FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Jokes

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Paddy asked his girlfriend for a clue as to wot he was getting for his birthday . She winked at him and said it starts with F and ends in UCK . "Oh my god" said Paddy "I'm getting a Firetruck !"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *r AntrimMan
over a year ago

lisburn

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

I texted my wife a picture of my flaccid penis.

I wanted to let her know I was thinking about her.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *kmale421Man
over a year ago

wirral

An Irish daughter had not been home for over a year, on her return her father yelled at her.

"Where have yer been all this time? Why did ye not write to us? Not even a line. Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?"

The girl, crying replied, sniff sniff "Dad, ..............I was too embarressed, I became a prostitute"

"Ye what!!!!?, Out of here, Ye Shameless Harlot! Sinner! Ye a Disgrace to this Catholic family, so ye are!"

"OK Daddy, as ye wish. I only came back to give me Mum this luxurious fur coat, the title deeds to a 10 bedroom mansion and this 5 million pound cheque.

For me brother Cormack this Gold Rolex.

And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new limited edition Mercedes Convertible thats parked outside, plus life membership of the Limerick Golf Club"

She takes a breath and continues "And an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on my yacht in the Caribbean"

"Now, tell me again what was it ye said ye had become" says Dad

The girl, crying again sniff sniff " A Prostitute, daddy" sniff sniff

"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death there Girl! I thought ye said a PROTESTANT!

Come here and give ye Old Daddy a Big Hug!"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Vidal Sassoon's funeral is to be televised,not all of it just the Highlights

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. 'You all have obsessions,' he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, 'You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy.’

He turned to the second Mom, Ann: 'Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.'

He turned to the third Mom, Kathy: 'Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy.'

At this point, the fourth mother, Joyce, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered............... 'Come on Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Lets pick Willy up from school and go home.'

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex GF just posted a message on Facebook saying I,m a schizophrenic,well THREE can play at that game.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *anda man.Man
over a year ago

Stockport

"Give it to me!" she said "I'm so fucking wet,give it to me!"

"Fuck off" I said "Get your own fucking umbrella"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


""Give it to me!" she said "I'm so fucking wet,give it to me!"

"Fuck off" I said "Get your own fucking umbrella""

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *anda man.Man
over a year ago

Stockport

The Pope visited the Archbishop of Canterbury for a few days to discuss world peace with other religous leaders.

After the formalities were over and the two were left alone together to enjoy a sumptuous meal,the best wines and desserts..the Archbishop asks "What do you usually do now in your religion after such a feast?2

The Pope replies "Like good Catholics all over the world..we pass around the under 8s"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *anda man.Man
over a year ago

Stockport

Took the wife around the shopping center earlier..we rounded a corner to see a bevvy of beautiful young women all wearing next to nothing and all looking hot..as they walked past us i said to my Mrs "Phoarrrr!" pointing to a georgous piece about twenty years old.."I bet you'd love to have fucking legs like her?"

She didn't respond,but i could tell she was upset.

I could hear her sob as i wheeled her up the ramp in to Debenhams

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *usty2001Man
over a year ago

bolton

A little boy asks his dad "where does poo come from dad?"

His dad explains "well son, food passes down the Oesophagus by peristalsis. It enters into the stomach, where digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction in the alimentary canal. This extracts the protein before waste product enters the colon. Water is absorbed, whereupon it then enters the rectum finally to emerge as poo".

"Blimey" says the little lad. "so where does Tigger come from then?".

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *usty2001Man
over a year ago

bolton

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ixson-BallsMan
over a year ago

Blackpool

two paddy's are driving round town for a bit when suddenly a police car shows up behind them and gives them the stop sign

The men stop and the police officer taps on the window. when the men open the car window, the police officer said "we're looking for 2 rapists"

The 2 men quickly close the window and begin arguing. After 3 minutes they open the window again and say...."okay we'll do it"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Algebra stop telling us to find your X, she's not coming back.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An elderly Scottish Jew decided to retire and take up golf.

So he applied for membership at a local golf club.

About a week later he received a letter that his application has been rejected.

So he went to the club to inquire as to why:

Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club?

Scot: Aye, but I am as Scottish as you are, ma'am, my name is MacTavish.

Secretary: Do you know that on formal occasions we wear a kilt?

Scot: Aye, I do know, and I wear a kilt too.

Secretary: You are also aware, that we wear nothing under the kilt?

Scot: Aye, and neither do I.

Secretary: Are you also aware, that the members sit naked in the steam room?

Scot: Aye, I also do the same.

Secretary: But you are a Jew?

Scot: Aye, I be that.

Secretary: So, being Jewish, you are circumcised, is that correct?

Scot: Aye, I be that, too.

Secretary: I am terribly sorry, but the members just would not feel comfortable sitting in the steam room with you, since your privates are different from theirs.

Scot: Ach, away with ya, ma'am. I know that you have to be a Protestant to march with the Orangemen. And I know that you have to be a Catholic to join the Knights of Columbus. But this is the first time I've heard that you have to be a complete prick to join a golf club.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *exywheelsCouple
over a year ago

inverness

Husband to wife: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?

Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.

Husband: How does that help?

Wife: I use your toothbrush

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ashful BazMan
over a year ago

poole dorset


"Husband to wife: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?

Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.

Husband: How does that help?

Wife: I use your toothbrush"

Lol

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Paddy rushes his pregnant wife into the maternity hospital in labour.

Nurse asks, "How dilated is she?"

Paddy says, "ah jaysus, she's over the fuckin moon!"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A d*unk dyslexic wanks into a jar

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ue care and attentionWoman
over a year ago

birmingham

A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her

Vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too? loose and floppy.

Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the

Surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anaesthesia after the surgery she? found 3 roses

Carefully placed beside her on the bed.

Outraged,? she immediately calls? in the doctor.? 'I thought I asked you not

To tell? anyone about my? operation!'

The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and

That the first rose was from him:

'I felt sad? because you went through? this all by yourself.'

'The second rose is from my nurse.? She assisted me? in the surgery and

Empathized because she had had the same procedure done some time ago.'

'And what about the third rose ?' she asked.

'That's from a man upstairs in the burns unit.? He? wanted to thank you for

His new ears.'

?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Man goes in hospital to have his leg amputated.

On waking from his surgery, the Doctor says 'now I have some good news and some bad news'

Man asks 'What's the bad news ?'

Doctor replies 'We amputated the wrong leg'

Man says 'and the good news ?'

Doctor says 'that fella in the next bed said he'll buy ur slippers'

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

Old joke: setting is the early 60s:

Young man sits in the living room with his date's father nervously waiting for her to come down.

The father leans over and says, "Why don't you take her? out to screw?"

"What!?" says the boy.

"Sure," says the father."She tells me she loves to screw."

So the girl comes down and leaves with the boy. A few minutes layer she rushes in the door and yells at her father,"Damnit, Daddy, it's called the twist!"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *john121Man
over a year ago

staffs

New euro 2012 song by Duran Duran - his name is Rio and he watches from the stands!

Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning " Windows frozen" ...........

Husband texts back, "Pour some luke warm water over it"......................

Wife texts back "Computer's completely fucked now"

I was telling a girl in the pub about my uncanny ability to guess the day a woman was born just by feeling their breasts."Really?" she said. "Go on then... try."

After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience."Come on," she demanded, "What day was I born on?"

"Yesterday! I replied!"

My wife has left a note for me on the kitchen table saying that she's leaving me because I'm obsessed with online poker...... I think she's bluffing, so I'm not going to call her!!

Well they made me titter!!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Paddy goes into work one day and while on his break Murphy notices his new addition

"What you got there then Paddy?" (read in your best Irish accent lol) asks Murphy

"its a thermos flask" repies Paddy "its a new invention it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"

"Oh b jesus" says Murphy "thats great, Mary come and have a look at this Paddies got a thermos flask its a new invention, keeps hot things hot and cold things cold!!"

"oh well i never" Mary says in shock "what ever will they think of next, hey Jerry come look at Paddies thermos flask, its a new invention, keeps hot things hot and cold things cold!"

"oh thats great that Paddy,what you got in there then?" asks Jerry

Paddy replies "two cups of coffee and a ice cream"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHH suck it !! blowjob's just a figure of speech..

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top