FabSwingers.com forum: Dating...realistic or not

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ive just been chatting to a lady off tinder. We had arranged a first date for tomorrow. She asked me if i was chatting to anyone else. I said there was one other.

From that she has said she now doesnt want to date me as she doesnt want to compete for me.

I on the otherhand have the understanding that chatting to a few at the same time doesnt matter unless you have met. If you meet and you dont hit it off then you try with someone else

I know we all like to think that we are the first choice for people but is that realistic? Am i being unreasonable?

So much for being honest!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Current situation aside.

In a dating situation I'd prefer to be the only person a man was meeting at the time. That might not be reasonable but it would be how I'd feel

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seems a bit clingy if you’ve not even had a first date and she wants you chatting to no one else but her. I can understand if the meet goes well and maybe you chat about it the second meet but I feel you should be chatting with others at this time

Good luck

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By *isterPepperMan
over a year ago

Central Swindon

You’re not being unreasonable - but perhaps neither is she? It’s horses for courses and sometimes things aren’t meant to be.

Even on here, ostensibly a swinging site, there are some who want to have someone all to themselves. If that’s what they want then that’s up to them.

Personally, I would agree that it’s a lot to ask for exclusivity with someone you don’t know.

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By *ark ph0enixWoman
over a year ago

Teesside

"Current situation aside.

In a dating situation I'd prefer to be the only person a man was meeting at the time. That might not be reasonable but it would be how I'd feel"

I'd have to agree with this in the dating world.

There is a difference between swinging/sex and dating. Are you both on the same page there?

I wouldn't be willing to share a dating partner at any stage or would hinder the trust needed. And the same applies in reverse. I wouldn't be flirting or chatting elsewhere.

Guess it depends on what you are aiming for from each other.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Oh and I know it isn't realistic to think the way I do in the time of tinder

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Ive just been chatting to a lady off tinder. We had arranged a first date for tomorrow. She asked me if i was chatting to anyone else. I said there was one other.

From that she has said she now doesnt want to date me as she doesnt want to compete for me.

I on the otherhand have the understanding that chatting to a few at the same time doesnt matter unless you have met. If you meet and you dont hit it off then you try with someone else

I know we all like to think that we are the first choice for people but is that realistic? Am i being unreasonable?

So much for being honest!"

Compete for you is this the Olympics and you shouldn't be meeting anyone yet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think you are at you haven't had a first date so you aren't even dating just chatting I think she is totally being unreasonable but her loss would you want to be with someone who couldn't be bothered to put a little effort in to try and win you so to speak did you ask how many guys she was chatting to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that depends on how intimate your chats have been

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be honest I'd be more inclined to side with her when it comes to dating.

If I'm interested in someone then I give them my full attention, I want to focus on getting to know them and show them the best of me. I couldn't do that whilst talking to others and I want someone who matches my intensity.

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By *ustKeepSwinging999Couple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

If you've not met either of them, I wouldn't see it as an issue. Why put all your eggs in one basket at this early stage.

H x

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By *revaunanceCouple
over a year ago

Exeter

Hello OP,

She wants to date exclusively, and if you don't want to then that should be enough of a sign for you to realise that it's probably not going to go that far. Sounds more like she wants a relationship/romance and you want something a lot less permanent.

You should also thank yourself lucky that you won't be dating tomorrow, as this really isn't the time.

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By *evil-AngelWoman
over a year ago

...

I always assume the person I'm speaking to is also speaking to others. It's the law of numbers, have loads of conversations, to click with a few.

People have different expectations and it could be a miscommunication between the two of you but she sounds a bit demanding to me.

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

I just wouldn’t have told her that I’m chatting to others. If it gets serious after a few dates then yes chatting to others wouldn’t be right but until that happens your a free agent.

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By *abasaurus RexMan
over a year ago

Gloucestershire

Ignorance is bliss.

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

"I just wouldn’t have told her that I’m chatting to others. If it gets serious after a few dates then yes chatting to others wouldn’t be right but until that happens your a free agent. "

exactly this. Surely people can't expect a person not to talk to others

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch

"Ive just been chatting to a lady off tinder. We had arranged a first date for tomorrow. She asked me if i was chatting to anyone else. I said there was one other.

From that she has said she now doesnt want to date me as she doesnt want to compete for me.

I on the otherhand have the understanding that chatting to a few at the same time doesnt matter unless you have met. If you meet and you dont hit it off then you try with someone else

I know we all like to think that we are the first choice for people but is that realistic? Am i being unreasonable?

So much for being honest!"

The other you were chatting with wasn't called boris damn he's so demanding

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ive just been chatting to a lady off tinder. We had arranged a first date for tomorrow. She asked me if i was chatting to anyone else. I said there was one other.

From that she has said she now doesnt want to date me as she doesnt want to compete for me.

I on the otherhand have the understanding that chatting to a few at the same time doesnt matter unless you have met. If you meet and you dont hit it off then you try with someone else

I know we all like to think that we are the first choice for people but is that realistic? Am i being unreasonable?

So much for being honest!"

Haven’t read any other reply’s. my answer is I’m on POF and Tinder and If I meet someone it doesn’t automatically stop me speaking to someone as long as I’m clear.

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By *os19Man
over a year ago

Edmonton

"Ive just been chatting to a lady off tinder. We had arranged a first date for tomorrow. She asked me if i was chatting to anyone else. I said there was one other.

From that she has said she now doesnt want to date me as she doesnt want to compete for me.

I on the otherhand have the understanding that chatting to a few at the same time doesnt matter unless you have met. If you meet and you dont hit it off then you try with someone else

I know we all like to think that we are the first choice for people but is that realistic? Am i being unreasonable?

So much for being honest!"
. I don’t think there is anything wrong with chatting to another lady.Some ladies have blocked me when I have been honest in saying I have been chatting with another lady others have been ok with it.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Ive just been chatting to a lady off tinder. We had arranged a first date for tomorrow. She asked me if i was chatting to anyone else. I said there was one other.

From that she has said she now doesnt want to date me as she doesnt want to compete for me.

I on the otherhand have the understanding that chatting to a few at the same time doesnt matter unless you have met. If you meet and you dont hit it off then you try with someone else

I know we all like to think that we are the first choice for people but is that realistic? Am i being unreasonable?

So much for being honest!

The other you were chatting with wasn't called boris damn he's so demanding

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I just wouldn’t have told her that I’m chatting to others. If it gets serious after a few dates then yes chatting to others wouldn’t be right but until that happens your a free agent.

exactly this. Surely people can't expect a person not to talk to others

So much for being honest!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for your responses so far. I guess its always going to be a difference of opinion.

Ill continue to be honest and true to myself, if people can't see the good in that then they aren't worth having in my life.

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By *isterPepperMan
over a year ago

Central Swindon

"I just wouldn’t have told her that I’m chatting to others. If it gets serious after a few dates then yes chatting to others wouldn’t be right but until that happens your a free agent. "

I sort of agree with this. Even on here I think it’s disrespectful to talk about other people I might be talking to. But it sounds like the question was asked and I think OP did the right thing in answering truthfully. If it’s a dealbreaker for someone, it’s not fair to break that deal in secret.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Thanks for your responses so far. I guess its always going to be a difference of opinion.

Ill continue to be honest and true to myself, if people can't see the good in that then they aren't worth having in my life. "

Best way to be x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just wouldn’t have told her that I’m chatting to others. If it gets serious after a few dates then yes chatting to others wouldn’t be right but until that happens your a free agent.

exactly this. Surely people can't expect a person not to talk to others

So much for being honest! "

Personally I'd rather be honest too and I'd see someone having a problem with it before even one date as a bit of a red flag. I'd assume the guy was speaking to/arranging dates with more people than me too and fine with that, until we actually said otherwise.

Ps stop arranging dates just now though

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By *isterPepperMan
over a year ago

Central Swindon

"Ps stop arranging dates just now though

Yeah, seriously, this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you really want to date you will have plenty of time to chat and know people more now . And a relationship without good sex its 0

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable chatting to more than one person at a time.

I chat to loads of people but one naturally captures my attention more so they kind of filter themselves to the top.

I think in future the one that stands out to me more than others will be the one I don’t meet because I tend to be attracted to the ones that are bad for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She sounds insecure.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Thanks for your responses so far. I guess its always going to be a difference of opinion.

Ill continue to be honest and true to myself, if people can't see the good in that then they aren't worth having in my life. "

She wants something different to what you want. That doesn't make her bad, it just means you're not compatible. You were honest and so was she. I don't see a problem

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I just wouldn’t have told her that I’m chatting to others. If it gets serious after a few dates then yes chatting to others wouldn’t be right but until that happens your a free agent.

Agreed

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By *ionelhutzMan
over a year ago

liverpool

"Ive just been chatting to a lady off tinder. We had arranged a first date for tomorrow. She asked me if i was chatting to anyone else. I said there was one other.

From that she has said she now doesnt want to date me as she doesnt want to compete for me.

I on the otherhand have the understanding that chatting to a few at the same time doesnt matter unless you have met. If you meet and you dont hit it off then you try with someone else

I know we all like to think that we are the first choice for people but is that realistic? Am i being unreasonable?

So much for being honest!"

Depends how long you have been chatting with her for?

To be honest if I start chatting with someone on a dating site and we hit it off and arrange a date..and she is still chatting to other people ,I get a bit peeved but I probally wouldn't say anything.

Its one of the big pitfalls of online dating.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t think you’re being unreasonable chatting to more than one person at a time.

I chat to loads of people but one naturally captures my attention more so they kind of filter themselves to the top.

I think in future the one that stands out to me more than others will be the one I don’t meet because I tend to be attracted to the ones that are bad for me. "

Same.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think it's possibly a generational thing too. The last time I was dating was in the 70s, we dated one person at a time and it was considered very bad form to be seeing more than one or even chatting to more than one person with the intention of seeing them. I suppose on line dating changed all that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it's possibly a generational thing too. The last time I was dating was in the 70s, we dated one person at a time and it was considered very bad form to be seeing more than one or even chatting to more than one person with the intention of seeing them. I suppose on line dating changed all that"

I think recreational dru**play a big part from early 80s to late 90s

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's gotten more Americanised too. I used to watch movies where people were on dates with a few different people a week and think it was mental, now I think it's just normal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's gotten more Americanised too. I used to watch movies where people were on dates with a few different people a week and think it was mental, now I think it's just normal."

I don’t think it is. , I’ve dated once twice in 6 months. I just think times change.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's gotten more Americanised too. I used to watch movies where people were on dates with a few different people a week and think it was mental, now I think it's just normal.

I don’t think it is. , I’ve dated once twice in 6 months. I just think times change. "

Oh god yeah, a few times a week is definitely not MY norm either

! I'm never on dates. But I mean I think the rules have changed so that if you're actively dating it's pretty acceptable now to make arrangements with more than one person around the same time. That's certainly the case for all my friends who do date regularly.

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

I always think if you have to think about being with me then dont bother. But then I always treat others as I'd like to be treated. Your not that into someone if you still want others

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By *sianMancMan
over a year ago

Manchester

"Ive just been chatting to a lady off tinder. We had arranged a first date for tomorrow. She asked me if i was chatting to anyone else. I said there was one other.

From that she has said she now doesnt want to date me as she doesnt want to compete for me.

I on the otherhand have the understanding that chatting to a few at the same time doesnt matter unless you have met. If you meet and you dont hit it off then you try with someone else

I know we all like to think that we are the first choice for people but is that realistic? Am i being unreasonable?

So much for being honest!"

Never apologise for being a man not honest.

Many women out there would do the same and think nothing of it.

Many women won't let go of a man unless they have a standby either.

She clearly would have been a headache later on so let her go you did nothing wrong.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Some interesting feedback. Thanks for your opinions. No more dating now!

Well the irony of the situation... was when she got her phone out on the date she had a message from a guy called Paul which i saw. She said his opening line was "i love your profile pic" She tried to make out she didnt know who it was. An hour later, gave me a story of who he was when she "remembered".

All of this after the lecture she gave me about wanting to only date one at a time!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some interesting feedback. Thanks for your opinions. No more dating now!

All of this after the lecture she gave me about wanting to only date one at a time! "

Sounds like you had a narrow escape! You do what you want OP unless you are in a serious committed relationship feel free to chat and flirt with the world. Life is far to short. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some interesting feedback. Thanks for your opinions. No more dating now!

All of this after the lecture she gave me about wanting to only date one at a time! "

Tbh this really isn’t relevant to what she was saying. She might of been speaking before she met you. I’m not on any side either way. But just saying.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some interesting feedback. Thanks for your opinions. No more dating now!

All of this after the lecture she gave me about wanting to only date one at a time!

Sounds like you had a narrow escape! You do what you want OP unless you are in a serious committed relationship feel free to chat and flirt with the world. Life is far to short. Xx"

Why a narrow escape?? All she wanted was someone who was not chatting to a multitude of Women

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Id know you were talking to others but probably wouldnt want to hear it. Dating assumes something a bit more personal and considered. Think more fly fishing than trawling.

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By *rank speakerMan
over a year ago

Worcester

"Ive just been chatting to a lady off tinder. We had arranged a first date for tomorrow. She asked me if i was chatting to anyone else. I said there was one other.

From that she has said she now doesnt want to date me as she doesnt want to compete for me.

I on the otherhand have the understanding that chatting to a few at the same time doesnt matter unless you have met. If you meet and you dont hit it off then you try with someone else

I know we all like to think that we are the first choice for people but is that realistic? Am i being unreasonable?

So much for being honest!"

It really sounds as though the lady was looking for a life partner? And I'm not so sure if tinder was really the right place? If you had met and got along I doubt she would have suited you given your presence on here? I think you might have dodged a bullet there?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some interesting feedback. Thanks for your opinions. No more dating now!

All of this after the lecture she gave me about wanting to only date one at a time!

Sounds like you had a narrow escape! You do what you want OP unless you are in a serious committed relationship feel free to chat and flirt with the world. Life is far to short. Xx

Why a narrow escape?? All she wanted was someone who was not chatting to a multitude of Women "

Because unless you are completely committed no one should be telling you what you can and can’t do. Plus she was chatting to other anyway!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me, if you've had your first date and you're committed to a second, then it's maybe reasonable for her to expect you to have done your "filtering" and to put others on hold for the time being. Until you've actually met and expressed an interest in moving forward, it just seems weirdly entitled.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some interesting feedback. Thanks for your opinions. No more dating now!

All of this after the lecture she gave me about wanting to only date one at a time!

Sounds like you had a narrow escape! You do what you want OP unless you are in a serious committed relationship feel free to chat and flirt with the world. Life is far to short. Xx

Why a narrow escape?? All she wanted was someone who was not chatting to a multitude of Women

Because unless you are completely committed no one should be telling you what you can and can’t do. Plus she was chatting to other anyway!!"

I can see your point. But can see hers also. But as she admitted she received a message from someone from a dating site. And what ?? Doesn’t prove she was chatting to him. He only said “ you look nice”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ive just been chatting to a lady off tinder. We had arranged a first date for tomorrow. She asked me if i was chatting to anyone else. I said there was one other.

From that she has said she now doesnt want to date me as she doesnt want to compete for me.

I on the otherhand have the understanding that chatting to a few at the same time doesnt matter unless you have met. If you meet and you dont hit it off then you try with someone else

I know we all like to think that we are the first choice for people but is that realistic? Am i being unreasonable?

So much for being honest!"
yes it seems you are because you lost her has that taught you anything

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To be honest I'd be more inclined to side with her when it comes to dating.

Glad I'm not the only one who thinks this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ive just been chatting to a lady off tinder. We had arranged a first date for tomorrow. She asked me if i was chatting to anyone else. I said there was one other.

From that she has said she now doesnt want to date me as she doesnt want to compete for me.

I on the otherhand have the understanding that chatting to a few at the same time doesnt matter unless you have met. If you meet and you dont hit it off then you try with someone else

I know we all like to think that we are the first choice for people but is that realistic? Am i being unreasonable?

So much for being honest!yes it seems you are because you lost her has that taught you anything

To me it would teach me nothing. As if someone asked me that I’d say “ none of your business “ but in a polite way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ive just been chatting to a lady off tinder. We had arranged a first date for tomorrow. She asked me if i was chatting to anyone else. I said there was one other.

From that she has said she now doesnt want to date me as she doesnt want to compete for me.

I on the otherhand have the understanding that chatting to a few at the same time doesnt matter unless you have met. If you meet and you dont hit it off then you try with someone else

I know we all like to think that we are the first choice for people but is that realistic? Am i being unreasonable?

So much for being honest!"

If you were 10 years older, I'd say you can date me, and have your cake and eat it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ive just been chatting to a lady off tinder. We had arranged a first date for tomorrow. She asked me if i was chatting to anyone else. I said there was one other.

From that she has said she now doesnt want to date me as she doesnt want to compete for me.

I on the otherhand have the understanding that chatting to a few at the same time doesnt matter unless you have met. If you meet and you dont hit it off then you try with someone else

I know we all like to think that we are the first choice for people but is that realistic? Am i being unreasonable?

So much for being honest!yes it seems you are because you lost her has that taught you anything

To me it would teach me nothing. As if someone asked me that I’d say “ none of your business “ but in a polite way. "
exactly my point

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ive just been chatting to a lady off tinder. We had arranged a first date for tomorrow. She asked me if i was chatting to anyone else. I said there was one other.

From that she has said she now doesnt want to date me as she doesnt want to compete for me.

I on the otherhand have the understanding that chatting to a few at the same time doesnt matter unless you have met. If you meet and you dont hit it off then you try with someone else

I know we all like to think that we are the first choice for people but is that realistic? Am i being unreasonable?

So much for being honest!yes it seems you are because you lost her has that taught you anything

To me it would teach me nothing. As if someone asked me that I’d say “ none of your business “ but in a polite way. exactly my point

Ok sigh , touché

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

Sometimes you can be too honest with people.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Ugh, this reminds me why I don't do monogamy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ugh, this reminds me why I don't do monogamy."
lol hey i think in another 50 years nobody will

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

"Sometimes you can be too honest with people. "

Honesty is always the best policy.

Then people can make informed decisions based on the truth.

The true person is the one after you've met or a few weeks after. Many shades of grey

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you don't know anyone until you meet them and even then do you really know them, only time will tell

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ugh, this reminds me why I don't do monogamy."

Same

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