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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

A friend and i were having a conversation/debate earlier about how he invites females straight to his house without meeting them publicly first. I explained that would be risky for both him and her.

He fails to see the problems

His point being meeting publicly first wouldn't stop anything bad happening if you then planned to go to his.

My point being i do think you get a good gut instinct about someone meeting them publicly first.

Anyone any thoughts on this?

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By *adbury girlWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

I can see both sides as I suppose you never know quite who anyone is straight away - I dated my ex for 2 years before marrying him and he was a complete nutter

I prefer a public place as it allows you to relax and see if you get on more than from a safety aspect.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I can see both sides as I suppose you never know quite who anyone is straight away - I dated my ex for 2 years before marrying him and he was a complete nutter

I prefer a public place as it allows you to relax and see if you get on more than from a safety aspect. "
exactly cg, i can't think of anything worse than trying to make your excuses to leave if you weren't comfortable in his home..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can see both sides as I suppose you never know quite who anyone is straight away - I dated my ex for 2 years before marrying him and he was a complete nutter

I prefer a public place as it allows you to relax and see if you get on more than from a safety aspect. exactly cg, i can't think of anything worse than trying to make your excuses to leave if you weren't comfortable in his home.. "

This. Absolutely no way I would go to a guy's house, couple's house or a single female's house without having met them first socially.

But I suppose a full ball sack can cloud your thinking.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think for anyone, a safe meet is essential, male or female, but especially for females

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I can see both sides as I suppose you never know quite who anyone is straight away - I dated my ex for 2 years before marrying him and he was a complete nutter

I prefer a public place as it allows you to relax and see if you get on more than from a safety aspect. exactly cg, i can't think of anything worse than trying to make your excuses to leave if you weren't comfortable in his home..

This. Absolutely no way I would go to a guy's house, couple's house or a single female's house without having met them first socially.

But I suppose a full ball sack can cloud your thinking."

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think for anyone, a safe meet is essential, male or female, but especially for females"
his point though if he was a murderer he wouldnt be acting like one in Starbucks lol.. i do see his point (in a way)

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By *scobar67Man
over a year ago

glasgow

Prob best for both to have a social.. Unless you've chatted on the phone and both feel comfortable meeting at someones House...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s definitely safer for a public meet first. CCTV is everywhere now and should anything bad happen somebody’s last movements can easily be pieced together and who they were with identified easier.

I’d say if your going to someone’s house straight off the bat then let a close friend know where you are heading

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By *dglasgow30TV/TS
over a year ago

glasgow


"It’s definitely safer for a public meet first. CCTV is everywhere now and should anything bad happen somebody’s last movements can easily be pieced together and who they were with identified easier.

I’d say if your going to someone’s house straight off the bat then let a close friend know where you are heading "

Yea my gf likes to know who am meeting with and where am going as it makes her feel at ease plus she atleast knows my last known location .

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It’s definitely safer for a public meet first. CCTV is everywhere now and should anything bad happen somebody’s last movements can easily be pieced together and who they were with identified easier.

I’d say if your going to someone’s house straight off the bat then let a close friend know where you are heading "
yea that definitely is a given.. good point about cctv

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have to agree with you mostly Sweet, though lije you I also see your friends point. As much vetting as possible I’d say though

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Have to agree with you mostly Sweet, though lije you I also see your friends point. As much vetting as possible I’d say though "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So many things can be established at a social meet that might not come across too well by message. For example, this issue could be discussed in a relaxed way for both and it could be pointed out that you always let someone know where you are/who your with etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So many things can be established at a social meet that might not come across too well by message. For example, this issue could be discussed in a relaxed way for both and it could be pointed out that you always let someone know where you are/who your with etc "
I prefer a public place as it allows you to relax and see if you get on more than from a safety aspect.,This

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By *ome as you areMan
over a year ago

West Lothian

I’d always have a social first as well. Not sure just how awkward it would be trying to kick someone out my house if I wasn’t clicking with them

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By *mmixtapeCouple
over a year ago

middle earth

Yeah I'm defo team public socials, but I can't say I've never randomly just went over to a guys house. I feel like I can tell well enough who's a good egg before I even invite them out on a date. I've never been on a date that I didn't follow through with and I've not been murdered yet so I must be doing something right

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I’d always have a social first as well. Not sure just how awkward it would be trying to kick someone out my house if I wasn’t clicking with them "
pepper spray works

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By *ome as you areMan
over a year ago

West Lothian

I best get on Amazon and get some ordered then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’d always have a social first as well. Not sure just how awkward it would be trying to kick someone out my house if I wasn’t clicking with them pepper spray works "

I’ve got a pepper mill… can feck then over the head with that I’d they get jiggy

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I’d always have a social first as well. Not sure just how awkward it would be trying to kick someone out my house if I wasn’t clicking with them pepper spray works

I’ve got a pepper mill… can feck then over the head with that I’d they get jiggy "
you and your 10'pepper mill

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By *adbury girlWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire


"Yeah I'm defo team public socials, but I can't say I've never randomly just went over to a guys house. I feel like I can tell well enough who's a good egg before I even invite them out on a date. I've never been on a date that I didn't follow through with and I've not been murdered yet so I must be doing something right "

Maybe you’re still alive but what about the bodies under your patio

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did this once about 12 years ago

Got involved in a domestic that got seriously violent and still carrying a knife scar on my hand to this day

If I’d met them socially first I would have been able to get a handle on their situation before making up my mind whether to go ahead with the meet or not

As it was I went in blind and nearly didn’t come out

So yes be vigilant and do a social meet first, this way you can gauge the mood before walking into a disaster

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I did this once about 12 years ago

Got involved in a domestic that got seriously violent and still carrying a knife scar on my hand to this day

If I’d met them socially first I would have been able to get a handle on their situation before making up my mind whether to go ahead with the meet or not

As it was I went in blind and nearly didn’t come out

So yes be vigilant and do a social meet first, this way you can gauge the mood before walking into a disaster

"
exactly my point

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always a social first preferably a dinner date style so you can ask lots of questions between courses get to the know the character of the lady ha ha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A friend and i were having a conversation/debate earlier about how he invites females straight to his house without meeting them publicly first. I explained that would be risky for both him and her.

He fails to see the problems

His point being meeting publicly first wouldn't stop anything bad happening if you then planned to go to his.

My point being i do think you get a good gut instinct about someone meeting them publicly first.

Anyone any thoughts on this? "

I think some people have sh*t "gut instinct" and so meeting publicly even 4or5 times would tell them nothing...

Other people, while they may well be sh*t at other stuff, are really good at reading people and even just a 5 minute chat in person tells them a huge amount.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A friend and i were having a conversation/debate earlier about how he invites females straight to his house without meeting them publicly first. I explained that would be risky for both him and her.

He fails to see the problems

His point being meeting publicly first wouldn't stop anything bad happening if you then planned to go to his.

My point being i do think you get a good gut instinct about someone meeting them publicly first.

Anyone any thoughts on this? "

Definitely risky for both. I recall having an experience with chatting online here with an intelligent fella for months. My face pic was on my profile so he saw what I looked like. We arranged a meet at his. And let's just say I'd never meet anyone at their house on a first meeting. Nothing sinister but I'd wished I'd met in person as we wouldn't have progressed further. Always a social meet initially as then you'd hopefully get the correct vibes.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"A friend and i were having a conversation/debate earlier about how he invites females straight to his house without meeting them publicly first. I explained that would be risky for both him and her.

He fails to see the problems

His point being meeting publicly first wouldn't stop anything bad happening if you then planned to go to his.

My point being i do think you get a good gut instinct about someone meeting them publicly first.

Anyone any thoughts on this?

Definitely risky for both. I recall having an experience with chatting online here with an intelligent fella for months. My face pic was on my profile so he saw what I looked like. We arranged a meet at his. And let's just say I'd never meet anyone at their house on a first meeting. Nothing sinister but I'd wished I'd met in person as we wouldn't have progressed further. Always a social meet initially as then you'd hopefully get the correct vibes. "
sorry to hear but glad you're ok.. i agree, womens instincts are usually spot on

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By *un44Man
over a year ago

GLASGOW


"I think for anyone, a safe meet is essential, male or female, but especially for females his point though if he was a murderer he wouldnt be acting like one in Starbucks lol.. i do see his point (in a way) "

How does a murderer act in Starbucks? Anyone going directly to another person's house is taking a risk. I assume he has at least spoken via video to confirm they are who they say they are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve made my mistakes over the years on fab and I’d never meet without a social again. Indeed though, that doesn’t always let you see someone’s character. People can be very deceptive no matter your ability to judge character. It’s taken me a while to work out how to meet people safely. I think that’s why I like verifications and knowing the person/people are who they say they are.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think for anyone, a safe meet is essential, male or female, but especially for females his point though if he was a murderer he wouldnt be acting like one in Starbucks lol.. i do see his point (in a way)

How does a murderer act in Starbucks? Anyone going directly to another person's house is taking a risk. I assume he has at least spoken via video to confirm they are who they say they are. "
nope he hasnt

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By *un44Man
over a year ago

GLASGOW


"I think for anyone, a safe meet is essential, male or female, but especially for females his point though if he was a murderer he wouldnt be acting like one in Starbucks lol.. i do see his point (in a way)

How does a murderer act in Starbucks? Anyone going directly to another person's house is taking a risk. I assume he has at least spoken via video to confirm they are who they say they are. nope he hasnt "

Thats a dangerous game to play, on both sides of the door who knows what to expect. I understand that there may be some excitement in that bit definitely not worth the risk.

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By *uietbloke67Man
over a year ago

outside your bedroom window ;-)


"A friend and i were having a conversation/debate earlier about how he invites females straight to his house without meeting them publicly first. I explained that would be risky for both him and her.

He fails to see the problems

His point being meeting publicly first wouldn't stop anything bad happening if you then planned to go to his.

My point being i do think you get a good gut instinct about someone meeting them publicly first.

Anyone any thoughts on this? "

Suppose its like most things...a great idea until it all goes wrong

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A murder won't act as a murderer in Starbucks, but if you meet in public and then go to their house, there will be CCTV and witnesses that have seen you together. That way if he is a murderer there is evidence linking you to him..

Saying that I do have guys meet at my house first..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Social meet always, safety 1st

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By *ertiebassettMan
over a year ago

Greenock The Tail Of Bank

A few ladies at their house,but told to bring Lattes & bacon rolls before hand??.I have asked same question?.." You off yer nut" they said they go with there gut??.. me thinks they have a baseball bat handy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’d always have a social first as well. Not sure just how awkward it would be trying to kick someone out my house if I wasn’t clicking with them pepper spray works

I’ve got a pepper mill… can feck then over the head with that I’d they get jiggy you and your 10'pepper mill"

10" = 10 inches

10' = 10 foot

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By *kbull2000Man
over a year ago

Carluke

I used to be pretty laid back and would readily visit folks or invite to mine. I guess u was lucky as there relatively few issues - a few which made me back out like a totally minging house that made me boke upon entry and a couple who immediately made me edgy.

But a few months back, someone on here started a thread about bad experiences. That really opened my eyes and now I'm much more careful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Done it for a very long time, always with single women . At least 30 meets mostly through POF or Tinder or prior to those Chat and Date. Only had 1 minor experience of 1 woman about 30 years older than she had claimed to . Wasn't a drama leaving her house.

Think people just listen to much to the media these days . Stop living in fear people, small amount of due diligence is all that's required.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Done it for a very long time, always with single women . At least 30 meets mostly through POF or Tinder or prior to those Chat and Date. Only had 1 minor experience of 1 woman about 30 years older than she had claimed to . Wasn't a drama leaving her house.

Think people just listen to much to the media these days . Stop living in fear people, small amount of due diligence is all that's required. "

Fair point, but, speaking in broad general terms, you have far less to fear as a lone guy going to a woman's house than the other way round.

I've seen the stories on here about being confronted by a crazy woman who was knocked back, or the psycho husband who came home early and caught them at it. But I believe they're the minority of cases.

This is a big deal for women and it's not an over reaction to the media stories to think so.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In general I would want to meet socially first but I've had some brilliant experiences where I haven't too!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Done it for a very long time, always with single women . At least 30 meets mostly through POF or Tinder or prior to those Chat and Date. Only had 1 minor experience of 1 woman about 30 years older than she had claimed to . Wasn't a drama leaving her house.

Think people just listen to much to the media these days . Stop living in fear people, small amount of due diligence is all that's required.

Fair point, but, speaking in broad general terms, you have far less to fear as a lone guy going to a woman's house than the other way round.

I've seen the stories on here about being confronted by a crazy woman who was knocked back, or the psycho husband who came home early and caught them at it. But I believe they're the minority of cases.

This is a big deal for women and it's not an over reaction to the media stories to think so."
this is what I'm getting at.. men or at least some don't see it from a womens perspective.. what chance do they have if it's a few men sitting behind the door..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Done it for a very long time, always with single women . At least 30 meets mostly through POF or Tinder or prior to those Chat and Date. Only had 1 minor experience of 1 woman about 30 years older than she had claimed to . Wasn't a drama leaving her house.

Think people just listen to much to the media these days . Stop living in fear people, small amount of due diligence is all that's required.

Fair point, but, speaking in broad general terms, you have far less to fear as a lone guy going to a woman's house than the other way round.

I've seen the stories on here about being confronted by a crazy woman who was knocked back, or the psycho husband who came home early and caught them at it. But I believe they're the minority of cases.

This is a big deal for women and it's not an over reaction to the media stories to think so. this is what I'm getting at.. men or at least some don't see it from a womens perspective.. what chance do they have if it's a few men sitting behind the door.. "

I’ll add my tuppence worth here in support to the above, statistically men commit most violent crime and also women are far more likely to be victim of it. It would be nice if that was acknowledged just as we ladies acknowledge there are many men out there that are decent, lovely and would not hurt anyone. Also, to be clear, I’ve said repeatedly on other similarly based debates that this is not man bashing (because some seem to think it is) but a sad fact!! And yes it’s also acknowledged that there can be violent women.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I'll add that whats to say the person you let into your home might turn out to be a psycho and turn up at mad times.. not me obv.. cos im lovely

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By *tsMe4UMan
over a year ago

motherwell

Got to be a social first in a public place for me. I’m not worried about meeting someone at their home, but I also want the person I’m meeting to feel safe meeting me - which is why I always insist on meeting for a coffee somewhere public.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Got to be a social first in a public place for me. I’m not worried about meeting someone at their home, but I also want the person I’m meeting to feel safe meeting me - which is why I always insist on meeting for a coffee somewhere public. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Done it for a very long time, always with single women . At least 30 meets mostly through POF or Tinder or prior to those Chat and Date. Only had 1 minor experience of 1 woman about 30 years older than she had claimed to . Wasn't a drama leaving her house.

Think people just listen to much to the media these days . Stop living in fear people, small amount of due diligence is all that's required.

Fair point, but, speaking in broad general terms, you have far less to fear as a lone guy going to a woman's house than the other way round.

I've seen the stories on here about being confronted by a crazy woman who was knocked back, or the psycho husband who came home early and caught them at it. But I believe they're the minority of cases.

This is a big deal for women and it's not an over reaction to the media stories to think so. this is what I'm getting at.. men or at least some don't see it from a womens perspective.. what chance do they have if it's a few men sitting behind the door..

I’ll add my tuppence worth here in support to the above, statistically men commit most violent crime and also women are far more likely to be victim of it. It would be nice if that was acknowledged just as we ladies acknowledge there are many men out there that are decent, lovely and would not hurt anyone. Also, to be clear, I’ve said repeatedly on other similarly based debates that this is not man bashing (because some seem to think it is) but a sad fact!! And yes it’s also acknowledged that there can be violent women. "

Yep. Have often made the point to male friends when discussing similar issues, that the best protection against a bad man is a good one. And I know that there are plenty out there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Done it for a very long time, always with single women . At least 30 meets mostly through POF or Tinder or prior to those Chat and Date. Only had 1 minor experience of 1 woman about 30 years older than she had claimed to . Wasn't a drama leaving her house.

Think people just listen to much to the media these days . Stop living in fear people, small amount of due diligence is all that's required.

Fair point, but, speaking in broad general terms, you have far less to fear as a lone guy going to a woman's house than the other way round.

I've seen the stories on here about being confronted by a crazy woman who was knocked back, or the psycho husband who came home early and caught them at it. But I believe they're the minority of cases.

This is a big deal for women and it's not an over reaction to the media stories to think so."

Agreed , and also 100% agree that women are at a far far greater risk than men but that's why I say due diligence. Pleased to see a lot of women have been honest on here and said they have had some great experiences from a home meet without the social first. Clearly they trusted the guy or couple that they met and and it went well. I still say however that the media sells the stories through the fear factor when in reality it is a very small proportion compared to the amount of meets going on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Since my incident with a couple I’ve always been vigilant when I meet people.

I happened to turn up in the wrong place at the wrong time bang in the middle of a domestic and both turned on me.

I was lucky, I got out.

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