FabSwingers.com forum: Toilet paper alternatives

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So, usually when I do a shop, I buy toilet roll in bulk, mainly because it works out cheaper and toilet paper doesn't rot so just put it in a cupboard and forget about it. No point buying small packs.

But, I don't want to buy a big pack now because I'll look like a dick head whos panic buying.

So, what toilet paper alternatives could I buy instead?

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By *musedforlifeMan
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

Cheese grater?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Cheese grater?"

Reusable and dishwasher safe.

Good idea

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By *hrisUB3Man
over a year ago

Heathrow

Loo brush dipped in bleach!

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By *orthantsblueeyesMan
over a year ago

Northampton

Socks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Invest in a new arse. Surgeons can do amazing things these days

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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago

Doire Theas

Pampas grass

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Toilet brush

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Those awful holiday tea towels everyone seems to end up with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Road kill

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By *LIRTWITHUSCouple
over a year ago

Chester

The Sun Newspaper

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just use your hand, you're meant to be washing them loads anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know what you mean. In my local mini Tesco express they have deals on 16 Andrex for £6, they last me and my daughter at least 3 months!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just use your hand, you're meant to be washing them loads anyway. "

Cheaper and if you save your poos for just before showertime, bonus

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Just opt for nappies instead.

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By *elshkinkyMan
over a year ago

south wales

"The Sun Newspaper "

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just use your hand, you're meant to be washing them loads anyway.

Cheaper and if you save your poos for just before showertime, bonus

Douche!

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By *tticusukMan
over a year ago

Formby

"So, usually when I do a shop, I buy toilet roll in bulk, mainly because it works out cheaper and toilet paper doesn't rot so just put it in a cupboard and forget about it. No point buying small packs.

But, I don't want to buy a big pack now because I'll look like a dick head whos panic buying.

So, what toilet paper alternatives could I buy instead?"

Use your left hand. Eat with your right!

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By *heSofaDestroyersCouple
over a year ago

HereAndThere

"Pampas grass

Shouldn’t all swingers have that in the garden already

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just go to Costco, you would look a tool and you’ll have many rolls

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Douche shower attachment for that squeaky clean botton

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Douche shower attachment for that squeaky clean botton

Bottom even

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

But, I don't want to buy a big pack now because I'll look like a dick head whos panic buying.

So, what toilet paper alternatives could I buy instead?"
Pasta...oh wait

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"The Sun Newspaper

This

Where the bleeding hell do you expect me to get hold of on of them? Also wiping your bum with a shitty rag seems a bit counterproductive!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just use your hand, you're meant to be washing them loads anyway.

Cheaper and if you save your poos for just before showertime, bonus

Douche!

Oh no no no no no no. Think I'll leave that one for you and I'll stick with the shower afterwards

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The Sun Newspaper

This

Where the bleeding hell do you expect me to get hold of on of them? Also wiping your bum with a shitty rag seems a bit counterproductive!"

Isn't reading The Sun a huge no no in Liverpool?

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By *illyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry

Season tickets,?

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"The Sun Newspaper

This

Where the bleeding hell do you expect me to get hold of on of them? Also wiping your bum with a shitty rag seems a bit counterproductive!

Isn't reading The Sun a huge no no in Liverpool?"

At this point I'd be impressed if you could find one in Liverpool, nevermind read it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Season tickets,?"

Blues or villa?

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Procure some Guinea Pigs; They really come into their own in this situation.....

(joking, of course)

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By *errysMan
over a year ago

milton keynes and kent

I heard on the radio today about something called a bum gun.

Can be found on facebook.

Honestly it's a thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go outside in the garden and have your arse pecked clean by a sparrow.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The jetwash at your local service station.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pressure Washer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go out in the garden and drag your arse along the grass... squeaky clean... works for dogs. Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But, I don't want to buy a big pack now because I'll look like a dick head whos panic buying.

So, what toilet paper alternatives could I buy instead?"

Newspaper like what previous generations had to do

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By *rs-Naughty_Mr-CuddlesCouple
over a year ago

Nr coleford

Daily fail star mirror or just a flannel

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've literally come back from the supermarket and the aisle for toilet paper is like 25/30meters long, usually packed of toilet roll, and it was empty, is this a bandwagon or are people actually genuinely panicking?

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By *moothdickMan
over a year ago

stoke

Douche pipe and old shirts lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can someone explain why they think they need loo rolls?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can someone explain why they think they need loo rolls? "

They facilitate the removal of sh1te from my a-hole.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

3 shells?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I heard on the radio today about something called a bum gun.

Can be found on facebook.

Honestly it's a thing."

The whole (hole) reason this thread exists is because of Farcebook.

People are incapable of logical thought...Oh Brenda posted that since her dog's cousin got covid-23 she hasn't stopped shitting. I'm away out to buy toilet roll. Please share.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pressure washer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Pressure washer"

Hey in Thailand all the bogs have a little hose gun attached to the cold water supply....a bit like a pressure washer, but works a treat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I heard on the radio today about something called a bum gun.

Can be found on facebook.

Honestly it's a thing."

I've got a porridge gun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Pressure washer

Hey in Thailand all the bogs have a little hose gun attached to the cold water supply....a bit like a pressure washer, but works a treat

Yeah I’ve experienced those in a number of countries. Some of them are vicious.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I heard on the radio today about something called a bum gun.

Can be found on facebook.

Honestly it's a thing.

I've got a porridge gun

Aka the golden spurtle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Pressure washer

Hey in Thailand all the bogs have a little hose gun attached to the cold water supply....a bit like a pressure washer, but works a treat

Great for spraying shit at high pressure off your arse and all over the toilet and tiles.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Pressure washer

Hey in Thailand all the bogs have a little hose gun attached to the cold water supply....a bit like a pressure washer, but works a treat

Yeah I’ve experienced those in a number of countries. Some of them are vicious."

You know when you've misjudged and caught a low hanging nut with one!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Pressure washer

Hey in Thailand all the bogs have a little hose gun attached to the cold water supply....a bit like a pressure washer, but works a treat

Yeah I’ve experienced those in a number of countries. Some of them are vicious."

They are good for when you get dehydrated from a long flight and you have no poo knife

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By *imply_SensualMan
over a year ago

Widnes

"The Sun Newspaper

This

Where the bleeding hell do you expect me to get hold of on of them? Also wiping your bum with a shitty rag seems a bit counterproductive!

Isn't reading The Sun a huge no no in Liverpool?"

It should be a huge no no across the whole country

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By *candiumWoman
over a year ago

oban

There was an article in the paper t'other day about reusable loo roll.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Ancient tree paper alternatives - Papyrus, which can grow indoors

Parchment, from skin of some animals - a bit of a messy process, once you've caught them

Or from bamboo and other fibrous plants - get gardening.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Imodium

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

There was an article on Jeremy Vine last year about using rags and washing them (like Terry towelling nappies) - could be worth a try?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Use the Daily Mail, shite on shite

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But, I don't want to buy a big pack now because I'll look like a dick head whos panic buying.

So, what toilet paper alternatives could I buy instead?

Newspaper like what previous generations had to do "

I get all my news on my laptop. As an alternative to toilet paper, it's painful and starting to get expensive.

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

Remember the 'Government Property' toilet paper? It was like grease-proof paper,had no absorbancy what so ever

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But, I don't want to buy a big pack now because I'll look like a dick head whos panic buying.

So, what toilet paper alternatives could I buy instead?"

Adult pull up pads

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

Hose pipe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My dogs floppy ears. Soft, flexible and reusable.

Sure itll pong, but crikey she eats the stuff when out walking so what's that between friends?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Remember the 'Government Property' toilet paper? It was like grease-proof paper,had no absorbancy what so ever"

Izal, you can still get it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Duck tape a jet washer to your toilet for an instant high-speed bidet. Remember to clench during use as backfill can be uncomfortable

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Toilet brush

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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

We're just going to eat guinea pig food and poop dry little nuggets which will leave no trace

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Remember the 'Government Property' toilet paper? It was like grease-proof paper,had no absorbancy what so ever"

In Delhi University, they call this the "John Wayne" toilet paper because it's white, very tough and takes no shit from Indians.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Remember the 'Government Property' toilet paper? It was like grease-proof paper,had no absorbancy what so ever

In Delhi University, they call this the "John Wayne" toilet paper because it's white, very tough and takes no shit from Indians.

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By *rben112Man
over a year ago

worcester

Darcy Bussells tongue

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

Have you tried a pineapple. You scrape with it, wash it off and use again.

When it goes soft, slice and use on top of your gammon steak.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Tongue's

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It would be good to go out and collect some leafs it is a good replacement there.

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