FabSwingers.com forum: Scottish insults and put downs

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Got caught up in a Billy connolly YouTube wormhole earlier, the man was class at the insult imo, A wee bit of fun for a Friday evening, one of my all time favourites has to be "Fannybaws", Whatcha got folks??

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By *ink-KameraMan
over a year ago

Livingston

Wankstain. Bawbag, Fuckbumper, Heid the baw

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By *arkerTheDriverMan
over a year ago

Dundee

Hoofwanking thundercunt

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By *ering SeaMan
over a year ago

Penicuik

Yoon

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hoofwanking thundercunt"

That doesn't have a Scottish twang to it

Dumplin...I like that one

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By *he Regina PhalangeWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

My daughter called me a fandan the other day!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fud

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Your a wee jobby

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ya fanny, ya clown, ya dobber, ya tadger. Just off the top of my head

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By *bridge manMan
over a year ago

lanarkshire

Ya clown

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ya Fud

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ya fanny, ya clown, ya dobber, ya tadger. Just off the top of my head

Also you can isert the word fuckin after the word ya for more emphasis on any of these

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your a bigger bum than ten arses. A particular favourite of my grannys.

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By *owboy BebopMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

Yet Da sells Avon !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“Smell yer Ma “ was always a school favourite

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By *orders CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Kelso

"Your a wee jobby

Or, alternatively, a muckle jobby

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By *orders CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Kelso

Heid the ba' is a good term

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By *cottishMrsWoman
over a year ago

Wishaw

"Heid the ba' is a good term "

Heid the baw is my favourite!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 07/05/21 21:17:12]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Awa an bile yer heid!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A good old one is a twally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I got a lucky shot playing pool against my dad

Your so lucky , if ya fell inty a barrel a shit, yed come oot smellin a roses.

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By *cottishMrsWoman
over a year ago

Wishaw

"When I got a lucky shot playing pool against my dad

Your so lucky , if ya fell inty a barrel a shit, yed come oot smellin a roses.

Or... if you fell into the Clyde, you'd still come out with a salmon in yer mooth!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When I got a lucky shot playing pool against my dad

Your so lucky , if ya fell inty a barrel a shit, yed come oot smellin a roses.

Or... if you fell into the Clyde, you'd still come out with a salmon in yer mooth!!"

Or turning that around, ye couldny get yer hole if ye landed in a barrel of fannies.

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By *oanne_MacTV/TS
over a year ago

Perth

ya fucking clown shoe is a fav of mine

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By *oanne_MacTV/TS
over a year ago

Perth

bawhummer

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By *ack-FMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

Yer Maw’s an Apache..... ?????

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By *earded blossomCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

Fud, fanny, roaster and rocket are a few of my favourites

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By *oast888Man
over a year ago

cambuslang

Surely bawbag is the classic put down

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By *ereforgigglesMan
over a year ago

Scotland

Away an' roll in your ain pish!

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By *earded blossomCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

Best one I'd heard today was

Nicola Thatcher... The pint snatcher

Gave me a giggle, Scottish humour at its finest

John

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Away and chase your self ya mad bam

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By *oanne_MacTV/TS
over a year ago

Perth

Awa an fling shite at yerself

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By *owboy BebopMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

Heid full of wee motors

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By *earded blossomCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Awa an fling shite at yerself"

Oh this reminded me of... away and take your face for a shite

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By *oungAtHeartCurvyCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

Do you think I came up the Clyde on a banana boat

Think I'm buttoned up the back

Pull the other one it's got bells on it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Your a bigger bum than ten arses. A particular favourite of my grannys.

Stealing this lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good guy, good guy, wank, good guy, wank, wank, good guy.

Although not strictly Scottish it came from a Scottish show

The guys down south think its hilarious as they hadn't heard of it before .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Good guy, good guy, wank, good guy, wank, wank, good guy.

Although not strictly Scottish it came from a Scottish show

The guys down south think its hilarious as they hadn't heard of it before . "

Wank

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Good guy, good guy, wank, good guy, wank, wank, good guy.

Although not strictly Scottish it came from a Scottish show

The guys down south think its hilarious as they hadn't heard of it before .

Wank

Can't see your profile but willing to take a chance on you.

OK then , yes please .

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By *orge71Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

Shut it ya Walloper

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Face like a well skelped erse/like bulldog licking piss off a nettle/Yiv a face like a skelpit erse, face like a bulldog chewing a wasp

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bolt ya daft

Bolt ya Rocket

Bolt fanny bags

Your maw punts coonsil

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Face like a well skelped erse/like bulldog licking piss off a nettle/Yiv a face like a skelpit erse, face like a bulldog chewing a wasp"

Face like a melted wellie

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By *ack-FMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

Plagiarised from Navid in still game....

“ Some people are like a toilet..... Full of Pish

You can even purchase a T shirt with this on it ....

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By *oanne_MacTV/TS
over a year ago

Perth

A puss that wid flig the rats oot the coup

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Your a bigger bum than ten arses. A particular favourite of my grannys.

Stealing this lol

Take it, your welcome

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A face that wid soor milk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That’s what happens when yer maw is constipated for 9months

She’s got a hole like the Clyde

Wouldn’t go near it with a ten foot barge pole

He defo came in on the banana boat

Canny fight yer way oot a paper bag

Yer patter is like water it runs

Mare cocks than the Tesco aisle

Fave like a well skelped arse

The village bike

Yer maw shoulda swallowed

Seem more bellends than weekends

Oh I could be here all day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ya fanny, ya clown, ya dobber, ya tadger. Just off the top of my head

Also you can isert the word fuckin after the word ya for more emphasis on any of these

Fuck and it’s derivatives are the staple diet of Scottish vocabulary along with c@nt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ya fanny, ya clown, ya dobber, ya tadger. Just off the top of my head

Also you can isert the word fuckin after the word ya for more emphasis on any of these

Fuck and it’s derivatives are the staple diet of Scottish vocabulary along with c@nt "

Aye, in Glasgow cunt can be a greeting, a friendly hello.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ya fanny, ya clown, ya dobber, ya tadger. Just off the top of my head

Also you can isert the word fuckin after the word ya for more emphasis on any of these

Fuck and it’s derivatives are the staple diet of Scottish vocabulary along with c@nt

Aye, in Glasgow cunt can be a greeting, a friendly hello.

As in "awryt ya cunt, how's things?"

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By *ero666Man
over a year ago

fife

Yer maw has baws and yer da likes it

Yer da sells avon

A widny ride her into battle

The tide widny take her oot

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By *orders CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Kelso

Not strictly Scottish but there are some descriptions insults such as gobshite and fuckpig, often preceded with useless or minging etc.

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By *oanne_MacTV/TS
over a year ago

Perth

Aye, in Glasgow cunt can be a greeting, a friendly hello.

All over Scotland, not just Glasgow

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By *oanne_MacTV/TS
over a year ago

Perth

Plamf, balloon, tubestick are some of the clean ones

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By *ero666Man
over a year ago

fife

Aye, in Glasgow cunt can be a greeting, a friendly hello.

All over Scotland, not just Glasgow

If you get called a cunt in Scotland,you are usually liked

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Plamf, balloon, tubestick are some of the clean ones

Not heard plamf in years.

. I always liked that one

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By *tellaartoisCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

Hawl lavvy heid your getting it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If we were moaning we were starving and asking what was fir dinner we'd get told "shite wi sugar oan it" or "corned mutton and cabbage" neither of which sound particularly appetizing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If we were moaning we were starving and asking what was fir dinner we'd get told "shite wi sugar oan it" or "corned mutton and cabbage" neither of which sound particularly appetizing

I always tell my kids shit with sugar on it or rat poison

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If we were moaning we were starving and asking what was fir dinner we'd get told "shite wi sugar oan it" or "corned mutton and cabbage" neither of which sound particularly appetizing

I always tell my kids shit with sugar on it or rat poison "

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By *sa and HarryCouple
over a year ago

motherwell

"Hawl lavvy heid your getting it

"
Away and take yir face fur a shite

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By *tew008Man
over a year ago

edinburgh

Decent scottish accent can turn anything into an insult

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By *ittle-Miss-Cunty-1Woman
over a year ago

Your basement, Cuntsville

Ya gadgie, ya tit, ya dirty spunkbucket

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By *implyJayGeeMan
over a year ago

Garthamlock

I always liked big eat the breed

Not particularly offensive but funny imho

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By *rgoodnbadMan
over a year ago

greenock

"Ach, away and lie in yer pish" was a nice retort to nonsense spouted by another

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By *illingman73Man
over a year ago

dumfries

Fuck off ya wee nyaff!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yi dalls heed

Yi numpty

Yi spoon

Yi thickit

All acceptable

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Away n play tig on the M8

One of my dads favourites if we were pissing him off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bawbag is classic Scottish. Herd English people call one another ball sack just doesn't sound the same

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By *ljamMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Had an old teacher at school who would reply "away and boil yer heid in a tattie pot" if you gave an answer that he didn't think was up to much.

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By *entlemanrogueMan
over a year ago

Motherwell

Ya filthy Tory.

Its probably the worst insult possible

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By *he LocksmithMan
over a year ago

stirling

Fuckwit!

And .....

Who shat in your handbag

Are my particular favs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ya fud, the fud, total fud....are some of my favourites

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By *wingkingMan
over a year ago

Montrose & Glasgow

“...looks like ane o’ thae kind o’ cunts that wid shite on yir doorstep, then ask ye fir paper to wipe their erse...”, or (especially for someone who has to deal with certain members of the public who might deserve a good kick up the backside) “ane o’ thae cu...(stomers?) that could dae wi’ a guid fung up the erse wi’ a steel toecap”. I can almost guarantee that most people will have had to deal with “neeps”(mainly stupid males) or “puddens”(usually stupid females).

(Other sayings and non-stupid people are available!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

WTF my brain hurts

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By *ljamMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Ya wee midden

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By *onkersMan
over a year ago

livingston

how did you get fat every time i fucked you mother she gave me a kitkat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wasted spunk stain

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By *wingkingMan
over a year ago

Montrose & Glasgow

I also heard the following quotations, mainly to deflate the pompous people that like to boast of their own property:-

“We’ve got three bathrooms in our new house” would surely deserve the reply “ They must be helluva skittery-ersed hoors” or to the statement “We’ve got this top-model motor caravan” would get the response “Aye, and ye still shite in a bucket”, and to the allegedly small penis combined with an allegedly large vagina “It would be like throwing a chip up a close”. Please do not be offended as I doubt if anyone would have the nerve to say it to anyone.....or would they?

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By *ljamMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"I also heard the following quotations, mainly to deflate the pompous people that like to boast of their own property:-

For the last one I've heard 'it's like flinging a sausage up sauchiehall street'

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By *wingkingMan
over a year ago

Montrose & Glasgow

I almost forgot the classic putdowns in my part of Scotland to certain people, mainly ladies, who now believe they are now in a higher rung of society than their more humble roots:-

“She’s no that perfect. She’ll likely hae a plook on her erse like abody else” or alternatively “Whits she so snobby aboot- does her shite nae stink?”

This could also apply to males, from any place or nation, religion, sexuality, skin colour, etc., etc., (cause I’m helluva politically correct!)

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By *ornyfuckers66Couple
over a year ago

fife

Once heard a guy in pub say to fat lass Pick up two stools and join us

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By *ullie-kingMan
over a year ago

newmains

Lately for me it's ya crank or a pure helmit (said how I spelt it

)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yur da sells Avon

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By *iimonMan
over a year ago

glasgow

Away n’ take yur face fur a shite

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

F##k off ya blumpkin

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By *oanne_MacTV/TS
over a year ago

Perth

Yer maws got baws and yer da likes it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yaaa aww blow goats lol fitting for here lol

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By *ove_stockings27Couple
over a year ago

she's got a fanny like a bill poster's bucket

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By *ixie and adamCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

So many and different depending where in Glasgow.

Yer maw

Yer da

Tube

Rocket

Banger

And the ultimate insult to some: ya dafty

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Your gie me the boke

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By *dinburghBLTMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

" how did you get fat every time i fucked you mother she gave me a kitkat

It’s like the line from Still Game

Bobby the Barman- Haw Jack you’ve put on some weight there

Jack - Aye I have Bobby - every time I shag your wife she makes me a sandwich

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ya mither is a shite ride

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yar making ma piss bile

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By *ilveryFoxMan
over a year ago

Midlothian

Yer da was furloughed from Avon

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Specky ride

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By *oanne_MacTV/TS
over a year ago

Perth

Smell yer maw.

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By *tarfish19891989Man
over a year ago

aberdeen

Ya walloper

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“Ya cunt”

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ya pure weapon!!

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By *4Fun11Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Ya pure weapon!!"

Hey I thought you were giving yourself a one week ban from the forums?!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ya pure weapon!!

Hey I thought you were giving yourself a one week ban from the forums?!

"
What i said i wasn't starting any new threads for a week

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Baw jaws

Bolt ya rocket

Face like a bag of elastics

Eejit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Away take yer face for a dump

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By *artan811Couple
over a year ago

somewhere in scotland

Fannybaws

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Away back to the moon, ya rocket!

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.

"Fannybaws

Surely that's a compliment.

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By *4Fun11Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Ya pure weapon!!

Hey I thought you were giving yourself a one week ban from the forums?!

What i said i wasn't starting any new threads for a week

Erse!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I still like "tube".

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.

Teeth like a raw o condemned hooses.

Face like a bulldog chewin a wasp.

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By *vbride1963TV/TS
over a year ago

E.K . Glasgow

"Ya pure weapon!!

Hey I thought you were giving yourself a one week ban from the forums?!

What i said i wasn't starting any new threads for a week

Ye cannae keep a good man doon

Or maybe an empty barrell makes the most noise .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's all gobbledegook to me

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By *vbride1963TV/TS
over a year ago

E.K . Glasgow

"It's all gobbledegook to me

It's all gooklegobb here too .

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By *ab365XMan
over a year ago

Paisley

Cheesearse. lol!

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By *rs Bi and Mr Her GuyCouple
over a year ago

Clydebank

Fuck up jizz stain!

Yer maw geez gobbles fur gingees!

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By *ilveryFoxMan
over a year ago

Midlothian

Ya dobber

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 07/06/22 23:33:57]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yiv got a face like a bulldug thats just licked pish aff a jaggy nettle"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Goat a face that looks like its been set oan fire thats then been put oot wi a golf shoe!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you brush your hair way a toffee apple

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

youve got a face like a drapped pie

i might as well shit in my hands and clap

himmin, ya roaster!

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By *ew couple4youCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

Shut it hen I bet your fanny has teeth

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By *jezee1000Man
over a year ago

perth

Yiv goat a face that looks as if it’s been dookin fir chips !!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

All i can say is,i wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of you lot , Jesus!!

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By *esparate danMan
over a year ago

glasgow

You have a certain zest for life about you

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By *oanne_MacTV/TS
over a year ago

Perth

Fanny like a punched lasagne...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fanny like a punched lasagne..."

You'd still tuck in if garlic bread was on offer

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By *vbride1963TV/TS
over a year ago

E.K . Glasgow

"Fanny like a punched lasagne...

You'd still tuck in if garlic bread was on offer

Cheesy garlic bread obvs .

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By *jezee1000Man
over a year ago

perth

Fanny like a burst ball.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

cockwomble lol

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By *rs Bi and Mr Her GuyCouple
over a year ago

Clydebank

Fanny like a predator eating an Astro belt!

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By *hrobbermanMan
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

Face like a Camel's ball bag.

He's dig up a deid Badger and ride it.

I'd eat a pun o' her sh*te for a ride in her oxter.

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By *dible_KinkCouple
over a year ago

Aberdeen

Glekkit - one of my favourite words ever

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Fanfan

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Punched lasagna

Nugget esp off a 10 yr old lad randomly down the scheme

I'd a been your da if the dug didn't slide dow the banastair before me

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By *o scandalousWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

Your mammy should have swallowed instead the night you were made.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/07/22 22:41:38]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My 10 year old

Dad where were you born

In hospital why

I thought it was a road cause that's where accident happen

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

Dunderheid

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Spunk bucket but tbh that's preferable these day ????

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By *o scandalousWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

Fud is a good one. Used a lot in my work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fud is a good one. Used a lot in my work."

Bet your fud is wonderful

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Away ya go ya fucking roaster is always a good one

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By *cottish gentMan
over a year ago

Dumbarton

Yer maw has more chest hair than yer da!

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By *o scandalousWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Fud is a good one. Used a lot in my work.

Bet your fud is wonderful"

I dunno about that!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fud is a good one. Used a lot in my work.

Bet your fud is wonderful

I dunno about that!"

Hmm me either Veri don't give much away x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/07/22 23:54:33]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yir Da Sells Avon"

Nah he didn't he seeks yer Maw

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yir Da Sells Avon

Nah he didn't he seeks yer Maw"

Sells fs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My daughter called me a fandan the other day!

Yir Da Sells Avon !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My daughter called me a fandan the other day!

Yir Da Sells Avon !"

Yer maw sells fish

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By *oShrinkingVioletWoman
over a year ago

the land of unicorns and fairytales

Yer da sells Avon

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By *oShrinkingVioletWoman
over a year ago

the land of unicorns and fairytales

Yer maws had mare bellends than weekends

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By *oShrinkingVioletWoman
over a year ago

the land of unicorns and fairytales

Oh and after reading a forum post

Did ye ? Aye !!

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By *idKnightMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Bawbag is the top answer in my oponion, but I'm also fond of referring to someone as an utter cuntbubble...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Take it no one here actually gre up on a scheme cause thes insults are shocking poor, who's had bud, Becks baseball bat brick etc for a lovely new post hahaha scheme chat beats it all the stories I can tell off my wee scheme it's better than this xx am I wrong pm? Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Take it no one here actually gre up on a scheme cause thes insults are shocking poor, who's had bud, Becks baseball bat brick etc for a lovely new post hahaha scheme chat beats it all the stories I can tell off my wee scheme it's better than this xx am I wrong pm? Xx"

Tried Google translate....but it didn't compute.

Are you saying someone smacked you on the nut with a baseball bat?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pmsl there scheme burd

Tried Google translate....but it didn't compute.

Are you saying someone smacked you on the nut with a baseball bat?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did ye, aye? And Bawbag get used all to often depending on the company I'm in.

As I think about it, usually both together with that small pause

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By *rm159Man
over a year ago

hamilton

You have a face like a bulldog licking week old stale piss of the outside of a boiling gas kettle

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By *rm159Man
over a year ago

hamilton

Classic Lanarkshire ya tube

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By *hrobbermanMan
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

"You can only shit with the arse you were born with."

"A face like Ruth Davidson licking dog piss off a nettle."

"He thinks he can shite higher than his own arse."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You really should have just remained a good wank rather than reaching the egg.

How did you escape from the tissue.

You should have stayed as a tadpole in yer dads baw sack.

One moments madness and you were born 12 pints of white lightening has a lot to answer for

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By *inky Fucker 69Man
over a year ago

Scotland

Walloper. If not already used.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fanny baws

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By *kbull2000Man
over a year ago

Carluke

Insults that were regularly used in a Scottish regiment :

Eyes like piss holes in the snow.

Looney looking for a happening

Thick as shit , in the neck of a ginger bottle.

Not really Scottish in nature, but I recent overheard a college lecturer ask a student, ' 300,000 sperm in every spurt and you were the fastest ? ' Couldn't help but laugh .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Once heard a guy say to his girlfriend u have all the manners of a leith hooker

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