!" Aw cum oan man git yer Burberry trackie oan n join uz | |||
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"I'm finding this whole post very anti-nedist!!! n that kno!" Ma Auntie Nediss says she's gony lamp you fur takin the piss oot hur name. | |||
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"turn up with fererro roche made out of ballsa shit Boak
Cutie has more taste than that!!!!!!! She wants maltesers or doughnuts!!!!!! "She efter her hole !!!!.... Surprise surprise ( apologies for shite obvious joke, but I could'nt resist it) | |||
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"Awright Scotty boy Venga bus sounds the biz, is yer ma still Goan doon to tha arches, fer the pure heavy bouncin ?? Seen her doon ther checking the stick inta cloak roam....she aye askin if any basturd dss snoopers in.... That's when she no askin fer a cheeky line" Digger, She telt me she wiz goin fur rollin baccy in a herd she wiz gein you a gobble wi hur teeth oot in ra Arches. The coo nevur telt me she wiz oan the Culumbian Marchin Pooder. Did she huv oan oor Chantelle's Burburry knock offs? Ma Maws a right classy burd int she? | |||
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"Awright Scotty boy Venga bus sounds the biz, is yer ma still Goan doon to tha arches, fer the pure heavy bouncin ?? Seen her doon ther checking the stick inta cloak roam....she aye askin if any basturd dss snoopers in.... That's when she no askin fer a cheeky line Digger, She telt me she wiz goin fur rollin baccy in a herd she wiz gein you a gobble wi hur teeth oot in ra Arches. The coo nevur telt me she wiz oan the Culumbian Marchin Pooder. Did she huv oan oor Chantelle's Burburry knock offs? Ma Maws a right classy burd int she?" Yer ma is a propar lady, she drinks hir Bacardi breezir wi a straw an aways buys yi a drink efter she dipped somdies purse She wis looking good a burburry'd up, bit let that bony fae east Enders....yer ma's no goat a septum either !! | |||
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"Kin any cunt cum?" Big man yer a cunt .....yer in ! | |||
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"Yer ma is a propar lady, she drinks hir Bacardi breezir wi a straw an aways buys yi a drink efter she dipped somdies purse She wis looking good a burburry'd up, bit let that bony fae east Enders....yer ma's no goat a septum either !!" She sayd she didnae need hur septum in its eezyur tae hoovur up ra pooder withoot it bein cut up. Besides she husnae even goat a bank cerd let alone a credit cerd since she diddled the Provi wummin & goat wan o thay Trust Deed hings. wiz she usin hur power cerd to cut the pooder? Ah dunno how she manages tae rave tae thay GBX choons wi hur hearin aid oot. | |||
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"Can u hold it on a weekend nite thats when am allowed day release?" Congratulations big man , ye now on home leave fir weekend fae the priory, lets go oot fer a drink to celebrate ( ill bring a wee bit o cheeky too) Your a lucky basturd, being in that priory clinic. I'd love to go tae these priory meetings, cunts sitting roun talking about a the times they went oot pissed , stoned & shaggin....magic.... Ye Cid just get yer cock oot , n tell them that's yer thing | |||
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".yer ma's no goat a septum either !!" See whun shay telt mi hur septum fell oot her nose when shay wiz eaten hur coarnflakes, ah hid tae look it up oan oor Tyson's knocked off iPhone thit he stole aff some poor bizniss man he wiz gobblin up the toilets in yon posh hutel in Glesga. | |||
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".yer ma's no goat a septum either !! See whun shay telt mi hur septum fell oot her nose when shay wiz eaten hur coarnflakes, ah hid tae look it up oan oor Tyson's knocked off iPhone thit he stole aff some poor bizniss man he wiz gobblin up the toilets in yon posh hutel in Glesga. " M8 oor Tyson wans tae cum tae. Al no let im knock enyhin tho. Kin he come tae the perty? | |||
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".yer ma's no goat a septum either !! See whun shay telt mi hur septum fell oot her nose when shay wiz eaten hur coarnflakes, ah hid tae look it up oan oor Tyson's knocked off iPhone thit he stole aff some poor bizniss man he wiz gobblin up the toilets in yon posh hutel in Glesga. M8 oor Tyson wans tae cum tae. Al no let im knock enyhin tho. Kin he come tae the perty?" Oh & oor Chantelle wans tae cum too! | |||
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"Oh I say I couldnt possibly ty, Good golly  "Oh aye, posh burds in | |||
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"Oh I say I couldnt possibly ty, Good golly
Oh aye, posh burds in"Better gie yer knob a wee wipe wae a baby wipe or ye could jist gob oan a bit oa bog roll | |||
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"Oh I say I couldnt possibly ty, Good golly
Oh aye, posh burds in
Better gie yer knob a wee wipe wae a baby wipe or ye could jist gob oan a bit oa bog roll "Fuck man, bog roll. Ahve no seen that in ages. Ah use a tea towel. | |||
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"Nae newspaper? Ah use ma free bus pass tae get the bus roon the chemist and grab some metros fur free - ah've even goat a wee hing tae hoad it oan next tae the lavvy "Ahm aye hinging ontae ma wee hing in ra cludgie | |||
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"Oh I say I couldnt possibly ty, Good golly
Oh aye, posh burds in
Better gie yer knob a wee wipe wae a baby wipe or ye could jist gob oan a bit oa bog roll
Fuck man, bog roll. Ahve no seen that in ages. Ah use a tea towel."Who's the posh git nooo | |||
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"Oh I say I couldnt possibly ty, Good golly
Oh aye, posh burds in
Better gie yer knob a wee wipe wae a baby wipe or ye could jist gob oan a bit oa bog roll
Fuck man, bog roll. Ahve no seen that in ages. Ah use a tea towel.
Who's the posh git nooo"Ah wiz aye a posh cunt. Ah even went tae a speshul skool. How posh is rat? | |||
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"me ^^^ I will iron my leggings oh sounds like a pure classy event tuck them in my thugs, buckfast no 10 for the conisooors. take my onesy to wear to the shops in the morning. for my iron brew glass bottle. "Aww Teasy ah aye fancied yu cuz yir dead classy. Gless boatles. | |||
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pure quality thread.