FabSwingers.com forum: Being Alone

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi. I've recently split from my long term partner and our family. I had very good reasons for doing so to. My question to others is simply this. How long have you been single or alone and how do you feel about it all.

As the virus has got more of a grip on our social lives. For me its removed my gym time which I enjoy not only for the exercise but for human contact to. Plus going into a supermarket has now become like Dodgems. Its getting me down and its only very early days. How is everybody else coping??

Thanks for reading

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm used to being on my own. Haven't had a relationship in forever, didn't have much of a social life since my last attempt at building a social circle disintegrated. The thing I'm missing is going to work, which is rather sad.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It's a shock to my system as I've used to having family around me all the time. What I really miss is my children next to me. But I left for them as well as my own reasons and now I have alot of thinking time when I'm not at work.

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By * Sophie xTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby

All I can tell you is that time and getting involved is a good thing.

My last social circle also disintegrated recently along with a split from my ex and it took a conscious decision on my part not to go back to being a recluse which is my normal default setting.

Be normal, be friendly and dont just think on here about getting laid and you'll be fine.

It's the little things like saying hello and being nice that can make all the difference.

If you think about what you would like from any interaction with others and apply the same with how you interact then that's rhe best thing you can do.

Good luck in picking yourself up and finding what makes you feel happy

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

"Hi. I've recently split from my long term partner and our family. I had very good reasons for doing so to. My question to others is simply this. How long have you been single or alone and how do you feel about it all.

Thanks for reading"

Hi OP

I am sorry to read about your change of circumstances, unless of course it was what you desired, life is full of changes and more will come about.

I have been single since 2009, I have good days and bad, but I guess if there is one piece of advice I can give it is a simple one, be kind to yourself. Being alone for a long time can cause issues with confidence and self esteem, we become a self-fulfilling prophecy, that nobody wants to be with us so we behave in a manner that pushes people away.

If you truly desire to be alone then you must come to terms with this and not punish yourself for your choice. Be kind to yourself. Spoil yourself, look after yourself, enjoy the things you have and worry not about that which you do not.

This social distancing thing (at the moment) isn't having a huge impact on me, other than it has curtailed some of the things I enjoy doing, so instead I have been doing some sketching and listening to a lot of music (I do not watch television).

Every night, I light the candles and the fire, pour myself a glass of wine, put some music on and think that life could be worse so I should enjoy the now.

Look after yourself and Be Well

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I am normally very happy. It's just been the last 2 days I've felt abit crappy. It's only going to get worse as the virus is only going to get worse and that means the next step is stopping all movement of human beings on the street.

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By *J11Couple
over a year ago

Gloucester

I’m lucky in the respect that I’m not alone but really feel for those that are. However with us only recently moving to a new area and not knowing anyone around us and currently I’m out of work I’m very much relying on contact via social media. Let’s hope we can get through this as quickly as possible and get back to everyday life. Chin up x

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"I am normally very happy. It's just been the last 2 days I've felt abit crappy. It's only going to get worse as the virus is only going to get worse and that means the next step is stopping all movement of human beings on the street."

Stay strong

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks for reading"

I'm alone. Seprate from him in November.

He has the children and due to the virus I can't leave the house and go see them.

It's hard because I still love him. But he wants nothing to do with me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Totally get where you’re coming from, been single over 7 years save for various short term dating, and generally pretty content.

Personally the hardest part will be the lack of socialising, but ironically I think the likes of here and social media will help.

My approach for what it’s worth is going to be to keep busy & pick the phone to friends and family, whilst we ride out the storm.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"It's a shock to my system as I've used to having family around me all the time. What I really miss is my children next to me. But I left for them as well as my own reasons and now I have alot of thinking time when I'm not at work."

That’s really sad. Hopefully you are keeping in contact with them ? It must be very hard to do but that has to be your no.1 priority , are you messaging , Skyping and getting involved directly in looking after them ? They need to know you are still very much there for them , and the relationship will help you with the loneliness

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Your message makes sense. I had to remove myself from Domestic violence and other things so it wasnt my choice but the situation made me leave. Which made me sad as I had almost the perfect life. So being alone and single now hurts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am divorced too. Been living alone for the past two years. During normal times, I went to gym in the morning, then work and then at least two days a week, I go out for to meet in a hobby club I am a member of, or somewhere else. Weekends again are spent meeting someone I know or doing some activities.

With the social distancing thing, I could do none of the above. Things I try to do:

1) Do video chats with some friends once in awhile. Don't be forceful as they have their own priorities with their families.

2) Read a book. Avoid reading short stories. For me, every time you finish a good book, it leaves a huge void. You feel very empty before you really get into the next book. So start reading something long. Maybe a story with many sequels?

3) Same advice as above, but with TV series.

4) I have started doing meditation. I will tell you how it goes.

5) Might be silly. But get into some online network game. Gives some social interaction along with fun.

It is definitely difficult to be alone in these circumstances. I feel better during work hours compared to non-working hours. Will post more if I find a better solution.

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By *essie.Woman
over a year ago

Serendipity

OP it’s early days and you have to find a new level of normality, never mind with us all not being able to do our usual routine. I’ve had one period of being single before now, of ten years but I was focused on my family so it was a conscious decision.

You’re bound to miss your children, but it won’t be like this forever. They get older and it tends to get easier for everyone to make their own arrangements.

Can you sit out in a garden, I’m doing that right now and the sunshine lifts you or go for a walk, with social distancing.

All you can do for now, is one day at a time.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Your message makes sense. I had to remove myself from Domestic violence and other things so it wasnt my choice but the situation made me leave. Which made me sad as I had almost the perfect life. So being alone and single now hurts."

You won't be single for long you sound lovely xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I do cam them but it's not the same. Each time I see them they look different and more grown up.they are only young and I'm missing out. I really did have to move on and I dont regret doing it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hang in there OP. Before all this started I had an active social life, it was rare for me to go a day without seeing at least one of my friends or family and I'm struggling a bit with not having that face to face interaction.

It'll be worth it if we get on top of this thing, that's what I keep telling myself. I'm just grateful we have the internet both for keeping in touch with those we know and places like here where we can chat with new people too. On that note feel free to get in touch if you ever need a chat x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks for reading"

I am so glad you bought this topic up, two and a half weeks ago my wife suddenly out of the blue asked to seperate. We have bee together 24 years, I have never strayed behind her back and always been loyal. We got into swinging last year and only did anything with each others consent.

Fast forward to march and I have put a deposit on a small flat up the road, but dont know whether I can move in in case we go into lockdown.

So I am currently living and sleeping on the sofa in limbo, not knowing what I did wrong and at the same time trying to get my life in order, but cannot !!!

No fun for you I know, But at least i know i am not alone

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yes please do. Thanks for the message

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think being alone can be quite nice equally, perhaps more people should take that time for themselves, no outside influences or distraction, focus on what you really want, you know make the best of any situation x

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"I think being alone can be quite nice equally, perhaps more people should take that time for themselves, no outside influences or distraction, focus on what you really want, you know make the best of any situation x"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hang in there OP. Before all this started I had an active social life, it was rare for me to go a day without seeing at least one of my friends or family and I'm struggling a bit with not having that face to face interaction.

Hey thankyou for the offer.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I’ve been single since 2011, shortly after we split I discovered I was pregnant with our second child. So effectively since then I have focused my energies and emotions on raising my children. I have had brief dalliances but not what I would call proper relationships.

I still feel unable to give sufficient time and energy to a proper relationship so I’ve not really put much effort into dating, it’s always been halfhearted.

I do think it would be nice to have someone to lean on emotionally at a time like this but it is what it is. No point dwelling on it. Got to keep my shit together for my kids and my mum.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It takes a while to pick yourself up, regardless of whose choice or what caused the separation. All I can say is that it does get easier and better.

I’m happier now more than ever but if you had asked me a year ago where I saw myself being in a years time, I wouldn’t have known how to answer.

You have to build happiness on your own, rather than base it on who is in your life.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for reading

Fast forward to march and I have put a deposit on a small flat up the road, but dont know whether I can move in in case we go into lockdown.

So I am currently living and sleeping on the sofa in limbo, not knowing what I did wrong and at the same time trying to get my life in order, but cannot !!!

No fun for you I know, But at least i know i am not alone"

I do know how you feel. Is there anybody else involved on her part?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’ve been single since 2011, shortly after we split I discovered I was pregnant with our second child. So effectively since then I have focused my energies and emotions on raising my children. I have had brief dalliances but not what I would call proper relationships.

I still feel unable to give sufficient time and energy to a proper relationship so I’ve not really put much effort into dating, it’s always been halfhearted.

I do think it would be nice to have someone to lean on emotionally at a time like this but it is what it is. No point dwelling on it. Got to keep my shit together for my kids and my mum."

Thankyou

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks for reading"

I recently split amicably from my partner and am happiest single. Being single or with someone is two completely different worlds and you build your life around that situation. I know that may not be much help but your life revolves around your relationships.

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By *rNaughtyNickMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

Been single over 5 years and it also caused issues with my social circle too. Didn't help that as most of my friends all settled down with kids wives and mortgages too....

They same time is healer not sure about that

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By *rBearFuxMan
over a year ago

usk

I’m married but may as well be single

Only thing I miss is Sex

Otherwise life goes on

Wife had a stroke

Like isolation

Preferable to dealing with other stupid people

Cats are sent by God literally

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks for reading

Fast forward to march and I have put a deposit on a small flat up the road, but dont know whether I can move in in case we go into lockdown.

So I am currently living and sleeping on the sofa in limbo, not knowing what I did wrong and at the same time trying to get my life in order, but cannot !!!

No fun for you I know, But at least i know i am not alone

I do know how you feel. Is there anybody else involved on her part?

Well she has a really good male friend that in her words she really likes.

This person was from on here, they had a meet and it's been a bit pete tong since then really

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I'm VERY used to living alone.

In fact I get itchy if someone stays overnight. No matter who they are.

The virus won't change my life that much ( unless I get it and die )

I don't go to the cinema, theatre, pub , concert every month let alone every week........ so same ole same ole ... except for family and two good friends who I see regulary and i've got apps for that ........

Maybe i'll start internet wanking.....

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Oh ... I do a full time job which is prob why I don't get lonely ....... I'll have to go in a mask now I guess

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By *piphoneMan
over a year ago

across the universe

Be strong with you in spirit

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By *lub SandwichMan
over a year ago

Crewe

Completely sympathise with you op. Recently out of a relationship too. Like you my coping mechanisms were to throw myself into the gym, shopping etc.

I was just starting to expand my social circle and activities then then along came this virus. So now as you've said it gets pretty lonely.

Remember this is only temporary, find distractions on here, books, binge watch and I've bought resistance bands to keep my gym routine up.

As you can see there's plenty of people always willing to help. And give advice or a chat if needed

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

Try and ensure you have something to look forward to. A weekly treat, it can be anything just make sure you're looking after your mental health. We need a way to stay positive, I go on holiday by myself and come back in a more positive frame of mind, due to knowing I only have myself to rely on.

It's tough but you'll get tougher and more capable when things get difficult.

I've lived three years on my own after divorce, I miss the intimacy of a relationship but not the moods and dealing with negatively of a person I'm not compatible with anymore

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

I was widowed seven years ago at age 30. No relationships since. It’s incredibly lonely.

Ive got two children who keep me going, they’re my world.

I’ve met some amazing people on here, some not so amazing haha.

I try and surround myself with friends, hard sometimes as when you go through the hardest time in your life you find out who your real friends are.

I’ve made amazing friends in the past few years who have been a lifeline to me, and I’m holding on tight to them. We chat every day and they have been amazing with all that’s going on lately.

I hope I’ll eventually find someone else who wants to be with me, although hope can be a dangerous thing.

Keep talking xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stay strong my friend and to all people struggling, always here to chat x

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By *ightkitty4uWoman
over a year ago

Epsom

Been single since 2006, that was last time I'd say I had a 'proper' relationship. seen a few people since but nothing to write home about

Lived on my own 7 years now and I love it.

The older I get the more I dislike people

This whole situation is just like being unemployed and on UC, you can pay some bills but have no spare money for social activities so learn to entertain oneself at home

I am a social recluse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Been single since 2006, that was last time I'd say I had a 'proper' relationship. seen a few people since but nothing to write home about

Lived on my own 7 years now and I love it.

The older I get the more I dislike people

This whole situation is just like being unemployed and on UC, you can pay some bills but have no spare money for social activities so learn to entertain oneself at home

I am a social recluse

We all are being forced into this for a while

Great profile, kitty x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got Divorced at 33 and I've never remarried, never wanted to. Lived alone for 10 years.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Completely sympathise with you op. Recently out of a relationship too. Like you my coping mechanisms were to throw myself into the gym, shopping etc.

I was just starting to expand my social circle and activities then then along came this virus. So now as you've said it gets pretty lonely.

Remember this is only temporary, find distractions on here, books, binge watch and I've bought resistance bands to keep my gym routine up.

As you can see there's plenty of people always willing to help. And give advice or a chat if needed

good advice thanks

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

I ended my marriage 14 years ago, I was alone a lot then so thought I might as well be alone anyway, had a 5 year swinging relationship which was fun, I ended that then around 6 years ago I met someone who was like my missing piece but we still had alone times, unfortunately he passed away 2 years ago, soooo being alone is my forte

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By *ebjonnsonMan
over a year ago

Maldon

I separated four years ago. Have dated several women. Now living with a rather naughty deputy headmistress. No children to worry about as my youngest is 26. Strangely though, right now I feel the need to be with them.

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up

Thanks for reading"
we were discussing this the other day ( we being myself and a group of psychologists and mental health workers) we are quite concerned at how isolation is going to affect the country.. and genuinely fear that as suicide is already a silent killer that more may end up dying from the lock downs than from the virus x

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By *quirt1810Woman
over a year ago

Boston

I was in an extremely busy household for 30 years , then my husband and consequently I’ve downsized. I’ve been alone for nearly a year now and absolutely hate it, this isolation is scaring the hell out of me

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for reading we were discussing this the other day ( we being myself and a group of psychologists and mental health workers) we are quite concerned at how isolation is going to affect the country.. and genuinely fear that as suicide is already a silent killer that more may end up dying from the lock downs than from the virus x "

I think mental health is going to go through the roof now. In the last 2 days I've kept busy through decorating. This morning I've had to go to the supermarket and a few other things and within that hour I experienced 2 stressful moments for supermarket staff, which I was indirectly linked to. This unnatural process we are all going through right now will have many many consequences to an individual and groups. For me this virus has come at the wrong time of my life. I feel a bit crappy today as this mornings very small experiences has just made me feel more concerned about what is just around the corner for us all.

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By *ndy64hMan
over a year ago

Plymouth

I retired a year ago, then 3 months later, I split with my 3rd wife.

I've always had someone in my life, either a wife, children, work colleagues, friends, then suddenly I was alone.

I then started meeting men on fabguys, it changed my life, I have made a new circle of friends in and out of bed. We meet up for drinks, chat on the phone, visit etc..

I still have my children, my old friends and work colleagues I contact. However I probably chat more to people I've met on fabguys, and now fabswingers.

This isolation, could be the time to build those relationships on here, as friends rather than lovers.

People will always listen, don't let yourself be alone.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What dont you like about being alone?? I had to remove myself because of unreasonable behaviour and other things but dont regret it. I just didnt see what living alone could do to a person.As when I was in my 20s I loved living alone. A bit of me still does but I miss my children at the moment. Each time I see them I notice they have changed. It's more noticeable when I see them on camera like WhatsApp.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks for reading"
In June 2018. I had to leave my beautiful family, beautiful house to. Because of domestic abuse. And because of that. I was arrested, became homeless. Which brought on my depression more. I've thought about killing myself a few times. But the only person who made me stop is my beautiful princess. My heart. I only get t see her every two weeks for three hours on a Saturday at a contact center.And bbecause of this virus. I can't see her at all. My phone isn't a new smart phone. So can't video call or use face time. Point is man. It's still hard getting up every day and do thing's over a year later. No matter how much support i had with a support worker. I find it hard. It's harder than in your 20s because your now used to having your loved one's around you. You will get there. Heart go's out t you man.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for reading In June 2018. I had to leave my beautiful family, beautiful house to. Because of domestic abuse. And because of that. I was arrested, became homeless. Which brought on my depression more. I've thought about killing myself a few times. But the only person who made me stop is my beautiful princess. My heart. I only get t see her every two weeks for three hours on a Saturday at a contact center.And bbecause of this virus. I can't see her at all. My phone isn't a new smart phone. So can't video call or use face time. Point is man. It's still hard getting up every day and do thing's over a year later. No matter how much support i had with a support worker. I find it hard. It's harder than injavascript:doSmilie('

') your 20s because your now used to having your loved one's around you. You will get there. Heart go's out t you man."

Theres always someone worse off than yourself. Thanks for your message. You shared some very personal thoughts in your message and yes your right it does help when you see your daughter. Maybe one day our daughters will understand why we left. If you would like to chat a bit more then PM anytime. We at the moment are just scratching the surface with this virus.

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By *ojosmilerMan
over a year ago

newcastle

I've been single for about a year, it's good and bad, the best thing about it is that I can explore my kinky side a lot more. Dressing up etc

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So its about 2 weeks now since I started this thread. Today I met my children at distance but I can't have physical contact with them because they have health issues. It gets me down and I feel tearful at times. I miss them lots and its still early days. We have many more weeks and months ahead of us, where this virus will cause us lots of problems. And all because one area of the world didn't have any proper 21st century health and safety.

Anyway, how are people coping?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So its about 2 weeks now since I started this thread. Today I met my children at distance but I can't have physical contact with them because they have health issues. It gets me down and I feel tearful at times. I miss them lots and its still early days. We have many more weeks and months ahead of us, where this virus will cause us lots of problems. And all because one area of the world didn't have any proper 21st century health and safety.

Anyway, how are people coping?

Listen please get this in perspective, IF you stay safe you will see all your loved ones again, try not to feel sorry for yourself, we all know it's tough!

A friend of mine just passed, a nurse!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anyway, how are people coping?

Sorry to hear all you are going through OP but this situation is only temporary. Maybe use the time to find yourself and look into something you would like to do after lockdown that would get you more sociable. I’ve been single well over a year and mostly enjoy it. We all have lonely days though that is normal, plus I’m sure even in a couple loneliness happens xx

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By *quirt1810Woman
over a year ago

Boston

I was happily married for 30 years then husband was diagnosed with cancer and died 8 weeks later. 2 years in and I still can’t cope with being alone, if I’m honest it’s not so much him I miss now it’s the whole family that lived at home. Before lockdown I couldn’t spend 2 consecutive evenings alone now look what’s happened

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

This lockdown hasn't really affected me too much.

I've been single for the majority of my life, but with the vast majority of my work roles involving lots of non 9-5 times, I've grown used to working with people at all hours of the day.

That way, I've had good people interaction and when off duty, I have been easily capable of finding things to do, to self-educate and entertain myself.

It's a style I'm accustomed to, so it's nothing new to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

About 10 years

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