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Messages. Opinions please

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By *hyme2020 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow Scotland

Hello everyone. I posted a status last night about timewasters, fantasists and people playing mind games and I was fed up with it. I’m referring to ongoing chats that go nowhere and people you maybe connect with and then they just disappear or whatever.

Today I have noticed quite a few male statuses about women moaning about time wasters etc and how women are all so ignorant as don’t even reply to messages. I would like to ask a question mainly to the men but would like feedback from the ladies too please.

When it comes to messages, I don’t open them all. I skim across and if I see one from someone I have spoken to before or a message I like the look of then I will open it. If not, I leave it unread.

I have no inclination or time, to read through currently 500+ messages after deleting hundreds last week and I know that’s a drop in the ocean compared to what some women get. I do appreciate that men are taking the time to message ans it’s really difficult for them on here and it’s maybe horrible seeing lots of yellow in their sent box. My question is, would guys rather it was opened and ignored, opened and said no thanks and that’s the end of it, or left unread? I actually don’t understand why I’m getting 6-10 messages from the same guys who are obviously trying to get my attention but I’m not opening or having a conversation. It then just shouts desperate to me!

What’s the best approach?

Interested in views thank you and if you are one of the guys who keeps messaging me over and over and sending ???? As message subjects etc, please stop!

Thank you all x

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By *IGDADDYBEAR69Man
over a year ago

SCOTLAND

Typically if i message some one and its not been read in a week i take that as not interested and move on same as a read and not replied…

But i would like folk to have some message management and delete the message unread or read if there not interested for what ever reason as too me this sends a very CLEAR message to the sender that there not interested. But thats just an opinion…

But on the mesaages that go no where i ve had that 1000s of time where the initial reply to a message is “your hot” or “very interested” or a degree of that only for my reply to that message to go ignored unread read and not replied too thats the most annoying because you dont now where its gone and you dont want to pester with messages so i ve learned to reply and move on till they (if they) respond if not move on… its just fab… people have short attention spans and lifes outside so things get missed

The ones that annoy me are folk that get ansy about not replying to them. I ve had a few and its a red flag to me and i don’t respond i just block and delete there messages

Ps sorry for the rant lol

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By *hyme2020 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow Scotland


"Typically if i message some one and its not been read in a week i take that as not interested and move on same as a read and not replied…

But i would like folk to have some message management and delete the message unread or read if there not interested for what ever reason as too me this sends a very CLEAR message to the sender that there not interested. But thats just an opinion…

But on the mesaages that go no where i ve had that 1000s of time where the initial reply to a message is “your hot” or “very interested” or a degree of that only for my reply to that message to go ignored unread read and not replied too thats the most annoying because you dont now where its gone and you dont want to pester with messages so i ve learned to reply and move on till they (if they) respond if not move on… its just fab… people have short attention spans and lifes outside so things get missed

The ones that annoy me are folk that get ansy about not replying to them. I ve had a few and its a red flag to me and i don’t respond i just block and delete there messages

Ps sorry for the rant lol"

Yeh it’s all the passive agressive ???? As message subjects and saying things like oh are you there or “not talking” etc that I find really irritating. I’m not trying to be rude to people, I shut don’t want to be talking to 100 men at the same time as that’s just more men likely to disappoint me lol

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By *uffolkJohnMan
over a year ago

Newmarket


"Hello everyone. I posted a status last night about timewasters, fantasists and people playing mind games and I was fed up with it. I’m referring to ongoing chats that go nowhere and people you maybe connect with and then they just disappear or whatever.

Today I have noticed quite a few male statuses about women moaning about time wasters etc and how women are all so ignorant as don’t even reply to messages. I would like to ask a question mainly to the men but would like feedback from the ladies too please.

When it comes to messages, I don’t open them all. I skim across and if I see one from someone I have spoken to before or a message I like the look of then I will open it. If not, I leave it unread.

I have no inclination or time, to read through currently 500+ messages after deleting hundreds last week and I know that’s a drop in the ocean compared to what some women get. I do appreciate that men are taking the time to message ans it’s really difficult for them on here and it’s maybe horrible seeing lots of yellow in their sent box. My question is, would guys rather it was opened and ignored, opened and said no thanks and that’s the end of it, or left unread? I actually don’t understand why I’m getting 6-10 messages from the same guys who are obviously trying to get my attention but I’m not opening or having a conversation. It then just shouts desperate to me!

What’s the best approach?

Interested in views thank you and if you are one of the guys who keeps messaging me over and over and sending ???? As message subjects etc, please stop!

Thank you all x"

I'm surprised 500 guys manged to read through your profile. I got half way and died of boredom. If that profile doesn't thin them down a bit, sorry but nothing will.

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By *hyme2020 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow Scotland


"Hello everyone. I posted a status last night about timewasters, fantasists and people playing mind games and I was fed up with it. I’m referring to ongoing chats that go nowhere and people you maybe connect with and then they just disappear or whatever.

Today I have noticed quite a few male statuses about women moaning about time wasters etc and how women are all so ignorant as don’t even reply to messages. I would like to ask a question mainly to the men but would like feedback from the ladies too please.

When it comes to messages, I don’t open them all. I skim across and if I see one from someone I have spoken to before or a message I like the look of then I will open it. If not, I leave it unread.

I have no inclination or time, to read through currently 500+ messages after deleting hundreds last week and I know that’s a drop in the ocean compared to what some women get. I do appreciate that men are taking the time to message ans it’s really difficult for them on here and it’s maybe horrible seeing lots of yellow in their sent box. My question is, would guys rather it was opened and ignored, opened and said no thanks and that’s the end of it, or left unread? I actually don’t understand why I’m getting 6-10 messages from the same guys who are obviously trying to get my attention but I’m not opening or having a conversation. It then just shouts desperate to me!

What’s the best approach?

Interested in views thank you and if you are one of the guys who keeps messaging me over and over and sending ???? As message subjects etc, please stop!

Thank you all x

I'm surprised 500 guys manged to read through your profile. I got half way and died of boredom. If that profile doesn't thin them down a bit, sorry but nothing will. "

If I hadn’t seen you being like this on just about every other post on the forums, then I would take that personally. As I know you are just a keyboard warrior, I will not. Do have a good day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd just block someone who kept messaging that much without a response tbh. If you're not interested then it saves time for yourself and the other person.

I'm not always on here to look at my inbox, sometimes just to browse the forums or waste time in chat so I do understand the annoyance of people constantly messaging just cause they see you online.

Have you thought about turning off single men being able to message you and just message the men you like the look of yourself? It does make your inbox much easier to deal with

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By *eiaorganaWoman
over a year ago

Dundee

Bottom line is that a great number of men feel that they are owed a response, whether or not you are interested. They then jump onto their status whining about people being rude because they don't reply, when in fact had they bothered to read the FAQs they'd see that it is not rude, and to take it as a not interested.

Every day there is at least one single man in my local feed complaining in his statuses, totally oblivious to the fact that those statuses are being read and are putting people off them so won't reply to any of their messages anyway.

Run your account how YOU want to, its your account and not theirs. You don't owe anyone anything, least of all an explanation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to take it all to heart, not now.

Block them, they don’t get this site or that a no reply means NO! Delete the message, block the guy, sort message filters to no guys and you message guys that stand out to you or at least filter to only verification and only site supporters as at that stage, you then have no newbies chancing it as their mate told them about this site etc.

More genuine people looking to meet face to face that way. And like a dating site you can chat for a day/week then not want to fuck them like you get fed up and don’t want to go on a date with someone because something they said etc.

Best advice is keep deleting messages and block really nasty ones with filters and make sure they are genuine. And yeah ignore John, any active women looking wouldn’t go there EVER, just sad you can still see blocked people in forum!

Have fun and don’t take it too serious, other sites are better than this for meets anyway personally!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to reply to all messages even those I wasn't interested in.

Now il still reply to most but if they reply back after that I just delete.

When it's clear they havnt read my profile tho and they are nothing like my preferences sorry prob won't reply.

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By *arymore1Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

Do as you see fit, I don’t expect every message to be read or replied to, I would only message someone once or twice if there is no response. As you say, it’s difficult for guys to get a response as most women get bombarded, however I think most men would think it’s worse for the women who need to wade through all the rubbish they get sent ????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If someone is messaging you all the time delete, block and move on. This is the only way to reduce the number of messages you get.

Once you get rid of the repeast offenders then you can decide if you want to answer the others by saying no thanks or whatever. As someone else pointed out you don't have to answer if you don't want to.

Personally i wouldn't message someone a 2nd time if they didn't answer or read the 1st message. If i see a message has been deleted with no response i take it that the person isn't interested.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try to be polite and reply to messages, even just with a no thanks. I've never received anywhere near 500 a day though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I try to be polite and reply to messages, even just with a no thanks. I've never received anywhere near 500 a day though "
me either

I'd say only those with no filters do tho. But having no filters is just crazy

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By *melia DominaTV/TS
over a year ago

Edinburgh (She/Her)


"

What’s the best approach?

"

Filter everything until you have the area you need. Example. Men, age range 30-40, non smoker and whatever else the filters have.

Reduces the inbox dramatically.

Or block all and search for what you want...

Or better still network and socialise offline at local events and clubs. You will find prospective active swinging partners there, way before online.

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By *yesgreenMan
over a year ago

north and south


"

What’s the best approach?

Filter everything until you have the area you need. Example. Men, age range 30-40, non smoker and whatever else the filters have.

Reduces the inbox dramatically.

Or block all and search for what you want...

Or better still network and socialise offline at local events and clubs. You will find prospective active swinging partners there, way before online. "
I politely replied to everybody and it’s mostly men unfortunately or TV is not the ones with the football on , might be lucky to get nine a month so enjoy your popularity you could be snowed like we are in Ireland

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By *hyme2020 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow Scotland


"I try to be polite and reply to messages, even just with a no thanks. I've never received anywhere near 500 a day though "

That’s not 500 a day. That’s them just built up until fab does the bull delete thing after a time or I delete them

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By *ophia_cdTV/TS
over a year ago

Dundee


"Hello everyone. I posted a status last night about timewasters, fantasists and people playing mind games and I was fed up with it. I’m referring to ongoing chats that go nowhere and people you maybe connect with and then they just disappear or whatever.

Today I have noticed quite a few male statuses about women moaning about time wasters etc and how women are all so ignorant as don’t even reply to messages. I would like to ask a question mainly to the men but would like feedback from the ladies too please.

When it comes to messages, I don’t open them all. I skim across and if I see one from someone I have spoken to before or a message I like the look of then I will open it. If not, I leave it unread.

I have no inclination or time, to read through currently 500+ messages after deleting hundreds last week and I know that’s a drop in the ocean compared to what some women get. I do appreciate that men are taking the time to message ans it’s really difficult for them on here and it’s maybe horrible seeing lots of yellow in their sent box. My question is, would guys rather it was opened and ignored, opened and said no thanks and that’s the end of it, or left unread? I actually don’t understand why I’m getting 6-10 messages from the same guys who are obviously trying to get my attention but I’m not opening or having a conversation. It then just shouts desperate to me!

What’s the best approach?

Interested in views thank you and if you are one of the guys who keeps messaging me over and over and sending ???? As message subjects etc, please stop!

Thank you all x"

I find that the majority of guys don't actually read profiles properly anyway, but if you have a section on your profile saying you will only respond to those that interest you.

I brief thanks for the message but you are a busy woman type of message, that'll maybe stop the needy constant messaging from guys you have no intention of meeting or chatting with.

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By *amierebelMan
over a year ago

nae danger.

Filter it out so none can't contact you and contact them that interest you would be a different approach but effective

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By *he UnitMan
over a year ago

Paisley


"Hello everyone. I posted a status last night about timewasters, fantasists and people playing mind games and I was fed up with it. I’m referring to ongoing chats that go nowhere and people you maybe connect with and then they just disappear or whatever.

Today I have noticed quite a few male statuses about women moaning about time wasters etc and how women are all so ignorant as don’t even reply to messages. I would like to ask a question mainly to the men but would like feedback from the ladies too please.

When it comes to messages, I don’t open them all. I skim across and if I see one from someone I have spoken to before or a message I like the look of then I will open it. If not, I leave it unread.

I have no inclination or time, to read through currently 500+ messages after deleting hundreds last week and I know that’s a drop in the ocean compared to what some women get. I do appreciate that men are taking the time to message ans it’s really difficult for them on here and it’s maybe horrible seeing lots of yellow in their sent box. My question is, would guys rather it was opened and ignored, opened and said no thanks and that’s the end of it, or left unread? I actually don’t understand why I’m getting 6-10 messages from the same guys who are obviously trying to get my attention but I’m not opening or having a conversation. It then just shouts desperate to me!

What’s the best approach?

Interested in views thank you and if you are one of the guys who keeps messaging me over and over and sending ???? As message subjects etc, please stop!

Thank you all x"

From my own point of view if I send a message to a woman who is offline at the time and it remains unopened I will send a followup after a week or so as I appreciate my message will have got buried under a whole load. So I try to claw my way back to the top. If it remains unopened after that I won't message again. I fought my corner but I wasn't noticed. It's a woman's world here so that's fine.

If a message is opened and deleted (or just deleted) I don't message again, I know the rules! So as a personal preference I'd prefer my message is opened and deleted as that's the same to me as "no thanks" and gives me some feedback, a bit of closure. Keeps me from having false hope that I might yet be noticed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I generally send one message. If the message gets a response then great, a conversation commences and will go where it goes. If however the message goes unread after a week then I assume (rightly or wrongly) that the person didn't fancy reading it as it didn't catch their eye or they just weren't interested in which case I delete it at my end and move on. I don't follow it up a week later to get my message to the top of the list.

Now I don't send many messages first, it's just me and not really sure on what to say. Prefer face to face or responding to a received message (when I get them) or wink. With everyone different, getting the message right is more and more difficult. Im mean what would catch your eye??

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By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!

If it’s bothering you then use your filters to stop them .

Just block all males from messaging and do your own searching for suitors

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By *4Fun11Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow

Filter, delete, repeat or if they’re really persistent then block.

Simple!

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By *rjaffa33Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Fact of the matter is there a lot of dickheads on here that spoil it for the decent guys. Keyboard warriors or misogynists that think they have some god given right to a reply.

From my perspective the unread message is the most frustrating. Purely because you dont knof if it has just been missed in the mountain of other messages received. I generally dont follow it up but must admit I have on occasion just in case.

Of your options my preference would be

Read and reply no thanks

Read and delete

Read and left with no reply

Leave unread and delete

Leave unread.

Aporeciate that women get a huge amount of messages and the above may not be practical and I would never give someone a hard time over it. But 1st 2 make it clear...I get that you have made an effort but you are just not for me.

The 3rd gives a similar view but without that definite no.

And the last 2 leave a guy with a ....damn I put in the effort to try and impress and it didnt even gett read.

You asked for a guys view.... that is mine

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By *hyme2020 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow Scotland

Thank you so much for everyone’s opinions! Very much appreciated x

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By *oulkissMan
over a year ago

Croydon

The way I interpret messages.

1) Unread - Possibly too busy to read, might be ignoring - wait and see.

2) Read and Deleted - The Fabs Female equivalent to "Thanks but no thanks" (there should be a button that does this - and maybe one that puts a one-month block to stop the persistent whiners)

3) Read and not Deleted - No Idea. Are they considering? Is it a no? Should I take it as as a maybe? Knowing more than a few female Fabbers, I know the pain of mail as one, so I wont send a "prod" email, and will probably wait 6 months before contacting again.

Seems to work for me, and if I am missing out by not chasing up read but not deleted mails, then meh, I'[d rather do that than be a pest.

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By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!


"Fact of the matter is there a lot of dickheads on here that spoil it for the decent guys. "
No they don’t !

You are in charge of your own destiny on here .

How others behave have no reflection on anyone but themselves .

If you are a decent guy then you will stand out in my opinion

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By *ogalMan
over a year ago

Paisley

Any response is better than leaving them unread.

Just leaves us hanging on and wondering if you've just not got around to it yet.

I know how insanely swamped the women are on here, even a straight up delete though is better than an unread mark.

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By *assy LassieWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire


"Fact of the matter is there a lot of dickheads on here that spoil it for the decent guys. No they don’t !

You are in charge of your own destiny on here .

How others behave have no reflection on anyone but themselves .

If you are a decent guy then you will stand out in my opinion "

Fact!!!

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By *nkedscotMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

Open and no thanks is my option but then again if I send a message and it opened and no reply or not opened it’s still a No

I don’t see the point in sending another email I’m not needy or desperate that I have to bombard someone with messages

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.


"Fact of the matter is there a lot of dickheads on here that spoil it for the decent guys. No they don’t !

You are in charge of your own destiny on here .

How others behave have no reflection on anyone but themselves .

If you are a decent guy then you will stand out in my opinion "

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By *rjaffa33Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh


"Fact of the matter is there a lot of dickheads on here that spoil it for the decent guys. No they don’t !

You are in charge of your own destiny on here .

How others behave have no reflection on anyone but themselves .

If you are a decent guy then you will stand out in my opinion

Fact!!!"

Haha point taken.

However I would point back to the OP who clearly stated the example of scanning down messages and only opening if already knew the person or if it particularly drew their attention. Given the message hasnt been opened at that point that means decisions being made on basis of a message title. So my point was that the volume of clearly unsuitable and inappropriate guys on here reduce the likelihood of messages being read.

I completely get the point that there are actiona that men can take to drastically improve their chances.... but there does remain an element of right place right time bit of luck involved. Which is the same as life in general.

My comment was not a criticism of the way women or couples treat messages. It was purely comment on the actions of men which I have never unserstood. Such as bombarding a woman with messages.. or sending a 1 liner 'fancy a f*##?' and expecting success... sending a dick pic by way of introduction..... arranging to meet and then disappearing before the meet....or the ridiculous no show at a meet. Just things I have never been able to get my head around that a fair number of guys seem to do.

Sorry...starting to become a right old moan. Probably a different thread in itself haha

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By *hyme2020 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow Scotland


"Fact of the matter is there a lot of dickheads on here that spoil it for the decent guys. No they don’t !

You are in charge of your own destiny on here .

How others behave have no reflection on anyone but themselves .

If you are a decent guy then you will stand out in my opinion

Fact!!!

Haha point taken.

However I would point back to the OP who clearly stated the example of scanning down messages and only opening if already knew the person or if it particularly drew their attention. Given the message hasnt been opened at that point that means decisions being made on basis of a message title. So my point was that the volume of clearly unsuitable and inappropriate guys on here reduce the likelihood of messages being read.

I completely get the point that there are actiona that men can take to drastically improve their chances.... but there does remain an element of right place right time bit of luck involved. Which is the same as life in general.

My comment was not a criticism of the way women or couples treat messages. It was purely comment on the actions of men which I have never unserstood. Such as bombarding a woman with messages.. or sending a 1 liner 'fancy a f*##?' and expecting success... sending a dick pic by way of introduction..... arranging to meet and then disappearing before the meet....or the ridiculous no show at a meet. Just things I have never been able to get my head around that a fair number of guys seem to do.

Sorry...starting to become a right old moan. Probably a different thread in itself haha"

You do have valid points though.

The messages that say “nice tits” or “hi” I just can’t even bring myself to look at as to me it shows no effort. Much like you are saying.

I have spoken to men for a long time only to be ghosted or arrangements made then stood up. I just don’t get it and they can put you off hoping there are some decent men. I know there are decent men as I have met them.

I think what I will need to do when I have some time is just go through and open messages and either delete or leave as they are as it’s maybe not fair to leave people on unread. I don’t know how often fab does the bulk delete, but I know it goes down every day.

I don’t like to offend anyone. I’m too nice lol

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By *rjaffa33Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh


"Fact of the matter is there a lot of dickheads on here that spoil it for the decent guys. No they don’t !

You are in charge of your own destiny on here .

How others behave have no reflection on anyone but themselves .

If you are a decent guy then you will stand out in my opinion

Fact!!!

Haha point taken.

However I would point back to the OP who clearly stated the example of scanning down messages and only opening if already knew the person or if it particularly drew their attention. Given the message hasnt been opened at that point that means decisions being made on basis of a message title. So my point was that the volume of clearly unsuitable and inappropriate guys on here reduce the likelihood of messages being read.

I completely get the point that there are actiona that men can take to drastically improve their chances.... but there does remain an element of right place right time bit of luck involved. Which is the same as life in general.

My comment was not a criticism of the way women or couples treat messages. It was purely comment on the actions of men which I have never unserstood. Such as bombarding a woman with messages.. or sending a 1 liner 'fancy a f*##?' and expecting success... sending a dick pic by way of introduction..... arranging to meet and then disappearing before the meet....or the ridiculous no show at a meet. Just things I have never been able to get my head around that a fair number of guys seem to do.

Sorry...starting to become a right old moan. Probably a different thread in itself haha

You do have valid points though.

The messages that say “nice tits” or “hi” I just can’t even bring myself to look at as to me it shows no effort. Much like you are saying.

I have spoken to men for a long time only to be ghosted or arrangements made then stood up. I just don’t get it and they can put you off hoping there are some decent men. I know there are decent men as I have met them.

I think what I will need to do when I have some time is just go through and open messages and either delete or leave as they are as it’s maybe not fair to leave people on unread. I don’t know how often fab does the bulk delete, but I know it goes down every day.

I don’t like to offend anyone. I’m too nice lol "

I wouldnt worry about it. As is clear from most replies... any decent guy on here understands the challenges facing women like yourself and doesnt take it personally or hold it against you. Its just a fact of life on here.

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By *ampWithABrainWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

For starters I think when people join it should come up in big red letters “no reply to a message means not interested - move on and don’t pester people!” Because it’s clear from statuses and forum posts such a simple action by the site would save a LOT of bother.

Personally I have filters set on ages and no newbies (though I think newbies should be longer than one week).

I’ve been on fab a while and know what I like, what I’m interested in and what I’m not. I’m in “stealth mode” and tend to check profiles before reading messages.

Messages that are banal or effortless (can usually tell by subject title and the start of message you can see at inbox stage) are instantly deleted. Esp if they clearly indicate they haven’t read/understood the profile bio.

Messages that perhaps are of interest are read and responded to, occasionally it’s a “maybe” and I’ll leave it marked unread for s few days but if I don’t return to it within a week that tells me I’m not interested and I delete.

I do think it leaves messages in limbo if you are just leaving masses of messages unread, takes v little time to just delete at inbox stage if you know you’re not interested.

Repeat “offenders” who keep messaging despite no reply and I’ve deleted their messages I operate a 3 strikes rule. Then I block.

To be blunt guys that cannot take no for an answer? I have zero interest in making myself vulnerable to them from a personal safety point of view. If they cannot take a no on screen I certainly don’t trust them to take a no in person.

If they get abusive I have no hesitation in reporting them. Rarely happens to me now but when it does damn right I am reporting them.

Hope that all is of some use op

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By *quirt lancasterMan
over a year ago

adeje

If I receive a no thank you I'll reply with a "thanks for replying" then hit the block button so I don't bother them again, but I will message again if theres been no reply in maybe a few weeks as I realise woman get so many messages there's been a chance she's been chatting with others at the time......

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By *hyme2020 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow Scotland


"For starters I think when people join it should come up in big red letters “no reply to a message means not interested - move on and don’t pester people!” Because it’s clear from statuses and forum posts such a simple action by the site would save a LOT of bother.

Personally I have filters set on ages and no newbies (though I think newbies should be longer than one week).

I’ve been on fab a while and know what I like, what I’m interested in and what I’m not. I’m in “stealth mode” and tend to check profiles before reading messages.

Messages that are banal or effortless (can usually tell by subject title and the start of message you can see at inbox stage) are instantly deleted. Esp if they clearly indicate they haven’t read/understood the profile bio.

Messages that perhaps are of interest are read and responded to, occasionally it’s a “maybe” and I’ll leave it marked unread for s few days but if I don’t return to it within a week that tells me I’m not interested and I delete.

I do think it leaves messages in limbo if you are just leaving masses of messages unread, takes v little time to just delete at inbox stage if you know you’re not interested.

Repeat “offenders” who keep messaging despite no reply and I’ve deleted their messages I operate a 3 strikes rule. Then I block.

To be blunt guys that cannot take no for an answer? I have zero interest in making myself vulnerable to them from a personal safety point of view. If they cannot take a no on screen I certainly don’t trust them to take a no in person.

If they get abusive I have no hesitation in reporting them. Rarely happens to me now but when it does damn right I am reporting them.

Hope that all is of some use op"

Very useful to see how other women go about it. Thank you for your input. Much appreciated x

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By *hyme2020 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow Scotland


"If I receive a no thank you I'll reply with a "thanks for replying" then hit the block button so I don't bother them again, but I will message again if theres been no reply in maybe a few weeks as I realise woman get so many messages there's been a chance she's been chatting with others at the time......"

That seems sensible. I wish more men were like that lol.

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By *melia DominaTV/TS
over a year ago

Edinburgh (She/Her)


"Fact of the matter is there a lot of dickheads on here that spoil it for the decent guys. No they don’t !

You are in charge of your own destiny on here .

How others behave have no reflection on anyone but themselves .

If you are a decent guy then you will stand out in my opinion

Fact!!!"

Second that motion....

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By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!


"Fact of the matter is there a lot of dickheads on here that spoil it for the decent guys. No they don’t !

You are in charge of your own destiny on here .

How others behave have no reflection on anyone but themselves .

If you are a decent guy then you will stand out in my opinion

Fact!!!

Haha point taken.

However I would point back to the OP who clearly stated the example of scanning down messages and only opening if already knew the person or if it particularly drew their attention. Given the message hasnt been opened at that point that means decisions being made on basis of a message title. So my point was that the volume of clearly unsuitable and inappropriate guys on here reduce the likelihood of messages being read.

I completely get the point that there are actiona that men can take to drastically improve their chances.... but there does remain an element of right place right time bit of luck involved. Which is the same as life in general.

My comment was not a criticism of the way women or couples treat messages. It was purely comment on the actions of men which I have never unserstood. Such as bombarding a woman with messages.. or sending a 1 liner 'fancy a f*##?' and expecting success... sending a dick pic by way of introduction..... arranging to meet and then disappearing before the meet....or the ridiculous no show at a meet. Just things I have never been able to get my head around that a fair number of guys seem to do.

Sorry...starting to become a right old moan. Probably a different thread in itself haha"
As I said further up the post far too often you see posts like this from women complaining about the level or standard of emails they receive when the simplest solution would be to block all single males and start emailing those they might be interested in .

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By *eedsanewusernameMan
over a year ago

Mainly under the bed...

I'd use the basic filters for messages to get shot of unverified folk (as in pictures), any sexual orientation you aren't fussed with and go from there.

Might drop you from 500 to 300, and get rid of lots of the "wanna fuck" chances (I.e. People who don't/can't read your profile).

Still doesn't mean you're not going to encounter someone who feels a stranger on the Internet owes them an explanation as to why their 3 word message isn't worth a reply.

You can't please 100% of people all the time...

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By *ampWithABrainWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

After learning that people messaging again when they’ve had no reply get a great big warning I’ve now amended to a 2 strike rule

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By *rjaffa33Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh


"After learning that people messaging again when they’ve had no reply get a great big warning I’ve now amended to a 2 strike rule "

Does that mean 1 follow up message in case it slipped through the net is ok? But the next message is the block? Or is the original message the first strike.

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By *oShrinkingVioletWoman
over a year ago

the land of unicorns and fairytales

Depends on what mood you get me in sometimes I’ll just delete all messages other times I’ll reply to everyone but that can be time consuming then they reply back and I try to be nice but sometimes they just don’t take the hint

Then you have the ones that will chat and you think ok maybe this is going somewhere and then they’re gone lol

You can’t win every time but occasionally you find the odd rare gem

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By *assy LassieWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire


"After learning that people messaging again when they’ve had no reply get a great big warning I’ve now amended to a 2 strike rule

Does that mean 1 follow up message in case it slipped through the net is ok? But the next message is the block? Or is the original message the first strike. "

Couldn't find your reply to my earlier comment Mr jaffa.

In response tho. I normally check out the profile in stealth mode. If its a shit profile it's a straight unread delete.

Other than that I can't really respond to every message. So next step is. If it's a shit message then straight delete.

This method works with 90% if messages I get so leaves the half decent ones that I will open and reply to. Some of them may not be my type or have different interests. So they are a no thanks. Generally don't get any abuse.

The rest I will happily chat to if they meet my distance for travelling etc

Some lead to socials some fizzle out.

Anyhoo the point of that novel was. The good ones stand out. For me anyway x

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By *r Costa xxMan
over a year ago

stirling

If I send a message and it’s unread I’ll leave it there rather than delete, that way I don’t send repeated messages, getting forgetful and don’t want the ‘desperate tag’ if I delete the sent message I’d probably forget I had sent and send one if I liked the profile, that might be part of why some are sending repeated messages, not sure?

As for whether they read or not, been on too long to worry about it or give much thought, I know how many messages woman get, so don’t take offence to being ignored or left unread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hello everyone. I posted a status last night about timewasters, fantasists and people playing mind games and I was fed up with it. I’m referring to ongoing chats that go nowhere and people you maybe connect with and then they just disappear or whatever.

Today I have noticed quite a few male statuses about women moaning about time wasters etc and how women are all so ignorant as don’t even reply to messages. I would like to ask a question mainly to the men but would like feedback from the ladies too please.

When it comes to messages, I don’t open them all. I skim across and if I see one from someone I have spoken to before or a message I like the look of then I will open it. If not, I leave it unread.

I have no inclination or time, to read through currently 500+ messages after deleting hundreds last week and I know that’s a drop in the ocean compared to what some women get. I do appreciate that men are taking the time to message ans it’s really difficult for them on here and it’s maybe horrible seeing lots of yellow in their sent box. My question is, would guys rather it was opened and ignored, opened and said no thanks and that’s the end of it, or left unread? I actually don’t understand why I’m getting 6-10 messages from the same guys who are obviously trying to get my attention but I’m not opening or having a conversation. It then just shouts desperate to me!

What’s the best approach?

Interested in views thank you and if you are one of the guys who keeps messaging me over and over and sending ???? As message subjects etc, please stop!

Thank you all x"

I read all profiles that takes my interest, mainly to see if I match what they're looking for like height, shaven/beard married/single and if I don't then I don't message.

I do understand that women and couples get fast to many messages to cope with. Would I like a courtesy reply? Yes ofcourse, but people are just too busy to do that with every message. I see it as a challenge to make sure I stand out to other profiles. But if that doesn't work then I accept I'm just not their type. Which seems to be a lot lol

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By *rjaffa33Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh


"After learning that people messaging again when they’ve had no reply get a great big warning I’ve now amended to a 2 strike rule

Does that mean 1 follow up message in case it slipped through the net is ok? But the next message is the block? Or is the original message the first strike.

Couldn't find your reply to my earlier comment Mr jaffa.

In response tho. I normally check out the profile in stealth mode. If its a shit profile it's a straight unread delete.

Other than that I can't really respond to every message. So next step is. If it's a shit message then straight delete.

This method works with 90% if messages I get so leaves the half decent ones that I will open and reply to. Some of them may not be my type or have different interests. So they are a no thanks. Generally don't get any abuse.

The rest I will happily chat to if they meet my distance for travelling etc

Some lead to socials some fizzle out.

Anyhoo the point of that novel was. The good ones stand out. For me anyway x"

Haha Didnt really answer my question, but then I was just being a little bit on the cheeky side and so probably deserved it.

Anyway... I havent had any issues going unread or unreplied from you... so no issues from me with your approach

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By *assy69Man
over a year ago

West Sussex and Wales


"Hello everyone. I posted a status last night about timewasters, fantasists and people playing mind games and I was fed up with it. I’m referring to ongoing chats that go nowhere and people you maybe connect with and then they just disappear or whatever.

Today I have noticed quite a few male statuses about women moaning about time wasters etc and how women are all so ignorant as don’t even reply to messages. I would like to ask a question mainly to the men but would like feedback from the ladies too please.

When it comes to messages, I don’t open them all. I skim across and if I see one from someone I have spoken to before or a message I like the look of then I will open it. If not, I leave it unread.

I have no inclination or time, to read through currently 500+ messages after deleting hundreds last week and I know that’s a drop in the ocean compared to what some women get. I do appreciate that men are taking the time to message ans it’s really difficult for them on here and it’s maybe horrible seeing lots of yellow in their sent box. My question is, would guys rather it was opened and ignored, opened and said no thanks and that’s the end of it, or left unread? I actually don’t understand why I’m getting 6-10 messages from the same guys who are obviously trying to get my attention but I’m not opening or having a conversation. It then just shouts desperate to me!

What’s the best approach?

Interested in views thank you and if you are one of the guys who keeps messaging me over and over and sending ???? As message subjects etc, please stop!

Thank you all x"

If someone interests me I will message them, I have no expectations of a reply, there is no automatic entitlement to anything in here, from anyone, if they don’t read it, or don’t reply, then I’ll not cry over it (ok, maybe a little) but I certainly won’t make an issue out of it. Folk just need to suck it up, get over themselves and move on.

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

Use your block button if a guy messages repeatedly and you’re not interested.

While the ‘block’ button may seem harsh, it’s there to stop getting pestered by the same people. I’ll also block inappropriate or rude messages as I’m not here to be sent abuse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're not responsible for other people's experiences here, just do your thing and manage your mailbox however you please, these are strangers on the internet and you owe them nothing, if they can't handle that and get rude then block them.

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