FabSwingers.com forum: Self worth

By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

How do you know you're good enough, in yourself, as you are? What does it mean to feel worthwhile, whole, complete, content?

I've had a number of conversations recently on this theme. It's hard, ongoing work for many of us. And I've been reflecting on how far I've come

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By *uxomBoobs195Woman
over a year ago

Rotherham

I have quite low self esteem and tend to put myself down too much.

I see the hot muscle men on fab that message me and a part of me does think "would they really enjoy seeing me in the nud?"

However, i have a beautiful healthy 3 year old son that iv raised on my own which I'm pretty darn proud of!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you know you're good enough, in yourself, as you are? What does it mean to feel worthwhile, whole, complete, content?

I've had a number of conversations recently on this theme. It's hard, ongoing work for many of us. And I've been reflecting on how far I've come "

It's a bloody hard work in progress for me, with a way to go yet.

I'm not sure we're ever complete, as there will always be things we can work on in ourselves, but I think learning not to judge others or ourselves, learning to come from compassion, love and gratitude, and learning to trust our path are all part of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you know you're good enough, in yourself, as you are? What does it mean to feel worthwhile, whole, complete, content?

I've had a number of conversations recently on this theme. It's hard, ongoing work for many of us. And I've been reflecting on how far I've come "

I'm not sure we ever do? We or maybe I tend to look to the feedback of others, and maybe that's not always delivered with transparency?

Maybe identifying a path and code you feel comfortable with and asking oneself am I true to it every now and then?

Interesting subject.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"How do you know you're good enough, in yourself, as you are? What does it mean to feel worthwhile, whole, complete, content?

I've had a number of conversations recently on this theme. It's hard, ongoing work for many of us. And I've been reflecting on how far I've come "

I think it when you no longer wonder if you are

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you know you're good enough, in yourself, as you are? What does it mean to feel worthwhile, whole, complete, content?

I've had a number of conversations recently on this theme. It's hard, ongoing work for many of us. And I've been reflecting on how far I've come "

I think it's hard to get the right balance in life, I believe most people have there ups and downs and want to be better in one way or another. For me being good enough is to be good in general life rather than looking good.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tough. Really fucking tough.

I tend to look at the big picture regarding stuff. I know I'm precious, I know I'm a diamond, but I also know I ain't perfect and nowhere near the "end result" of emotional journey of self worth.

The bit I struggle with is what I will accept, what I will allow and whether I allow stuff or shut stuff down to self destruct or to grow.

So I simply have to go in with the question... will I learn from this? Is the risk worth the reward?

If I can answer yes, then I'll take a chance (sometimes)

But I still absolutely listen to my gut and if they gut says no.... it's a no unless I truthfully believe the lesson is worth any pain, upset or turmoil.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Coming from a background from an abussive father who said I wasn't good enough from an early age and then straight into an abussive relationship with my ex of 20 years.

What I've thought of myself has been based on what they said and I believed it. I measure it now more on those moments where I'm completely happy, eg. Sat playing snakes and ladders with the kids or head in Ms lap watching TV. It's the simple moments of bliss when my brain can't find faults. As I'm getting better those moments are becoming more prolonged it's taken a lot of work to get here and I'm proud of myself. I'm definitely a work in progress but I'm getting there

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By *oxychicWoman
over a year ago

Nottinghamshire

I'm not sure we ever do think we good enough .....

But look at it your the best u can be and if it's not good enough for anyone else then maybe there not good enough for u ..

U just have to be the best u can wherever and whatever position ur in at the moment xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My self worth comes mainly from helping others to learn and grow whether that is as individuals or in groups, while also learning and growing myself. So my self worth is only threatened these days if I’m not valued for doing that. As for being whole. I feel more integrated than I have at any stage in my life but that is a lifelong journey of self development and growth so never complete. However I don’t feel I’ve got bits missing. I am generally content with like and very little seems to know I me off course at all and if I get a wobble it is very temporary these days. As for good enough, I can always be better so continual improvement is something I value.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me self worth means accepting yourself, with all your good points and faults and believing in yourself. However, self doubt is also necessary sometimes so you stay grounded.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"For me self worth means accepting yourself, with all your good points and faults and believing in yourself. However, self doubt is also necessary sometimes so you stay grounded."

Absolutely true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My self worth comes mainly from helping others to learn and grow whether that is as individuals or in groups, while also learning and growing myself. So my self worth is only threatened these days if I’m not valued for doing that. As for being whole. I feel more integrated than I have at any stage in my life but that is a lifelong journey of self development and growth so never complete. However I don’t feel I’ve got bits missing. I am generally content with life and very little seems to throw me off course at all, but if I get a wobble it is very temporary these days. As for good enough, I can always be better so continual improvement is something I value. "

I could always read my posts for auto-carrot errors before hitting send. But I like to live dangerously

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For me self worth means accepting yourself, with all your good points and faults and believing in yourself. However, self doubt is also necessary sometimes so you stay grounded."

Self-doubt doesn’t help me stay grounded. It takes me off into my head and causes me to overthink things. Breathing deeply, planting both feet firmly on the ground and tuning into my body help me stay grounded.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At the moment with all that's going on I don't really think I have any.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"At the moment with all that's going on I don't really think I have any. "

Man hugs. I hope you find your feet again soon

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For me self worth means accepting yourself, with all your good points and faults and believing in yourself. However, self doubt is also necessary sometimes so you stay grounded."

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By *onkyLemonsCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"How do you know you're good enough, in yourself, as you are? What does it mean to feel worthwhile, whole, complete, content?

I've had a number of conversations recently on this theme. It's hard, ongoing work for many of us. And I've been reflecting on how far I've come "

I think the problem we have as a society is that we tend to think that we can only judge our self-worth in comparison to others.

But it’s rubbish. There is literally only one you. In all of time eternal, there will never be another you.

Nobody else can offer the world what you do, because they are not you. No matter how hard anyone tries they will never be as good as you at being you.

You’re irreplaceable and incomparable. We all are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My self worth is non existent some days but other days I work hard to try and make it grow.

I've struggled for many years to feel 'enough', I've made choices that have reinforced the belief that I'm not.

Some days I wonder if I'm actually too much. The words of my ex husband ring in my ears often. "too many ideas above my station" in many ways that's inspired me to achieve and always aim higher. In others it's left nagging self doubt.

I guess all any of us can do is wake up each day and try to be the best we can be at that point.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me it's mostly down to other factors, my circumstances, the people around me and a bit of luck thrown in.

I'm naturally a self reflective person and I can be quite critical at times, it's taken me a long time to see things positively and know that despite my "faults" I am a good person at heart and the bits I like far outweigh the bits I don't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For me self worth means accepting yourself, with all your good points and faults and believing in yourself. However, self doubt is also necessary sometimes so you stay grounded.

Same here. Once self doubt creeps in about ME and my worth then it's a sure fire spiral.

I have to believe in my worth.

Now I ain't deluded, I know I'm not the prettiest or smartest or most generous, or most talented etc, but that doesn't mean I'm any less of a human. It simply means I know I'm important and although I may not be important to 99.99% of the population... I'm important to me and those that love and care for me, so for that reason ... I matter.

If self doubt about a decision creeps in, then that's when I need to weigh things up. It's also allowing ourselves to be human and accept we will make mistakes, they don't make us less worthy, they just make us human. We do need to hold ourselves accountable tho.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I question this a lot

I have been and and off here for years , and the most prevalent posts I’ve seen are the ones on this topic.

It’s an easy place to come to feel attractive etc ... however, the ones that come here for more than a ‘one off’ can have their confidence dented , thus their self worth can decline.

I’m not going to bleat on in a very public forum about reasons people find themselves here but I do believe that in order for us to be happy within ourselves - honesty is paramount.

Ultimately it begins and ends with us

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you know you're good enough, in yourself, as you are? What does it mean to feel worthwhile, whole, complete, content?

I've had a number of conversations recently on this theme. It's hard, ongoing work for many of us. And I've been reflecting on how far I've come

It's a bloody hard work in progress for me, with a way to go yet.

What she said. Also start with loving yourself and dont give too much importance to what others think about you or your life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also, learning that we can not control what others think, say or do. So don't try. You can only control your reaction to others.

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By *oneyBear100Couple
over a year ago

Gatwick area

Are any of us actually 'good enough', should we even be?

If you are happy knowing you are what you are, lumps and all, then not quite being there gives something to strive for.

And then the goal posts get moved again

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Are you making an impact , leaving a legacy ?

Do you have friends that go back more than 10 years?

Do you have integrity ? Do the things you do in secret or when no ones looking contradict the values others think you have ?

Are you authentic ? Or do you pretend

Do you call it out ? Or stay silent and timid

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

I don't think it's a case of knowing that you're good enough, for me it's more about accepting that I have flaws, I'm not perfect and not everyone will like me. And that's okay - I don't like every single person that I meet, so how can I expect everyone to like me?

There are very few people in my life whose opinions matter to me, and they are all people that are very dear to me - anyone else, it's just their opinion or preference and has no effect on my confidence or self worth.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also, learning that we can not control what others think, say or do. So don't try. You can only control your reaction to others.

That's probably the biggest thing in my learning, I used to care too much what others think (I probably still do a bit!) but I realise that just as there's people I don't like there will be those who don't like me either and that's OK, it's not my fault it's just we're not compatible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I understand where you are coming from OP. It can be a complicated, exhausting journey which sometimes never gives you the answers. I have found by simplifying my life has helped me progress further. Learnt not to judge others, and only myself. We all have a basic right to self worth and the only person who can truly take that away from you is yourself. Quite often selfish pricks will do all they can to put a stop to that, don’t let them, they feed off your negative energy as a result of their shallow pathetic insecurities.

I am me I am happy with where I am and anyone who has a problem with that, come talk to me about it otherwise you are not worth my time. We are all mostly beautiful gorgeous people here on FAB anyways xx

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By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It's been an incredibly hard fought battle for me, mostly won but I get chinks in my armour occasionally.

I was talking to someone yesterday who has walked a similar path to me, we talked about some quite painful things. I see where they are, I've been there, and I know the path I took to get from there to where I am.

I used to think I had to be worthy to acceptable to society. These days, while I always strive to be better, I understand that a base level of worth is my birth right. I don't have to fight to be good enough. I always was.

From there my confidence can grow.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's been an incredibly hard fought battle for me, mostly won but I get chinks in my armour occasionally.

From there my confidence can grow."

Another important thing is, to celebrate your small steps, every little achievement along tgis road should be celebrated

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By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"It's been an incredibly hard fought battle for me, mostly won but I get chinks in my armour occasionally.

From there my confidence can grow.

Another important thing is, to celebrate your small steps, every little achievement along tgis road should be celebrated "

When I remember

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love myself. I'm not perfect. I have many flaws. My last ex told me when we broke up that I was too strong & opinionated for my own good. It actually really got to me....am I? Then I got reminded that I'm strong because of my life. Because of all the shit. I am who I am. I don't need a weak ass man to tell me to ssshhh. Fuck that. Fuck anyone who tries putting you down. Most of all don't put yourself down.

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By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I love myself. I'm not perfect. I have many flaws. My last ex told me when we broke up that I was too strong & opinionated for my own good. It actually really got to me....am I? Then I got reminded that I'm strong because of my life. Because of all the shit. I am who I am. I don't need a weak ass man to tell me to ssshhh. Fuck that. Fuck anyone who tries putting you down. Most of all don't put yourself down. "

As the song goes, "he wasn't man enough for me"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As the song goes, "he wasn't man enough for me""

True that!! Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you know you're good enough, in yourself, as you are? What does it mean to feel worthwhile, whole, complete, content?

I've had a number of conversations recently on this theme. It's hard, ongoing work for many of us. And I've been reflecting on how far I've come "

I don't know it, and I haven't felt those things for several years.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m worth so much more than people have made me feel, and I know that their opinion actually counts for nothing! I have issues like anyone else, but I know that I’m good enough, I know I’m intelligent enough, attractive enough and above all strong enough. I don’t need anyone else to validate me.

I’m honest, open and when I care and I love I do it with all my heart. At the end of the day I’m just me, and if that’s not enough, then that’s not my issue, it’s theirs. I like me, and the right people like and love me too x

Viv xx

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"How do you know you're good enough, in yourself, as you are? What does it mean to feel worthwhile, whole, complete, content?

I've had a number of conversations recently on this theme. It's hard, ongoing work for many of us. And I've been reflecting on how far I've come "

It's definitely a mind set but you can help yourself by mixing with good people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you know you're good enough, in yourself, as you are? What does it mean to feel worthwhile, whole, complete, content?

I've had a number of conversations recently on this theme. It's hard, ongoing work for many of us. And I've been reflecting on how far I've come

I don't know it, and I haven't felt those things for several years. "

You could start with 5 gratitudes a day?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My self worth confuses me greatly. Like I know I’m attractive and could pull practically any guy, but any rejection and I class rejection as having spent a considerable amount of time with someone and not just exchanged a few messages. Once I feel any kind of rejection I detest myself, criticise every part of my personality and think I’m pathetic.

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By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"My self worth confuses me greatly. Like I know I’m attractive and could pull practically any guy, but any rejection and I class rejection as having spent a considerable amount of time with someone and not just exchanged a few messages. Once I feel any kind of rejection I detest myself, criticise every part of my personality and think I’m pathetic. "

It sounds like it needs to come from within. You're good enough because of you, not because of what other people see in you. (That doesn't mean being immune to criticism, that's not a path to go down either, but for me there's a core goodness and strength I see in myself that would be nearly impossible to damage, regardless of what happens to me)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a nobody just killing time until I take my final breath. And I've made my peace with that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree. It's easy to see what's on the outside and love it, and you're gorgeous, but you need to love yourself inside too. Only you can do that, you cannot get that validation from outside of you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a nobody just killing time until I take my final breath. And I've made my peace with that."

No one is a nobody. We are all equal, we just need to recognise that. We are all one, part of the fabric of this universe, all equally as significant, yet insignificant in the grand scheme of things as each other.

What would make any one person greater than any other?

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By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I'm a nobody just killing time until I take my final breath. And I've made my peace with that."

You're one piece of a whole, no more or less than anyone else. You're not nobody.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a nobody just killing time until I take my final breath. And I've made my peace with that.

What would make any one person greater than any other? "

Some are born more equal than others

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By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Another thing I rely upon is my character. Anyone who knows me knows I'm relentlessly kind, to a fault, always thinking of others. That it takes a lot for me to stop turning the other cheek. That's actually something I'm working on reducing given the amount of harm it's caused me. But I care very deeply about others, and when I'm acting unkindly there's almost always a greater good behind it. I love, I give of myself, I hold my punches.

Despite my glaring inadequacies, I am a very good person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Another thing I rely upon is my character. Anyone who knows me knows I'm relentlessly kind, to a fault, always thinking of others. That it takes a lot for me to stop turning the other cheek. That's actually something I'm working on reducing given the amount of harm it's caused me. But I care very deeply about others, and when I'm acting unkindly there's almost always a greater good behind it. I love, I give of myself, I hold my punches.

Despite my glaring inadequacies, I am a very good person."

From the forums and on the occasions we’ve chatted that’s obvious. You’re a lovely, positive person.

Viv xx

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By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Despite my glaring inadequacies, I am a very good person.

From the forums and on the occasions we’ve chatted that’s obvious. You’re a lovely, positive person.

Viv xx"

Oh, thank you

I do try.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op does it really matter what people think about you.you are what you are if they don't like move on as for how you feel about yourself again don't worry everyone has faults we are only here for a while so don't worry just do what you want and if people don't like it fook them so what if you upset or don't get on with people that's there problem not yours.

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By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Op does it really matter what people think about you.you are what you are if they don't like move on as for how you feel about yourself again don't worry everyone has faults we are only here for a while so don't worry just do what you want and if people don't like it fook them so what if you upset or don't get on with people that's there problem not yours."

No. But it's *self* worth. How am I happy with myself, about myself?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No. But it's *self* worth. How am I happy with myself, about myself?"
but why worry if you can't change it then that's it no need to pretend to be something your not.

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By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

No. But it's *self* worth. How am I happy with myself, about myself? but why worry if you can't change it then that's it no need to pretend to be something your not."

That's not really what self worth is... It's about finding happiness in yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hate who i am most days the only thing that keeps me going are my children but am still trying to learn to find small things that i do like about myself, its a long and hard process with many setbacks due to mental health problems but so long as i have my children i will keep fighting

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By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I hate who i am most days the only thing that keeps me going are my children but am still trying to learn to find small things that i do like about myself, its a long and hard process with many setbacks due to mental health problems but so long as i have my children i will keep fighting"

Unfortunately you're on the right track. I'll never say it's easy, but do keep fighting. You are good enough and you are worth it x

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By *elly72Woman
over a year ago

glasgow

If you do no harm and intend doing no harm to another unless in self defence you are probably a good person therefore worthy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you know you're good enough, in yourself, as you are? What does it mean to feel worthwhile, whole, complete, content?

I've had a number of conversations recently on this theme. It's hard, ongoing work for many of us. And I've been reflecting on how far I've come "

This probably is one of the best simplest threads I've seen. Reminds me of Maslow's triangle.

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