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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

These are genuine clips from council complaint letters:

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

3. it's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.

4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly then he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

15. Will you please send a man to look at my water; it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

16. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

17. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.

18. The man next door has as large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

19. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

20. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

21. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

22. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

23. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.

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By *ringles0510Woman
over a year ago

Central Borders

Think your list might possibly cover the best ones Enjoyed reading that, thanks for posting x

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By *lunder WomanWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

Brilliant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think my Mum made half of these complaints....she can moan a fair bit. After a lengthy phone call to me when she has moaned like fuck about everything,and I was contemplating sawing my ears off, she finished up with "..and you should see the state of ma bush!"

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By *vbride1963TV/TS
over a year ago

E.K . Glasgow


"

Think my Mum made half of these complaints....she can moan a fair bit. After a lengthy phone call to me when she has moaned like fuck about everything,and I was contemplating sawing my ears off, she finished up with "..and you should see the state of ma bush!""

To be fair it’s neater than yours .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Think my Mum made half of these complaints....she can moan a fair bit. After a lengthy phone call to me when she has moaned like fuck about everything,and I was contemplating sawing my ears off, she finished up with "..and you should see the state of ma bush!"

To be fair it’s neater than yours . "

Mine is like Captain Caveman.

Hawl....whit you daein rummaging aboot in ma Maw's bush anyhow?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

Think my Mum made half of these complaints....she can moan a fair bit. After a lengthy phone call to me when she has moaned like fuck about everything,and I was contemplating sawing my ears off, she finished up with "..and you should see the state of ma bush!""

I reckon at your mums age her Bush was rather unkept?

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By *hrobbermanMan
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

I live on the edge of the town and in the fields right next to me there's horses and donkeys shitting all over the place.

In the next field there's cows shitting aLL over the field too.

I walked up the High Street after work to go to the shops for some groceries and there were pigeons shitting all over the street.

I saw a dog pissing up against a lamp-post on the way back home with my messages.

Last year I was over on a Hebridean Island for a wee holiday... in the beautiful mountains there were Red Deer everywhere. Magnificent creatures... shitting all over the moorland, rugged granite outcroppings, hanging valleys and truncated fucking spurs. Everywhere I hiked was coated in clumps of venison scented shit.

I saw a Red Squirrel shitting in Edinburgh's Botanical Gardens a few weeks back.

Nobody is doing anything about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Think my Mum made half of these complaints....she can moan a fair bit. After a lengthy phone call to me when she has moaned like fuck about everything,and I was contemplating sawing my ears off, she finished up with "..and you should see the state of ma bush!"

I reckon at your mums age her Bush was rather unkept? "

Can't believe I'm talking to a bunch of strangers on a swinger's site about my Mammy's undercarriage ....straight to the bad fire for me.

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