FabSwingers.com forum: Jokes thread

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Man injured in bizarre peek a boo accident.

Hes in ICU

Whatcha got!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andomprofileMan
over a year ago

Queensferry

Did you hear about the cockeyed circumciser?

He got the sack

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why don't vampires eat ghosts?

Because they taste like sheet.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ald EagleMan
over a year ago

Alloa

What happens if you put a sheet over the back of an F1 car?

(Spoiler Hidden)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *igGs19Woman
over a year ago

Castle Douglas

What's worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What's worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced

"
Haha lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uriousjay99Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

My pal says he’s invented an invisible aeroplane…

I can’t see it taking off.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hrills_n_spillsCouple
over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

The bar man says "we don't serve time travellers in here"

A time traveller walks into a bar...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My Grandad went down in history..... On another occasion he fingered a girl in Geography

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *agatoXXXMan
over a year ago

A Place Where Time Runs Slow

My new sex name is Kwazi Kwarteng, as I'll give you a weak pounding...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My new sex name is Kwazi Kwarteng, as I'll give you a weak pounding..."
Topical, lovely job

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *agatoXXXMan
over a year ago

A Place Where Time Runs Slow

I got a job in my local Indian restaurant. I had to sign a document saying I wouldn't reveal their flatbread recipe.

It was a naan disclosure agreement.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s green and red that travels 150mph ?

A frog in a blender

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On an Aussie radio show....

“G’day listeners, for today’s phone-in you have to make up a word that’s not in the dictionary and then give us that word in a sentence. If we like it, you win a $10.000

After the next song.....

“We have a caller on the line, who’s this?”

“G’day Bob. This is Bruce from Brisbane”

“G’day Bruce. What’s your word mate?”

“It’s gahn. G-A-H-N. Gahn.”

“ Ok Bruce, that’s not in the dictionary. Put it in a sentence to win $10.000

“Gahn fuck yourself Bob!”

Silence...

“Well.. er... we’re very sorry about that listeners. Let’s go to a record and we’ll try again.”

After song...

“Right listeners, back to the quiz. We have another caller on the line”

“G’day Bob, it’s Mick from Melbourne here!”

“G’day Mick. What’s your word mate?”

“Smee. S-M-E-E. Smee.”

“Ok mate, let me check. No, it’s not in the dictionary. Give us your sentence to win a whopping $10.000

“Smee again Bob. Gahn fuck yourself!”

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the man running for the turnstiles in a Thailand airport get stopped by security?

Because he was going to Bangkok

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *appy 2 lickMan
over a year ago

lanarkshire

Mo salah has been nominated magician off the year by the magic circle.

For making 50 thousand rangers fans disappear in six minutes

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did Adele cross the road ?

To say hello from the other side.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *amiltonguy1Man
over a year ago

hamilton

What is this new 72 position I heard about?

69 with three people watching.

What’s the best part about a blowjob?

10 minutes of peace and quiet

A black man was shot 15 times. Police said it was the worst case of suicide they have ever seen.

(No offence intended.)

Why is the white guy the scariest guy in prison?

Because you know he is actually guilty.

What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang the painting.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man walks into a pub with his dog. The barman says "Sorry, no dogs allowed" and the man answers “But this is no ordinary dog... he can speak.” Barman says “Fuck off!”. The man shouts "It's true! If I get him to speak, can he stay?" The barman laughs and sceptically replies "If he speaks, he can stay and drinks are on the house!".

The man pulls out a bit sandpaper, rubs it on the dogs arse and says “How did that feel?”. The dog answers “Ruff!”

Barman stares silently for a few seconds then says "Get out.”

The man says “I'm telling you, he can talk, give him another chance”

So this time he says to the dog “On a golf course, what's the area around the fairway and the green called?”. The dog answers “Ruff!”

Barman says “I've heard enough! Piss off.”

The man says “I'm telling you, he CAN talk! One more chance please.”

So the man looks the dog square in the eyes and says “Look, stop fucking about - this is our last chance! Who was the Scotland goalie at the Mexico world cup 1986?” The dog says “Ruff!”

The barman has had enough and chucks them out the pub. The man and the dog are sat on the pavement outside and the dog raises his head, turns to his owner and asks “Shit, was it Jim Leighton?”

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the baker have smelly hands? He was kneading a shite.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two lorries carrying snooker equipment have crashed at Motherwell cross, shedding their loads. Cues have been reported in both directions.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oShrinkingVioletWoman
over a year ago

the land of unicorns and fairytales

I’ve got something that will give you a good laugh !!

Tonight’s status updates lol seriously is there a full moon ?

Pity party statuses WILL NOT make you any more attractive in fact it’s more likely to put you on more block lists geeezo

Turn that frown upside down peoples laws of attraction and all that

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oShrinkingVioletWoman
over a year ago

the land of unicorns and fairytales

How do you make a snooker table laugh

Put your hands down it’s pockets and tickle it’s balls

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lick-a-lotta-puss.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *othianGuy41Man
over a year ago

Eureka

What's the most sensitive part of your body when you're having a wank?

Your ears.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best joke ever!

https://youtu.be/2WlN7iO-cfk

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *assy LassieWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

"Best joke ever!

https://youtu.be/2WlN7iO-cfk"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ullie-kingMan
over a year ago

Wishaw

What does a gay rooster say?

Any-cock'll-do

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What have George Michael and wellies got in common? They both get sucked off in bogs!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was in the porn cinema at CJs when my girlfriend says 'The guy sitting next to me is wanking'.

'Just ignore him' I replied.

'I can't ' she said 'He's using my hand'.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bill says to Ben 'Flobble lobble widdle wobble skittle skuttle'.

Ben says 'Just swallow it, you mad twat'.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What has 148 teeth and holding back a monster? My zipper.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *othianGuy41Man
over a year ago

Eureka

What's Jeffrey Dahmers favourite restaurant?

Five guys...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thomas the Tank Engine just updated his twitter, sad at the fact his good friend Robbie Coal Train had died.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Someone has nicked all my antidepressants…

…I hope they’re happy

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Someone has nicked all my antidepressants…

…I hope they’re happy "

Apparently the word, rhymes with swollen’ started with st is flagged?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aughtybutnicecouple69Couple
over a year ago

Perth

What do you call a Scottish man who is almost home....

Hamish

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *riggsboy123Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

Steve Arnott walks into the AC12 canteen.

Hastings is angry and cursing the vending machine. He can't get his change out.

Arnott to Hastings: "What's wrong boss?"

Hastings to Arnott: "Son I'm interested in one thing and one thing only. That's bent coppers"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *othianGuy41Man
over a year ago

Eureka

I got in today and my son told me that he had sex with the girl next door. I said ''I hope you were wearing something."

He replied "Yeah. A balaclava."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aleforfun22Man
over a year ago

Lancashire

BREAKING NEWS. .... Jurgen klopp has resigned. He's taking his family home to Germany. The klopps go back this weekend. .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread