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shagging tips

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 999 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

6. Use extra Polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have Paracetamol ready in case you actually complete the act.

8. Make all the noise you want....remember, the neighbors are deaf, too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!

10. Don't even think about trying it twice.

. .. .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . ...

'OLD' IS WHEN...

Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN...

Your friends compliment you on your new Crocodile shoes and you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...

Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN....

You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN...

You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

'OLD' IS WHEN

'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take a laxative today.

'OLD' IS WHEN....

'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the carpark.

'OLD' IS WHEN...

An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

'OLD' IS WHEN....

Your spouse offers you super sex, and you reply, "I'll have the soup."

'OLD' IS WHEN....

You're not sure if these are facts or jokes.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

and from Fab's Number 1 shagger, wisdom indeed

thank you for sharing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"and from Fab's Number 1 shagger, wisdom indeed

thank you for sharing"

Old is When you sit for an hour typing shite in the forum hahahahaha.

Good one mate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love it!

Old is when you make a noise bending down to pick something up,

Old is when you play 'name the year' on VH1 and get all the 60's and 70's tunes right.

Old is when you have to ask your other half your date of birth, then can't count up how old you are.

Old is when you find Poll Tax receipts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"and from Fab's Number 1 shagger, wisdom indeed

thank you for sharing

Old is When you sit for an hour typing shite in the forum hahahahaha.

Good one mate "

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By *1cebren4uWoman
over a year ago

clydebank

pmsl im saying nothing shagger im keeping quiet on all accounts then i wont get handcuffed and blindfolded and taken to the dark room lol

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By *eatherWoman
over a year ago

glasgow

awwwwwwwwwwww go on bren say something

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"pmsl im saying nothing shagger im keeping quiet on all accounts then i wont get handcuffed and blindfolded and taken to the dark room lol "

Bren all you would have to do is laugh, and all the menfolk would run feart out of it! Pmsl xxx

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By *ibs_n_SunniCouple
over a year ago

Corfu


"pmsl im saying nothing shagger im keeping quiet on all accounts then i wont get handcuffed and blindfolded and taken to the dark room lol

Bren all you would have to do is laugh, and all the menfolk would run feart out of it! Pmsl xxx"

There must speak someone who has heard Brenikins CACKLE

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best shagging tip:

1./ Get penis/es

2./ Get pussy/s

3./ Insert 1./ into 2./

Works every time!

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By *1cebren4uWoman
over a year ago

clydebank


"pmsl im saying nothing shagger im keeping quiet on all accounts then i wont get handcuffed and blindfolded and taken to the dark room lol

Bren all you would have to do is laugh, and all the menfolk would run feart out of it! Pmsl xxx

There must speak someone who has heard Brenikins CACKLE "

pmsl here so funny xxxxxxxx

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By *eatherWoman
over a year ago

glasgow

Thankd fot the advice milk maid

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By *olly Gentle GiantMan
over a year ago

Glenrothes


"Best shagging tip:

1./ Get penis/es

2./ Get pussy/s

3./ Insert 1./ into 2./

Works every time! "

Damn - I must remember that!

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By *eatherWoman
over a year ago

glasgow

me as well this forgetfullness is terrible now what were those numbers again

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By *eatherWoman
over a year ago

glasgow

best tip of the lot .Get in there and enjoy yourself and both finish with a BIG smile on your faces

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