FabSwingers.com forum: Jokes

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What’s the difference between a tyre and 365 used condoms?

One is a Goodyear, the other is a bloody great year

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What’s the difference between a tyre and 365 used condoms?

One is a Goodyear, the other is a bloody great year

Old one are the best

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Scotland has become the first country in the world to offer free sanitary products to women... about bloody time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Scotland has become the first country in the world to offer free sanitary products to women... about bloody time. "

That's shite.

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By *ink-KameraMan
over a year ago

Livingston

Why is an old man like a Christmas tree? The wood is dead and the balls are just for decoration

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What part of the body dies last?

The pupils. They dilate.

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By *vbride1963TV/TS
over a year ago

E.K . Glasgow

I managed to contact my late uncle who was a window cleaner using a medium . She used a squeegee board .

( I’ll leave quietly now )

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By *utcock61Man
over a year ago

glasgow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Scotland has become the first country in the world to offer free sanitary products to women... about bloody time.

That's shite."

Only if you use them wrongly

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By *ering SeaMan
over a year ago

Penicuik

If you see someone doing a crossword lean over and say 7 up is lemonade

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen… I can feel it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?

Roberto

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Corduroy pillows! They’re making headlines!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but toucan play at that game

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it takes a man a week to walk a fortnight.

How many apples in a barrel of grapes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

34 years after the Chernobyl accident, and am I the only one that’s disappointed? Still no superheroes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a deer with no eyes...

No idea...

What’s do you call a sleeping deer with no eyes...

Still no idea...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Scotland has become the first country in the world to offer free sanitary products to women... about bloody time.

That's shite."

It wasnt meant to be funny. Vagina jokes are not funny. PERIOD!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 28/11/20 09:37:20]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I will never forget my grandads last words.

Oh fuck a bus

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By *unscotladMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because I put on the wrong socks

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By *utdooryoneMan
over a year ago

Over there

"What do you call a deer with no eyes...

No idea...

What’s do you call a sleeping deer with no eyes...

Still no idea...

A no-legged, deaf, in a southern European country, on fire, with no eyes in a layby?

Still deaf in Italy flaming no eyed deer by the way.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"34 years after the Chernobyl accident, and am I the only one that’s disappointed? Still no superheroes

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What’s the difference between a tyre and 365 used condoms?

One is a Goodyear, the other is a bloody great year

Old one are the best

Always have been

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What do you call a deer with no eyes...

No idea...

What’s do you call a sleeping deer with no eyes...

Still no idea...

A no-legged, deaf, in a southern European country, on fire, with no eyes in a layby?

Still deaf in Italy flaming no eyed deer by the way.

Now that is good!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The motorway was closed the other day due to a lorry load of immigrants being on fire up ahead .

Guy came up to my window and said they had started a wee collection for them.

I said sure , just syphon a couple of gallons .

Let's see the PC brigade get their teeth into that one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The motorway was closed the other day due to a lorry load of immigrants being on fire up ahead .

Guy came up to my window and said they had started a wee collection for them.

I said sure , just syphon a couple of gallons .

Let's see the PC brigade get their teeth into that one."

A scotsman english man Welsh Irish polish romamian american Iraqi Canadian and aussie built a fence... the rest is a feckin joke

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By *rhellsMan
over a year ago

GLASGOW

What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror?

Halloumi

Too cheesy?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How about some chimney jokes – I’ve got a stack of them. The first one is on the house

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By *awaiianguyMan
over a year ago

East Ayrshire

"What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?

Roberto"

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

What's the difference between a sock and a camera...

One take five toes the other takes one less.....

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and asks for a martini...

Barman says olive or twist

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By *cotyguyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

I was going to tell a time travel joke.

But you didn't like it....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In the optisions the other day and the lady says , look into the hole in the box and tell me what you see . I see rows and rows of grounded planes . People wearing face coverings of every description , empty city centre streets . Closed pubs everywhere . She says excellent . You have 2020 vision

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By *utdooryoneMan
over a year ago

Over there

"What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror?

Halloumi

Too cheesy?

Have you heard about the explosion in the German cheese factory?

All that was left was de brie.

What cheese isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.

What cheese hides horses?

Marscopone

What cheese can you tempt a bear with?

Camembert

How did the cheese paint his wife?

He Double Gloucester.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why don't blind people bungee jump.

Cause it scares the shit out of their dogs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just found out my grandfather is addicted to viagra

My grandmothers taking it hard

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By *tormin1875Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Ever tried blind archery?

You should give it a go.

You don't know what you're missing.

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By *otnew12Man
over a year ago

blackness

I was walking along princess street and looked up and thought to myself

“Is that a falling piano?”

And then it hit me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was walking along princess street and looked up and thought to myself

“Is that a falling piano?”

And then it hit me"

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By *lutandhubbyCouple
over a year ago

west midlands

paddy went to the Dentist's to have a tooth pulled.

The Dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give him a shot.

"No way" ! No needles ! "I hate needles" !, paddy said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and paddy immediately objected.

"I can't do the gas thing either; the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me" !

The Dentist then asks him if he has any objection to taking a pill.

"No objection", paddy said. "I'm fine with pills".

The Dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra tablet, paddy totally at a loss for words, said in amazement,

"WOW" ! "I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer" !

"It doesn't", said the Dentist, "but it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth out..."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the big turnip say to the wee turnip...

... When’d you turn up

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By *amesL8787Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Can't remember who told this-

'I met a man today who reminded me of my dad...he said 'remember your dad!'

'sake haha

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By *izzabelle and well hungCouple
over a year ago

Edinburgh.

A guy gets cornered in an alleyway by a gang. They say “wanna play a game?” Thinking it’s best to play along he nods. The hand him a dice the leader says “throw a 1-5 and we kick the shit outa ya”

Seeing some hope the guy says “what if I throw a 6?”

“You get another throw”

How are the Sicilian Mafia and pussy similar?

One slip of the tongue and you’re in the shit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

19 and 20 had a fight.. 21

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By *owboy BebopMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

"paddy went to the Dentist's to have a tooth pulled.

The Dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give him a shot.

"No way" ! No needles ! "I hate needles" !, paddy said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and paddy immediately objected.

"I can't do the gas thing either; the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me" !

The Dentist then asks him if he has any objection to taking a pill.

"No objection", paddy said. "I'm fine with pills".

The Dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra tablet, paddy totally at a loss for words, said in amazement,

"WOW" ! "I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer" !

"It doesn't", said the Dentist, "but it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth out..."

Brilliant, nearly spat my coffee out, I’m nicking this one

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By *anny77Man
over a year ago

glasgow

"I will never forget my grandads last words.

Oh fuck a bus

Really weird advice to give his grandson on his death bed

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By *tormin1875Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Did anyone see the chiropractor joke on here?

It was about a week back.

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By *ootall2920Man
over a year ago

Linlithgow

"What's the difference between a sock and a camera...

One take five toes the other takes one less....."

Awesome. Well, it took me a minute.

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By *ootall2920Man
over a year ago

Linlithgow

What's the difference between an pot-holed road and a nymphomaniac?

One knackers your tyres, the other tires your knackers.

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