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Two ariels met on a roof fell in love and got married

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

The ceremony was rubbish

But the reception was brilliant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m laughing here and I’ve had a crappy day...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I’m laughing here and I’ve had a crappy day..."

Hello sweetie awww sorry to here that x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My girlfriend likes to tie me to the bed and cover me in chocolate and caramel.

She’s a dominatwix.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you stick the cucumber.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Flipping heck.. Why do i keep clicking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Ken came in another box.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The ceremony was rubbish

But the reception was brilliant "

Oddly enough my dad told me that joke the other day and it got me haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between your penis and a bonus check?

Someone's always willing to blow your bonus.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 25/03/20 21:09:44]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." "No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between a magician's wand and a policeman's truncheon?

One is for cunning stunts and the other is for, er...apprehending criminals!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's long and hard and full of semen?

A submarine!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." "No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream.""

Hahahaha crying

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." "No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream."

Hahahaha crying "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

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By *elshyXOMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

I went to the doctors the other day, he said to me “sorry sir, you have hypochondria”

I thought “oh no, not that aswell”

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By *elshyXOMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

I was walking through the jungle on a trek once & saw a monkey in a tree holding a tin opener. I shouted over “you dont need a tin opener to peel a banana”

He shouted back “mind your own business! This is for the custard”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s another name for a vagina?

The box a penis comes in.

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By *elshyXOMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

Two jump leads walk into a bar, the barman says “i’ll let you in but you two best not start something”

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I was walking through the jungle on a trek once & saw a monkey in a tree holding a tin opener. I shouted over “you dont need a tin opener to peel a banana”

He shouted back “mind your own business! This is for the custard”"

Hahahaha

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

What's the difference between the moon and the River Humber?

One's shiny bright.

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By *andR510Couple
over a year ago

St Neots/Wisbech

What's the difference between erotic and kinky ?

Erotic is using a feather, kinky is using the whole chicken.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I was fingering my gf

She said oooh be careful with the ring on your finger

I said that’s not my ring it’s my wristwatch

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

These new video games are so realistic. Husband just put his PS4 on to play FIFA20 and all games are cancelled till further notice

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"These new video games are so realistic. Husband just put his PS4 on to play FIFA20 and all games are cancelled till further notice"

So is my 16yr old lying to me then what else could he be doing up there to make him shout out yeeeeeeeeess aaaah

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"These new video games are so realistic. Husband just put his PS4 on to play FIFA20 and all games are cancelled till further notice

So is my 16yr old lying to me then what else could he be doing up there to make him shout out yeeeeeeeeess aaaah "
Mario Kart??

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By *mworthit156Man
over a year ago

South Glos_Bristol

What's the difference between a JCB and a giraffe ?

Ones got hydraulics the others got.....long legs

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