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first christmas joke

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By *eather OP   Woman
over a year ago

glasgow

3 men die on christmas eve to get into heaveb St Petersays u must have something on u that reppresents christmas the englishman flicks on his lighter and says its a candle.St peter says let him in The welsh man jingles his keys and says its sleigh bells Sy peter sayd let him in The irish man pulls out a g string bra,St peter says how the feck do they represent christmas Paddy says theyre Carols

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for is annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.

When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

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By *eather OP   Woman
over a year ago

glasgow

Come on wheres all yer christmas jokes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

not so much xmasy..but wintery....

2 snowmen are talking to each other...one turns to the other an says "Can you smell carrots?"

I'll get ma winter coat !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Santa's sledge broke down, so he flagged down a passing motorist,

Can you help me fix my sledge, he asked.

Sorry said the man, i'm not a mechanic- i'm a chiropodist.

Well, can you give me a toe.....

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By *eather OP   Woman
over a year ago

glasgow

christmas winter just post them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't care what you say your name is you fat bastard ..... get your fekkin sleigh off my roof!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

thats nae way to talk to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wouldn't say it was cold out,

but a brass monkey just knocked my door asking if I knew any welders?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good King Wenceslas phoned Domino's for a pizza.The salesgirl asked him "Do you want your usual?Deep pan,crisp and even?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wee boy say's to his mum..

Mum can I have a dog this christmas?

She replied...

NO! you'll have turkey like every one else...

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