FabSwingers.com forum: Jokes thread

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Man injured in bizarre peek a boo accident.

Hes in ICU

Whatcha got!!

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By *andomprofileMan
over a year ago

Queensferry

Did you hear about the cockeyed circumciser?

He got the sack

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why don't vampires eat ghosts?

Because they taste like sheet.

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By *ald EagleMan
over a year ago

Alloa

What happens if you put a sheet over the back of an F1 car?

(Spoiler Hidden)

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By *igGs19Woman
over a year ago

Castle Douglas

What's worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What's worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced

"
Haha lol

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By *uriousjay99Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

My pal says he’s invented an invisible aeroplane…

I can’t see it taking off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The bar man says "we don't serve time travellers in here"

A time traveller walks into a bar...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My Grandad went down in history..... On another occasion he fingered a girl in Geography

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By *agatoXXXMan
over a year ago

Gone and completely forgotten.

My new sex name is Kwazi Kwarteng, as I'll give you a weak pounding...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My new sex name is Kwazi Kwarteng, as I'll give you a weak pounding..."
Topical, lovely job

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By *agatoXXXMan
over a year ago

Gone and completely forgotten.

I got a job in my local Indian restaurant. I had to sign a document saying I wouldn't reveal their flatbread recipe.

It was a naan disclosure agreement.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s green and red that travels 150mph ?

A frog in a blender

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On an Aussie radio show....

“G’day listeners, for today’s phone-in you have to make up a word that’s not in the dictionary and then give us that word in a sentence. If we like it, you win a $10.000

After the next song.....

“We have a caller on the line, who’s this?”

“G’day Bob. This is Bruce from Brisbane”

“G’day Bruce. What’s your word mate?”

“It’s gahn. G-A-H-N. Gahn.”

“ Ok Bruce, that’s not in the dictionary. Put it in a sentence to win $10.000

“Gahn fuck yourself Bob!”

Silence...

“Well.. er... we’re very sorry about that listeners. Let’s go to a record and we’ll try again.”

After song...

“Right listeners, back to the quiz. We have another caller on the line”

“G’day Bob, it’s Mick from Melbourne here!”

“G’day Mick. What’s your word mate?”

“Smee. S-M-E-E. Smee.”

“Ok mate, let me check. No, it’s not in the dictionary. Give us your sentence to win a whopping $10.000

“Smee again Bob. Gahn fuck yourself!”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the man running for the turnstiles in a Thailand airport get stopped by security?

Because he was going to Bangkok

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By *appy 2 lickMan
over a year ago

lanarkshire

Mo salah has been nominated magician off the year by the magic circle.

For making 50 thousand rangers fans disappear in six minutes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did Adele cross the road ?

To say hello from the other side.

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By *amiltonguy1Man
over a year ago

hamilton

What is this new 72 position I heard about?

69 with three people watching.

What’s the best part about a blowjob?

10 minutes of peace and quiet

A black man was shot 15 times. Police said it was the worst case of suicide they have ever seen.

(No offence intended.)

Why is the white guy the scariest guy in prison?

Because you know he is actually guilty.

What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang the painting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man walks into a pub with his dog. The barman says "Sorry, no dogs allowed" and the man answers “But this is no ordinary dog... he can speak.” Barman says “Fuck off!”. The man shouts "It's true! If I get him to speak, can he stay?" The barman laughs and sceptically replies "If he speaks, he can stay and drinks are on the house!".

The man pulls out a bit sandpaper, rubs it on the dogs arse and says “How did that feel?”. The dog answers “Ruff!”

Barman stares silently for a few seconds then says "Get out.”

The man says “I'm telling you, he can talk, give him another chance”

So this time he says to the dog “On a golf course, what's the area around the fairway and the green called?”. The dog answers “Ruff!”

Barman says “I've heard enough! Piss off.”

The man says “I'm telling you, he CAN talk! One more chance please.”

So the man looks the dog square in the eyes and says “Look, stop fucking about - this is our last chance! Who was the Scotland goalie at the Mexico world cup 1986?” The dog says “Ruff!”

The barman has had enough and chucks them out the pub. The man and the dog are sat on the pavement outside and the dog raises his head, turns to his owner and asks “Shit, was it Jim Leighton?”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the baker have smelly hands? He was kneading a shite.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two lorries carrying snooker equipment have crashed at Motherwell cross, shedding their loads. Cues have been reported in both directions.

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By *oShrinkingVioletWoman
over a year ago

the land of unicorns and fairytales

I’ve got something that will give you a good laugh !!

Tonight’s status updates lol seriously is there a full moon ?

Pity party statuses WILL NOT make you any more attractive in fact it’s more likely to put you on more block lists geeezo

Turn that frown upside down peoples laws of attraction and all that

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By *oShrinkingVioletWoman
over a year ago

the land of unicorns and fairytales

How do you make a snooker table laugh

Put your hands down it’s pockets and tickle it’s balls

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lick-a-lotta-puss.

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By *othianGuy41Man
over a year ago

Livingston

What's the most sensitive part of your body when you're having a wank?

Your ears.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best joke ever!

https://youtu.be/2WlN7iO-cfk

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By *assy LassieWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

"Best joke ever!

https://youtu.be/2WlN7iO-cfk"

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By *ullie-kingMan
over a year ago

newmains

What does a gay rooster say?

Any-cock'll-do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What have George Michael and wellies got in common? They both get sucked off in bogs!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was in the porn cinema at CJs when my girlfriend says 'The guy sitting next to me is wanking'.

'Just ignore him' I replied.

'I can't ' she said 'He's using my hand'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bill says to Ben 'Flobble lobble widdle wobble skittle skuttle'.

Ben says 'Just swallow it, you mad twat'.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What has 148 teeth and holding back a monster? My zipper.

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By *othianGuy41Man
over a year ago

Livingston

What's Jeffrey Dahmers favourite restaurant?

Five guys...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thomas the Tank Engine just updated his twitter, sad at the fact his good friend Robbie Coal Train had died.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Someone has nicked all my antidepressants…

…I hope they’re happy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Someone has nicked all my antidepressants…

…I hope they’re happy "

Apparently the word, rhymes with swollen’ started with st is flagged?

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By *aughtybutnicecouple69Couple
over a year ago

Perth

What do you call a Scottish man who is almost home....

Hamish

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By *riggsboy123Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

Steve Arnott walks into the AC12 canteen.

Hastings is angry and cursing the vending machine. He can't get his change out.

Arnott to Hastings: "What's wrong boss?"

Hastings to Arnott: "Son I'm interested in one thing and one thing only. That's bent coppers"

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By *othianGuy41Man
over a year ago

Livingston

I got in today and my son told me that he had sex with the girl next door. I said ''I hope you were wearing something."

He replied "Yeah. A balaclava."

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By *aleforfun22Man
over a year ago

Lancashire

BREAKING NEWS. .... Jurgen klopp has resigned. He's taking his family home to Germany. The klopps go back this weekend. .

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