FabSwingers.com forum: How to shower like a woman!!

By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1 OP Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Rinse off. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

By *ictiiWitchCouple
over a year ago

Helensburgh

Me personally...

Shed clothes to hamper in corner of room, will sort it out later.

Run nakkie through the house stopping to whap other half in face with boobies, while requesting that he bring me my towel/come wash my back/keep me company, wave to whoever is watching his cam at the time...

Jump in shower, remove cat from bath before he gets wet and turns into the howling ball of pain and fury.

Shave hairy areas, get scrubby mitts on and scrub everywhere with whatever stinky potion i have acquired that week (seriously, bathroom looks like boots).

Remove cat from bottom of bath where he is trying to hide from the spray while trying to rescue me from the fresh hell that he thinks i am in...

Wash hair, quickly and with loud rendition of Lady Gaga, or whatever i was listening to before i went for my shower, condition hair, shout for towel.

Get out of shower,wrap hair, cursory dry of boobies.

Smoosh Other half with boobies while remarking that they smell all fruity/perfumy now. Wave to people on cam...

run off to get dry in other room while tripping over cat who is just so glad that i survived and never wants to let me out of his sight AGAIN!

p.s he would like to mention that i smell funny....